Chapter 14

For a few moments, that felt more like a few hours, the three Torchwood members stood transfixed, frozen in time, all staring at different random points in the room just trying to take in what Rhiannon had just revealed about her brother's past.

Tosh sat quickly down looking steadily at her hands as if the answers to their situation could be read in the lines there. Ianto. Oh, Ianto! Why didn't you tell me? Why couldn't you share this awful burden? Why wouldn't you let me help you? Or get help for you? Why? Why?

Owen was the toughest of the team, but he began to visibly shake and sat down beside Tosh, eyes wide and mouth gaping. Fuck. For fuck's sake! Harkness will blame me! Accuse me of not doing my job and seeing all this in Ianto. I'm not a fucking shrink! I already warned Jack about his tendency to anorexia, his OCD, the fact that he's so fucking closed off none of us ever knows what's going on inside that head of his, and … oh listen to yourself, Owen! Best fucking doctor in Britain … my arse! Guilt wrapped itself around the young medic's mind, twisting and turning his thoughts into useless ramblings of inadequacy. He glanced up at their leader and the look of utter devastation on Jack's face snapped Owen out of it.

The medic glared at the Captain and spoke harshly, "Jack! We're gonna help him. We're gonna get him the best help there is … Dr Aaron Matlock. And we're all going to make damn sure Ianto goes! So pull yourself together! We need you to be strong now. We need you to be our leader!"

Jack turned and growled at him, "I can't help us! I can't … I can't help him! I can't make it right! Owen, I'm your fucking leader and I can't fix this!"

Tosh looked up, disgust in her eyes and answered Jack, her tone flinty, "Jack! You can choose to help Owen and myself or you can bloody well leave here now! We don't need you to be standing there saying what you can't do! Ianto doesn't need you being too weak to act. If you're just going to mouth off like a drama queen, then you're right, Jack … you're no help to us!"

Jack stared down coldly at the Asian woman, meeting her glare, "The last time I looked, Tosh, I was still the leader of Torchwood! Do you have a problem with that?"

"Then start acting like it Jack! Owen bailed you out with Rhiannon while you just stood there! Like an idiot! We're all bloody devastated by what Rhiannon told us about Ianto. We're all guilty of not caring enough to see just what bad shape he's in! But we're going to act! Because we're Torchwood! And Torchwood looks after it's own!"

Her words came crashing down on Jack, but this time, they strengthened him, galvanised him into action, "Damn right we are, Tosh! Owen. Check on Ianto. Is he still on those strong painkillers?"

The Torchwood medic stood quickly, he was all business now. "Yeah, he is. He's probably asleep now because even without them, he'll still be pretty tired. But he's over the worst, Jack. Physically speaking." Then he turned and walked out of the room.

"Tosh! I need you to find those NHS records first thing in the morning! I'm thinking that bloody Torchwood London must have deleted them. We need to know what happened to Ianto when he was a teenager. We'll need to have this information available for Martha and Dr Matlock."

Tosh nodded and spoke quietly, "Of course, Jack. But it may not have been Torchwood London who got rid of those health records. It might have been Ianto, Jack. He's second only to me at hacking into databases or manipulating programs. Well … he's pretty good, anyway. You know he's so secretive about his life, about his past. And he's so private! Of course, now we know why he has hidden his past. I'm almost sure it would have been him who deleted those records."

Owen came back and heard the last part of the conversation. He walked over to stand in front of Jack and nodding his head, added, "Tosh is right. It must have been Ianto. Torchwood London would never have taken him on with a medical history like that! Hell, Jack, I doubt you would have hired Ianto if you had known. I can't believe problems haven't come up before now. If what Rhiannon says is true. And we know it is … just not exactly what the full story is. Yet."

Jack felt his personal armour settle back into place and he was once again, the leader of Torchwood. He had to put aside his horror and grief, guilt and shame. It wasn't helping Ianto. It wasn't helping his team … and it wasn't helping him.

"How is he, Owen? Is he awake?" Jack asked, concern in his eyes.

"No, he's fast asleep and he looks very peaceful. Geez Jack, he looks even younger when he's asleep, doesn't he? He's really quite cute like that" Owen mused with a softness in his features.

Jack felt a stab of jealousy as he realised that normally, only he out of the Torchwood Team got to see Ianto like that, got to see him with his shields down and every trace of stress and worry smoothed from his face. Why the hell did you have to say that, Owen? You're his medic! Thinking of replacing me in Ianto's bed? Never gonna happen!

The black look from the Captain's eyes was missed by Owen, but not by Tosh. She gave a soft snort in disgust. If you can't see, Jack, that Owen has a 'brotherly' affection for Ianto, then you're a sick man. You're not the only one who has earned a place in Ianto's heart. You only hear them trading insults and sarcastic remarks. You don't see the real friendship that exists between them.

A naughty smirk crossed the young Japanese techie's face and in a nonchalant tone she said, "I know what you mean, Owen. Sometimes when I've stayed over when we've had a 'pizza and DVD' evening, then gone to bed and Ianto's fallen asleep before me, I've just lain next to him, watching him. And he does look so cute. And so young. Do you know that he often mutters in Welsh when he's asleep?"

