Don't Mock Me

Disclaimer: If you haven't got the message yet, then you have no brain. I DON'T OWN NARUTO. If I did, then why would I be writing a fanfiction- this'd be the REAL Naruto, not some worded-copy. Point proven!

(Rant over- please enjoy the story!)

XXX

His eyebrow twitched. Once. Then twice. Then a third time. Naruto continued to twitch his eyebrow, sending occasional glances to his new 'team-mates'. To be honest, he still thought this was a joke. The male team mate caught his gaze and narrowed his eyes. "What are you looking at, dobe?"

Yeah. Definitely had to be a joke. He'd been trained under Utakata of the Mist for six years. He'd developed a new fighting style. He'd been thrown off waterfalls, shot in the head and tossed about like a rag doll, but never before had he been subjected to 'team-bonding' as such. So here he was; sitting with the Rookie of the Year, Sasuke Uchiha, and a pink-haired girl, named Sakura Haruno, the top kunoichi in the class. He let out a long sigh. "Just thinking about karma." He mumbled, before staring out the window.

The day had indeed begun hopeful- the sun was shinning, birds were singing, and he at least had the prospect of some money coming up, but then the true reality hit him. Traditionally, teams were balanced out in order of ranking, i.e. the worst student would be paired with the best students. And as he had failed to participate in any of the upcoming exams, he was left in the former category- the dobe, as he was so justly nick-named. This didn't do well for his self esteem.

When Iruka had began to call out the teams, his ears perked up, and his hopes rose. "Team 7… Naruto Uzumaki." He looked up suddenly, causing the girl next to him to jump. "… Sakura Haruno…" he recalled how she'd had a fight with Ino over 'who'd sit next to Sasuke'. She may be the top kunoichi in the year, but she lacked the experience to fully earn that title. "… And Sasuke Uchiha."

The girl yelled something about 'Love conquers all', while Naruto merely stifled a groan. Adding an obsessor with the obsessee is a formula for complete disaster, and he really didn't want to be a catalyst in that reaction (No chemistry pun intended)

"Sir!" the blonde called out. Iruka looked up, midway through team 8, and nodded for Naruto's question. "Can I change teams?"

"Don't be rude Naruto- it's tradition for the dead-last student to be paired with the rookie of the year and other top ninja."

And it all went downhill from there. He didn't mind Sakura yelling at him for being rude, or her attempt to punch him. He didn't care about Sasuke's occasional glares or egoistic grunts. But what drove him REALLY ballistic was the fact he and his team had been sitting in the class for over two hours waiting for a one Kakashi Hatake to show up. Being late was fatal- he had the scars to prove it! Doing a lap was one thing, but doing it over a lake while being chased by a pipe-wielding sociopath was another.

"Patience is a virtue? Don't be so predictable. Patience is the first step to disorder and chaos- if you're going to do something, do it while the iron is hot, don't wait for it to cool of its own accord. Oh, and if you're late again… I'll crucify you…" What words of wisdom his master had!

For a moment, he considered examining his contract yet again, but then pushed the thought from his mind. He didn't like bringing the topic of his scroll up. The only reason he carried it around with him was it felt… good when it was near him. He knew he wasn't ready to sign it, but just having it by him was enough so far.

XXX

"So this is the bunch of brat's I'll be looking after…?" Kakashi mused as he looked into the Hokage's crystal-orb. "They don't look special."

"Be under no illusion, Kakashi-kun. These will certainly be interesting genin." Wheezed the elderly Hokage. "Sasuke Uchiha, heir to the great clan of Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, a sponge for knowledge with great control over her chakra… And Naruto." He gaze lingered on the boy, whose face was now magnified in the orb. A sombre expression was on the boy's face, his one working eye staring down at his bandaged knuckles which he was massaging tenderly.

The grey-haired jonin cast a glance at his Hokage. "What' so special about him, Ero-jiji?"

A loud bark of laughter rand out from the old man. "Just like your sensei! Very dry humour. However I find your question rather problematic; what ISN'T special about this boy?" he chuckled darkly. "He only joined the academy three days ago. He's been missing from the village for six years, training under Utakata of the Mist, who seems to have fallen into a comatose state." He glanced at Kakashi, who kept up his emotionless façade. "I've lost this boy for six years. And now I want to find him. For that I need your help, Kakashi."

With a slight shrug, Kakashi walked towards the door. "I'll do my best. But they still have to take my test." As soon as he exited the room he disappeared via shuishin.

