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Chapter 14
The Princess' Sonata
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Kira watched as Lacus stood in the garden, her pale, petite form contrasted with the darkness around her, her back facing him.
He took a deep breath. Stage two of his plan must now be accomplished. It was the perfect time— the perfect moment for it. He softly walked behind her and she turned when he was about two feet away.
She smiled warmly. "Kira!"
Kira nodded back, somehow feeling his voice had been stolen from him. He roughly placed his sweaty hands on the pockets of his tuxedo.
Lacus looked at the moon then back at him. "Such a nice night isn't?"
Kira nodded.
"I wonder if Athrun and Cagalli are doing better now..." she continued to muse.
Kira chuckled lightly. "I hope so. They were dancing a while ago though it looked like Athrun was sweet-talking her for fun." He was surprised that he was getting more and more comfortable. He needed that. Really needed that badly.
She pursed her lips. "Bad Athrun."
And there was silence.
Kira knew it was now or never. Gulping down all fear he had, he decided to move for the better.
Grabbing her wrist gently, he pulled her to him, his free arm wrapping around her waist. She uttered a small gasp, surprised at his action but she did not pull away.
"K-Kira...?"
He pulled her closer, his head resting on her neck as he sniffed her sweet scent. He closed his eyes, not worrying about anything. Lacus gently returned his hug.
Kira raised his head to meet her gentle blue eyes. Gathering all the courage he had, he spoke, his voice gentle yet serious.
"Lacus... I have to tell you something..."
Lacus stared at the dark brown orbs of Kira, confusion written all over her face. She tilted her head to get a better look on him, "K-Kira... Is there something wrong...?"
And just as suddenly, her eyes widened as he gently but quickly pushed her head closer, his head dipped low enough to meet her lips with his.
And it hit her.
He's... he's.. kissing me...!
His arm encircled her waist, pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss. The pink-haired songstress found herself responding to him, her arms gingerly wrapped around his neck as she closed her eyes.
She knew somewhere in her mind, she longed for this moment— this moment that she would finally find herself in Kira's arms, her lips pressed against his. She knew she wanted this moment never to end. It didn't matter anymore if it was the end of the world, she was happy enough that she could die right here and right now. Even if she was being selfish.. it didn't matter.
But an image crossed her mind— that of a blue-haired coordinator.
Athrun...
Instantly, her eyes snapped open and she pulled away from Kira, her breathing ragged. Kira was surprised at her action but he did not let go of her waist. "L-Lacus...?"
Lacus looked at him, her eyes confused. "W-Why, Kira? Why did you kiss me...?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Kira pulled her again into his tight embrace. "Because... because I—"
"No, Kira! Don't say it!" Lacus pleaded as she clenched his shirt tightly, never wanting to let go. Tears started falling down her pink cheeks as she fought for control. "No... Kira.. please..." She knew Kira was going to say those words she had been hearing for a while now— only it wasn't Kira who was saying that to her but Athrun.
"B-but Lacus!" He looked at her, his eyes full of confusion. "I—"
"No! Please!" she pleaded louder this time, her legs giving away and she collapsed into the cold grass. Kira never broke his hold on her and they both plopped down the wet ground.
"B-But... Why?" His voice was strained.
Lacus looked at him, her eyes red with tears as they held resignation. "Don't make this hard for us, Kira..." Her tears soaked his shirt as she buried her head on his chest. "You know we can't—!"
"We can, Lacus!" Kira insisted, his eyes also brimming with tears as he held the pink-haired songstress tighter. "We can!"
"Athrun's your best friend!" she almost screamed. "I'm already engaged, Kira... it will never work between us..."
"B-but Lacus... I—"
"NO! please! stop it!" she cried harder as she tried to break away from his grasps. "We can't, Kira! We can't!"
"I love you, Lacus! Why can't you understand that!" Kira almost screamed. He knew Lacus could feel the same way as him. He knew they loved each other!
But he also knew how hard it was for both of them.
Lacus is engaged to his best friend! His best friend for goodness gracious! They are to be married soon! He also knew Athrun loved Lacus with his whole heart. Athrun would do and give everything for Lacus— even his life! Kira felt bitter about it. Why, of all people, had it been his best friend? He knew he can never hurt Athrun in any way...
But Lacus was another issue.
He had been silently suffering every time Lacus and Athrun were together. It hurt so much to see Lacus smile at his best friend. It hurt so much to see that Athrun can wrap his arms around Lacus without anything to worry about.
And he just couldn't take it anymore. Why was it always him who suffered! He lost Tolle, that little girl, Fllay... all because he was too powerless to make a difference! He didn't want to commit the same mistake again! He couldn't let Lacus leave him too— he was willing to take a risk.
"Lacus... Do you love me...?" he asked as he tried to soothe the crying songstress.
Lacus closed her eyes and did not answer, instead she tightened her hold on the brown-haired coordinator.
Kira smiled gently and pulled her closer to him. His tears began flowing down again. "We love each other. Lacus.. we can make this work..."
"You know we can't..." She looked at him sadly as she voiced out the reality. "Love... We can't conquer everything with love, Kira.."
"L-Lacus.. Please!" he pleaded. "Please!"
She smiled, and Kira knew it was one of her fake smiles. "Our love will just hurt more people... Do you want to hurt others?"
"I..." For a moment, he hesitated, looking away briefly. But when his violet orbs focused on her, they were filled with determination. "I— Please let me be selfish this time..."
And he pulled her again for another kiss— a kiss that they knew would hurt others. But... just for this moment... they wanted to be selfish.
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At that moment, he didn't know what to do. He just stood there, his eyes staring at the two people before him. He didn't know what to feel— hate? Anger? Betrayal? His mind just stopped working all together and for the first time in ages, he didn't want to think of anything— he didn't even dare to try. He was scared that if his brain registered what he was seeing, he might do something he would regret.
Lacus and Kira were kissing each other.
Is it raining..? He didn't know what to make of the liquid that gently traced his cheeks. He tried to open his mouth but his voice just wouldn't come out.
"Kira...?"
It was the voice of the blonde lady beside him that brought him back to his senses. She was also shaking, her eyes brimming with tears, her lower lip quivering as she tried to speak.
Lacus and Kira broke their kiss and, he realized, they were crying, judging by their tear-strained cheeks.
If this was a normal situation, he would have ran to the two and asked what was wrong.
"A-Athrun... C-Cagalli.." Lacus tried to utter as she clenched Kira's shirt tighter. How would she explain things that she herself had difficulty understanding? But she knew even if she tried to explain, nothing would change. What she and Kira did was wrong— sinfully wrong— and like what she had predicted, it would just cause more pain.
"Why...?" Athrun's voice was hoarse, strained as if he really didn't want to believe what he just saw.
The guilt-stricken purple orbs of his best friend did not want to meet his hurt emerald ones. Kira didn't dare speak and it was feeding the anger within him. Answers— he wanted— NO— deserved answers!
And there was another emotion that stirred within him, causing him to grab his best friend's collar and collide his knuckles against his face—
Hurt. Betrayed.
"Why Kira...?" he asked, his hands never letting go of his collar. "WHY?" he demanded louder this time, not minding that his tears were flowing freely. "ANSWER ME! DAMN IT KIRA! ANSWER ME!"
Kira didn't know what to say as the stinging pain in his cheek registered in his overloaded mind. He still did not meet Athrun's emerald orbs. "I... I.. A-Athrun.."
He should have known. Athrun should have known. Kira's unnatural behavior back at their table.. he was foreshadowing something. He wanted to tell him something. But never did he expect it was something this... painful.
Athrun turned away and gave the weeping Lacus a hurt look and spoke, his voice tired, "I trusted you, Lacus... but..." He found himself unable to continue.
His emerald orbs then turned stone cold, hatred flowing out from his strained voice as he released Kira's collar. "I don't want to see you again."
With that, he turned on his heel as if nothing happened, grabbed the still-shocked Cagalli by the wrist and walked out of the gardens.
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"K...Kira..."
Lacus cried, and cried, her salty tears cascading down her soft pink cheeks. Her eyes were swollen red, hurt and strained from everything that had just occurred. She was holding on to Kira, his arms hugging her by the shoulders.
"Lacus, calm down..." Kira tried to soothe the songstress although his own tears betrayed him.
"We... we hurt them, Kira... Oh! I can never forgive myself!" she continued to cry out in agony.
Kira looked away. He didn't want this to end like this. He hadn't wanted to hurt anyone! He... just wanted to be happy. He just wanted to be with Lacus. But everything came tumbling downhill.
