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Leave me behind

Toris shoved the door to a larger well-lit room open and what he saw was white and red. Blood red and medic white. He couldn't see Ivan from his place, two medics stood in his way, but he saw them still working on him. Gulping quietly he took a step closer and another, when a heavy hand fell on his arm. With an iron grip a soldier pulled him back and hissed something under his breath.

So it had been a trap? Taking a quick look around Toris made sure this man was the only danger, before he let his captor pull him to the door.

"No! Let me be! I need to see him!" He struggled just enough to make it seem as if he tried to get away, while they stepped back outside.

Gilbert blinked, then pushed himself against the wall, hiding behind the open door.

His heart was racing and a part of him wanted to help Toris, get that soldier away from him…

But the other part knew this was his only chance.

Struggling and protesting Toris managed to get a glance at Gilbert. He lifted his eyebrows just a little, trying to give him a sign, before he turned his full attention back to the soldier. Deep down he knew this was a bad idea. This man had waited for someone to show up and no one could know what would await Toris now.

Gilbert bit his lip, when that man pushed Toris away. He hesitated just a moment before he sneaked into the sickroom.

There were medics in his way and he wasn't sure what to do now but he saw Ivan and made some steps towards them.

Countless blood soaked cloths covered the floor around Ivan's stretcher and the number grew with the medics still working on his arm. One gave the other orders, making Ivan groan with every touch, when the man turned around and noticed Gilbert.

"What? Who are you? You can't come in! Out! Out now!"

"... how is he?" was all Gilbert replied, not moving a bit, his eyes fixed on Ivan.

The Russian was white like the walls, turning his head to the sides slowly and groaning every other moment, when his lips didn't move with silent words. The second medic held him down. He seemed to have trouble, even if Ivan looked everything but at full strength. Something wasn't right...

"We can't tell yet. Now out!" The man in charge reached out to shove Gilbert out of the room again.

"G... il..."

Gilbert's eyes widened. "I'm here! I'm here, Ivan!"

The two medics looked up to him and after noticing that Ivan turn his head to the voice, the one in charge gave his colleague a sign.

"You." He nodded at Gilbert. "Soldier, come here. Can you calm him?"

Gilbert blinked, then nodded quickly. "Yes... yes!" He got closer with fast steps, getting slower the closer he was.

He looked down at Ivan and he felt like his heart would shatter at the sight.

They had cut Ivan out of his uniform, revealing his left side. There seemed not much left of his arm, just a bloody mess. Here and there even the bone could be seen. It wasn't as worse on the left side of his torso, but something had definitely burned the flesh there and left it with open wounds.

"Listen, soldier. I don't care who you are or why you're here, but we don't have any equipment or enough sedatives here. So calm him down if you can so we can work. Understood?"

"G... il..."

Gilbert didn't reply to him, but leant closer to Ivan, touching his forehead, then his cheek. "I'm here... calm down, Ivan. Everything... everything will be ok... remember? I promised to take you home" he whispered with trembling voice.

He was so full of hatred for that man and yet so full of worries for Ivan.

Dull violet eyes looked up to him, blinking slowly to focus better. The world was blurred for Ivan. Not just because of the pain he was in but also for the few sedatives they had given him. Still, they hadn't been able to make him sleep.

Without a sound his lips formed words. There was even the hint of a smile, before the two medics went back to work and another groan left his throat.

Gilbert pressed his lips together to stop himself from crying again. "I'm here... I'm with you, Ivan..."

He didn't care if the medics would tell that asshole anything about this. He was needed here with Ivan and so he leant down to kiss his forehead.

The medics had enough trouble with their work to give Gilbert's doing any attention. However what he did seemed to calm Ivan. He still twitched slightly when a syringe was pushed into raw flesh, but he stopped struggling at least.

"Es ist ok..." Gilbert whispered into his ear. "Ich bin hier."

Again Ivan's mouth moved. He hadn't just calmed down but got also weaker with every passing moment.

Gilbert kissed his forehead again and his cheeks. "I'll take you home... I promise, Ivan... everything will be ok. I promise...! Do you hear me?" he sobbed, salty tears falling down onto his lover's face.

