A/N: Wow, hectic week! But, like I promised, here's the chapter : )
First off, I have to say, I have a Beta! I'd been editing this by myself up until now, but the lovely dolphin62598 aka Jessica offered to beta my work. Thanks so much for doing a great job with it, Jess. I appreciate all the help!
I also wanted to thank everyone who's been reviewing, last chapter I got a great response, and just so you all know, it means a lot that you care about this story! All of my faithful reviewers, thanks so much. And to those who review anonymously: I appreciate all you have to say, even though I can't reply!
Claire, as always, thanks for being there for me. Ranting, gushing, laughing, being silly, or in general, just chatting. I can always count on you.
Enjoy!
"I'll do whatever it takes, to turn this around
I know what's at stake; I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance, believe it I can change
I'll keep us together, whatever it takes"
e.p.o.v
Bella was gone.
She was gone.
More than panic began to set in and I could barely see Renee as she gripped onto the doorframe to support her weight. Her breathing was heavy, much like mine, and she was sobbing uncontrollably, muttering things I couldn't hear. My heart rate was soaring and I feared having some sort of attack if I didn't calm the fuck down and get my shit together.
I needed to find her.
She had run away because of me and now it was up to me to get her back. I would do whatever it took to get her back in Forks, safe. More than anything I wanted her here with me now, in my arms where I knew she was real and soft and warm. I would be able to smell her strawberry shampoo and lilac body wash, embodying the essence of who she was just in those two fragrances. But most of all I'd be able to feel her and everything that she was.
I should have done that from the start, but since my brain was a little slow in that department, and just catching up now, I was praying to find her so I could worship her in all the ways she should be worshipped.
That is, if she'd still want me.
I pulled my phone out, determined to get help in finding her, but knowing my ass was finished once I told Emmett that she ran away. It was because of me, and he would be snarling and angry. In all honesty that loud, angry side of Emmett scared me; his relationship with Bella was strong. They'd known each other years before I ever moved here and she was his baby sister.
You fuck with her, you fuck with him, and if you screw with Emmett, well, you're a sorry son of a bitch.
I opened my contacts list and clicked on the first number that came up; Alice. I knew she'd be able to help me, and although she could be scary, she would be more understanding. I put the phone to my ear, and just as I did so, the house phone rang, startling Renee.
I froze on the spot.
Alice answered but I didn't reply, staring in a daze at Renee as she gazed back at me confusedly. In a split second she recovered from her stupor and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" She asked hopefully. "Oh, Bella! Thank god," she sobbed, "where, are you?"
I immediately dropped Alice's call and strode over to where the phone was, my chest heaving and my heart pumping so much blood through my body I was feeling some sort of exhilarating rush. I ached to talk to her, to just reach out and pluck the phone from her hands and beg Bella to come back.
"Please, come...home," Renee cried. "Bella please!" She began crying harder and I took the phone from her hands as she collapsed on the floor.
"Bella?" I said into the receiver, only to hear a crackled sob before Bella hung up the phone. I bowed my head, tears sliding down my nose and off the end, dripping onto the floor as I hung the phone back on the hook. Renee was leaned up against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking methodically.
"What did...she say?" I asked, wiping my face with the arm of my jacket sleeve.
"She – said. She...she's safe," she stuttered, and although it wasn't much, the fact that she wasn't hurt made me grateful. I wouldn't be able to bear it if something ever happened to her because of me. As if I wasn't a jackass enough already.
"She's okay," I whispered under my breath, relief washing over me as my heart beat a staccato rhythm in my chest. But then something clicked in my head as Renee clutched at her hair. Although she'd talked to Bella she didn't seem any less upset.
She was okay, but she wasn't coming home.
"Is she coming back?" I asked, hopeful for a positive response. Renee lifted her face from her knees, agony swelling inside her to the point where it looked painful. She continued to sob and shook her head, her hands shaking as she tried to establish some sort of comfort for herself.
Another knife dug straight into my core and I felt like screaming at the pain I felt. She had to come back, she just had to. I wouldn't let her run away because of me.
If she didn't want me when she came back, I would understand. I would brace myself and let her go, if it was what she wanted, just as long as she was safe. But I hoped and prayed that when she was found she would still want to be with me because I never wanted to be with her more than right now.
I guess it's true what they say: you never know what you have until it's gone.
I took a few steps towards Renee and bent down, reaching out with furrowed brows and taking her uneasy hand in mine. Her watery gaze found my own and I tried my best to smile despite how much I felt like my chest was going to crack in half.
