Eros heard my prayers, that was for sure. As I stepped into 'Forbidden Affair' Himeros appeared in front of us, and I cursed. It hadn't been a minute since I'd left, and 'missing me' was no way a reason for him to make me go back.
"I'm so not going back in there." I said. Himeros had a sleepy look, his hair dripping wet, as if he had recently taken a shower. He was the most normal-looking of all the Erotes (I hadn't seen Pothos, but by Malcolm's description I think it's okay to state so) and I'd dare to say he was the most good looking of them all as well. I didn't feel the same dread I felt towards Anteros, nor the disgust my father provoked me. We had actually chatted a bit during yesterday's lunch and he'd been nice. Not too many questions, not too many jokes.
"Relax. I don't intend to force you. Although I think you will be interested in going back there." He said.
"Why? What do you want?" I asked.
"It's a secret, so I'll tell you only." He said, and before the guys could stop him, he touched my forehead with his fingertips and induced me a trance. Himeros' soul chat wasn't painful nor scary, nor abnormal, as Eros and Anteros' had been. It was gentle. I was in an old european street, somewhere that looked a bit like Venice (don't ask me how I knew it looked like Venice), surrounded by some trees in beautiful autumn orange. I could smell the scent of fall. He was sitting on a bench, and gestured me to sit next to him, and so I did.
"You see" he looked at his hands, lost in thought. "People is usually weary of unrequited love, but it's the most common thing ever. It may hurt, but it hurts just for a while. It sometimes creates fights or endless sadness, but it also creates the most beautiful, most uninterested acts of love. I believe unrequited love is common and necessary, and more harmless than requited love. That's why you may think I'm less weird than my brothers... or that I'm more likeable." I blushed.
"Uhm..."
"Don't worry, it's okay. People usually says they despise unrequited love, but they're always drawn to it. Its bittersweetness is very tempting. Passions usually take quite a role in this kind of love but, most of the time, there's no need of them." It made strange sense, but I agreed with him, although I still didn't know what did all of this have to do with me. "I have an offer to make you."
"I'm listening." I assured him.
"Eros lost his bow and quiver, but his arrows are still cautiously guarded. I can take you to his armoury. Eros' arrows are not just love or hate ones. There're more... Eros' special ones. Desire, gracefulness, sensuality, confidence, insecurity, clumsiness, jealousy, regret, forgetfulness... and oblivion." The moment he finished, I matched the dots and I was able to see the picture. If I could just steal the right arrows and put them in my quiver, I might stand a chance to defeat the fate that had been settled for me. I still didn't know why his special interest on the oblivion arrow.
"Why would you bother to help me?" I asked.
"Very simple" he made a thoughtful pause. "I like you. I like the way you defend what you believe in and you fear no one to protect what's yours. I like how idealistic you're about love. If you didn't have a quest to complete, I might even feel inclined to ask you out." I felt my face burning. Was this a confession? Did anyone still confessed nowadays? "But you would say no, now or in that hypothetical situation, 'cos being me has a price. I rule unrequited love, so I'm never loved back, but someone has to do my job, right?" I looked him in the eye and I felt so sorry for him. It must've been pretty lonely to never be requited. I wanted to show him some affection, as a friend or whatever, it didn't truly matter if I could heal if just a bit his, probably, a billion times broken heart. But, inexplicably, the feeling slid out of me just as I began bringing it to existence.
"Okay, let's go." I said, and as I stood up, I realised I was still in trance. Himeros smiled.
I woke up in Leo's arms, Malcolm looking warily at Himeros, who was next to me, holding my hand. I blushed. Leo was clearly relieved when I came back, though he shot Himeros an angry look.
"He's taking me back into the mansion" I told the boys. "I have one thing left to do, but you can't follow."
"I'm not letting you out of sight." Leo declared.
"It is not wise to divide the group." Malcolm agreed.
"Oh, don't be such babies. I'll be back right away, trust me. Five minutes." I promised, and went back into the mansion following Himeros' shadow. I heard Leo shouting something to me, but Himeros must've locked the door behind me, because neither of them followed.
Eros' mansion proved itself as such when we went looking for the armoury. It took forever. More and more hallways and doors popped up as we turn around each corner; it was some kind of labyrinth, and I kept praying the whole way Himeros hadn't tricked me, cause there was no way for me to find the exit again all by myself. I usually forgot prayers are to be heard by the gods, and the Erotes were gods.