A tiny, exhausted smile curled Ivan's lips for the kisses and he closed his eyes to open them again when he felt something wet. "G...il..." Despite everything he frowned barely visible, lifting his good arm to search for his beloved. "... n't... cr...y..."

"S-shut up! I'll cry as much as I want..." Gilbert whispered in return, as he grabbed Ivan's hand. "I have every damn good reason to cry..."

Gilbert's touch felt warm. Sighing lowly Ivan looked up to him, worries in his tired eyes.

"G...il..." His beloved was crying and he didn't know why. Ivan could concentrate on this question, even if it hurt. It distracted him enough to miss how he was bandaged and the medics finally stepped back.

"Don't 'Gil' me...!" Gilbert said and blinked as they suddenly had more space. "Is... is it done?"

"We need to bring him to the next hospital, but we're not prepared for an emergency transport." The medic pondered a moment, taking a close look at Ivan. "The more we are, the faster we can leave... He's one of those nations. Right?" There was just a moment of considering their choices.

"Can you have an eye on him?"

"Yes, of course...!"

"Call for us if his state gets worse. Understood?" And with that the medic left running, followed hesitantly by his colleague.

Gilbert turned back to Ivan and took his hand, squeezing it. "Just a bit longer until we'll go home... ok?"

"... ome... I... I... ant... o... me..."

Gilbert didn't understand, so he just leant closer. "What... what is it...? You shouldn't be talking..."

Closing his eyes Ivan gulped quietly. It was hard to focus on the words, but at least he managed to squeeze Gilbert's hand a little. "... t... hurts..."

"I know... I know, Ivan..." he whispered, his voice breaking again. "They'll get you into a hospital. You'll be treated and you'll be alright in no time again..."

He understood hospital. Ivan knew he had to go there and he trusted his beloved that it would get better. He just needed to wait... if the world could just stop spinning and the warmth of Gilbert's hand wouldn't have to go.

"... n't... le...ve me... ple...se..."

Gilbert shook his head. "I'll come with you. I don't know how, but I WILL come with you... I won't let you be taken away from me."

That made Ivan smile a little again. If Gilbert would stay, all would be fine and maybe the pain would fade as well.

Gilbert stayed with him, until the door opened again and the medics entered.

"We're ready to get him on the plane. You can leave now."

"What... leave?" Gilbert said, standing up.

"We don't have much time. I guess you're not authorized to stay? So leave this to us. We'll take care of him."

Ivan blinked slowly, feeling the warmth gone.

"No. No, I will come with him!" Gilbert insisted, still not moving a bit.

"We've no time to discuss. This is a military event and every violation of the rules can have serious consequences."

"Gil...?"

"Then don't discuss and just take me with him!" He looked back at Ivan. "I'm here... Don't worry, I won't leave."

The medic sighed deeply. "Now listen. We can't. I don't even know who you are and we already risked leaving you alone with him. This might cost my head, soldier. So you have to stay here."

Ivan frowned slightly and tried to push himself up. "... Gil..."

"Lie down!" Gilbert said, turning around to him. "You're seriously hurt. Lie. Down!" He looked back at the medic. "I'm the embodiment of the German Democratic Republic and he demanded me to be here with him in the first place, so I won't leave now!"

The man looked at Gilbert, as if he tried to find out if he said the truth, before he glanced at Ivan. Despite having lost too much blood and being obviously in pain it seemed as if he would cling to the Albino at all cost.

"Fine... Alright. But it's in your responsibility. Now let's hurry."

"Yes... my responsibility." He looked at Ivan and smiled a bit. "I'll accompany you..." Then he straightened his back. "Can I help somehow?"

Ivan smiled slightly back, not getting what just had happened. But a smile was good. Right? And he let himself sink fully back down.

"No. We'll do this."

Ivan still rested on the stretcher, so on a sign the medics lifted him up, making him groan in pain, before they carried him outside into the corridor.

Gilbert bit his lip and followed them, his eyes on Ivan all the time.

"I'll take you home, Ivan... sooner or later. Trust me."