Jack's face fell, his expression crestfallen at Tosh's words, but Owen just smiled softly at her and shook his head. Owen knew about the times Tosh had stayed overnight with Ianto. They were best mates and he had nothing to worry about. He had no problem with that continuing.

Jack had known that Tosh and Ianto were best friends, but had no idea that they were so close. He knew that their friendship was strictly platonic but this revelation of their intimacy, was like having a curve ball pitched to him. Shit, has all my team slept with Ianto? Even Gwen? Are they all just lining up behind me, waiting for their turn?

Shaking his head somewhat forcefully, aware that he was letting his imagination run away with him and realising his jealousy was misplaced, Jack beamed at Owen and Tosh and said, "Yeah, he is so cute, isn't he? Think I'll just go sit with him awhile. You two can head off, I'll be here. And thank you, both of you! You've been great." His smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Alright then, just don't wake him up. And Harkness? If he does wake up, don't you bloody well tell him what his sister told us. It'll probably all come out later, but not now, Jack. I don't think he could handle it."

Tosh was warmly surprised at the gentle tone of Owen's voice. She had a few reservations about Jack staying with Ianto, but looking up into her Captain's eyes, she decided to trust him. Ianto's attempted suicide had been a major wakeup call for Jack, and the dark circles and lines around his eyes were evidence of this. She didn't believe he'd do anything stupid. He recognised now how fragile Ianto was and he wouldn't risk the young man further.

Smiling up at Jack, Tosh said "Ok. I could do with a good night's sleep before searching for those records tomorrow morning. Just remember, Jack, only a phone call away. Or a text. Coming Owen?"

Owen grinned at her and nodded, then reaching for his coat he asked, "How about a quick nightcap at mine?"

Pleasure swept through Tosh at Owen's invitation and a huge smile lit up her face, "That would be lovely, Owen. Ok, good night then, Jack. Give my love to Ianto when he wakes." Then she fetched her coat and handbag and accepting the proffered arm that Owen held up, walked out of the flat.

Jack shook his head, ripples of turmoil flowing through his body as he replayed the events of the evening in his mind. Worry filled him as he wondered what Rhiannon thought of him after his abysmal performance as Torchwood's Leader. His team would have immediately thought that he was afraid of Rhiannon. But it wasn't that although, admittedly, he had found her quite daunting. It wasn't obvious to him at the time, but now he saw clearly what had bothered him so much. Guilt. Even Rhiannon's revelation of her brother's tortured past did little to assuage that guilt. He was the reason Ianto was now lying there in bed recovering.

A small part of his mind tried to tell him that Ianto was a fractured soul before meeting him; that it had been Ianto's choice, now and in the past, to take the ultimate step in self-destruction. But Jack knew that he, Jack Harkness, had been the reason Ianto had tried to kill himself this time. And he was devastated. Not one of his former lovers had ever taken that step. Only Ianto.

A sudden cry coming from the bedroom had Jack up and running, heart pounding in his ears. He faltered at the doorway, looked in and saw Ianto's sweating face screwed up in distress, eyes closed tight, and hands fisting the sheets. A nightmare.

Jack moved quietly to the bed, sat down and carefully unclenched Ianto's fist and took his hand, rubbing small, gentle circles and making soft shushing noises. Ianto was murmuring in Welsh, his tone distressed. Jack took his other hand and softly stroked Ianto's forehead. After awhile, Ianto calmed down and his breathing eased. Jack watched the tension slowly drain from Ianto's face, felt his hands go limp as sleep claimed his young lover.

He then rose from the bed and sat down on the chair, not wanting to alarm Ianto too much when he awakened. He had only meant to sit for a half hour and then return to the lounge. But sleep crept up on him and soon his head had lolled backwards against the wall and soft snores filled the air.

A gentle tug and soft voice, snapped Jack back to wakefulness. He blinked himself awake and turned to look at Ianto."

"Hey you," a soft Welsh voice said, "Why don't you rest here?" And his hand indicated the bed.

"Ianto, you're awake!"

A deep chuckle escaped from the Welshman's lips, "A bit hard to sleep with you snoring in that chair, Jack." Ianto scooted over in the bed and opened the covers, a warm welcome in his eyes.

Jack hesitated, then changed his mind. Standing up he quickly threw off his clothes, messily as usual, until he was down to his boxers … as Ianto was. Then he gently slipped under the covers and laid his head on the pillow, gazing into Ianto's sleepy, blue eyes. Unsure of what to say or how to act, Jack frowned.

Ianto gave him a small smile and said, "We'll talk in the morning. Just hold me, Jack. Please."

And returning his young lover's smile, Jack slipped one arm beneath him around his waist, trailed the other around his shoulders and pressed Ianto's very warm body against his own. A fresh surge of love filled Jack's heart at his lover's acceptance of him and hope was renewed. Kissing the soft brown curls that were damp with sweat, Jack closed his eyes and let sleep wash back over him.