Keldeo The Critic- Breaking the Chains by AuraWielder

(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

What can I say, I've got Lucario Fever!

Have you used him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl!? This guy is awesome!

Force Palm! Force Palm! Now kick him back! Kick! Then Aura Sphere! Take that Pikachu! Yeah! Pikachu's blasting off again! Hahahahaaaa!

So, I'm going to review some Lucario FanFiction! First, we're gonna do AuraWielder's "Breaking the Chains!" Yeah, I referenced one of his stories back in my "Music", "Umbrella", and "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts" Part One by DragonNiro review.

There is an author nameD AuraWielder, and in chapter 5 of his fanfic "From Death to Damnation," Dilaga and Giratina put a blonde wig, lipstick, nailpolish, impossible 6 inch high heels, and a showgirl's outfit on Lugia so that he can entice Landorus. . .and it works. . .

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but this one is better. That is, it doesn't smash through the boundaries of comprehension. So, lets get into AuraWielder's awesome Lucario story, "Breaking the Chains!"

Breaking the Chains

Author: AuraWielder PM

Pain. Hurt. Misery. Torture. That was all I ever knew. That was all I was ever used for. I've been a captive of Team Galactic for as long as I can remember and that's all I would ever be to them. Just another experiment. Contains Christian themes.

MAN, THIS IS GONNA SUCK!

(Keldeo quickly slaps his hooves against his mouth. He puts his hooves down and sighs.)

Okay, let me explain. When I read FanFiction, I don't wanna be depressed. I don't wanna an awesome Pokemon like Lucario be tortured. I don't wanna see anybody be tortured! I'm a Sword of Justice! I protect the weak! I can't save the weak if they're in a FanFic! I can't travel into stories! I'm not Sonic the Hedgehog! This is torture! TORTURE!

(Keldeo sighs and hangs his head. He massages his temples with his hooves and looks up.)

Alright, I'm just gonna skip past the torture and verbal abuse scenes and go straight to the story narrative parts. So lets start.

In Chapter 1: Broken Hope, we see a Lucario, who's story is being told by First Person by the way, being kept in a cell by the EVIL Team Galactic. Wow, that is so one Generation ago, two is you count Pokemon X and Y.

Lucario's under the torment of the EVIL Dr. Anderson, who's a little more evil than Dr. Atmosphere in "Rainbow Factory."

So after a fun torture scene-

Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere self-test complete.

We find out that AuraWielder gets the "DOES NOT USE A POKEDEX" Medal!

I slowly crawled over to a corner of the cell. In this corner was a tile that was very loose. I pulled it up and set it to the side to reveal a small opening. In here, I kept a treasured book. One I've had for as long as I can remember. I took it out and dusted off the cover. The book was a sacred one, an important piece of its religion, but also an important part of me.

I flipped to a page that had my bookmark sticking out, which was actually a photo of me and my parents that was taken shortly before…they died. But I don't want to go into that.

I placed the picture in my side pouch that was really part of my skin.

Does he know the difference between a Kangaskhan and a Lucario? Lucarios don't have pouches!

Okay, but I'm being mean. This is a touching and sad scene, with him remembering his parents.

But then it kinda falls apart.

I got to my knees and began to pray, "My God. I can't take it here any longer. I have been abused, experimented on, and tortured. And they plan to kill me tomorrow, so please; help me escape. I want the chance to see life outside these walls again. And maybe meet…someone who won't hurt me. Someone I can trust. Please, watch over me tonight. And, somehow, help me survive tomorrow. In your name I pray, Amen."

I laid down on the stone-cold floor again; thinking today would be my last day alive. Little did I know He would answer my prayers…

It's kinda strange for there to be Christianity in the Pokemon world, seeing as Arceus is apparently the creator. I'm guessing that in AuraWielder's headcannon, Arceus, Dialga, and Palkia are just really powerful Pokemon who have some influences in life forces, time and space, but it turns out the humans exaggerated the legends and made them out to be creators. Meanwhile, God is still THE God and Creator. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be Arceus! I mean, impersonating anyone can get you in trouble, but God? I think I'd better drop it and just refer you to "Alpha and Omega" by Archon of Darkness. Read it, it's good. By the way, note to self: "Review "Alpha and Omega" by Archon of Darkness. . .

(Two wolves suddenly stuck their heads in. Keldeo turned around and faced them before they could speak.)

NOT THAT MOVIE!

(The wolves whimpered and hung their heads, then they left.)

Okay, moving on, in Chapter 2: Breaking Free of Misery, the EVIL Dr. Anderson starts to carry out his EVIL plan to create the Ultimate Pokemon! Gosh this villain is so cliched. . .

"Finally, you woke up." Cyrus sighed. "I had to hit you over the head 10 times to wake you up, you believe that? Guess I used too strong of a sedative. Ah well."

"Why didn't you just leave me unconscious?" I wondered.

"Because the aura extraction will only work if you are awake. Otherwise, our Ultimate Pokémon will have your aura, but will be unable to use it." he explained.