He looked to the side, wondering where Toris had gone...

The exit of the bunker wasn't far away. A small plane waited for them outside. It was just big enough to give everyone and the stretcher some room. Not more. The medics hurried to get there, but their leave didn't stay unnoticed.

"G-Gilbert?"

He looked up as he heard Raivis' voice. That was... a good thing, right?

Next to their own plane Raivis and Eduard stood, watching the small group from afar. They didn't dare to come closer, but they seemed worried anyway. Toris wasn't with them.

As he got closer, Gilbert looked around. "Where... where is Toris?" he asked, worries in his voice.

He knew. They had taken him...!

He looked back at the flat building.

"I-Isn't he with you?" Raivis' glance shot to Ivan and he bit his lip. "He d-didn't come back o-or anything."

"Fuck..." Gilbert hissed, his voice trembling. "Damnit... they..." He rubbed his eyes. "He's... maybe he's still..."

Maybe he was still inside. Maybe he was already gone where they'd hurt him...

The medics didn't stop while they talked, bringing the stretcher to the small plane they had prepared.

"What happened, Gilbert?" Eduard asked quietly. "Did you meet Chruschtschow?"

"No. No, we didn't... but... but Toris distracted a guard so I could sneak into Ivan's room..." He bit his lip. "I don't know where he is now."

"A guard?" Eduard's expression got dark and Raivis shivered even more. "Then he's probably under arrest. What shall we do now? We can't just leave him here."

"No. We can't, but..." Gilbert looked at Ivan. It seemed his restless eyes searched for something.

Or someone...

"Damnnit!" He couldn't leave Toris like this! Not after the things he had done to help him!

Eduard and Raivis looked at Gilbert. Both knew they couldn't do much about this. They weren't important enough to get Toris out, but they didn't want to leave their brother behind either.

"Gilbert... You're in command right now with Ivan out and Toris gone. What shall we do?"

"I'll get him... Don't worry. I'm just not sure about Ivan... at least... one of you should be with him."

"With him?" Eduard frowned a little. "I'm not sure he would want one of us with him."

"One of you will stay and tell him that I'll come later... that I had to get Toris first. I can't leave him behind. He didn't leave me behind either..."

Raivis looked as if he wanted to protest and even Eduard shoved his glasses up and looked to the side. Their silence said so much.

Gilbert straightened his shoulders. "You'll stay with Ivan. This is an order. I'll get Toris."

"B-but...!"

"Understood..." Nodding slightly Eduard grabbed Raivis' sleeve and pulled him along. He had no idea how to explain this to Ivan, but it wasn't like they had a choice.

Gilbert watched how they climbed into the plane and turned around to start running back. He wouldn't leave without him...!

At first he started roaming the big building rather blindly before he asked people if they had seen the Lithuanian.

But no one seemed to know anything. At least no one of the people left in the bunker. Just when Toris' appearance was described, a guy nodded and gave Gilbert the direction to a room not too far away.

Gilbert thanked him and hurried down that hallway. He found the room easily, but hesitated a moment before he knocked harshly against the door.

Behind it there was silence for a long moment before heavy steps came closer and a soldier opened the door. His expression was angry and his broad shoulders made the glance inside impossible.

"What is it? We're busy."

"I know. I'm here to get Lithuania" Gilbert deadpanned.

The man seemed surprised. "And what makes you think that guy is here?"

"I was told that I can find him here."

"Even if" the soldier snarled. "I have my orders. So get lost." And he tried to close the door right in front of the German's nose.

But Gilbert didn't let him. "And I have mine. Ivan Braginsky sent me here. Does that name ring a bell?"

The soldier glared at him. "I heard General Braginsky got hurt. However I have my orders from a higher ranked person."

Gilbert bit his lip. What now...

He could tell him the truth - that he had the wrong person.

But...

"I guess you want the person who treasures Russia, huh? That's what I heard at least."

"You hear an awful lot..." The man looked at him suspicious, thinking obviously about his orders. "What do you want?"

"I want Lithuania. He's not the one you're looking for."