"I'll find her," I vowed, squeezing her hand tighter. "I'll bring her back."
I didn't even have time to react before she launched herself at me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and my jacket caught her tears as they fell, all the while I struggled to keep my balance. After a minute she released me from her grip and smiled ever so slightly, brushing the heel of each palm across her cheeks.
"Go," she breathed. "Go get our girl."
I nodded and stood up, holding out my hand to help her up as well. When she stood she just smiled at me, encouraging me and looking so much like Bella I almost started crying again. My phone had been vibrating in my pocket non-stop since I hung up on Alice, but this time when it rang, I answered it.
"What the hell Edward?" Alice yelled. "You call me, then hang up, and don't answer when I call again?"
"Sorry," I said hurriedly, taking off down the stairs and slipping into the Volvo. "I was just at Bella's..." I trailed off, wondering how she'd take the news.
"And...?" Alice prompted.
"She's gone," I replied, my voice thick with concern.
"She's gone?" Alice asked incredulously. "Gone where?"
"I don't know," I whispered, tears spilling down my face again despite how hard I was trying to keep them in. "Alice I don't know where she is and I need your help."
I heard her crying as well and yet another knife was thrust into my chest, this time from a different angle. I was the cause of all this pain and hurt. She left because of me, and due to that fact, Alice was now in tears.
"Okay," she replied, her voice cracking. "Come to my – house."
I agreed to meet her there and hung up the phone, pulling out of Bella's driveway and heading to Alice's. I was there within minutes and Jazz still wasn't home. I was thankful he wasn't there because he would surely kick my ass when he found out Bella took off because of my idiotic behaviour. He'd warned me about that shit too, and he would be furious when he found out.
When I knocked on the door Alice opened it almost instantaneously, like she had been waiting right behind it for me to arrive. Her face was twisted and her cheeks were wet with tears and for some reason seeing her cry made me that much more upset. Alice was one of the happiest people I knew and to see her in shambles, broke and crying, was heartbreaking.
She moved over and allowed me to enter, closing the door and wrapping her arms around herself. I had no way to comfort her. I felt so horrible and conflicted and responsible that I didn't know what to do. After a minute of internal feuding, of psyching myself up, I put a hand on Alice's shoulder, slowly pulling her to me. Her small arms hooked around my waist and my breathing quickened. The affections of which I'd only ever shown Esme and Bella I was now showing Alice and it just made my stupid tears fall more freely then they had been before.
"I'm – so, sorry. I pushed her aw-away," I sputtered out and Alice looked up to me, chewing hungrily on her bottom lip. "It's my fault."
Alice swallowed thickly and pulled out of our intense hug. "I'll still give you that one – chance," she replied, stuttering through her sentence. "Find her, Edward. We'll help, but just find her."
I nodded my head furiously. I'd already promised to find her, and I intended to keep that promise.
"I will."
Alice nodded in return and dragged her shirt sleeve across her face.
"Let's get Em and Rose over then; they can help. Jasper will be home soon," she told me and I cringed. Jasper and Emmett would have my ass for making her leave. Alice pulled out her phone and called Rosalie, inviting her and Em over. She was vague and for that I was glad. I wanted Emmett to be understanding and not punch me in the face as soon as he got here.
"Do you want something to drink?" She asked.
"Uh, sure," I replied, following her into the kitchen. I opted for a bottle of water and Alice pulled two from the fridge, opening one for herself and taking a long swig.
"What are we going to do?" She asked solemnly, her eyes searching mine. I sighed heavily because I didn't have a clue where to start.
"Well I don't think she's in Forks," I began, looking to the floor. "She's not with any of us, but she said she was safe."
"You talked to her?" She yelled, unhitching herself from the counter and forcefully striding over to me.
"No," I said quietly, "Renee did. I went there and Bella's mom flipped out. She called but Bella didn't answer. Then, when I was calling you, she called back. She just told Renee that she was safe, but that she wasn't coming home. I tried to talk to her...I guess when she heard my voice though she hung up."
Alice stuck her bottom lip between her teeth again, this time chewing in contemplation.
"Hmm, I wonder if – you think there's some way we can trace the call? Shit, probably not..." She trailed off, answering her own question, tugging on strands of her hair as she walked around the island. She turned back to me a few times, opening her mouth as if she were going to speak, but she always closed it again, resuming with her thoughtful pacing. A few minutes of utter silence passed and a loud rap came from the front door, my stomach sinking even further as I anticipated Emmett's reaction.