I noticed three large blue wires connected to a hemispherical suction cup that Dr. Anderson placed over my heart, which also held my aura center; something I figured out yesterday. It didn't hurt; it just felt kinda…funny.

And speaking of funny. . .

Several seconds of silence passed before I decided to ask, "Am I suppose to feel anything?"

Cyrus groaned. "Why is the machine not working?" he demanded of the nervous scientist.

"I-I-I d-don't know, s-s-sir. The stabilizers are i-i-in working c-condition. The g-g-gyroscopes are…"

"Did you forget to plug it in?" he asked, sarcastically.

The scientist gasped. "That might work!" He ran off to check, carelessly leaving the switch in the 'ON' position.

Cyrus slapped his head, saying 'Dear God, I'm surrounded by idiots…", and I chuckled despite the fact I'll be dying soon.

"YOU WILL BE QUIET!" he commanded.

I did as he said and shut the heck up.

"I found the problem!" shouted the young scientist.

Cyrus, Dr. Anderson, and three other people: a red short-haired woman, a purple-haired woman who had a small stub for a ponytail, and a spiky blue-haired man who; unlike Cyrus, had only two points of his hair sticking up, approached the young scientist who was behind the large machine.

"Well, what is it?" demanded the red short-haired woman.

"It really WAS unplugged!"

Everybody sweatdropped, including me, at the young scientist's stupidity.

Wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

And what do you know, all the Team Galactic leaders are in this! Which is weird because isn't Team Galactic focused on capturing the Lake trio to control Dialga and Palkia to create a new world, hence the name "Galactic?" What would they need a Mewtwo/Shadow the Hedgehog knock of for?

Lucky for our Lucario, the machine just blows up, gosh this is like a comedy of errors, the Team Rocket Trio could do better than this, allowing Lucario to escape through an air vent. Yeah, that's right, an air vent.

Okay, this is Half-Life! This chapter should be renamed "Half-Life: Lost Aura!" I suppose Team Rocket headquarters is being flooded with neurotoxin by a rouge AI right about now!

GLaDOS: Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light. Surrender now or I will warm up the neurotoxin emitters. . . .That's right

So Lucario escapes and runs for his life. But wait! He's still wearing a tracking device!

I looked down at my foot. The metal anklet…how could I be so stupid? Of course, this escape was futile from the start. Why, you ask? Because not only did the metal anklet serve as an electric shocker, but it also worked as a tracking device. It could only be taken off with a special keycard. If I ran, Team Galactic would surely find me anyway. It's hopeless…I'm gonna die.

I reached my hand into my side pouch to pull out the picture of my parents to look at it one last time. But to my surprise, I felt something else in there besides the picture. It was rectangular and flat. I quickly withdrew the other item from my pocket.

"A Team Galactic keycard?"

I flipped the card and saw the back. In a gold cursive font, it read:

'An answer to your prayers.'

"How'd this end up my pocket? I surely didn't put it in there… And who wrote this?"

I decided not to waste time pondering the subject. I inserted the keycard into the metal device and it snapped off. Then I ran.

I ran away from this prison.

Away from this nightmare.

And towards…

Towards freedom.

So, thanks to a little help from God, Lucario escapes.

You could probably stop reading here and be okay. Really, this would be a nice one-shot/Christian devotional. But nope! The story goes on, and we know that Team Galactic's gonna find him! Sure, it looks all hopefully and rosy and bright, but we know he's gonna get found out, and possibly bring any new friends he makes into mortal peril along with him!

So in Chapter 3: A New Light; A New Hope, it turns out that the sedative Dr. Anderson gave him is kicking in again.

"Aaaaaahhhhh!" I clutched my head to try to stop it, but to no avail.

"It must be the sedative's side effects." I thought.

It felt like someone stuck a knife in my head. I howled out in pain. I tossed and turned uncontrollably. I felt like I might die but, the effects finally reached my central nervous system and I collapsed, unconscious.

When I woke up, I found myself lying in something…soft and…warm. I discovered I was on a bed, but I never felt one in my life. I was covered with a few blankets: one thin and blue, another slightly thicker but light green, and they were very comfortable. I almost forgot what I was doing here, until I heard someone say…

"I'm glad to see you're still alive."

I turned to the source of the voice and saw a spiky black-haired man, with the spikes forced down. He had on a simple blue shirt, and blue jeans. His eyes were blue, and across his neck was a gold pendant.

This is Riley, an actual Anime character from Diamond and Pearl 110, Steeling a Piece of Mind. Get it! "Steeling!" "Stealing!"

Ba-Dum! Tish!

(Keldeo laughed as he looked towards the nearby band. He smiles at the bald headed drummer)

Ha-ha! Did ya like that Nicky? Did ya?

(Nicky smiles and nods as the rest of the band chuckles)

Okay, (Keldeo takes out a sheet of paper and looks at it) so we'll be right back in a while with a Steel-type Pokemon Trainer Riley. Play us out, Koffing and the Toxics!

(Roxie counts out a "1, 2, 3, 4!" and the 3 person band starts playing epic rock music.

We'll be right back!

The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing.