69. Subconscious

On some small level Veronica had known for quite some time. Weeks perhaps, maybe even months. No, not months. Everyone would've figured it out if it had been months. She would have to have been pretty stupid not to know that after so long. Still, she should've figured it out much sooner than now. Veronica should've known it on something much higher than just a subconscious level.

Looking in the mirror she clicked her tongue at herself. She had been stupid, stupid indeed when she had been trained to be smart. What would Merlin say? He was always telling them to follow their gut instinct and go for it. At the same time though he had urged delicacy, so perhaps his instructions were more confusing than helpful at times.

Again though, she should have known. She had, after all, come from a family of four children. Her mother had been seventeen when she'd had her first child. She had conceived within three months of the marriage, an almost unheard of speed. After that she'd had one child two years after the other on time every two years.

The only reason why Veronica had been the youngest was that her mother had started using primitive birth control after her. She'd had the know-how and the motivation. After all, three boys to split the estate between was quite enough, and there was only supposed to be one Hunt girl to inherit the spell-casting talent of the family. They were only middle class and they didn't need too many alternate heirs.

Balthazar had been from a much smaller family, just him and his brother. Two sons was some sort of providence for noble families but many smaller families found it a sign of not trying hard enough. Boys were needed to help run the farm and succeed their father. The more sons the more help with the work, the more daughters the more help with the chores. Veronica hadn't inherited this view but still.

From what she understood though his father had married late in life. His bride had been a decade and a half younger than him. She had borne Letholdus within two years of the marriage, rather good for a younger bride. Then her husband had been off fighting a war for several years after that. Balthazar was born almost immediately after he came back. They might've had more if the sweating sickness hadn't carried them away.

To sum it up they both came from fertile families. There was no shortage of possible dates either. Even before they had been married Balthazar and Veronica had craved the contact of the other. They'd spent over 1300 years apart, in the Grimhold or out in the world, which had made too much time apart unthinkable. There had been the morning kisses and no shortage of embraces or handholding.

There'd been nothing more serious than that, they had both been the height of 'old-fashioned'. After they had gotten married though…she blushed to think about that. Intimacy on that level wasn't something she had ever really contemplated. Again, over 1300 years of abstinence was probably a cause.

She had stopped eating fatty foods a while ago also. It wasn't because she didn't like them, because she came from the land of fatty foods. It was because the smell had started to make her sick. She hadn't told Balthazar that. His favorite foods were fatty steaks and such. Veronica had just politely declined. Her own episode in the coffee house a week earlier should've been a hint in the very least.

Her mother had been a midwife, very experienced in healing. She had started to train Veronica before she had died. Merlin had taught her the rest of her knowledge, that and her private study. She knew more than most women in her time had, and more than many men who were considered experts in their professions. By modern day standards she would've been considered an expert.

In short Veronica should've known that she was pregnant a long time ago. All of the signs were there. Perhaps she hadn't wanted to notice it because she thought that she might be wrong. Again, she probably already knew, at least on a subconscious level. Still, the child she had hoped for with her love since she was nineteen had finally been given to her, or so she thought.

To make sure she went online and double checked the symptoms. They were all there, every single one of them except the morning sickness. She expected that she would have that soon enough. It also said something about a pregnancy test, which she bought secretly and tried out. It read positive.

Despite her knowledge she hadn't told her beloved husband. Before she told Balthazar of her very likely suspicions she wanted to be absolutely one hundred percent sure. Right now there were still some doubts. There was to be no mistakes with something as important as this. If she was wrong then there was no call to be getting his hopes up as well.

They had discussed it once long ago that they both wanted children at some point or another. No specific dates had been mentioned and it was only chance that had left her pregnant this early in their marriage. From that conversation she had found out that being a father scared him a little, but he wanted to give it a go.

Seeing as he was already Dave's second father she didn't see what his nervousness. He was gruff but in an endearing sort of way. That sort of behavior just screamed a potential father figure. Veronica had never confirmed this with Dave but she had the feeling that that was how he felt about his Master.