Alice glanced over to me with a look that said 'this has to happen sometime' and we both left the kitchen, heading to the door to let Rosalie and Emmett in the house.
"Hey," Emmett said curiously, his thick brows furrowing as he pointed to me, wondering what in the fuck I was doing here. "What...?"
"Come in," Alice offered, gesturing with her hands for them to enter. Rosalie eyed me on her way past, like she was sizing me up, and it made me ridiculously uncomfortable. I shrugged it off and Alice closed the door while Emmett and Rosalie took off their shoes and hung their coats in the closet. They turned to us when they were all settled, waiting for answers, before they realized what the problem was in the first place.
It was interesting to see Rosalie's reaction because she was first to notice that Bella wasn't here. Her eyes flashed between Alice and me, her lips parting as recognition dawned. She took a few steps forward, careful of where she placed her foot, like she was stepping on precarious stones and waiting anxiously for one to fall away.
"Where...where's Bella?" She asked, her tone unsure. I choked down the lump in my throat and Alice nudged me in the arm with her elbow, which is when Emmett knew something wasn't right.
"Edward," he warned, taking a couple steps closer and placing his hand on Rose's shoulder. "Where is she? Did you talk to her?"
Every muscle in my body tightened and I prepared myself, my hands fisting around my jeans at my sides and gripping tightly as I anticipated an attack.
"She's gone," I said through clenched teeth.
"Gone?" They both asked with the same note of disbelief in their voices.
"Dude, you better mean she's gone to the store or gone to get her hair cut," Emmett continued, his voice raising as he strode towards us. I reflexively cringed away from him, stumbling back and hitting the wall as Alice put her body between mine and Emmett's, her small frame only reaching as high as my chest.
"She left, Emmett," Alice replied. "She's gone, ran away, we don't know. But we all want to find her, so that's what we're going to do."
Emmett's eyes were the most furious shade of brown I'd seen in my life, burning a hole straight through my skull as he fervently glared at me. I wanted to look away, to tear my gaze from his, but I couldn't. I was guilty of forcing Bella away and I deserved whatever punishment was coming to me, whether it be dirty looks or getting the shit kicked out of me.
I would accept it.
"Has – do we have any idea, where she might be?" Rosalie asked from behind Emmett and I glanced around him, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger when I saw her crying.
"No," said Alice, shaking her head, "we don't. She called her mom when Edward was over there and she said she was safe, but that she wasn't coming back. Edward made a good point and said she's probably not in Forks if she's not with any of us. She's not really friends with anyone else."
The rage in Emmett's eyes seemed to be fading a bit as he tried to process this. He knew he needed to focus on just finding her and it was allowing for his muscles to relax, his biceps un-flexing as he stared at the ground. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, his breaths long and drawn out as his fingers twitched at his sides.
"So where do we start then?" Emmett asked.
"Well, we may want to get help from Bella's dad," Alice suggested, turning around and looking to me. I thumped my head back against the wall, knowing that she was right but fearing a confrontation with Charlie at this point wouldn't be the brightest thing for me to attempt. "Maybe he can put out a search for her truck. If he can contact Port Angeles PD or something maybe they can check too."
It all sounded fine and dandy...
"But what if nothing happens?" I asked, gesturing animatedly with my hands. "What if they do that and she's not there?"
"Then we keep looking," Emmett growled, "until we find her."
My mouth snapped shut and I held my tongue, staring at Emmett as he steadied himself. I was glad that Alice was still standing in front of me because Emmett looked like he might try to lunge at me anyways.
"How far do you think she would have gone?" Rosalie asked quietly, stepping forward and linking her fingers with Emmett's. He visibly relaxed from her touch, gripping her hand tighter and shrugging his shoulders.
"I hope not too far," Alice replied, her eyes flashing to mine. "You think she would have gone as far as Seattle?"
I really had no idea. She was in bad shape when she left and I had no clue what she had been thinking when she'd gone. For all I knew she could have completely left the state. I didn't know.
"Alice I really wish I knew," I said, shaking my head.
"Okay, well I think we should go to Bella's and talk to her dad," Alice said with conviction. "It's the only solid thing we have to do at this point besides driving somewhere and searching for her."
Just as Alice spoke Jasper opened the door, his brows lifting as he saw us all standing there.
"Hey, what's going on?" He asked with a grin.
Shit.
I stood behind Alice still and she sensed my panic, putting a hand on my arm and giving me a tight nod.
