Three weeks.
Coughing, the water I had been drinking flew out of my mouth. My eyes were shocked opened as I read the words on the page.
I couldn't stop coughing, as childish as it seemed.
"Are you okay?" Logan asked walking into the room. I nodded my head, still coughing. He frowned at me, and took the book out of my hand.
Obviously he could tell, I read something that I found… Ah, Crazy, Weird, Nuts, something that's so not going to happen. Ever.
But, I guess everything about magick seems impossible.
Logan's laughing brought me out of my coughing. "I see you found something interesting-" He smirked at me "You want to talk about it?"
"NO!" I shouted embarrassed, knowing I couldn't, wouldn't talk to him about this. Is was just too… Out there.
He rolled his eyes and started reading; I looked on in horror, hoping he would just stop.
"Magick needs energy too flourish, to achieve this, the spell caster must give energy to the ritual.
Energy can be given in many different ways. Depending on the spells power and the power of the caster different energies are better used, but those fueled by emotion are the best.
Energy is after all the take off point of any spell. The stronger the energy the more powerful the spell will be, the emotion backing the spell is also an important part of the spell its self.
So it is easy to see that one of the most powerful energies to be used during a spell, is the release of the casters own energies and emotions.
Not only is it more personal of a spell, but it accomplishes the job to a degree of high performance. Blood, Is a powerful substance to be used, but using the releases of energies accomplished during an orgasm is the highest of the energies."
His laughing caused me to glare at him.
"Its not funny Logan! I'm not… Ew. No way, I'm not going to" I was too embarrassed to even get the words out.
No matter how much I wanted to learn about spells, I wouldn't put it before my morals. There is just no way.
"Alexandra-" still laughing "You don't have too. It's just explains that while doing a spell your emotion and energies control the degree of the spell. The more personal the spell, and ingredients in the spell is was makes it better, a more powerful outcome of that spell. So it's not hard to see that sex, one of the most personal things a person can do also one of the biggest releases of energy would be the top one"
"I'm not doing it" I said frowning. He laughed again, " I didn't ask you too. I didn't even ask you to read this chapter-" He handed me the book back, "you're the one who was reading this." smirking down at me "But seeing as how your embarrassed about this, and to be honest these chapters are to far advance for where your at right now so lets change the subject. Did you find what I wanted you too?"
I sighed looking at the book in front of me. If you would even consider it a book, It was more like a giant heavy annoying thing with a lot of information in it. Information I thought was useless, Information Logan thought was necessary. No matter how crazy it all was.
It was scary how much he and the brothers are alike, yet, how different. But thought me learning came before learning to 'fight' which I thought was a bit silly.
My heart started to hurt thinking about Dean and Sam, and the way I left them. I can still hear Dean's words echoing in my head. "When you realize you need us, don't think about turning around"
The way Sam's eyes held a thousands words, yet he spoke none to me as I walked out the door. It was enough that I almost turned around. But I knew I had to find out the truth, and however much I wanted to stay with the brothers I couldn't.
"Alexandra" Logan snapped me out of my thoughts. "Yeah?"
"Did you find it?" I nodded my head yes.
"Okay, So what does it say?" He asked sitting down across from me.
I had been staying with Logan at his apartment in New York. Which was weird at first, scary weird too be honest. Though nothing had happened yet, He was a perfect gentlemen. Our kiss was long forgotten on his part I think.
Which I couldn't tell if it made me upset or relieved.
Not to mention how big and roomy it all was, that was a plus. Anytime I questioned him on where he got his money (knowing he didn't work, after all I was his job) Who paid him?
He would only laugh at me, and tell me it wasn't a big deal. Which more then likely meant that whoever he was working for didn't want me to know about them yet. Scary seemed to be a common place with Logan.
I sighed. "Its says the five elements are Air, Water, Earth, Fire and, sprit."
"And?" He smirked at me. I sighed, knowing what he wanted from me. "Lets start with Air. First off, is guarded by the first watchtower, east. Also, The tool most used with air would be the wand*. Mind, intellect, consciousness, study, communication are some properties of air."
"It's a masculine energy, and goes with Libra, Gemini and Aquarius, but mostly Aquarius. In symbolizing air during any ritual you would use incense."
He smiled at me and nodded, I continued to explain water, earth, fire and, sprit. Until he was satisfied, and I was annoyed.
"And in when drawling the invoking pentacle?"
"You started at the top. And to banish, you start at the bottom."