"I'm not tricking you, you know." He answered. He had his poker face on, and I couldn't tell what was he thinking. The orange rose in his shirt had its petals withering, dying, falling and growing back again, over and over. He caught me staring at it. "Each petal dies everytime someone gets rejected by the one it loves. Finally the rose dies and grows back again, since love never stops happening."
"But if Eros' bow and quiver are lost, why is love still happening?" I wanted to know. He grinned as if for saying it was a pretty damn good question.
"First of all, he's not the only one with a bow and a quiver." He lifted his hand and a bow materialised out of nowhere in his hand. Oh. "But even the gods can't control love completely. It happens with or without our doing. We can make it endure certain situations, force people into it, create discord, breakups, betrayals. But people can love each other without us."
"So why should I retrieve my stupid father his damn bow and quiver?" I asked. Wasn't the world better if the gods didn't mess with love at all?
"Because" and he seemed very confident about it, "if gods don't interfere with love, tragedies wouldn't be avoided."
"But you mainly create them!" I was confused. Everytime the gods tried to do 'their job' they fucked up everything.
"I'm not talking about tiny tragedies like a couple lives lost or a few broken-hearted youngsters. I'm talking about gigantic, end-of-the-world-like tragedies." His gaze was full of compassion as if he knew which one out of all the possible futures his brother had shown me was the one which was going to actually happen. "A few must suffer so the whole humanity can go on. I'm sorry you got caught in the few ones."
I felt like crying, but I swallowed back the tears. I wasn't going to cry when my true quest was to be strong and do whatever it took to complete my assignment and keep everyone alive. We reached the armoury soon enough, and I took four arrows. Love, hate, oblivion (due to Himeros' suggestion) and forgetfulness. I didn't know why I'd picked the last one, I just felt the urge to pick it.
When we were back in 'Forbidden Affair' both Leo and Malcolm had angry expressions. I said I was sorry, but they ignored me. Wonderful, now on top of everything I had two moody teenagers. I gave my farewell to Himeros instead of trying to reason with them.
"Thanks for everything" I told him. "Maybe I can't love you back, but I'm forever grateful to you." He gave me a sad smile. Then I lowered my voice, I didn't want Leo to hear me. "If I die, and everyone forgets, you'll remember, right?"
"Yes, I will." And that's how I knew what was the purpose for the arrow I'd taken the last. I brushed his chocolate curls off his cheek. I gave him a soft kiss on it, while I took advantage of his surprise and grabbed the forgetfulness arrow with my left hand. I withdrew and I stabbed him in the back. He had his orange eyes wide open, full with grief.
"Now I'm sure it won't be a painful memory." I didn't want anyone to feel sorrow for my death. Because even when I'd promised Leo we would figure out a way for all of us to stay alive, I wasn't that naive. My father had been saying the truth when he stated saving everyone would mean losing my life.
He gasped, as if for saying something, but that sweet end to his eyes whenever he looked at me wasn't there anymore. I walked out the place, Leo and Malcolm following.
"What was that back there?" Leo demanded, evidently jealous. I noticed I had teared up a bit. Damn, that wasn't in my plans.
"Oh, so now you want to talk to me." I said, walking with no specific destination. I just wanted to get away for a minute. Find myself some answers, get my mind around the decisions I was supposed to be making soon. But I didn't have time to waste, and that made me angry.
"You two, please don't start couple fighting. It's okay, we were childish to apply silent treatment to you, but we're on a quest, and you share so little with us. You just do stuff and tell us nothing." Malcolm reminded me, and I felt guilty and a bit ashamed, since he was right.
"I'm sorry" I apologised, and I looked around. A coffee shop was just opening, which was sort of strange, since it was around nine in the morning and they would've lost all its early-morning clients. Then again, the neighbourhood didn't look like an early-morning one, it had this very ghetto look I hadn't taken notice of before, mainly scandalised by being brought to a brothel by my own father. I'd never thought I'd step into such place, much less being led by my progenitor. "What about a coffee and a chat for catching up?" I suggested. They both nodded, yet Leo still wouldn't look at me. Tartarus, it wasn't my fault he got jealous so easily.
We sat down and I talked for a while. I told them why did I go back to Eros' mansion, what Eros and Himeros had shown me. I told them I could not tell them what had shown me Anteros because they were possible futures, and talking about them may settle one as certain. I told them about the arrows, and about almost everything— except my plans and Himeros' interest in me. But Leo was way too conscious of everything I did or said. He knew me too well.