"Well, there's sort of a problem," Alice told him, walking forward and taking Jasper's hands in hers. He looked down to her, his brows hunching as he waited for her to continue. "Bella ran away."
Jasper's lips parted and his eyes went wide. "What?" He asked in astonishment, looking to Emmett for confirmation that it was true. Emmett didn't respond with words or anything committal, he simply stood there staring at me, and Jasper followed.
"What happened?" He asked me pointedly, trying to rid himself of Alice's hands. To my surprise she gripped him tighter and held him in place, something that seemed nearly impossible for a woman her size. "Alice let go!"
"No!" She yelled back, her tone ringing with finality. He looked down to her with shock, watching as she struggled to keep him away from me. "Jasper, stop."
He ceased his attempts to free himself from her grip, nodding a tiny bit before looking back up to me.
"What happened?" He asked again, his voice more controlled now. I sighed and told him the events of last night; how we fought, how she left, what I said. He wasn't happy. His nostrils flared and his blue eyes turned hard and icy, anger flowing out of them and into me.
"I thought we talked about this?" He said, shaking his head in disbelief. "What about all that shit you said Edward?"
I felt a growl rumbling my chest, dying to break free because of the constant reminders that I'd been the one to push her away when I'd been trying in vain to do the opposite.
"I fucked up, okay?" I hollered, unhitching myself from the wall and flailing my hands around my head. "I. Fucked. Up. I know this is my fault and I did everything wrong, but I just want to find her!"
They had to understand how this made me feel, the guilt and anguish, how I knew if I'd just open my fucking mouth and said actual words she would have stayed.
"Jasper I never meant to make her run away," I continued, my voice nearly a whisper. "I would give anything to go back and tell her the things she wanted to hear, but I can't. I can only find her and bring her home. Please...just help me."
"Okay," he replied with a nod, running his fingers over Alice's knuckles, showing me that he really was calm and ready to just find Bella. "What's first then?"
"We have to talk to Bella's dad," Alice said, squeezing Jasper's hands one last time before letting him go. "He'll be able to help."
"Well we don't all have to go there," Emmett added, glancing around to each of us. "How about we split up and ask around town if anyone's seen her?"
"Good idea," Rosalie told him with a sniffle. "I'll go with you. We'll call you guys if we hear anything."
I nodded to them, silently thanking them as they put their coats and shoes back on, heading out the door to scour the town for any sign of her. I turned to Alice and Jasper when they'd left, prolonging the inevitable because I wasn't in the mood to talk to Bella's father. I knew I'd probably say some things I'd regret, and falling out further with Charlie wasn't something exactly profitable to me.
"You have to go talk to him, Edward," Alice said, like she was reading my thoughts. I rolled my eyes and lulled my head back on my shoulders, groaning quietly.
"He hates me Alice," I said, shaking my head. "This is going to be a disaster."
She bit her lip, furrowing her brows thoughtfully before turning to Jasper.
"Okay, how about you go to her work and see if Mike's seen her. I know she most likely wouldn't have gone there but just check. I'll go with Edward to Bella's," Alice said with a smile, astounding me with her composure. I knew inside she had to be a wreck, as we all were, but she was tough. She put on a brave face and persevered, knowing that sitting here and sulking would do us no good.
"Thank you," I told her, my voice wavering with emotion. She just smiled at me again in response and began flitting around the front hall, leaving briefly to retrieve her purse and keys.
"I'll call you if I find anything," Jasper said, walking over to me and putting his hand on my shoulder. "We'll find her." He tried to be encouraging and I gave him a small smile in return before he left. Alice came back seconds after he was gone and put her shoes and coat on as I did the same. We hurried down the stairs and got into the Volvo, but not without hesitation from Alice on whether or not I was okay to drive.
"I'm fine," I said, sticking the key in the ignition and backing out of the driveway. She bit her lip and kept quiet on the ride over to Bella's, her leg bouncing irritably while she tapped her hand on the top of her thigh.
When I pulled into the driveway and turned off the car the front door to Bella's house flew open, Charlie storming out angrily and a teary-eyed Renee following. Alice and I stumbled hastily out of the car, standing awkwardly as they yelled at each other. As soon as Charlie realized we were there though he quieted, his eyes swirling with pure, focused hatred as he stared at me.
"You," he growled, pointing to me and marching over from the staircase to where I was. "You have some nerve coming here."
"I – I have some nerve?" I asked in amazement, staring back at him with a gaping mouth.
