When I decided to ask Kitt for Shepard to spend Christmas over, my only thought was to make the holidays a little more bearable for her. The two of us locked up in Arcturus would have ended up with a whole lot of stir crazy.
The last thing I expected was for it to have such a profound effect on her. It wasn't anything outwardly dramatic, but by the by things kind of... settled down. I wouldn't call it normal, mostly because I didn't have a good yardstick to measure normal with. Yet we ended up with a sort of routine. My assignment after graduation was with the shipside patrols, fifth fleet. The fifth fleet was the fleet linked to Arcturus, and part of our duties was to simply patrol the systems linked to the primary relay.
It didn't sound so bad at the time, but I got to learn that half a dozen secondary relays we could get to with a single jump were inside the Attican Traverse. Which meant all sorts of scum and privateers were essentially two jumps away from Earth.
Needless to say, those systems were very heavily patrolled. The problem with them was that there wasn't much there, the six systems were pretty devoid of "attractive" resources. Developers liked to have garden planets close, abundant resources that were easy to extract (usually on planets or gas giant satellites with low gravity, to save fuel), stars that weren't ridiculously hot and gigantic, all that. Basically, with the galaxy being so freaking big, and thousands upon thousands of relays to explore, there was little point to go after anything other than the low hanging fruit. Hence, those systems remained empty because there was no reason to populate them.
Several more Attican systems connected to Arcturus had been colonized, and those were also part of our patrols. But they had established garrisons, and local militias. As far as frontier systems went, they were relatively safe.
Not so for the freaking empty systems. We had to patrol them because they were connected to Arcturus. But the chances of running into anything serious in them were rather slim. There was nothing to get there, they were expected to be patrolled, but we couldn't stop patrolling because they were close to Earth.
And so on and so forth.
So, there was a lot of boredom involved. They were, however, the systems where we conducted most of our training exercises.
Once, as part of one of those exercises, we spent five freaking days in FTL, moving from one secondary relay to the next. The point of that was to get us used to being cooped up in the ship with no distractions for days – as it might happen during missions.
Of course, no distractions is a relative term.
"The hell is... you brought a hologuitar?"
I unfolded the instrument and looked at Chyse, a smug smile on my face. Personal item space was very limited aboard a cruiser, and bringing a musical instrument was probably bottom of the list for most people.
Most common thing to bring? Chocolate. Onboard rations were really that bad.
"I sure did."
With an easy strum, I got a C out, the sound electric and angry. The choice of song, however, was rather limited by the age of my repertoire. I decided to go with something easy to start with. Despite the mixed bag of looks I was getting – from curiosity to downright dread – I went for it.
Deep Purple – Smoke on the Water.
Yeah, I'm not the greatest singer, but some songs are so awesome even I could make them sound good. One song later, and some of the, let's face it, bored as hell, marines started joining with improvised percussion.
Wait, I knew the perfect song for that.
Alice Cooper – School's Out.
Oh yeah, that one got the crowd going all right. Best was, with the main riff and the chorus, it was basically perfect for just banging on whatever is handy to follow the rhythm while shouting that school's out. Then it moved onto bootcamp's out, no more sergeants, all the good stuff. Before I knew it, we were making a ruckus that could raise the dead, and better yet, someone had hacked into the ship's internal comms and we started broadcasting all over the PA system.
Spoiler: That was Kim.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"
Bloody hell, but we dropped the noise fast. That was our Gunnery Chief, an ornery bastard who missed his calling of being a drill sergeant only because the idea of ever having to tell us we had done well upon graduation was too unpalatable for him.
"Who got into the PA?!"
Nobody stirred, of course. We stood ramrod straight, shoulder to shoulder because the freaking ship was tiny, and let him rage on.
"No one, huh? Well, well, I suppose we have to do something with all that extra energy you all seem to have."