"There's still something you're keeping from me." He accused me, and I knew immediately he gave a real fuck of how much I let Malcolm know, but he wanted me to be a hundred percent sincere with him, and I didn't blame him for wanting so. "And that something has to do with what happened before." I lowered my eyes. I knew he was referring to my earlier tenderness towards Himeros but, thing is, I actually made him forget he ever felt slightly attracted to me.
"I know. I just... thought it was a personal issue." I said. I wasn't trying to hide it, but I didn't think it was okay to go around talking about other people's feelings towards me or anyone else. But Leo wasn't in for it.
"Why would you keep it from me? I thought we'd come clear last night." He was so moody, like trying to start a fight on purpose, as when I'd had the Will issue and he wouldn't lose an opportunity to let me know how much it bothered him.
"We did. I just don't have to tell you everything, you know? It's not about me, it's about Himeros, that's why I'm keeping it a secret." I was losing my temper as well. Leo knew how to drive me nuts, and Malcolm must've sensed it.
He cleared his throat. "I think there're some unresolved issues here, I'll go take a walk." He left before I could stop him. Actually, he left even before I could notice he'd said anything because, I was so angry, I'm ashamed to admit I was paying Malcolm no attention at all. It was like I was listening without really listening.
"You always hide stuff from me, and I have to open up and let you see everything about me without complains." Leo fought back, clearly not aware of Malcolm's retreat either. We both stood up, too heated up to have the argument while sitting.
"Gods, if it's such a sacrifice letting me know you, you can stop doing so. Look how depressed I am. 'Holy Zeus, Valdez won't let me know about his favourite motor oil brands anymore!' Such a tragedy." I knew I was pushing it. He blushed.
"Well, it isn't like your art and crafting skills are that interesting either."
"You didn't think so the other day when I had my costume on, you idiot!" I yelled.
"I had to be guarding you, cause you didn't seem to care you had such a short dress on."
"It was a cover. We had to infiltrate into a club and we're minors." He was so retarded sometimes.
"Yeah, that's what you say, but I won't take any of your innocence. 'Oh, I left something back in the mansion!' We both know you went back for him. I've been playing dumb, but this is too much, Williams. You're always flirting with other guys and I just have to stand and stare while you smile and act all cutesy in ways you don't even act around me. Only the gods know what do you do when I'm not around to check on—" When I go back in time, while thinking, I usually imagine all the ways I could've done this right, but Leo Valdez knew exactly how to push me to the edge when he was willing to fight. All the tension of his jealousy and my stress had finally accumulated and been smashed altogether, so now it simply went ka-boom!
"Are you implying I cheat on you, Valdez? Because, excuse me if I'm wrong, but you just said—"
"I know what I said." My mouth fell open. I had to look up to avoid tearing up. I was so not going to cry in front of my brainless boyfriend.
"You stupid jerk. I've been sick worried for you the whole quest and this is how you pay me. Being an insensible little piece of shit just because you can't control your jealousy. Well, congratulations Leo Valdez! You've finally proven me wrong when I thought there was no possible way for you to ever hurt me. You're an ultimate idiot! I had been completely afraid of other girls looking at you when we went to 'Latino Paradise', I pushed a gigantic rock for an hour, until my arms got numb from the effort, just so I could see your elfish face again. I had to stand three freaky gods talking to my soul, which is no pleasure trip; I had to endure the worst family reunion ever, getting to know my father was a jerk and steal from him all so I could keep you alive. Do you want to know what was I keeping from you? What I did to Himeros! The poor god confessed he liked me in a possibly romantic way but I kept quiet, because I thought of you. And so, I stabbed him with a fucking forgetfulness arrow so he could forget he ever felt anything towards me. So, yeah, I was keeping something from you, sue me. But because it had nothing to do with you, since I believe other people's feelings towards me are none of your business, unless they threaten our relationship, but this didn't. But you, being a damn idiot, are a threat." He obviously looked ashamed. He tried to say something, but I could tell the words weren't coming out of his throat. He reached for my hand, but I withdrew. Everything felt so wrong, so wrong.
"Liz, I..." he faltered.
"What? This is not who we are, Leo. This quest is tearing us apart. It's tearing me apart. Sometimes I think it would be better just to—"
"No. No, no, no. Liz, you can't be serious about it. No, no. We can do this. We just have to, I just have to try harder. That's all." He looked so scared of the suggestion I'd just hinted. I felt so heartbroken, looking at him making the face of a five year old who didn't want to be grounded without Christmas.