"Oh really? Looks like you know more than I do. So who is the one I'm looking for then?"

Gilbert looked at him. "How the fuck am I supposed to know? No one I know likes Russia. He's bossy, he's paranoid, he's violent. All I can tell you is that Toris is mine."

The soldier's expression turned from suspicious to dark. "Watch your mouth, guy... It's better if no one hears you saying all that. And why should this guy be yours? Did you buy him or what?"

"Russia knows I think like this. He likes the ... challenge." Gilbert sighed. "And are you dumb? You think he likes Russia, but it's me he likes."

For a moment the man just stared at him, not really understanding. When a thought came to him however, he looked Gilbert up and down with disgust. "If it's like you say. Why was he in the sickroom?"

Yeah, why. Gilbert shrugged. "We had to look after him. He's our boss after all."

Well, that probably wasn't very convincing...

"Yea. Sure. Get lost already." With a bothered grunt the soldier turned around to close the door.

Gilbert groaned annoyed. "Goddamnit, let me see him!" he growled and pushed him aside. "Toris!"

The Lithuanian looked up from the chair he was tied to. He didn't look hurt except for a bruise on his jaw and he was awake, having heard everything.

"Hey!" The soldier seemed overrun by so much boldness.

Gilbert crossed the room with quick steps and approached Toris. "Good, you're not hurt" he said in the most caring voice he could bring up in that moment. "Toris..." He cupped his face with his hands and kissed him. "I'll take you home now."

It wasn't sure whose eyes were bigger; Toris' or the soldier's.

"Gilbert, you..." Toris bit his lip, gulping a comment down, when he saw his captor's glare behind Gilbert's shoulder.

"Oh, come on! Get lost already! This is disgusting!"

Gilbert looked at Toris, asking him to play along, before he turned around to look at the soldier. "Well, that's what I'm here for!"

Toris gulped quietly. "G-Gil... don't. I don't want you to get in trouble, love."

It looked as if the guy at the door wanted to throw up that very moment. "Get lost! And take him with you! Just out of my eyes!"

Gilbert smirked at Toris as he untied the ropes. "Come." He took his hand and stroked over the bruise.

"We'll go home now." He got up and pulled him with him, glaring at the soldier.

Toris let himself be pulled and looked to the ground when they passed his captor. All of this wouldn't go unnoticed, he was aware of that. A report would be send to Ivan's boss and then…

He wasn't sure what to think of all this, but Toris knew had to be thankful for Gilbert coming to the rescue.

When they were far enough away, Gilbert let go off him and looked to the side. "Uh... sorry for that" he mumbled. "I didn't know what else to do."

"It's alright... It worked I guess." Toris rubbed his jaw carefully, avoiding to look at Gilbert. "Why did you come for me? Where is Ivan?"

"He's on his way to the hospital... Your brothers are with him. I couldn't leave you behind."

Finally Toris looked up. "You left him alone? For me? I could have talked myself out of that."

"He... he'll understand it. I'll be with him just a bit later" Gilbert mumbled. "And I just couldn't. Ok? You didn't leave me behind either..."

"That... was something different. They tortured you back then." Crossing his arms in a self-protective way, Toris walked at Gilbert's side out of the bunker. No one bothered them. Maybe they had become orders as well.

"And how was I supposed to know they wouldn't torture you, too?" Gilbert replied lowly.

Toris bit his lip, feeling his jaw still hurting. No one could know...

"Ivan is more important right now... but thank you anyway."

"Ivan was taken care of. He's probably asleep right now... he probably didn't even notice that I was missing..."

Toris wasn't so sure, but this wasn't the right time to discuss anything. He just wanted to leave this forsaken place. "Do you know where they brought him?"

"Yes. I let them tell me before I went back. We just have to get a plane and then follow them."

"Alright... then let's leave. I don't like this place at all anymore" Toris mumbled and hesitated then. "... and I want to see Ivan... how... how is he? Do you know that?"

"He's... not in good shape..." Gilbert said. "I... I didn't see much, but... but his arm... I don't know... it... it was destroyed..."

"His arm..." Toris looked up with worries in his eyes. "What do you mean with… destroyed?"