Athrun hated him. And from how he acted a while ago, he assured to Kira that their friendship was over. After all those years... after they survived the war... after all the sacrifices they had made.. is their friendship going to crumble just like that..?
He didn't want it to end like that. He never wanted to.
"Kira... I can never forgive myself... I'm... I'm too selfish...!"
"Lacus, it isn't your fault. It was... mine," he stated bitterly. "If I didn't insist, we could have prevented all of these. It's.. entirely my fault..." But, he knew that some part of him didn't feel guilty on what he had done.
Lacus shook her head. "I allowed you to do this, Kira... it's all my fault.."
"But—"
"This is both your faults, alright."
Both turned their heads to meet the familiar silver-haired coordinator, Yzak Joule, leaning against one of the pillars. He looked at them with his irritated silver orbs, his arms crossed. Behind him, Dearka Elsman stood, shaking his head.
"Yzak, I told you not to disturb people," Dearka muttered as he looked at Kira and Lacus apologetically. "Forgive this insensitive brat here."
Yzak glared at the blonde coordinator beside him. "Don't mess with me, Elsman, especially when I am pissed."
The blonde coordinator held his hands up in surrender. "Alright, I get it." He turned his attention back to Kira and Lacus. "Don't mind Yzak. He's pissed because Athrun's missing again."
By this, both Lacus and Kira avoided their gaze. Tears silently rolled down Lacus's cheeks.
Dearka looked alarmed. "I mean—well— we're not blaming you or anything!"
"No, I am blaming you," the silver-haired coordinator stated. Dearka was about to smack him when another figure stepped in and cleared her throat.
"Milly! What are you doing here?" Dearka exclaimed, his eyes widening.
Miraillia, still clad in her ZAFT uniform, bowed slightly in respect. "Good evening Commander Joule, Commander Elsman. I am sorry for disturbing your conversation but," her eyes flickered briefly to Kira and Lacus, "Have any of you seen Cagalli?"
"Why?" Yzak asked irritably.
"I was just asked to check on her by her friend."
"She was here a while ago..." Lacus slowly answered. Then, her eyes widened.
"Right. She's with Athrun."
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She wanted to believe it was all a dream— a nightmare. She wanted to think it was just a game. She wanted someone to scream 'April fools day!' even if it was still months away.
But what greeted her was just her ragged breathing.
Her mind, her world... everything was spinning. She felt heavy, her heart... she doesn't really know what to make out of it. It felt as if all life had been drained from her and she had no way to counter it.
She didn't know why she allowed herself to be pulled by Zala just like that. But after what she saw that evening, she was even glad that Zala took her to wherever he planned to spend all his angst at rather than continue standing there, not knowing how to react.
And so, she found herself again in his red convertible, her eyes staring into the glittering night of Aprilius One. Ever since he pulled her out of the ball, not a word was exchanged between them. It was heavy silence all over again.
She could see his reflection on the window, his pensive eyes focused on the road. Once in a while, he would resort into gripping the wheel just to stop himself from breaking down.
Cagalli knew that look he held— it was the look of a defeated man who didn't know how to continue or what to do. And from her experience, it was fairly dangerous especially for someone who was driving, he might think of committing suicide.
But she couldn't care less. She didn't even seem to worry even when he sharply swerved in front of the car before them. She didn't even seem to worry that they were almost exceeding the maximum speed limit. She didn't even bat an eye when he narrowly escaped the ten-wheeler truck he'd overtaken again.
He was driving on an unfamiliar road, farther and farther from the bright lights of the City. But from the sounds of it, they were headed to the beach.
She watched as he stopped suddenly—and if it wasn't for the seatbelt, she knew she would have dived dangerously forward— in front of a beach house. She could see that the house was perfectly maintained, the white paint still glimmering mysteriously under the moonlight, the windows were crystal clear.
Wordlessly, he turned off the engine and walked out of the car, not even glancing at her. He took what looked like a long black case from the back seat and went into the darkness of the night.
She squinted, trying to make-out his silhouette but it was just too dark. She sighed and rested her head back, her hands instinctively massaging her sore temples.
She was too tired to think of anything right now. There were just a lot of events that happened and her brain was overloading. Carefully, she tried to assess what had occurred.