Yeah. If you think physical punishment options were limited aboard a compact cruiser loaded to the rafters, you're underestimating the gunny's imagination. He decided it was a good time to rearrange the cargo, and as luck would have it, an out-of-spec tweak to the mass effect field pallets, which made them increase in mass instead of decrease, had somehow sneaked into the system.
At least it kept us entertained during the trip.
There were other, less memorable moments. Or, rather, moments I'd rather forget. Patrols out near the Terminus bring to mind something like epic battles between the good lads of the Alliance and pirates and raiders of all descriptions, protecting the innocent and all that. In reality, we mostly dealt with lowlife scum setting up shop out there for less than savoury reasons.
Drugs were a big thing. Red sand market was huge, but it required eezo, and eezo was hard to come by. There were enough operations out there to make the P-lab problems back in my day seem like child's play. Others were, yes, shitty people doing shitty things, unregistered colonies that were almost indistinguishable from warlord-led towns in war-torn countries back in the 21st. It wasn't very glamorous.
But from time to time you got to help good people. It was shitty that bad things would come to them, but getting them out of trouble did lift the spirits.
Other fun things? The first time I got to drive the Mako without an officer onboard. Just me at the wheel, Elisa as the co-pilot, and the rest of the team taking the baggage spots. Six total, a whole unit could fit in one of those things. Cramped, but hey.
"Jinx! Slow down, I don't want to die in here!" Elisa yelled at me.
"What? You heard the gunny, you can't break the Mako!"
"I'm not worried about the Mako!"
Dammit, the thing was fast. Much faster than what the games claimed. Six-wheel traction with independent suspension, linear torque delivery, VI-controlled and programmable diffs, it was fucking amazing. They had dropped us on a small satellite around a gas giant – didn't know where the fuck we were, didn't care, I was driving the fucking Mako – and the low gravity made driving it even more hilarious.
"That's sand! That's loose sand, Jinx, slow down!"
"Whooo!" I howled as we went in, and hit the controls with fast and smooth movements. Steer, countersteer... "It's working! It's powersliding! It's powersliding!"
"Rock!" Elisa yelled.
Too late. We were going sideways, so I didn't actually see it. It was an error on my part, that's what the instruments are for; I could make an entire 3D projection of everything eighty feet around the Mako. Did I mention how awesome the damn Mako was? Anyway, we hit a rock with the back left wheel, and, because of the low gravity, and nothing to do with the way or speed I was driving at, the Mako jolted hard, tilted... and tumbled.
And tumbled again.
And again.
"JIIIIIINX!"
Yeah, I got chewed up pretty hard for that one, but damn if it hadn't been worth it.
All in all, life in the Systems Alliance was very easy. Do your thing, follow orders, shoot bad guys, help the good guys, try not to get killed, and learn an hundred and one ways not to be bored out of your damn skull while out there on patrol. Sure, it wasn't safe, but it didn't exactly need a lot of brain engagement.
I had the chance to transfer after the first year if I wanted to, and I did consider something more permanent. Planet-side somewhere, nice and stable, but with the current assignment I got to spend quite a bit of time in Arcturus. That was good, because, well, because of Shepard.
Damned if I could believe it, but Shepard looked settled down aboard the station. Classes going okay, a social circle, she was even more talkative with me. She even got a summer job in one of the electronics shop aboard Arcturus. It was all going so well that I didn't realize for a long time that... it wasn't. Maybe I just had wanted to believe it too much.
Nope. What she was doing was exactly what I had told her to do. Distract people. Do what you're expected to do, while finding ways to avoid letting anyone go deeper into your motivations. Keep others close, but not too close.
She was even doing it with me. I said it before, and I'd say it again: Clever girl.
Still, it had been my idea, and I still believed it would eventually help. Better than completeyly isolating herself. I had been there, too, although I hadn't had it as bad as her. I didn't have a caring family to miss to begin with.
Nonetheless, she had been doing surprisingly well, all things considered. Our second Christmas at Simon and Kitt's had been just as good as the first one. I was quite hopeful. I had started trying to put the idea of going to University into Shepard's head. Shanxi had good universities, not as good as the top schools on Earth, but given what I knew the future could hold for Earth, I didn't want Shepard anywhere near it.