"Good"
"Pentacle and Pentagram?" I rolled my eyes "Pentacle is the five pointed star in a circle while the Pentagram is just the five pointed star; both are very powerful. Fast example, Taking away the circle takes away the limitation, so you would use the pentagram when you needs something done like a charging symbol. Pentacles are powerful symbols of protection, sometime we don't want the protection or limitation so you would use just the pentagram."
"Your learning Alexandra" He really seemed surprised, which made me laugh at him. "Well I should be, You have me studying this stuff twenty four seven."
"You have to know the basic-"
"I know Logan, It's just like with Math. 'You have to know the basic rules of adding and subtracting before you get into anything else. It's the foundation, Which everyone knows is the most important part of any structure'"
"Why do I feel like your mocking me?" with one eyebrow raised he looked at me.
"I'm not mocking you." I looking straight into his eyes hoping he could see the truth behind my words.
"Good" He smiled and stood up. "I'm going out for a couple of hours, you want to come?"
"Oh, Your actually letting me take a break?" He laughed and shook his head. "Oh no. Trust me. If you go I'm going to put you to work" I looked at him suspiciously.
He smirked harder. "Maybe I should just stay here… You know, this book is just exciting" I lied. He laughed and walked towards the door a yelled, "Have fun"
I frowned when I heard the door shut. "Sure, Sure. Fun stuff this is. " Once again I put my face back into a book.
My life was boring.
One month two weeks three days.
"Hey Sam-" I took a breath unsure of what to say. "I ah. I guess I was just calling again to see what you guys were up too. Just, give me a call sometime. I miss you guys"
I hung up feeling unsure. I hadn't talked to the brothers since the day I left.
I shut my eyes, feeling the moisture start to rise. It's not their fault, I told myself. After all, I was the one who bailed. I had to bail sure, but did they really see it that way?
"Alexandra-" Logan tapped the door to my room three times before entering.
"I want to-" He paused and looked at me, sighing he walked closer "Their still ignoring you"
Of course he knew, he always knew when I was thinking about the boys.
"Yeah" I said not making eye contact.
I knew Logan had the means to keep them from calling (Like he had done on the way to the convent) But I knew he didn't.
He promised me he wouldn't do it, he gave me his word. Though, I knew it was silly, I knew he was telling me the truth.
I trusted my instincts a lot. Which would explain why I left with the brothers, then left with Logan. A normal girl wouldn't do that. I looked at Logan, then thought about the brother… Okay, maybe a normal girl would do that. They are pretty good looking guys.
Logan had a pissed off look on his face. I knew he hated seeing me hurt (which was weird) and he knew what hurt me the most. The brothers rejection.
"Come on" He said giving me his hand, I frowned but took it anyways.
"What are we doing" I asked as we walked out of my bedroom.
"We are going to see what the brothers are up too." I stopped in my track.
"What?"
He sighed and looked at me "Your worried about them. And until you hear from them, which isn't going to happen anytime soon-" Noticing the look on my face he frowned "Sorry."
"Look Alexandra we have to get to work, and seeing as how you need to make sure their okay, We'll just have a small look. Enough to ease your worries"
"You mean we'll spy"
"No. We're observing" I knew it was wrong, and it was spying but I couldn't help but agree.
I needed to make sure they were okay.
I went to grab the ingredients, but Logan grabbed my arm stopping me.
"What?" Why was he stopping me, he was the one that came up with the idea.
"We're going to try this a different way"
"A different way?"
"I want you to relax-" he said, coming around me. He put his hands on my shoulders. Which didn't really relax me at all, if anything, it made me jumpy. "Shut your eyes Alexandra."
I shut my eyes, but my body was still tense with his hands on my shoulders.
"You have to relax. Center yourself"
With my eyes still shut, I took equal breaths. I felt my body begin to get lighter, softer. Though, I was unsure why we were doing this. We had been working on 'meditation' for awhile now, but I still wasn't as good at it were I can just automatically submit myself into that state.
"Stop worrying. Let go of your worries. Go with your instincts, don't over think. Just listen to the sound of my voice, center yourself, keep your breaths steady and even with each other."
I followed his voice, not paying attention to the words rather then just pay attention to the sound. I let myself fall, seeing myself surround by a light, I was in a complete and utter relaxed state. It had only took me a moment to do so.
Logan's voice was in the back of my mind, telling me to keep my breaths steady. He kept repeating it, never stopping talking. My mind automatically did as he said, not thinking of doing, just doing it.