"But Leo, you know I can't ignore the fact that the discussion we just had was real." He grabbed my arm. His touch, even over my jacket, was warm, and I couldn't believe I was so cold. "I don't know what to do." He must've felt desperate, cause the kiss he gave me then was full of despair, right before it became sweet, revitalising and reassuring.
"I know what I feel everytime I look at you, everytime I'm with you. You bring some peace to all this craziness, Lizzie. If there's anything I should keep in this quest no matter what, it's what I have with you." Even when I wanted to slap him and stay angry with him for at least a week, he had a point, and it was that no matter what, Leo was my only certain thing in all this mess, and losing it might break forever the fragile balance my mind had been through for the past two days.
Why couldn't I stay angry with him? That made me angry with myself. I didn't want to be one of those silly girls who let love take hold of their proud, of their common sense and their self respect. But I looking at Leo, I could tell he was taking back all he said, and how worried he was; and all I felt like doing was letting him know everything was okay, that I wasn't mad at him and that we would stick together forever. Telling him otherwise would be like kicking a puppy.
"Can't we just go back in time to cabin inspection and stay like that forever?" I asked. His hands tried to reach mine, and this time I let him. I started playing with his fingers. "I'm sorry, Leo. I guess I've been giving you reasons to feel the way you said you did. I don't want you to doubt me. Even if we've been together for a really short while, I don't doubt what Ii feel. You interrupt me almost always I'm about to say it, but I love you, you fool. I really do. I love you, je t'aime, ti amo, eu te amo, aishiteru, jag älskar dig, ich liebe dich, s 'agapó... in every language and every way. Te amo con todo mi corazón*, Leo." I apologised even when I would normally never have. Love makes you stupid, alright.
"I shouldn't have doubted you, Liz. You've proven yourself faithful a thousand times. I love you too, you know. I really do." He rested one hand on my hips, the other one he used it to brush my hair.
"So you rejected a god for me?" He said with a proud smile.
"Oh, don't think too highly of yourself. Turns out you can't love back the god of unrequited love. I just saved him some lost-in-thought nights. But yeah, I guess I'm Team Leo."
"Team Leo?" He said with a curious smile.
"Stupid suggestions my brain made when you were running towards me when I was with Will at the beach..." I tried to rest it importance, but he was so proud of himself.
"So I get to be what? The shiny vampire or the llama werewolf?" He asked. It took me a while to get the reference and understand his question. Oh, Leo. Wait, did that mean he had watched the movie? I hadn't been thinking of that. What in Tartarus...
"The shiny vampire, of course. You also have the creepy habit of watching people sleep."
He shrugged. "Well, at least he gets to keep the chick, so I guess I'm cool with it." Seriously. My boyfriend had watched the entire Twilight movie. That was so wrong.
"Yeah, I guess you got me." I told him, rolling my eyes, still trying to understand under which circumstances would get Leo to watch Twilight. A playful grin curved his lips.
"Specially last night." He said. "Hadn't we been interrupted, we..." he left the end suspended in the air, the exact way to let me remember what had happened. My mind brought back with no effort the way everything had felt on its very place, how his shaky hands explored my skin and the beautiful picture of his bronze skin against mine, so pale in contrast to his. I felt my face hot, knowing what would've happened.
"Nothing would have happened." I said, not exactly sure why was I denying the situation. It had been pretty clear to me at the moment I was about to have sex with him. Love makes you stupid, I insist. He seemed to find my comment amusing, as if it were wishfully naive.
"You're so not escaping next time." He told me softly. I shivered, barely remembering we were still in the middle of some tough neighbourhood, at a coffee shop, mounting a scene.
"I bet you'll be the one who'll never want to leave after I'm done with you." He lifted an eyebrow, and I let go of a nervous smile. How could I've ever been mad at him?
"Be careful, Liz. You are playing with fire here." He said, knowing the playful meaning to his choice of words. "I'm so sneaking into your cabin when we get back to camp." He assured me, before giving me a soft caress along my jawline and lifting my chin to give me a gentle kiss, which was slowly turned into one a little more passionate. I kept playing with his left hand, tracing figures on the back of his palm. Yeah, when we get back to camp, I thought with fear stuck in my throat. We stopped kissing, and just held hands and stared at each other, probably trying to read our thoughts for what seemed forever to me. I went back to reality when I came to the realisation Malcolm wasn't back from his 'walk'.
"Uhm, Leo." I said.
"I know, Liz, but we're in the middle of the street." He said and I gifted him a bewildered expression. The what? I didn't think we were on the same page right then.
"No, you silly Christmas elf. I meant to point out Malcolm went for a walk a while ago and he still hasn't come back." He looked down, clearly ashamed. What had he thought I was talking about? You fool.