XXX

After two and a half painstaking hours, the classroom door finally opened and a grey haired man wearing a face-mask over his mouth and nose, and a Konoha headband covering one of his eyes, walked into the class. He regarded them impassively, before stating, quite seriously, "First impression? I don't like you."

"YOU'RE LATE!" yelled Sakura, after his small statement.

"Well done Little-Miss Obvious." He turned around and exited again. "Meet me on the roof." With that he vanished.

In five minutes the three genin were assembled on the roof, their lazy sensei sitting opposite, regarding them critically. "As you know, I'm now your teacher, until you've either graduated to a higher rank or you get demoted. Or you die, of course." He clasped his hands. "So, let's get to know each other, eh? Tell me your names, likes, dislikes and dreams."

Sakura raised her hand quickly. "Um, sensei, could you give us an example?"

Kakashi's expression stayed the exact same. "Very well. My name is Kakashi Hatake. I have a lot of likes, and a lot of dislikes. My dreams… I've got a few."

"He only told us his name…" all three genin thought mentally.

"You next, pinky."

The girl huffed at the belittling nickname, but instantly regained her posture. "Well, I'm Sakura Haruno. I like…" she glanced at Sasuke and giggled. "I hate Ino-pig! And my dreams… Well…" she glanced at Sasuke again and giggled.

A soft sigh from Kakashi sharply shut her up. "You next, emo-boy."

Sasuke glared as well, but maintained a more relaxed and withdrawn position. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I have nearly no likes, and a whole lot of dislikes. But I do have a dream, or more of an ambition… I want to kill a certain man, and rebuild my clan."

Silence followed his rather serious statement. "You're up, Blondie." It was Kakashi who broke the silence, his one eye now fixed on Naruto, who unlike his team mates did not rise at all to the insult.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I like my master and those who have become my friends over the passing years. I dislike those who fight without a purpose, and those who use others to further a selfish gain. And my dream?" he looked up, his blue eye sparkling, a grin plastered on his face. "… Not telling!"

"So that clears that up…" muttered Kakashi, in a lazy tone. "So I've got a fangirl, a brooder… And I don't even know what you are, Blondie. Go figure." He turned his back on them and waved slightly. "Come to training ground 29 tomorrow at 10. Oh, and don't eat breakfast." He sent them an evil one-eyed glare. "I wouldn't want you throwing up…" a sharp wind picked up around him before he suddenly vanished in a swirl of leaves.

As soon as the grey-haired jonin vanished, Sasuke got to his feet and began to walk towards the staircase. "S-Sasuke-kun? Where are you going?" moaned Sakura, directing the comment at her crush.

For a moment, Sasuke stopped, then looked back towards his two new team mates, the longing Sakura and the mildly amused Naruto. His gaze seemed to linger on the blonde for a moment longer however. "You," He stated, "Don't get in my way tomorrow."

Like before, Naruto didn't react except by sending the raven haired youth a flippant grin. "Oh? I thought we were team mates now, doesn't that mean co-operation? Last I checked, this was a three man cell, not a one man +2." He too got to his feet. "I myself have very little experience with team work, so this'll be good training for me." He sent a one-eyed glare in Sasuke's direction, for the first time showing a frigid emotion. "Don't make dry threats." Then, like his teacher, he disappeared, this time in a haze of white light.

Snorting in indignation, Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued his trek towards the stairs, leaving a bewildered Sakura in his wake.

XXX

Heaving out a sigh of relief, the blonde lay back on his stool and patted his belly. "I've missed that taste. Four months- four long, hard, cold months… Without ramen!" he slumped on the counter. "I'll never leave it that long again. Another bowl, Oji-san!"

"It's Teuchi-ji to you, kid!" snapped the elderly chef, but a warm grin was on his face. He'd not had such an eager customer in a long time. "Ayame- another batch of noodles!"

A brunette emerged from the back of the ramen-stall and nodded enthusiastically. "Coming up, daddy!"

With a hearty laugh, Naruto sat eagerly awaiting his next meal. He was so engrossed, he didn't notice a tall raven haired girl stalk up behind him, one fist raised. Then, suddenly, the fist crashed onto his head. "Ouch! Hey, what was that for?" he turned round to see a glaring Funu Uchiha, cradling her arm lovingly while not breaking eye-contact with the boy. A tick mark was emblazoned on her head as she glared daggers. "That was for humiliating me in the Market the other day, brat!"

