Chapter 14

Awake My Soul

Emerson tossed and turned that night. She would wake up, drenched in cold sweats, and after she assured herself that it was just horrible nightmares, she would fall back into a restless sleep again. Images of her father's rotting face would swim behind her eye lids. She felt cold and scared, as she imagined her father had felt when he was dying.

Daryl didn't sleep that much either. When he had initially gotten Emerson to sleep, Daryl had stormed off, and Carol had found him throwing knives at a target, while his rage boiled under his skin.

"You can't blame yourself," Carol cautioned.

"Nah I'm gon' blame myself, because I failed her. I shoulda been able to make it back sooner," he said through clenched teeth.

"It was always going to happen Daryl," Carol placed her hands on her hips, "There is no point in this sitting around feeling sorry for yourself because she is going to need you to be strong."

"What do you mean always goin' to happen?" He stopped and turned to look at her, his eyebrow raised.

"What I mean is, this world is too easily prey to death and illness. We may not have a tomorrow, or next week, or even next year, so while we're here we have to live for today. We say goodbye to those we lost and we move on. There isn't much else we can do," Carol told him.

He shook his head, "You've changed a lot since the farm."

"I had to grow. Sometimes I'm glad my Sophia isn't suffering anymore," Carol sighed, "Doesn't mean I don't think about her every single second of every single day, but regardless..." she trailed off.

Daryl sighed, "He asked me to take care of Emerson. I don't know if that meant some sort of weird blessin' or what."

"Then do what you promised that dying man," Carol said, "You take care of his little girl."

Daryl sighed, shouldered the crossbow, and as he walked back towards the prison he shouted back, "I hate when you're right."

Carol watched him go and gave a small smile before following at a safe enough distance.

For the rest of the night, Daryl camped in the chair beside Emerson's bed. So when she woke up the third, fourth, and fifth time during the night, he was there to help her get back to sleep. When she finally woke up in the late afternoon of the next day, Emerson stared at the sleeping man in the chair beside her bed. When he was asleep, Emerson noticed that Daryl had a certain softness in certain parts of his rough skin, that gave him a younger look. He spent so much of his time awake however, in his serious state, that it was hard to find the softer and gentler parts of his features. Her hand reached out from under the covers and she gently took Daryl's into her own, and Emerson's fingers ran over his knuckles, her eyes fixed intently on his hands as she did so.

Daryl stirred in his sleep, and then his eyes open, and they fell on the small hand that was holding his, and he followed the hand up her arm and to her face, "Hey Em," he said quietly.

She didn't look up at him, "Morning Daryl."

"Did you get any rest?" He asked in his quiet and concerned voice.

Emerson gave a shrug, "I guess. I kept having dreams about my dad."

Daryl raised an eyebrow, it was probably the first time he had ever heard her refer to the man as just "dad." "Bad dreams I suppose from how often you kept crying out," he said.

"Always the same dream. Dad was a geek and he was trying to kill everyone," Emerson buried her face into the pillow, "I don't know if I can do this anymore."

Daryl ran a hand over his face, his other hand still holding onto Emerson's, "When I lost Merle, I thought the same thing. I had a lot of demons to battle and a short amount of time to do so because of the Governor's attack."

"I never thought I would be glad about someone being dead but," she turned her face back to him, "I'm glad Rick killed him. The way I see it, his attack is what caused me to be away from my father and so, he may as well have killed my father himself."

"The Governor killed my brother," Daryl grunted, "Wish I could've been here to see Rick do it."

Emerson sighed and forced herself into a sitting position, "I didn't look when he did it, but I saw the blood and I heard the gun shot."

Daryl leaned forward in his seat and cupped Emerson's hand in her face, "I want ya to know Em, that I'm gonna help ya. I ain't gon' leave your side while you go through this."

She closed her eyes at his touch, and when tears threatened to overwhelm her again, Emerson leaned forward and pressed her lips to Daryl's. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her down into his lap and holding her closely. He pushed her messy hair out of their faces and he continued to kiss, telling himself to ignore the fact that she was crying as they did so. Emerson's hands reached up to his chest, her hands roaming his body through the soft cotton of his shirt. When they finally broke the kiss, Emerson stared up into his eyes for a few seconds, devouring the look of confusion and adoration he was giving her, and then she placed her head on his chest, right over where his heart was beating rapidly. She closed her eyes and listened to the rhythmic thumping, until she fell asleep again.

Emerson slept in Daryl's arms for another few hours. He ignored the hunger pains for the sake of knowing that she was finally getting some decent, un-interrupted sleep, and he figured he'd gone longer before without eating anything. He covered the pair of them with a blanket and eventually, he fell asleep as well. Emerson woke up before Daryl did and she stayed totally still for a moment, still listening to his heart beating, as if to assure herself that he was alive. She tilted her head up towards his, and ever so slowly, she reached her hand up and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"You like wakin' me up with your touch," Daryl mumbled.

She couldn't help herself with the corners of her mouth twitched into a small smile, "I find touching your face to be fun."

His eyes opened and he looked down at her, "Did you sleep better this time?"

Emerson nodded, "I'm really hungry I guess. Do you want to see if there are any leftovers?"

Daryl shrugged, "If you want, sure."

She reached up and kissed him again before climbing out of his lap. It felt weird to be on her feet for the first time since she had gone to bed the night before. The world spun around her, but when Daryl got to his feet and took her hand into his, the world stopped spinning and she suddenly felt calmer inside. It was a weird experience to walk through the prison, with Daryl holding her hand. The last time a potential relationship had been discussed, Emerson knew she had hurt Daryl by pushing him away and claiming a love for God was more important. However, that was when her father was alive and when she felt she had some reputation to live up to; when she didn't think her father would approve of her wanting to be with a man who was much older than her.