That was something I had started to think about very seriously, too. It sounds terrible to say it like that, but if I managed to get Shepard out, of Arcturus and off my immediate care, and to a relatively safe place, then I'd have more freedom to start putting things in place. I wasn't going to do much by myself, what I needed to do was find the right person with power and influence to get the galaxy out of their collective asses.
And I had to convince them, too. And I had to do that in a very short time. And then there was the freaking cascade effect of what would happen if things started changing; the more I changed the future, the less useful my information about it would be, but I was absolutely sure I was going to change things.
And, and, and. It never ended. Whenever I started thinking about these things, I could space out for hours.
"Jinx!"
See what I mean?
"What?" I replied, looking up. The whole table was looking at me – Chyse, Ramsey, Brod, and Elisa – and so were the two asari in tight clothing who had joined us.
We were, where else, at a seedy bar aboard a space station, one of many along the planetary trade routes. I didn't know it when I first arrived to this crazy reality, but there were lots of space stations all over the place. Zero-gee facilities made the movement and transfer of cargo that much easier, and while none could ever compare to the large flagship stations of the big powers (Arcturus included in that lot, not to mention the Citadel), they were real hubs for all the different sentient species.
This particular one was on a system of the "Triple Edge", the area where the Attican Traverse, the Earth Alliance, and the Inner Council spaces met. By location alone, plus the relays that had been opened there, it was one of the larger hubs for the Earth Alliance to trade goods, coming directly from the Traverse, or manufactured on the inner colonies. So, plenty of humans, turians and, of course, asari.
"The lady asked you a question," Chyse said, pointing at the asari sitting besides me.
"Sorry, kinda got a lot in my mind."
Chyse laughed, while Elisa shook her head and addressed my neighbour.
"Give it up lady, you won't get nothing from that one. Nada de nada."
"I have my ways," the asari, whose name I probably should remember, but didn't, said.
"Ways or not, I think his gear's broken," Ramsey said.
"Har, har." I decided to go for the silly angle. "Look, no offense, but I'm just not into guys, okay?"
"W-What?" the asari stammered. There was a pause, and after it, everyone started laughing.
"Oh my god, that's… even for you, Jinx!" Chyse said, speaking between bursts of laughter.
"What, you didn't know there are male asari?"
I turned to the asari next to me, we looked at each other, and like a switch had been flicked, her expression turned serious.
"That is not information you should share so freely," she deadpanned, her voice flat and even a little lower.
Ooh, she's picked up the ball, this should be fun!
"Well I'm sorry, I just never agreed with the idea that you should hide that kind of thing."
"That's not for you to decide," the other asari said, getting on in the game too.
"We're supposed to believe those," Elisa said, pointing at the rather excellent pair of breast on my companion, "are fake?"
"What do you mean fake?" the asari said innocently.
"You know, fake boobs."
"Those aren't breasts," I said, getting everyone's attention. "I mean, not really. They're biotic organs."
"Come again?" Ramsey said.
"Biotics! Look, haven't you noticed how older matriarchs have larger, well, let's call them breasts? It's the biotics, they're stronger biotics. It the same with the male asari with, you know," I glanced down my metaphorical pants for a moment.
"How do you know so much about asari physiology?" the asari next to me said. "We let you humans think they're breasts because, you know, of your own females."
"An asari I met a while ago," I replied. "Mira was her name. I was feeling pretty down, she asked me what was wrong and if she could do anything to help." I had everyone's attention now, so I decided to just lay it as thick as I could. "I asked if she had a way for me to forget about everything, and she said she had just the thing. She started glowing blue, her breasts became this big," I added an exaggerated gesture for effect, "and then she grabbed me and buried my face between them. It did the trick, while I was in there I couldn't put a single thought together."
That did it. The asari had been holding back laughter for a while, but after I gestured as if my hands were burying my face in some imaginary enormous breasts, she just exploded with laughter. A moment later the others joined, but I could tell we had actually had them going. Some more than others.