Kira and Lacus were kissing.
There again was the same tightening in her chest and she slowly folded her legs and rested her chin on her knees, her arms wrapped around her shoulders, tears flowing out from her eyes. It... was just too painful, even the vague image was just too agonizing to remember.
She wanted to cry out, she wanted to inflict damage on anything, and yet she also wanted someone to hold her, to soothe her that everything would be okay. But she was all alone— all alone in this red convertible, the only sounds heard were from the murmurs of the sea and her sniffs.
Kira meant a lot for her. His simple presence would make her feel comfortable. His smile could take away all the things she worried about. He was the only coordinator she could really confide with, he was the only coordinator she felt really comfortable with, he was the only coordinator she felt she could trust.
And he... was the only guy she really felt this special with.
As much as she hated to admit it, she knew she liked Kira so much. It was more than a schoolgirl crush.
But Kira loved Lacus, the scene back at the ball would prove that.
And before she could continue her musings, she heard a faint, angst melody... a very heavy sound brought by strings...
A violin.
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"She's with Athrun?" Dearka echoed. He sighed resignedly. "Just wish she's still in one piece."
"Why?" Miriallia looked at the blonde coordinator suspiciously. "Is Chairman Zala a harasser?"
Dearka shook his head. "Much worse." Miriallia raised an eyebrow.
"Athrun's pissed as hell. He's heart-broken. His mind is on the edge of crashing. What do you expect he'll do? Treat that natural to dinner?" Yzak explained sarcastically.
"Good grief! We have to find them!" Miriallia suddenly panicked. Dearka ran his hand on her back to ease her heart.
"Calm down," he told her firmly. "Yzak's just exaggerating things," he eyed the silver-haired coordinator who snorted. "Finding Athrun is like finding a needle in a mount of screws. When he decides to go, no one can find him."
"So are we just going to sit here and wait?" Mir countered back. "My friend's out there with a freak!"
Kira suddenly spoke. "Mir, I think Dearka has a point." He closed his eyes and sent a silent plea to the heavens. "Cagalli will be fine. She'll be fine. Trust Athrun."
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A violin.
She suddenly became alert as a light post a few meters away from her sprang to life, showering a circular spot on the white sand. She squinted and saw a form sitting at the center of the spot.
Staying here all night would just bring her nothing. And so, deciding to see the mysterious person, she walked out of the car.
The night was chilly and Cagalli silently cursed under her breath. Wrapping her arms around her shoulders, she wished she managed to grab a coat before going to the ball. Stupid. And to think she was wearing an off-shoulder gown.
She became more aware of the tear-trail on her cheeks as a soft breeze picked up and grazed her delicate skin. Walking briskly, she felt her high-heeled shoes sank uncertainly on the sand. Cursing yet again, she wrestled the golden slippers out of her feet and threw them else where, leaving her to walk bare-footed.
The white sand felt cool against her feet and it actually felt nice. With each step that she took, the melody filling the air became more audible.
And at last, she reached her destination.
The midnight blue hair and black coat was enough to make her realize this was Athrun Zala who was playing the violin. He stopped when she was just a few feet away from her.
He didn't look at her as he gently laid the wooden violin and bow against the cool sand. It was silence reincarnated, the rolling of the sea filling the air once again.
"Hey," she managed to utter as she took another step forward. She was actually afraid that he might have already committed suicide because of the heartache he felt. But she was proved to be wrong. He was strong and rational minded. He would never do things like that.
He slowly turned his head up to look at her. She didn't know what to make out of it— his resigned expression, his hurt, dull, emerald orbs, his tired features and every other emotion present. He... he did not resemble the Athrun Zala she knew: the ruthless, emotionless, tactical-minded genius of the ZAFT elite team.
Slowly, he reached up and grabbed her wrist, pulling her gently. When he spoke, it was strained and barely above a whisper.
"Please... even just for now... stay with me..."
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"Why do the people I love leave me?"
They had their backs pressed together as they sat on the white sand, watching the waves crashing against the shore. He still held her hand, not wanting to let go. A small part of him was surprised that she never said a word of protest, and even now, she was sitting here beside him, listening to all his angst.
Another part of him was glad.
"First, it was Mom," he continued, a small smile playing on his lips as he remembered his childhood. "Do you know how much I love my mom? She... she was everything I could ask for.. beautiful, kind, loving and always had a wonderful smile."