"Hi Emerson," Beth smiled gently as they walked into the kitchen.

"Emmy!"Judith squealed, clearly pleased to see her cousin for the first time that day. The toddler waddled over to Emerson, and Emerson finally pulled her hand free of Daryl's to bend down and pick up the baby.

"Hi baby girl," Emerson said quietly.

Judith giggled and then placed her head on Emerson's chest, her tiny fists reaching for the red hair that was resting at Emerson's shoulders. Emerson carried the baby over to the table and sat down, "Hi Beth," she finally greeted.

"I saved some food for you two," Beth offered, "I can warm it up if you want. It's just beans again but," she smiled, "You know."

Emerson didn't respond as she stared down at the baby. Daryl sat down beside Emerson and he nodded, "Beth, that'd be good, thank you."

Beth smiled at him and quickly set about heating up the pot of beans over the camp stove. After only a minute or two, she was setting two bowls down in front of Emerson and Daryl.

"Thank you Bethie," Emerson said quietly before turning in her seat, and with her free hand she picked up her spoon and began to eat.

"If you need anything, I'm going to be outside helping Carol clean up the garden and see if any plants can be savaged after yesterday. So just holler and I'll come running."

"Thanks Beth," Daryl said.

Beth nodded and she took off for the outside world.

Emerson ate a few bites of the food and then eventually pushed the plate away from her, opting to hold Judith and love on her instead. Daryl cleared his plate and glanced at the barely touched beans and then looked back to Emerson, "You want me to take her so you can finish eating?"

She shook her head, "I'm not really hungry."

"You just said back in the cell that you're starving," Daryl pointed out.

She nodded, "And now I'm not hungry."

He sighed, picked up the plate, and carried it back to the pot on the cook stove. Daryl pushed the beans off the plate and into the pot, before dropping the dirty dishes into the wash bucket. "You think maybe you wanna go outside?" He asked.

Emerson stared into Judith's face, who was slowly falling asleep in her arms. She shrugged, "Guess so." She got to her feet and followed Daryl to the door. He opened the door and she flinched slightly at the glare of the late afternoon sun that met her sensitive eyes. When they grew adjusted, Emerson saw that the others were working hard to get the courtyard and the fields cleaned up. She sat down on the bench with Judith and watched as Daryl headed down to the field to check on the others.

"Hey you."

Emerson turned her head and saw Michonne was walking over with the bucket of cleaning supplies for the weapons, "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" Michonne asked as she set her faithful katana on the table and began to go through the bucket, looking for a rag.

"I don't know how or what I'm feeling," she sighed, "Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it makes perfect sense," Michonne agreed.

"And a part of me feels very guilty about that because," Emerson shrugged, "A part of me feels like I need to be down at his grave lamenting constantly." She shifted Judith sightly and reached a hand up to push her hair back, "When my momma died I was so young and I didn't fully understand. But I have never forgotten the memory of her cold and quiet face in the coffin."

"Can I," Michonne was gently rubbing a soft rag up and down the blade of her katana, trying to remove any traces of dirt and grime from the blade, "Can I ask how your mother died?"

Emerson looked up, "She had lung cancer. Her parents, my late grandparents, were really bad smokers when she was a kid. Momma never smoked in her life. Partly because of how it killed her father and she was terrified of that, but also part of that whole keeping your body a clean and pure vessel for the Spirit of Christ or whatever." She was silent as she thought about her mother's warm face, "But the smoking got into her system and by the time they discovered it, she was in stage four. My momma was diagnosed and within three months she was gone. I was so young and I comforted myself with her absence by saying that she was with God. Now that I'm a woman and living in Hell on Earth, I have nothing to comfort me," her eyes went out to the field and Emerson watched as Daryl grabbed up some tools and began to work in the gardens, "Except for maybe Daryl."

Michonne turned her head back to the field, following Emerson's gaze, "You and him a thing again?"

Emerson shook her head, "We were never a thing in the first place."

"Well Rick seems pretty damn convinced you two have, or are going to sleep together," Michonne raised an eyebrow at Emerson as she spoke.

"He is," Emerson sighed, "Who knows. Maybe I will sleep with Daryl. I have no one I'm trying to impress anymore. No father I have to worry about upsetting. I don't even think I have a god anymore that I care about making happy. If Daryl makes me happy, then maybe it is worth it."

"Does he make you happy?" Michonne asked quietly.

"He takes care of me. How else would I feel about a man who literally slept by my side last night just so I could get through the nightmares?" Emerson tore her gaze from Daryl and her cousin, and looked back to Michonne.

"He's a good man," Michonne agreed, "He is a very good man."

"I think it is time that," Emerson paused as she thought about the words, and her eyes drifted down to the sleeping baby in her arms, "I think it is time that I stop living my life for my father. I definitely need to stop living my life for a god who has never once showed me that he was actually there, and start living for myself."

"Just don't ever do anything you aren't comfortable with," Michonne cautioned, "Don't do anything just because you think you should."

Emerson nodded her head, "Oh definitely not. I lived my entire life doing that for other people. I behaved the way I was expected to. When I was eighteen I really wanted to sleep with my boyfriend, but I didn't because I was living my life the way other people were telling me to." Once again Emerson's eyes locked on Daryl's body, "If we get to that point, where it looks like we might sleep together. I think I would and I won't look back. I'm not looking back anymore."

xx

A/N- There's likely only a few more chapters left. So review and I'll try to work on more ASAP.