"Why does everyone take age so seriously…?" mumbled Naruto while he massaged his bruised scalp. "I'm old enough to kill, yet not old enough to voice an opinion? I'll never understand politics, no matter how much Master teaches me…" he was cut off when she ground her fist into his head again.

"Quiet you obnoxious brat!" she tossed some coins onto the counter. "That should cover his meal." Lashing out with one hand, she grabbed his collar and pulled him off the stool. "You're buying me dinner to make up for the humiliation!"

"WHAT? Where the hell did that come from, you crazy lady!"

Funu elbowed him with her free arm. "You're taking me to dinner, and that's final!" at first, he tried to struggle, but then a sharp blow to the head knocked him out cold allowing him to be dragged through the streets by a crimson-faced Funu Uchiha.

XXX

Approximately two hours after the arranged time to meet in training ground 29, the silver haired jonin appeared reading a small orange book titled 'Icha Icha Paradise!'. As he came into range with the trio of genin, he observed each of them in turn. Sasuke was sitting cross-legged under one of the oak trees, Sakura beside him gushing about her appearance. Naruto on the other hand was sleeping soundly, looking at peace, but extremely drained.

"Yo!" muttered the teacher in a lax tone.

"LATE AGAIN!" bellowed Sakura, pointing accusingly at her teacher.

Awoken by Sakura's shouts, Naruto sat up and yelled, "2000 ryo in one night!" He blinked, then observed the setting and the three other ninja staring at him, before blushing in an embarrassed way. "Sorry… I had a run in with a demon last night and I can't get it out of my head." He thought of his poor little frog wallet, practically raped of its insides.

"Sorry about being late, I got lost on the road of life…" the teacher sighed wistfully. "Right, I trust you guys are ready to take my test?"

Sakura cocked her head. "Test? But sensei- we already passed the genin exam."

Kakashi shrugged. "That's to weed out the hopeless. The real test is with your teacher. Let me tell you an interesting fact- out of the thirty that passed, only nine actually make it to genin level. It's tough, but that's a fact." He folded his arms and entered 'lecture mode'. "Ninja, even those participating in low-rank missions, have a chance of death. To prevent high amounts of casualties, we test the pupils and find the most hopeful. But Konoha's average has decreased over the years, so the golden number is usually nine." He sent the confused team an eye-smile. "My test is simple enough." From his pocket he pulled out two bells, held on leather straps. "Steal one bell from me, and you pass. Easy, right?"

The pinkette raised her hand. "But sensei, there are only two bells and three of us. How are we supposed to pass?"

Shrugging, Kakashi simply laughed. "Only two of you get to be on my team. The one who doesn't get the bell will be sent right back to the academy." Tension grew between the genin, with Sakura instantly glaring at Naruto, and Sasuke glaring at Sakura, while Naruto just sent them both wary glances.

"If faced in a one-win situation, your companions are likely to be your worst enemies. Even if you share a common goal, team-mates always face the threat of betrayal, be it through fraternising with the enemy or attacking you to further their own gain. In any case…" Naruto smirked slightly, remembering his teacher's words. "… Group all friends as potential enemies."

Naruto's response had been to laugh, before calling his sensei a pessimist and an idiot. The Utakata made the confession that he had been betrayed numerous times, by those of Bloody and Vein Mist, who had sold him out for various mortal trinkets- money, fame, women, life even, before he broke free of whatever prison he'd been held in and gutted all those who dared misuse his trust. He quickly warned Naruto not to 'gut' too many team-mates, or he'd end up with more enemies than allies.

"I'll give you three hours to get the bells off me. If none of you get the bells- well…" he held up three lunch-boxes. "I guess you'll fail and go without lunch." Chuckling darkly, he motioned to three wooden-stumps behind him, each one with a length of rope coiled bellow it. "Cheating will result in the humiliation of being tied to the post. Oh, before I forget- come at me with intent to kill."

Sakura gasped. "B-But sensei, we might hurt you!"

Grinning under his mask, the copy-nin just ignored the comment and took a few steps back. "To make the deal even sweeter, how about I give you a five-second head start? Are you ready?" the three genin were suddenly tensed. "Begin." In a flash, Sasuke and Sakura disappeared into the bushes. Naruto however disappeared, only to reappear in front of Kakashi, slamming a hard punch into the teacher's gullet, taking him by surprise. "Fast." He muttered, before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Without changing his expression, Naruto simply wiped the dust of his bandaged fist and surveyed the area around him. "Five second head-start my ass." Sighing to himself, his one eye swivelled around the field. "Should be in close proximity. Left? Right? Above?" a hand shot out the ground and coiled around Naruto's leg. "Bellow- clever."