His smile suddenly vanished as his voice turned bitter. "But she was taken away from me, killed by those naturals."
Cagalli's eyes widened, "N-naturals...?"
He gripped her hand tighter causing her to flinch slightly. "It wasn't reported, was it? The fall of Junius Seven.. everyone thought it was a mere accident, a natural failure. But it wasn't."
She looked at him. "It.. wasn't?"
"It was because of the nuclear weapons used by the Earth Forces. Those dirty naturals killed innocent people just for revenge..." he smiled sarcastically. "But we coordinators were kind! We didn't let it out to the public for the sake of the treaty! We suffered silently! All because of those naturals!"
She watched as he let out his hate for naturals. So... that was his reason. She never thought it ran this... deep. That he hated naturals because they were responsible for his mother's death.
He let out a deep sigh. "Mother's dead. She will never return but she took another person with her."
"Ever since mom died, father began spiraling down. Everyone applauded him for the strength he showed to the public but I was the only one who could see his pain. He would spend sleepless nights staring at mother's portrait. He would bury himself into work."
"He also died... emotionally. The father I knew and looked up to vanished. He... died with mom."
She listened to his every word, feeling the pain in his words as she tried playing with the sand with her free hand. She remained silent, urging him to continue.
"I was left to fend for myself. Father sent me to the Military Academy and I am thankful he did because being in the military taught me things— I learned to be stronger."
"But... this is too much..." his voice suddenly broke as he lowered his head, trying to prevent his tears from flowing.
Cagalli was still silent.
"Lacus... she's the only one who really understood me. She was there when mom died.." He closed his eyes tightly. "She was always there for me. She's the main reason why I try to achieve peace. Everything I do is for her!"
A tear escaped his right eye. "I love her with all my heart. I'm willing to do everything just for her. But what now? She chose Kira! She chose my best friend over me! After all the things I have sacrificed, she betrayed me! She exchanged me for the next most important person in my life— my best friend!"
Cagalli still remained silent.
He took a deep breath. "But.. what now...? What will happen now...? She," he swallowed, "has left me..."
"Why is my life turning out to be a badly written story...?"
"Finish ranting over your regrets in life?"
He looked up as Cagalli suddenly spoke. She looked back at him, her amber orbs sad yet determined. She sighed deeply.
"You're really an impostor, aren't you? You're not Athrun Zala."
Athrun narrowed his hurt emerald orbs. "What are you—"
"Is this the Athrun Zala looked up as a hero by coordinators? Is this the ATHRUN ZALA I know?" she cut him off sharply. "If you're an impostor, you really had Zala's personality jumbled up."
He was confused, "What—"
"Zala is better than you," she told him firmly, her eyes sparkling mysteriously under the moonlight. "Zala isn't this weak to be all angtsy and defeated just because he found his fiancée kissing his best friend."
He felt anger surging, "What are you saying?"
"The Athrun Zala I know," she spoke slowly, her golden orbs still staring at his peridot ones. "Will never ever let anyone see him in his pathetic state."
Narrowing his eyes, he gripped her hand tighter. "Pathetic...?"
"Look at you," she stated coldly. "You've been reduced to a pathetic heartbroken crap just because of Lacus."
"Lacus means a—"
"A lot to you," she finished. "If you really love her, then let her be happy then find yourself another suiting girl who would love you back! Is that hard to understand? Do you have a few screws loose or what? Where's that intelligence you've been fantasized for!"
He blinked as he stared at her as if she was an alien. It was then that he realized he was seeing a part of her that she tried to hide behind her fierce, tomboyish secretary image. This was the part of her... that could understand better than his rational mind. It was the part of her who simply analyzed things naturally in its entirety, without the haste and complexity. This was the part of her that is willing to give hope by merely stating the truth and obvious, whether it be good or bad, unlike others who say good things— the things you want to hear— just to make you feel better.
And he found it more effective and soothing.
She sighed deeply and stared at the dark sea. "We're just the same. We lost the people we love. But unlike you," she looked at him again, "I don't sulk all night and rant all my angst."
"And.. what do you do then?" he asked slowly, his curiosity getting better of him.
She managed a small smile. "I would rather take a hot bath, eat lots of sweets, sleep and wake up the next morning with a smile on my face."