"Go to Dean and Sam Alexandra, find them"
I did.
I saw Dean enter a room, another crappy motel. He closes the door behind him, calling out to Sam.
"Hey I'm back" He pulls some packet out of his jacket.
"Hey. Where were you?" Sam voice was distorted by the sound of water.
The water stopped as Dean yelled into the bathroom.
"Oh, I went out" He pours the powder that was in the packet out over Sam cloths that had been lying on the bed.
"So, I think I might have a theory about what's goin' on." Sam called from the bathroom, obviously unaware of what Dean was doing.
"Oh, yeah? " Dean called back grinning.
"Yeah. What if Mordechai is a Tulpa"
"A Tulpa?"
Dean jumped slightly away from the bed, as the bathroom door opened. Sam walked out wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.
"Yeah, a Tibetan thought form"
"Yeah, I know what a tulpa is. Hey, why don't you get dressed? We'll go grab something to eat." Dean smiled sweetly to his brother before walking into the bathroom.
Sam shrugged and walked towards the bed to get changed, as soon as his hand was about to let go of the towel I was pulled out of my 'relaxed' state by Logan shaking me.
"W-what are you doing?" I asked him upset, still trying to get a grip on what I had just seen and almost seen.
He frowned at me, "I was saving you from being embarrassed next time you run into Sam"
I swallow hard, knowing he had a point. But damn it, if I only had… Okay. No thinking bad -very good- thoughts about Sam.
"Concentrate Alexandra" Logan's voice was rough, obviously he was upset.
Wait how did he even…
"How did you know what I seen?" From my knowledge only I would have been able to see that.
He smiled at me, and laughed. "It seems that your power is growing Alexandra. All I know is I was touching you, and, well I saw what you saw."
"Oh" I frowned.
"Smile Alexandra this is good, this means your power is growing."
I felt a shiver run down my spine. I wasn't sure if I wanted this 'power' to grow when I didn't even know what it was yet.
Four months, five days.
"Come on, hit me" He shouted, my body was pulsating; sweat covered every inch of my aching body.
I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. I was planning what my next move would be, but it was too late. He had me pinned to the floor. My hands were above my hand, locked to the ground in his large hands.
"You got to get better than this" He hissed in my ear, stilling holding me down.
"Get off of me" I said breathless, not wanting to move.
"You think if I was anyone else I would just get off of you" He grunted, pushing more of his weight down on top of me.
"Come on now! Smarten up, Make me get off of you if you want it so bad"
"Lo-" One hand went to my throat choking me. I gasped for air, feeling the weight of heaviness in my body start to build.
I tried to move my arms, that was now lock under one of his hands. It wasn't working, and I was starting to panic.
He wouldn't really hurt me, I looked into his eyes and saw danger.
"COME ON! GET UP!" he screamed, I kicked my legs which did nothing at all.
"YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!" I was losing track of his words, I was struggling to breath.
"Use the weapons you have Alexandra" he breathed into my ear, loosening up the grip he hand on my throat. I could breath a bit better, but not by much. "If someone has the upper hand in fighting, then you fight dirty. Use any skill you have, including the power of your mind, god damnit! Fight!"
I wanted to tell him, it was hard to listen to his lecture when his hand was around my throat.
He grunted and moved his hand and stood up, leaving me there on the floor bruised and hurting. He shook his head, disappointment was obvious on his face.
I laid still, trying not to move anything. After finally getting a second to breath, I wanted to get into bed and just sleep. I tried standing up, only to have Logan push me back down.
I hit the floor with a thump.
I could feel the tears rushing forward. "Prick" was the only thing I could say.
"I'm a prick?" He laughed harshly, "I'm not going to hold your hand through this Alexandra. I'm not going to wipe away your tears, and kiss your boo boos. This is a fight, and I'm sure as hell not going to baby you. That might be what those two would do for you, but I'm not. That's one way to get yourself killed." He shook his head and looked down at me, his face soften a notch only to be replaced by the harden look that I've come to known during these 'sessions'
"I'm getting in the shower. I want 5 miles done on the tread mill when I get back."
He left me lying there, hardly breathing, pain evident on my face.
Five miles? I thought to myself, more like five steps if that.
Five months three week six days
I straddled Logan's waist, smiling at him. Three out of the Five matches I had won, getting the upper hand by any force that was necessary.
"Don't look so smug" He said smiling at me, I could tell he was happy that I had gain enough 'skill' to take him down.