Suddenly, Naruto was wrenched underground, neither head nor tail of him visible. After a short spurt of earth shot up from the ground, Kakashi appeared not five meters away, rubbing his chin. "Man… Kids are getting harder to fight these days." Three kunai flew from the trees suddenly impaling a log where Kakashi had once stood. "… Just kidding." Muttered the silver-haired jonin, still in the middle of the open field, unfazed by the 'surprise' attack.

"Katon:" Kakashi glanced to his side, only to see Sasuke running towards him, blazing through hand signs. "Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" with a deep breath, he exhaled a great orb of blazing heat, which Kakashi only avoided by diving back under the earth. "It's impressive a kid like you knows a high-ranked fire ninjutsu." Stated Kakashi, as he suddenly appeared behind Sasuke. "I guess I shouldn't underestimate you, last-Uchiha."

Sasuke was unperturbed, glancing back at the jonin with cold onyx-eyes. "I'm not like the other two. I take my fights seriously, and unlike that idiot I won't be beaten so quickly."

"Oh?" Kakashi chuckled darkly. "I guess you are worse than trash after all."

With a roar of rage, Sasuke spun round before delivering a set number of blows upon Kakashi, who easily blocked them with his superior reflexes. "Lesson 1: Taijutsu. The ninja's bread and butter, even weak-guys know this. But for it to be used properly…" he stopped Sasuke's onslaught by thrusting a single gloved finger onto the boy's forehead, stunning him still. "… It requires deadly accuracy and power."

BOOM!

Kakashi's attention diverted from Sasuke as a minor explosion came from where Naruto lay buried. A small-geyser was erupting from the ground, hollowing out a large hole, before a bandaged hand shot up and pulled its body up. Naruto, covered and dirt and sodden from the water he'd used, was glaring daggers at Kakashi. On one of his fingers, a small metal ring crumbled to dust. "Taijustu, huh?" muttered Naruto, with a grin. "That's your lesson one? Master would kill himself before teaching me that first." Again displaying inhuman speed, Naruto dashed forwards, before using Sasuke's shoulders to vault over both the boy and the shocked jonin. "The real first lesson should be subtlety."

A fist erupted from bellow, a clone of Naruto suddenly exploding from the ground, slamming its fist into Kakashi's chin sending him stumbling backwards. Choosing this moment to finally act, Sakura hesitantly threw a set of shuriken from her hiding place, hoping to impale Kakashi, or at least injure him.

The still airborne-Naruto saw the metal and nearly choked. "Idiot-!" The jonin instantly used kawamiri, followed by shuisin to swap his body with the clone-Naruto and teleport away. In that brief period of time, Naruto's clone was instantly impaled with sharp shuriken, before exploding in a wave of… Bubbles?

The real Naruto shuddered. "Aww man… That technique uses a whole lot of chakra too." Shrugging to himself, he placed his right hand in a single seal. With his free hand he removed a silver ring from his pocket and placed it on his middle-finger. "Awaton:" From his hiding place, Kakashi's eye widened to its fullest. "Awabushin!" Three more Naruto's simultaneously burst into existence, each grinning threateningly.

Sasuke was rooted to the spot, staring at his team mate with wide eyes. "A kekkai-genkai element? But that's impossible…!" he was brought out of his daze by Naruto offering him a hand.

"D'ya wanna work together on this? Two heads are better than one if you know what I mean." He smiled, before his hand was slapped away by Sasuke, who was staring at him in mild disgust.

Taking a few steps back, the boy glared daggers at his blonde team mate. "Don't give me your pity! I fight alone."

A high-pitch scream, undoubtedly belonging to Sakura, rang through the air piquing both the boy's attention. "We will talk about this later." grunted Naruto, before dashing off in the direction of the scream "You guy's take care of the bell's!" A short 'Aye' from his clones allowed him to go at full speed towards the direction of the scream. Sure enough, it was Sakura who had cried, although when he found the girl her eyes were blank and soulless. Clicking his tongue in disappointment, he knelt down in front of her and gave her a sharp tap on the head, waking her out of her stupor.

"H-Huh? What?" the girl was obviously perplexed. "What happened to Sasuke? H-He was dying…"

"It was a genjutsu." Naruto stated, quite calmly. "He had you placed in a low-rank genjutsu, easy enough to detect but quite hard to shrug off by yourself." He smiled kindly. "Tough luck, I suppose."

Blinking stupidly, the girl cocked her head. "W-why did you help me? Surely you should use this to your advantage, I mean, having one team mate out makes it easier right?"

Raising a feathery eyebrow, Naruto shook his head. "Not right at all. I'd rather play on a team than fight a jonin alone. Of course…" he scratched his head slightly. "Maybe if I used Rougufu…? No- subtlety, I forget! I should just stick to Master's techniques…" with those words, he drew three more silver rings from a pouch on his leg and placed two more on his already ringed hand, and one on his free-hand's pinkie-finger. "That should do." He grinned at the perplexed Sakura. "So what do you say, team mates?" Like before with Sasuke, he held out his hand to shake. But unlike Sasuke, Sakura nervously took his hand and shook it.

"Awesome!" cried Naruto. "Right- a plan, we need a plan… Let me see…" Sounds of metal meeting metal and flames roaring could be heard, no doubt from Sasuke's attempts to steal the bell's single-handedly. Memories suddenly flooded into Naruto's head, as his three bubble-clones were eliminated by Sasuke's Goykakyuu and Kakashi's sharp taijutsu skills. "How about you be a sniper for me- keep me covered from a hiding place?"

Sakura blinked. "A sniper? I've never heard of that."

With a laugh, Naruto began to explain, "Sniper's fire at opponents from a great distance, usually with bows or other miscellaneous ranged equipment. If you keep Kakashi marked with kunai and shuriken, aimed properly this time, we may be able to hold him down long enough to grab the bells!"

Meanwhile Sasuke was fighting a losing battle with his potential sensei, his blows slowly but surely becoming duller and slower. He'd used two more Gokakyuu before he'd realised that chakra exhaustion was catching up to him. He guessed he had around five minutes before he fell to the ground from exhaustion. That is, if Kakashi didn't kill him before then. When he'd taken out two of Naruto's clones with a Gokakyuu, his teacher had gone into a steely silence, and had taken to glaring at Sasuke with cold indifference throughout the fight. It infuriated him!

The pointless onslaught continued for about a minute, before Kakashi stepped back and folded his arms. "It's over Sasuke. You're nearly out of chakra."

"Shut up!" yelled Sasuke, again diving forward to slug his teacher, abandoning all technique and reason.

"Awaton:" Kakashi glanced to the side to se Naruto standing parallel to him, throwing his head back before spitting out one word, "Awatama!" Crystal-clear bubbles slammed into Kakashi's side, with not much offensive power, but enough to startle him while Sasuke, rather perplexed, successfully punched him on the cheek. It didn't faze him.

"Well, at least you landed a hit." He murmured. Then something flashed and his eyes widened. The bells had been sliced off his belt, and were now lying on the ground. Sakura, against all odds, had managed to sever the cord tying the bells to his belt, letting them fall.

Naruto had blurred in front of him, grinning flippantly. His fist was coated in a strange red chakra which had the silver-haired man sweating. Whatever it was, he didn't fancy coming into contact with it. "Juken can be used to kill." Whispered the blonde. "But my style… Is used to break. Rougufu:" while swinging his fist forwards, chakra seemed to flare around it, widening and panning out so it turned into a disk like shape in front of his fist. "Ginhei!" (Rough Fist: Silver Wall) Before Kakashi could even blink, the large shield-like disk shunted him aside like a rag-doll, while Naruto used his free-hand to bend down and scoop up the bells. "That'll teach ya…" he whispered, so only Kakashi, who was still standing even after being shunted aside with heavy force. "… Don't underestimate Naruto Uzumaki!"

XXX

I confess, I didn't really like this chapter much. I got confused and realised my first few story chapters actually are much better than the quality I'm producing right now… Ah well. (If I get a number of complaints, I'll redo the chapter. Please PM me and if I get more than 10 I'll redo it!) Also, before you scream "Hey, Naruto's not Utakata so he can't use Awaton- de gozaru" I have an explanation behind it which I will explain in due course.

Also I'll be in Belgium on a History trip from the 7th to the 12th of October, so don't expect any updates before then. It is very educational- we're doing WWI right now, so the battlefields will be a great inspiration. I may even be able to right a decent war scene at some point in this story, not just a flimsy 1-on-1 fight… Well, Hangman1 out.