He looked at her disbelievingly.
"Kira..." She sighed again. "Means a lot to me." She blushed slightly, "I... really like him even if we've only met for just a short time."
"It hurts, isn't it. They love another," he murmured.
Slowly, she nodded, "I know, but..." She smiled at him. "If Lacus makes him happy, then so be it."
"Love... my love for him can't conquer everything. His love for Lacus does. His love is just too great compared to mine... but I am not sad. On the contrary, I realized that I am actually happy for him..." She gave the disbelieving Athrun one of her true smiles, "Besides, Kira and Lacus do look cute together."
Athrun stared, and stared. He was again surprised at this girl's reaction. He was again seeing a different part of her... a part that was willing to see the 'other side' no matter how painful it might be.
"You're... admirable.." was the only thing he could say.
It was the first time he really did give a compliment to a natural with his whole heart.
She smiled again and Athrun could feel something light in his chest. She was trying to make him feel better, and somehow it didn't stung as painful as it did before.
She was right. He was acting pathetic. He merely jumped into conclusions without thinking of the reasons for the actions earlier. He was stupid not to let Kira and Lacus explain. But what explanations did he need? It was plain and simple. Lacus loves Kira. Kira loves Lacus. It was fairly obvious— he was just being blind before that he failed to notice the fact shinning brighter than the sun.
And what would he do? Cagalli was right— he should let them go. As much as it hurts, he was never selfish. Lacus... she'd be happier with Kira. Kira needed Lacus. Athrun knew how the pink haired songstress managed to pull Kira out of his pathetic and broken form after the war. She was there when Kira needed someone to hold him.. someone to soothe him... someone to be there when he woke up from his nightmares. And truth be told, Athrun could never blame Kira for falling in love with someone like Lacus.
Cagalli was right. Mourning over things like this would bring nothing but backache and migraine. The only thing he could do now was to accept the truth no matter how painful it was. Lacus... she was just not meant for him.
He felt her drop her head on her side, her eyes closing momentarily. "You tired me a lot, you know," she muttered sleepily.
And he smiled, a real smile that was once reserved only for Lacus. "Really? I'm sorry then."
"Hn. Y.. you're r..really not Zzzaaala. No.. soooorrry fooor him..."
He chuckled a bit watching her try not to fall asleep. "Sleep. You need it."
"Nawwww..."
"You're stubborn." Gently, he inched forward and retrieved his violin and bow. "Do you want me to play for you?"
"No... my ear...drums m..might be d..destroyed..." she even tried to tease.
He chuckled. "I am a good violinist, you know." He remembered the piece that was meant for his proposal to Lacus and smiled sadly. He shifted to make it easier to play. Taking a deep breath, he started playing the piece: the nameless piece.
He watched as her slow breathing rhymed with the sound of his violin. He smiled. She was like a princess, sleeping against his back, her green gown flowing around her. Her blonde locks fell artistically on her face.
"Hey," she suddenly spoke. He stopped playing when she looked at him with her sleepy amber orbs. "D... do you waaaaant me.. to be.. your friend...?"
He didn't know if it was a question or a request. "Why do you ask...?"
She smiled. "I don't... want to see... anyone... sad... and... alone..ever again..."
A small smile crept on his lips as he nodded. "Friends." He held his pinky finger up and intertwined it with hers as a sign of promise. She chuckled lightly.
She momentarily closed her eyes. "One more thing..."
He tilted his head to look at her face fully. "Anything."
"Cagalli..." she opened an eye. "Call me Cagalli..."
He smiled and nodded. "Athrun. That's my name."
She nodded and slowly drifted into the world of dreams.
He stared at her for a moment, feeling lucky to have found someone who woke him out of his angst at the right time, someone who made him realize things, someone who was willing to be.. his friend. It was as if heaven blessed him, and he felt he was the luckiest person on Earth.
"Thank you..."
He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her petite form. Smiling at how adorable she looked with his jacket, he positioned his violin and continued playing.
And as the melody drifted to his ears, to the low rumbling of the sea that seemed to be silenced as if listening to his music, a thought suddenly hit him... that is, he already knew the suitable title for this special piece:
The Princess' Sonata
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Part One Complete
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So what do you think? Please Review!
Revised and edited: January 23, 2014