Laughing, I rolled off of him. I looked up at the ceiling, wondering how I got this far. I still hadn't mastered my skills with fighting or magick
But I was getting pretty okay at both.
I knew Logan was upset because I still refused to say that chant, calling power to me. He said it was going against what was 'right' knowing there had been a few times I had felt the urge to, but the urge was never stronger then my fear of what would happen.
I had already seen what I could do with out it, and that scared me. So doing that would make everything ten times worse.
As for fighting; I still had a lot to learn. But, It was safe to say that I could handle myself in a fight. I wouldn't go down with out a hell of a fight, that's for sure.
Another good thing about all this fighting I've been doing. Killer body! No really. I had always been a 'normal' weight, but I wasn't what you would call athletic. I had ran in school for awhile, but not to the point were I worked all the muscles, that I had with fighting.
My arms are more toned, my stomach is now toned. My butt is now firm, I giggled at the thought causing Logan to roll over on his side, eyebrow raised.
"Nothing" I said still smiling. I couldn't help but feel better about myself. If I knew this is what 'working out' would do, I wouldn't have spent all that time in front of the TV on Thursday nights eating ice cream.
As if sensing what I was talking about Logan got up, "I'm hungry. You want something?" "No-" I smiled sweetly up at him, "I'm just going too lie here basking in the glory of kicking your ass"
He laughed loudly walking away, "I'm calling a rematch in an hour" He shouted.
I was about to reply when my cell phone started going off. I got up grumpily (and a tad sorely) to answer it.
It was a number I didn't recognize. "Hello?" I asked, wondering who it was.
"Alex?" My heart dropped to my stomach, I couldn't breath or move. It was as if everything came crashing down. In one split second everything changed.
"Meet me in central park alone in fifteen minutes, If anyone's with you I'll bail"
I still stood there, unsure of what to say.
"Alex?"
I cleared my throat. "Yeah?"
"You coming?"
"Yeah"
"Good."
The call was disconnected, and I couldn't believe it.
Ashley.
I was about to see my best friend again. I felt the tears form in my eyes, my best friend that had a demon in her.
Life really couldn't get any more sucky.
"Hey where are you going?" Logan asked as I opened the apartment doors, I smiled at him. "I had to go to the store"
"For?" He frowned, I rolled my eyes hoping it didn't seem too forced.
"Girl products" Was all I had to say for him to get a disgusted look on his face. "Oh"
I laughed, "I'll be back soon" and I was out the door and headed to face my past.
It didn't take me long to get there. I ran all of the way there, silently thanking Logan, for making me do all those miles on the tread mill.
I wasn't sure where in the park she wanted to meet me, so I just ran going the way my instinct pulled me towards. I was happy I hadn't changed out of my work out cloths, it was easier to run in these.
I stopped short when I saw her standing there. She looked the same as when I had last saw her. It took everything in my power not to run to her and hug her, She was my best friend.
I walked towards her, promising myself I wouldn't cry. I couldn't let Ash- the demon see me weak.
I was only four feet away from her when she smiled, Smiled just as if it was Ashley.
"It's good to see you Alex" she said still smiling. I kept my mouth shut, not because I was scared of saying anything bad, but that I was scared of saying that I miss her.
I kept telling myself, It's not her.
"What do you want?" I finally squeaked out. Her smile vanished, "Always have to get straight to the point don't you?" She shook her head, her arms were crossed.
"Its not like we have anything to talk about, other then that fact that you stole my best friend and murder my parents" I could feel the heat rise to my face.
I wanted to scream to punch her, to yell and cry.
No, I wanted to go back to the past and change everything that happen.
"I'm guessing Logan hasn't told you then has he?" I opened my mouth, once again unsure what to say, I took a deep breath and tried again. "Tell me what?"
"I didn't kill your parent's" She said it so matter of factly that I almost believed her, almost.
"What?" I laughed cruelly, "You want me to believe that my dad really did just go nuts, and killed my mom and himself? Your crazy, you know that."
"No, That would be stupid of you to believe that he did it"
"Okay, So what. It wasn't you and it wasn't him? Who then? Logan?" She shook her head and laughed. "that boy isn't that good-" she looked me in the eyes and said, "It was your mother"
"my mom couldn't-" I stopped the force of her words hitting me, she wasn't talking about my, my biological mom.