"Sorry Elisa, but no asari dick for you," I said, making the asari laugh even harder, and getting a cross look from the hispanic woman. Only for a moment, though. Elisa could take a joke, not just dish them out.
"La historia de mi vida," she said, with an exaggerated sigh. "My search for a hot alien guy continues."
"Hey, what's happening?"
We all turned to the newcomer, Kim, and greeted her cheerfully. She was wearing an oversized shirt, which looked, I have to say, rather adorably good on her.
Of course I didn't say that out loud. You think I'm suicidal? There was a reason for the shirt tho.
"Welcome back!"
"How did it go? How did it go?" Chyse said, twisting on her seat to look back.
"Great!" Kim replied.
"We wanna see!" Elisa yelled, and a chorus of voices joined.
With that kind of pressure, what could she do? She looked at me, her smile intensified, and she turned around, unbuttoning her shirt and letting it drop. Completely unconcerned about exposing her breasts. Your sense of modesty kinda diminished after a year doing patrols in a packed ship and having to change in under a minute whenever an alert rang. You got naked on the way to the lockers, not there.
So, Kim had dropped her shirt without a second thought.
Holy shit!
Her entire back was now covered with an enormous tattoo. A stylized eastern dragon with silver scales, jumping out of an ocean, painted in a blue I had never seen for an ocean – the color of the ocean on Thessia. Water, clouds, it wasn't detailed, it was very stylized, but it was so dynamic and evocative I couldn't stop staring.
Whoever had done that was fucking amazing.
"Wow, she must really like you," my companion said. The artist was some asari who was, apparently, very particular about who she worked with. "I've never seen her do a tattoo like that on a human."
Kim glanced back to reply, but I had lost the thread of the convo again. Because the massive tattoo, amazing as it was, had reminded me of something completely different.
Jack.
Pragia. I wasn't sure about the timeline for the most dangerous human biotic in the galaxy – or maybe, soon to be – but I knew she was younger than Shepard, and that she had spent her youth at the fucking hellish facility. Which meant that she could be there, right now, and possibly had been there for the year and a half I had been in the Mass Effect universe without me lifting a finger to help her.
Shit, what else should I have been doing? Jack... shit, I had to find a way to come down hard on Pragia and get her out of there. Shit, shit, shit.
"See anything you like, Jinx?" Kim said. She put her hands on her side and cocked her hip, giving her silhouette a seductive pose, looking over her shoulder.
"Eh? What? No, no, of course not," I replied, half-mumbling the last words with my mind still somewhere else. I raised my omni-tool and looked at the time. Quarter past nine. "Gotta go make a call."
I stood up and headed for the public FTL terminals, catching some of the convo as I walked out.
"He's such a weirdo."
"Sometimes, yes."
Eh, par for the course.
I got into one of the cabins, and pulled the privacy curtain. Only one person I would be calling.
"Lana!" I greeted her.
"Hey Roy," she replied.
"How are you doing?"
She gave a shrug. "I'm okay."
"Ready for the big day?"
"It's nothing big, it's just my birthday."
"Well, you don't turn eighteen every day, let me tell you. Just promise you won't go crazy now just because you legally can."
"Yes grandma," she said, which got a laugh from me.
Without warning, the curtain of the booth opened, and the asari poked her head in, all smiles.
"How rude of you," she said in a mock offended tone, "you left me all alone with-"
"What the hell are you doing?" I snapped back, interrupting her. "Get out."
"But-"
"OUT!"
She stepped back just like if she had been pushed, her expression taking on a tone of confused surprise. I didn't say anything else, I just pulled the curtain closed, and turned back to the screen.
And boy, but did Shepard look shocked.
"Who was that?"
"Dunno, some asari I've just met."
"Hm-mm," Shepard hummed, giving me a mischievous look.
"Lana…"
"What? I haven't said anything."