"Bella left because of you!" He yelled, sticking his finger against my chest. "How dare you come back here after what you've done?"
I felt like I'd been slapped in the face, my anger and tears and fury bubbling inside to the point where I couldn't even control myself. My brain filter lost its power and I didn't even process the words before they came out of my mouth.
"Because of me?" I shouted back, taking a step closer and watching in satisfaction as Charlie took a step away. "You're the one who told her all that shit about me. How dare you dig up part of my past and use it to your advantage? What makes you think you have any right?"
"I have a right when it's my daughter's safety on the line!" He hollered back and I saw Renee out of the corner of my eye descending the stairs.
"Her safety?" I asked with furrowed brows, not understanding what he meant by that. "How is she not safe?"
"Charlie, don't!" Renee screamed, lunging forward and gripping onto his jacket sleeve. "Don't you dare."
His eyes flashed to hers for a brief moment before he shrugged her off his arm.
"Let's just say I don't trust that you won't turn out the same," he replied, and the heat and rage swelling inside of me was so intense I physically had to restrain myself from punching Charlie in the face. He didn't trust me with Bella because he thought I would turn out like my father? What the fuck does he know?
Again, the brain filter disabled and I couldn't control myself.
"Are you kidding?" I asked, disbelief marring my face. "Do you have any idea what he's even in there for?"
"Yes," he said with a taught jaw. "Attempted murder."
"Yeah," I replied, stepping closer to him again, watching Renee wearily in my peripheral vision. I had no rationale at this point and my mouth refused to stop talking. Words were spewing from me like vomit and I could no longer control what I was doing. "Do you know who he tried to kill?"
Charlie merely shook his head and I copied his motions, only a small, incredibly irritated smile graced my lips. I couldn't believe he'd been so ignorant and arrogant when he didn't even know the whole truth.
"Me," I said, my voice angered and my neck straining. I felt all the tendons and muscles that were underneath as my skin stretched to its limit; my jaw was set so tight I thought I might pop a blood vessel.
"Wh-what?" Charlie asked, disbelieving of the truth I'd just revealed. "That's..."
"Impossible?" I asked, cutting him off. "Unbelievable? Well, it's the truth. Now if you're done accusing me of growing up to be an abusive alcoholic, I'd like to find your daughter and apologize for what you started."
Nobody moved or spoke and the entire minute of silence felt like a lifetime. Renee was the first to do anything and she stepped forward, putting an affectionate hand on mine.
"Honey..." She began, her face so blotchy and her eyes so red it looked like she'd been crying for a century. I gave her a forced smile, appreciating the concern.
"Look, I just want to find her. Alice..."
Fuck. Alice.
I'd completely forgotten about her the entire time. She'd been standing there, listening as my brain filter was destroyed and I shed light on the darkest part of my past.
I turned slowly, looking over the roof of the Volvo to Alice as her tiny head stuck out just enough for me to see her face. Both hands covered her mouth and she was shaking, her mascara running with the tears down her cheeks as she stared at me. I didn't know what to do. I simply shrugged my shoulders and shook my head, unable to go back in time and stop myself from rambling all the shit I had.
I focused my attention on Charlie and Renee once more, continuing where I left off.
"Anyways, Alice said you might be able to help. Is there any way you can contact the Port Angeles or Seattle police departments to see if they can keep an eye out for her truck?" I asked, looking to Charlie.
"I – that's where I was just headed," Charlie replied quietly, his brown eyes now tinged with something different. Guilt maybe? Remorse?
Well, good. I hope he felt guilty because he didn't even know what happened. He shouldn't have done something so god damn juvenile.
"I'll put out a missing persons report for her and give them a description of her truck," he added, talking to either all of us or nobody in particular.
"Would it be too much trouble for you to let me know if you hear anything?" I asked, venom seeping into my voice with every word. Charlie looked up from the ground and shook his head, his lips a thin, tight line.
"What are you going to do sweetheart?" Renee asked. I bit on the inside of my lip, wondering where to go from here.
"I don't know," I replied honestly. "Where...is the closest family you guys have in Seattle?"
"Yes," Renee answered immediately. "My sister lives just on the outskirts of Seattle. Do you think Bella would have gone there?"
Why did people keep asking me if I thought I knew where she went? If I knew I wouldn't fucking be here right now.
"Maybe..."
"I'll call her," Renee added, letting my hand go and taking off up the steps of the house. I watched as she left and Charlie followed her actions, stepping away from me and walking down the driveway to where the cruiser was parked at the curb. He got in without a word and was gone.