"No" I shook my head that was impossible. I pointed my finger at her. "So then how does that explain the sulfur at my house, how does that explain you?! Your just trying to twist everything around. You're the demon, you're the evil-"
"Hey!" she got defensive. "I went there that night, to kill your mother who was waiting for you to get back. Obviously that was a mistake. I got out before she had the chance to send me back to hell. So, I had to find a body to use, and who better then your best friend. I thought, If I could become your best friend it would make my job a whole hell of a lot easier with protecting you, until those two hunters showed up" she sounded pissed.
"PROTECTING ME? YOU'RE A DEMON" a few people in the park looked at us wearily. I ignored them, and kept going. "Why would you protect me?" She smiled at me sweetly, "Because I need you a live. A lot of us need you a live, and letting you die. Just isn't that great of a choice for us."
"What's so evil about me, were I have demons protecting me?" I asked her harshly, not wanting to believe what she was saying.
"Not evil sweetie, but special. Very special"
"So what's special?"
"Your father is what's special" As soon as her words registered in my mind, I felt as if I would throw up.
"That's enough" I looked up surprised to see Logan standing there, his body tense. His voice was hard, and angry.
"Oh look who showed up" Ashley's demon laughed, she looked at Logan as If daring him to come closer.
"Alexandra, go back to the apartment" He said never taking his eyes of the demon Ashley.
"N-"
"NOW" he barked the order with more force then I ever heard from him, it shocked me as well as scared me.
"Ask him Alex, Ask him who killed your parents"
I watched Logan's face, anger flashed through it. In that moment I knew she was telling the truth about my parents, and that Logan had known that whole time.
I couldn't help but realize that was why the demons never went after me with Dean and Sam, They wouldn't touch me. Not if what she was saying is true. Not if they were protecting me.
If that was true, if Demons were protecting me, and Logan wasn't a demon who was he?
"Logan" I whispered my body and mind feeling overwhelmed. He glanced at me, a look of worry crossed his face, he started towards me then cussed "Damnit" I looked up and saw that Ashley was gone.
I didn't care, I just wanted to go.
"Come on Alexandra" he said taking my arm. We walked back to him home in complete silence. Each step I took brought me closer to my angry place.
As soon as we got in the apartment, it was as if I had a second wind and I looked up at him. He must have seen the fury on my face, he stepped back.
"Alexandra I can explain"
"Oh you can, Really?"
"yes" he looked so desperate, It only fueled my anger.
"Go ahead then Logan EXPLAIN! For once explain to me with out lying through your teeth."
"I couldn't tell you… It would have been going against everything"
"WHO THE HELL IS MY FATHER" I shouted, not caring about anything in the moment but that. He looked taken back, like he didn't think I would have asked him that, or at lest not that right yet.
"Alexandra I can't" He look defeated.
"You're a son of a bitch Logan" I walked towards him, before I knew it I was slapping him.
I was angry, I hated feeling angry. My anger was the only truth I had right now, No matter how scattered my emotions were, they were always true; always mine.
"You disgust me Logan." I shook my head, tears falling from my eyes.
I don't understand why I felt so betrayed, I had after all trusted him knowing that this could happen. That's what happens when you trust those you don't know, they betray you.
The anger rose even more.
I wanted to kill him, to hurt him as he had hurt me.
My phone ringed, I ignored it not wanting to talk to Ashley again.
"I will never talk to you again. Do you hear me Logan?" I shouted into his blank face. He refused to show me any emotions.
My phone started ringing again, I grabbed it out of my hoodie pocket
.
"What?" my voice was hard, cold.
"Alex?" I closed my eyes and took a step back from Logan.
"Yeah" It was barely a whisper.
"I, Um.-" there was a long pause "It's Dean. He's been hurt." Sam voice showed he had been crying.
I shut my eyes, tears still coming out of my eyes. Only now they were tears of pain and sadness, not anger.
*Eh. I just want to say, If anyone who is reading this knows about Wicca or any forms of magic and are interested in letting me know some stuff, I'd be happy. I'm doing a lot of online reading, and really. Everything I read is different depending on the source… and I don't want to mess up on the Wicca meanings ect. So I'm letting everyone here know, I don't study Wicca so my knowledge of it is all from the computer. So it might not be 100% right.. And I'm sorry about that :/
But I will be later on doing a chapter like a BOS (Book of Shadows) that has all of what I'm using (Real or not) cause I might just end up making up some of my own things, instead of messing up the real ones haha.
Maybe it should be called "Smart peoples guide to Forbidden Love 21 crazy talk" So that you guys can understand it all. Lmao.