"Oh, right." We left some money on the table and ran towards where we thought he had gone to. We didn't have to look for long. In fact, just around the corner was Malcolm. The problem was he wasn't alone. I took the blowpipe I kept in my jacket pocket and I struggled a bit but in three seconds, the dart was in its place. He gave me an impressed face, mixed with fearful admiration. Exactly, don't you dare to get on my bad side.
"Watch it, Liz. Wow, you fast." He mumbled. He clearly wasn't thrilled by the acquaintance. "But I don't think you wish any harm to the goddess Hera." When I first saw the shiny woman next to Malcolm, I felt the need to shoot her a dart right between the eyes. Now I felt like aiming at her with my bow and arrows. She was the little bitch who had planned my boyfriend's life and all the shitty stuff about it Leo wasn't even in knowledge of, yet. You bitch, I thought, while I kept my blowpipe on my lips, the images Anteros had shown me dancing at the back of my mind. The goddess smiled.
"Such a brave spirit, young lady." The marriage goddess regarded me, her eyes glittering with a simple message 'Forget about ever getting married and forming a family'. She was so charming, just as Aphrodite or the Erotes.
"Tía Callida" Leo whispered, and I knew she was the bitch. Only Leo didn't know I knew about those details from his past. He had told me pretty much everything, but I happened to know more than that. I had been there, as an spectator, for a whole soul chat, far in the past, near in the present. All his life. He would've felt stalked, which wouldn't have necessarily made him feel bad, but I wasn't going to take chances. I had also witnessed pretty personal stuff.
"So what do you want?" I asked. "Why did you take Malcolm?"
"Take him? Oh, no. I simply requested him to have a nice chat with me. Didn't I, demigod?" Her sweetness was so damn fake. Malcolm didn't dare to contradict her, though. "I found it thoughtful of me to wait for you and make sure everything was going alright." She definitely glanced at me, with the explicit intention to let me know that if I fucked up her plans, or the quest, or both, I was doomed. Well, at least I had to recognise she went straight to the point. None of the sweet talk shit of Aphrodite, nor the banquet pretence of my father.
"So I guess you know where to go next." She proved me. I wasn't going to let her get away with it.
"A preschool. 'Comfy shelter'. But we need a ride. Gaea has already tricked us, and I have no wish to be fooled by her again. We can not travel by land, and the place is near Washington." I explained. I would kill her if I could, but I needed her help even more. I was impulsive, but not stupid. This goddess needed me to do the right thing for her plan to continue working, but if I got too offensive she would pulverise me and get herself another tool.
"I can only offer you these" she pointed to a couple of motorcycles parked next to us, which hadn't been there when we turned around the corner.
"We can't travel by land." Malcolm repeated, as if he was done with the goddess as well.
"I know, but on these you'll suffer no harm. You'll be out of Gaea's reach." The goddess promised. "I hope you fulfil your tasks, demigods." She was once again glaring intensely at me. Don't fuck up. She disappeared into a blinding light, and we all closed our eyes before getting pulverised. I looked at the guys. Malcolm was giving us a crossed look.
"So, good chat with Hera?" He tried. Malcolm almost killed him with his eyes.
"Okay, no need of it. I guess we have to get moving now." I suggested.
"Did the two of you come clear on your couple issues?" Malcolm wanted to make sure he'd have to take no more 'walks' what was left of the quest.
"Yeah, Liz promised not to kick me again while she's sleeping again. Last night she did and the bruise that came out today is enormous." My mouth fell open.
"Hey! I don't complain because you snored in my ear all night. And you do snore, you know." I told him, and turned to Malcolm. "Although he has super non-manly snoring. He sounds like a congested kitten. It's actually kind of cute." I was laughing softly by then, and I only stopped and blushed when Malcolm shook his head and rolled his eyes as if for saying 'unbelievable'.
"We're on a quest, I can't even look at you. Last night—"
"Dude, nothing happened. Eros' mansion turned out to have parental control." Malcolm looked exasperated again. Okay, time to change the subject. I walked up to the motorcycles and took a pair of keys.
"So, how do the two of you feel about a ride to kindergarten?" I asked, and they both grinned. Apparently they'd forgotten the bikes, because they were eating them with their eyes now. "Hey, watch it. Don't check out the ladies like that. They might feel offended, you know." Leo lifted his glance for a sec. His eyes sparkled. You're incredible, they seemed to say.
Translations:
*I love you with all my heart.