I sincerely hoped he could locate her, because I was out of ideas.
When Alice and I were alone I didn't look at her. I leaned up against the door of the Volvo and kept my eyes trained on the house, knowing that she would have questions burning on the tip of her tongue. I breathed in and out heavily, unable to accept how real that all was. The last ten minutes of my life had passed in a blur and the reality of what I'd done hit me harder than anything.
I almost started to hyperventilate but felt a calming hand on my forearm, the tiny, pale pink fingernails contrasting to my brown jacket. I glanced sideways to Alice, her face free of mascara or make-up whatsoever as tears still streaked her cheeks.
"I – I can't believe how...Edward," she said, shaking her head. I watched as the loose, black tresses fell around her ears and framed her torn face, her hand tightening around my arm. "I'm so sorry."
"Alice you have nothing to apologize for," I assured her.
"I'm sorry, for what you – went through," she elaborated. "Nobody should have to...ever, go through that."
I felt as my anger dissipated slightly and the corner of my mouth turned up, flashing Alice a small, thankful grin.
"Thanks Alice."
She nodded sadly and let go of my arm, leaning back against the Volvo with me as we waited for Renee to return. The wind picked up and I felt cool relief against my heated face, the rain pelting my skin with a force that was nearly painful. My clothes were drenched by the time Renee came back and Alice had already slipped inside the car, leaving me outside to brace the storm by myself.
I didn't want Renee to come running out into the rain so I went to base of stairs while she stood on the porch, wrapping her arms around herself.
"She wasn't there, and they haven't heard from her," she told me, each hand rubbing up and down her arms.
"Okay," I replied, nodding quickly even though it was disheartening to hear. "I'll keep looking and call you if I hear from her."
Renee smiled at me and returned to the house as I headed back to the Volvo. When I got in I listened as my jeans and jacket squeaked against the leather of the seat with how wet they were.
"Jasper called," Alice said and my head snapped to her. "He didn't find anything, but he says he'll keep looking."
I sighed and rested my head back against the seat, my brain struggling to function properly because of how messed up a situation this was. So much was going through my mind that I didn't know what to even think at this point.
"What should we do now?" Alice asked.
"I have no idea," I groaned, bringing the car to life and letting it warm up. "But I can't just sit here and do nothing. I'll lose my fucking mind."
"So will I," she replied with a humourless chuckle, looking out the windshield as I backed out of the drive. "Where are we going?"
"Not sure," I said honestly. "My house? I haven't talked to Esme or Carlisle, but maybe they can help."
"Oh, right! I completely forgot about them. Good idea," she told me, smiling wide. I smiled back, thankful that I had her to help me through this. While I felt alone and isolated, left to deal with my past by myself, I knew that I wasn't. I had my friends and my family and I couldn't think of any other people I'd want besides them in my life. I had been so stupid to not let them in before, and I'd seriously damaged relationships, but somehow I hadn't broken any bridges along the way.
They would still accept me for who I was, if I would let them.
"Thanks, Alice," I said, my voice so low I couldn't be sure if she'd even heard me. I glanced sideways to her and she had a tiny grin on her face as she replied.
"That's what friends are for."
______
When we got to my house and told Esme and Carlisle what happened, they were devastated. Since Alice had already found out about my father I also informed them that I'd told Charlie and Renee about him and what he'd done. What I told them was vague, and not even the half of it, but it ripped me to pieces and left a gaping hole when I'd brought it up.
"Edward," Esme breathed, a beautifully warm smile playing on her lips. "I'm so proud of you honey. See, you can do this." She walked around the coffee table in the living room and stood in front of me as I sat on the couch with Alice by my side. "You're so much stronger than you think Edward."
"But – it hurts, Esme. So much," I replied, grabbing the front of my shirt and crushing it in a fist. "Do you know how painful it is to realize you were so – unloved?"
"Don't you ever," Esme began, sinking down onto her knees and taking my chin in her hand. "Don't you ever think like that. Do you know how many people love you?"
I avoided her piercing eyes and shrugged my shoulders stubbornly, looking to the ground.
"I love you," she stated proudly, "and so does Carlisle."
"So do I," Alice assured. "And I think Jasper's pretty fond of you now too. Emmett, Rose...you're sort of stuck with us."
I smiled, unable to help it as Esme grinned at Alice's comments.
"And we know Bella loves you," Carlisle added. My insides churned and emotion lodged in my throat, my pulse racing as I thought of her and where she was.