"I don't know... it... it looked like... like it was just flesh and bones..." Gilbert's voice trembled. "Can you imagine... what damage this thing would do when fully equipped...?"

"I don't want to imagine..." Toris mumbled, remembering the blood he had seen, feeling sick all of a sudden. "We need to get to him... if it's like you said we need to make sure that... that they don't amputate his arm..."

Gilbert bit his lip. "... then let's get away from here... I don't want to be here anyways, when that asshole realizes we got away..."

"Yes..." They'd get in trouble. They'd definitely get in trouble, but Toris couldn't care less that moment. He just wanted to see Ivan and make sure he was alright.

They found someone to fly them back, finding their way to the right hospital short after.

It took some work to convince the personnel to let them in, but in the end they played their nation card and were lead to Ivan's room. They both had to hold themselves back from simply bursting in...

Slowly Gilbert opened the door, searching for another trap.

But there was no one in the dimly lit room. No one but Ivan lying in bed.

Two infusions were connected to him and a monitor beeped quietly, while body and arm had been wrapped in thick bandages.

Gilbert looked around, confused. Why weren't Eduard and Raivis here... or at least one of them? He frowned. He had told them to-

That didn't matter now...

Slowly he approached the bed. "Ivan...?" he asked lowly, not sure if he was asleep. He didn't want to wake him.

Toris followed quietly, closing the door careful behind him.

However he didn't dare to step up to the bed as well. Just looking from afar was enough. And in the end... he had just wanted to make sure Ivan was... more or less... okay.

The beeping of the monitor changed to a slightly different rhythm and after a long moment and using a lot of strength, Ivan opened his eyes.

Gilbert stopped and bit his lip, before he slowly made the last steps to the bed. "... Ivan..." he whispered, feeling his chest tighten again. "Can you hear me...? How... do you feel?"

His eyes were still dull, when Ivan glanced at him and closed them for a moment. It seemed as if it took a lot of strength to even open his mouth and let out some raspy words. "... yes... I can… hear..."

Slowly Gilbert sat down on a nearby chair, letting his eyes wander over Ivan's body. "I'm sorry... I will... take you home soon... ok? Just a bit longer..." He reached out to stroke some hair out of his face.

"... it's... ok... no... no need..." Ivan whispered slowly and even turned his head to the side.

Gilbert bit his lip and took his hand back. "... Ivan..." He lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry I'm late..."

"... no... matter..." It sounded disappointed and once more the beeping sound changed slightly. "... just... woke up..."

Gilbert looked at him. "I'm sorry... I couldn't just leave Toris behind. What if... what if they had done to him what they did to me... to you?"

At that Ivan turned back to him with a slight frown. "... Toris...? ... what... with him...?"

"He helped me distract the guard so I could sneak in to you in the sickroom... so I could be with you..." Gilbert explained.

He seemed to have troubles understanding. Ivan was under heavy drugs and still in pain, also he had woken up alone not too long ago.

"Ivan..." Toris stepped beside Gilbert's chair and reached out to caress his big hand. "Gilbert saved me... That's why he came late."

"I'm sorry but I won't leave now..."

Ivan looked back and forth between them, trying to understand. His mind was filled with cotton and it didn't help.

"Don't be mad anymore, Vanya. It was my fault" Toris whispered and smiled tenderly, when he grabbed Gilbert's hand to put it on Ivan's. "I'll leave you alone now and explain everything later... yes?"

Ivan hesitated but then he blinked. "... yes..."

Gilbert looked at their hands and smiled slightly at Toris. "Thanks..." Softly he squeezed Ivan's fingers. "I'm here..."

With careful steps Toris left and closed the door quietly behind him.

Ivan tried to look after him, but concentrating hurt his head. Closing his eyes again it took a moment before he squeezed Gilbert's hand back. "... you were... gone..."

"I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I told Eduard and Raivis to look after you... to tell you... that I went back to get Toris..."

"... they... didn't..."

Ivan couldn't know they had had no chance after the medics had given him some stronger drugs on the plane. They had tried though, but in his foggy state he had just asked for Gilbert over and over again.

