Shout out to SoUsay234 who let me steal this idea from them. I also make references to God and godly substances. Sorry if I offend anybody.
Disclaimer ~ No matter how many times I wish upon a star, I don't own Harry Potter.
It was sitting there, in all its glory. Just sitting so innocently. It looked so yummy, but the boys were afraid to touch it. They were afraid to ruin its absolute brilliance. What had these four nit-whits so captivated? A jar of peanut butter. Creamy, decadent peanut butter. Something Hogwarts didn't ever offer. They only had the chunky generic crap you at Wal-Mart. But some little angel decided to give the Marauders their heart's desire – creamy peanut butter.
"Let's open it!" Sirius said excitedly.
"No! We can't open it!" James protested. "We should have something to spread it on!"
"I haven't seen peanut butter like this since the holiday!" Peter said nostalgically.
"The anticipation is killing me! Open it now!" moaned Remus.
"There's no toast, or bread, or celery!" James insisted. If only they had listened to James.
"First, who eats peanut butter with celery? B, this is a gift from heaven. If the wizard god wanted us to use bread, wouldn't he have given it to us?" Sirius said, bringing up two good points. Remus and Peter nodded along enthusiastically.
Sirius reached down, gripped the lid, and slowly undid the peanut butter lid. Oh, a rhythm! Anywho, this simple yet dramatic act had a calamitous effect. First, the jar exploded, covering the boys head to toe in peanut butter. Then, the peanut butter spread to the walls. No matter what spell they used, the peanut butter wouldn't come off.
The boys took showers to rid themselves of the nutty goodness, but once they were done cleansing, they noticed something. They were all green. The once God-like substance was now a curse. Literally.
They checked themselves into the Hospital Wing, avoided peanut butter like the plague, and learned to never trust mysterious objects that appear in their dorm.
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