Veronica felt a little like she was lying to him, not letting him know about her suspicions immediately. However, she had steeled herself against the doubts that she had known would assail her. She was doing the right thing. He might not thank her for it immediately but she was sure that she was doing the right thing.

She had learned a few things this time. There would be no repeat of the incident with the harp. She would let him know about whether or not she was pregnant before the doctor's bill came in. Veronica would be the one to tell him about the possibility of their having a child, not some notice sent out in a form note.

That day she got up at five to get to her appointment at seven. Balthazar was still asleep, as was his habit. Hopefully he'd sleep in until noon like the day before. She kissed him on the forehead before she went out, gently so she wouldn't wake him up. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and started walking out on the street.

Butterflies started to dance in her stomach from the minute she left her house. On the train she had to start taking deep breaths. A few of the other riders stared at her, but not many. All sorts of people rode the subway in New York and they were used to it if some of them looked a little neurotic.

The butterflies started doing cartwheels when she got out of the train. They only multiplied when she sat in the doctor's office, looking at all the women who were obviously pregnant. There were one or two women with hopeful expressions on their faces. Their husbands were with them. One of them looked discouraged but the other looked as hopeful as his wife was. With all of the people here having someone or already being confident Veronica felt a little out of place.

Still, she put on a brave front. It would've been nice to have Balthazar there to be nervous with her, but she had already made her choice. Picking up a magazine she started to read the first article she flipped to. After about ten minutes she realized that she hadn't taken in a single word. Veronica gave up trying to take her mind off of things after that. The task was too big for her to tackle alone in her frame of mind.

At long last the doctor called her name. She felt like everything was moving in slow motion after that. The doctor asked the usual questions, questions that hundreds of years ago she herself had asked anxious would-be mothers. After every question Veronica fidgeted nervously, clasping and unclasping her hands.

"First time?" asked the doctor.

Veronica nodded and the doctor smiled. She left the room briefly and then returned with a nurse. There was an examination which Veronica spent praying fervently. After that she went back out into the waiting room. Most of the people who had been out there before were gone now and it was all she could do to not think about the test results as the clock ticked away the time.

She was called back in. The doctor smiled at her again when she saw how agitated she was.

"Congratulations," she said.

Veronica let out a small cry and jumped up to her feet.

"Is there anything I should…I mean, I've never-" she started, thinking a mile a minute.

"Oh, there's a packet you can pick up at the desk," the doctor said, laughing, "Don't worry too much about it."

Feeling as though she was walking on air Veronica went home. She was so distracted that she missed her train. It didn't matter much to her though. She actually found it a little amusing as she sat down to wait for the next one. Everything after that was a blur, which meant that she lost track of the time.

Eventually she did look down at her watch. It was twelve. Taking a deep breath she pushed open the door to the Arcana Cabana.

"I hope you didn't buy another harp."

She looked up at Balthazar who was coming down the staircase that led to their living quarters. Veronica laced and unlaced her hands.

"No," she said, "I was…I was at the doctor's."

He stopped a step from the bottom. Balthazar took a deep breath in and then let it go. Only then did she realize how that must have sounded.

"Oh…um…"

"Is anything wrong?" he asked, his voice very deliberately calm.

Veronica breathed in. She hadn't thought how she was going to tell him, hadn't had the courage to think past the possibility of their child. Still, she knew that she wanted him to know immediately. Perhaps it was only right for it to be like this, like any other day before things changed. Just like she had known of her pregnancy.

She smiled and shook her head. Veronica walked up to the foot of the staircase. Taking Balthazar's hands she looked up at his confused face. Some small part of her knew that she was crying then, subconsciously. It was silent tears, just pouring down her face as she stood smiling at the man she had loved for so long.

"I'm pregnant," she said.

As soon as the words left her lips his face lit up. Before she knew it she was in his arms and being held tightly to his chest. He was talking, she was sure of that. Veronica wasn't sure what he said, just that the tone he used was happy beyond belief. Tears were still spilling out of her eyes, but that was alright.

She suspected that he was crying as well.