"I'm sorry." Gilbert lowered his gaze. "I didn't want to leave... You have to believe that." He took Ivan's hand into his both, trying to give him some warmth at least.

Hesitant Ivan's fingers curled around Gilbert's. He had missed the warmth that had been gone so suddenly. "... will you... leave... again...?"

"No" Gilbert said and raised his hand to his lips. "I'll stay with you... no matter what happens..."

"... good..." He moved his fingers slightly, caressing Gilbert's lips. "... the... pain... is better... when... when you...re... here..."

"I'm sorry for making you wait." He leant closer to kiss his forehead. "I'll make the pain better until it finally vanishes again."

That made Ivan smile a little... finally smile again. "... would be... nice..." he mumbled and closed his eyes. He was so tired.

"... hey... wasn't... bad as... expected... eh?"

"You think so?" Gilbert said with breaking smile. "I think it was bad enough." He kissed his hair, his nose, his eyelids. "I was scared..."

A sigh left Ivan's lips for the kisses. It had just been a day but he had missed Gilbert's kisses already. "... me... too... ... was... embarra... sing..."

"Em... embarrassing...?" Gilbert repeated. "Is that all you care for?" And he kissed his cheek. "Then you really can't be hurt that badly..."

His smile turned crooked. "... he... made me... look... weak... I... I'm not... allowed..."

"You're not weak. You looked like someone who was hurt severely... and it was his fault... and he KNEW this would happen!"

"... of course..." Ivan moved a little for a better positon, but ended up hissing when his hurt arm moved as well. "... b-but he... could... have left... me... at h-home..."

"So what? That was exactly his point, to show this to everyone. Because he knew how this would make you feel..."

"... yes... it was... his revenge..." He couldn't do much more but lie there and try not to move, even if he wished he could take Gilbert in his arms and sleep a little under his protection.

"... no one... else... got hurt...?"

"Toris got a bruise... but that's all. We're all fine."

"... a bruise...? ...why?" Ivan looked up with a little frown. Even that hurt. "... I know you... explained... but... didn't... understand..."

"He and I... we went to see you... but we thought... maybe it's a trap? To find out who cares for you... so... he went ahead and there really was a soldier, waiting for us. Toris... he played the bait and lured him out, so I could see you..."

It took a moment until Ivan could process what Gilbert said, but when it finally reached his brain his expression got angry. "... that... bastard..." he hissed quietly, making the monitor beep faster.

"... and Toris... Toris is... fine...?"

Gilbert nodded. "Yes... he just got a bruised face... not much, really... seemed, like they were just questioning him when I got there."

"... tell him... thank you from... from me... and... that I... want to see him..."

"Yes... I will." Gilbert smiled slightly and stroked his hair out of Ivan's face. "You should sleep a bit."

"... it's... hard... to sleep..." he mumbled and leaned a bit into the touch.

"I know... but it will help you to heal" Gilbert whispered. "I'll stay here... watch over you... I'd sing you to sleep, but... I don't think that's something anyone would want to hear" he said with a low chuckle.

That thought made Ivan smile. "... why not... I... like singing... you... could... try... you know..."

Gilbert smiled crooked. He should've kept his mouth shut. His voice was good for songs sung in a bar - preferably drunk - but for singing someone asleep...?

But Ivan smiled so lovely...

Gilbert sighed softly and started humming.

Ivan watched his expression, seeing how uncomfortable Gil was, and he was about to tell him that it was alright... when Gil started humming. He wasn't sure if he had heard that melody before or not, but it sounded so familiar, so tender from the German's lips that Ivan sank gladly deeper into his pillows. Listening he closed his eyes with a smile

Like that it didn't take long for him to slip into painless darkness.

Gilbert went on humming this melody, until he was sure, Ivan was asleep.

With a soft sigh he kissed his forehead, his lips remaining close to the other's skin. "... ich liebe dich..." he whispered and sat back, holding his lover's hand warm between his own.

Translations:

es ist ok – it's ok

ich bin hier – I am here

ich liebe dich – I love you