"I need to find her," I whispered.
"Edward there's only so much you can do," Esme replied, lifting herself so she could sit on the coffee table. "You don't know where she is and you can't run around like a chicken with your head cut off searching. Just wait on Charlie and figure things out from there."
I hated just sitting here, waiting anxiously when I could be out there looking for her, but I knew Esme was right. I had no leads, nowhere to search that seemed at all practical. I simply had nothing to do but sit here, agitated and on edge with nothing to occupy my time.
"I have to do something," I protested. "Give me something to do. Anything. I don't care what it is."
Esme's smooth brows turned in on themselves and she chuckled quietly.
"Well, there is that lovely hole you punched into your wall," she said with a smirk. "How about you just patch that up for me? I've gotten the stain out from the carpet but haven't got around to fixing the wall yet."
"Okay," I said, standing up. "Uh, how?"
I had no clue how to fix the hole in the wall. Did she honestly think I was handy?
"I'll help you," Carlisle said with a laugh. "Come on."
"Alice, would you like to help me make some muffins?" Esme asked her, walking to the entrance of the living room. "They're banana chocolate chip."
I smiled.
"Sure," Alice replied, "sounds great."
Alice followed Esme from the living room and I went with Carlisle, gathering the things we needed to fix the wall. It was tedious and boring to fix, and I mostly watched as Carlisle did it, but I wasted some time. We talked a little, while he worked, about nothing really pressing, and for once today, I felt somewhat relaxed. I was able to step away from all the stress and hurt, just submerging myself in the ordinary as I listened to Carlisle talk about the hospital.
When we left it to dry we went back downstairs, the heavenly aroma of Esme's muffins wafting throughout the entire house. I inhaled deeply, rounding the corner to the kitchen and watching as Esme set a tray in the oven just as she was taking one out. Alice was perched up on the counter top, her legs swinging down but not reaching the floor as she nibbled on a muffin.
"Esme these are amazing," Alice remarked and I reached my hand around her to snatch a muffin off the plate.
"They're Edward's favourite," she told her with a grin as I practically devoured the muffin. It was gone in a few bites and I grabbed another one as Carlisle picked one up as well.
"All fixed," he said to Esme, going around the counter to kiss her on the cheek. "Just letting it dry."
"Good. So do you – Edward...?"
I scrambled frantically, feeling my phone as it vibrated in my pocket and trying with unsteady hands to pull it out. I didn't even look at the caller ID before I put it to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Hey man, it's me," Emmett's voice said. "Rose and I went to the grocery store, the diner, gas station...man we asked everywhere. Nobody's seen her recently."
I slid the fingers of my free hand into my hair, tilting my head to the side as I sighed deeply.
"Alright. Alice talked to Jazz a while ago and he came up empty too. I talked to Bella's dad..."
"How'd that go?" He asked when I trailed off.
"It was interesting," I replied, scratching the back of my neck. "He said he'd contact the police departments in Port Angeles and Seattle and get back to me if he heard anything. What are you going to do now?"
"Probably go home I guess. Is that where you are?"
I told him I was home and he said he was on his way. I explained to everyone that they'd found nothing progressive and they sighed collectively like I had. We were just waiting on a phone call from Charlie now.
When Emmett and Rosalie got home Esme started getting dinner ready. I tried my best to keep my mind at ease, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. Nothing was calming me enough to stop thinking about Bella and each time her name entered my thoughts a wave of sadness crashed over me.
Jasper arrived a few minutes after Emmett and Rosalie, and as suggested by Alice, we all watched a movie. She said it would be good for me, something to concentrate on other than Bella's whereabouts, but again, it didn't help. I ended up zoning in and out, catching boring bits of the movie and getting lost in my own little world at times.
It's not just something I could push back into my thoughts, locking it down somewhere deep in my head where it wouldn't bug me. It wasn't one of those things that could linger in your conscience and not eat at you every single second of the day. It was my everything. She was my everything, and she had left. There was nothing and no one in this world that could take my mind off her, no matter how hard they tried.
"Kids, dinner's just about ready," Carlisle said to us all, poking his head in the living room and disappearing again just as quickly. Like a mindless drone I followed the rest of them into the kitchen, sitting down at the table and piling food on my plate while they all did the same. Dinner was a quiet event and for the most part I listened as Esme talked to the girls about school. I didn't have the motivation to participate in any of the conversations, and when dinner was finished I got up, rinsing my plate before putting it in the dishwasher.
I was just about to head back to living room, to resume watching the movie, when my phone vibrated again. My breath came faster and my heart beat furiously against my rib cage as I struggled to pull it from my pocket again.
"Edward?" Charlie said.
"Yes, Chief Swan," I replied, my voice affected by my nervous anticipation. "Did you find anything?"
"Port Angeles just got back to me and reported that they hadn't seen anyone matching Bella's description, or any red Chevy with her license plate. I haven't heard back from Seattle yet, but I did find something," he said, his words coming faster as he continued to speak. "Now, if Bella's not anywhere around here, or with family, where would she stay?"
I frowned.
"A hotel?" I asked quizzically, finding it to be too simple an answer. Was it a trick question?
"A hotel," he repeated, his tone suggesting that he was smiling. I didn't understand why he was so god damn happy. How did that get us anywhere?
"I don't really understand where you're going with this," I told him with irritation.
"Edward, she needs money to spend the night in a hotel. She doesn't have a credit card, so she needed to take money out."
Something in my stomach fluttered. He could trace her to where she pulled money from a machine.
"You can find out where she is?" I asked, my voice a rushed whisper.
"Yes. She pulled money out of the machine from a bank in Seattle late last night. I don't know what hotel she's staying at, but if their PD can get back to me with a lead we'll know then."
My breath came out in a gasp and although I'd wanted to kick Charlie this afternoon, right now I wanted to kiss him. He found where she was. It didn't matter that he didn't know what hotel because I was more than willing to scour Seattle until I found her.
"Thanks Charlie," I told him, sincere in my words. "I'll let you know when I find her."
"Wait...you're going to Seattle?"
"Yes..." I replied, unsure of why this was a shock to him. "I'm not going to let her stay out there alone because of something that's not her fault. I won't be able to – live, if she's not here. I'm bringing her back."
Silence consumed me from Charlie's end and he bid me a crackled 'thank you' before hanging up the phone. I frowned down at it and stuffed it in my pocket, turning around and watching as everyone at the table was staring at me, eyes wide and hopeful.
"She's in Seattle," I said, relief spreading throughout each of their faces. Alice's smile was so wide I couldn't help but smile back. "Okay, well, I'm going to go."
"What?" Esme asked, her brows arching.
"I'm going to Seattle," I replied.
"Edward...I do –"
"Esme, please," I said to her, pleading with my anguished gaze. "Please, let me do this. I won't sleep...I can barely stand it to be here right now without her."
Esme put her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes, nodding intensely, muttering 'okay' over and over. I jogged over to her and kissed the top of her head in thanks and hurried to the front door, putting on my coat and shoes to see Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett doing the same.
"We're coming with you," Alice said confidently.
"Alice, do you think that's such a good idea?"
"We all want to find her," Rosalie added, ignoring my comment. "Seattle is big, from what I hear."
I couldn't help but laugh at Rose. She was funny even when she wasn't trying to be.
"Dude, we're going with, so shut it," Emmett barked, his hand clapping down on my shoulder too tightly to be friendly. "Rose and I will take the Jeep."
"I'll take my car..." Jasper said, looking to me.
"I'll take mine. If we split up we'll cover more ground. Three cars are better than two," I told him.
"Alice...?" Jasper asked. She looked up to me questioningly and I shook my head, motioning to Jazz.
"Just go with Jasper," I said with assurance. She started gnawing her lip for the thirtieth time today and I pushed against her shoulder. "Alice, just go. I'll be fine, I promise." She rolled her eyes and we were gone, getting into our respective vehicles and beginning the trek to Seattle. Jasper was in front of me when we were driving through town but, as soon as we got on the highway I sped past him, blaring the music in an attempt to drown out my thoughts.
The entire way to Seattle I drove at least twenty over the speed limit, repeatedly looking back through my rear view mirror to see Jasper still behind me, our caravan holding strong.
A/N: So...? Thoughts? You know my motto. Give me what you got!
The song quoted at the beginning is all thanks to booklover1357. She informed me of a great song by Lifehouse called Whatever It Takes. The lyrics are amazing. Definitely fitting to FMP; I just had to use it. Thanks for the great rec : )
Also, one last thing. Next week Forgive Me, Please is being pimped as a fic of the week for a group called The Sandbox, and Sunday they are featuring me on their author chat. Anyone is welcome to come and join the chat. It sounds like it's going to be great. It will take place Sunday the 27th at 2 PM EST. I'll put the link to the site Chatzy on my profile, because that's where this will take place. Come join and chat if you'd like!