The look she was giving me made it pretty easy to see she didn't need to say anything. I threw up my hands in the air and shook my head in annoyance. Yeah, like I needed that.
"Are you okay?" Shepard said. "You're acting weird."
"I'm fine," I deadpanned. "Just a few things in my mind."
"Okay." She hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Are you going to come?"
"Yup. I promised, didn't I? I should be there in time to cook dinner. You inviting the guys over?"
"No, we're… we're meeting afterwards."
"Oh good. I'll see you there tomorrow then!"
"Yeah. Have a nice trip."
She flicked the FTL off, and left me wondering. Why the sudden hesitation? When she asked whether I was going. Maybe I was seeing too much into it. Or maybe the way I had kicked the asari out… But really, what the hell? Walking into someone else's call?
I got out of the booth and went to pick up my stuff. I had my duffel bag under the table, where the others were still drinking and laughing. The asari saw me and made a show of huffing and looking away.
Whatever.
"Are you off?" Kim said.
"Yep, have a shuttle to get to," I replied. "You guys have fun, I'll see you next week."
"Say hi to Shepard for me!" Kim called as I walked off.
I waved at her and left the bar, heading for the public docks. Kim and Shepard; the two of them seemed to have become friends. At least judging for the amount of in-jokes they seemed to exchange whenever we were in the FTL. Some of them were from Fleet and Flotilla though. Never expected Kim to be a big fan of the longest-running soap opera in Council space, but there you go.
The shuttle was leaving soon, so I boarded and got to my seat. It was a commercial transport, doing several stops on its way to Arcturus, so it was going to take nearly twenty hours to arrive. Twenty hours back, basically I had just a few days at Arcturus before my break was over. Which is why I was the only one in my ship doing the trip, everyone else was at the space station, spending their pay in booze and asari dancers.
I knew where my pay was going.
Civilian shuttles were a lot more roomy and comfortable than military ones. For one thing, they didn't actually need to utilize every single cubic inch for the sake of efficiency. Space travel was cheap once one got out of the planetary gravity wells, so transport between space stations, such as what I was about to undertake, were nearly trivial.
I settled down for a long haul, taking the corridor seat and stretching as much as I could in it. My 6'2" was still above average for humans in the future, but it was just about normal for a turian. Thus, most transports that served mixed travelers fit me like a glove.
Good times.
With the long haul ahead, I had plenty of time to think. And the realization had nearly blinded me; I had been so focused on Shepard that I didn't stop to think whether there was something else I should be doing.
Other than the obvious, the reapers. I had time until Summer to come up with a plan, at least, or until I sent Shepard to university (if I could convince her, that is). But what else?
I decided to go back to the basics. The games. Who was in them, and was there something I should be doing?
Mass Effect one.
Ashley, she was probably still in school, doing her thing. She was okay. Until Eden prime. It always came back to the reapers, didn't it?
Then there was Alenko, he-
Crap, brain camp. Is that shit place still going?
I fired up my omni-tool and hit the extranet. Searching the extranet was a freaking pain in the ass, but it was the only place for me to search. Luckily, this time I found answers fast. It closed in 2169, a year before I arrived.
My first thought was to be relieved I hadn't missed it, or I'd have kicked myself for having done so. Then I kicked myself for being relieved that it had happened before I could have stopped it.
Yeah, don't try to follow that train of thought. More so, when thinking about it, I realized I didn't actually know how I could have stopped the thing. I was just one guy put in the wrong place with some forewarning of what was about to happen. The question as to whether I should try to stop things I knew would happen wasn't really a question in my mind. What I was starting to realize was that I didn't really knew if I could.
I pushed that thought aside. Later.
There was Tali. Back in the flotilla, probably still a kid. Not much I could do about the flotilla. Was her mother still alive?
…
Another thing I couldn't do anything about. I mean, tell them to be careful about an accident which may happen sometime in the future and I had no details about?
Uh-huh.
Liara. Hm. I searched for her. To my surprise, she was listed as a staff member at the University of Thessia (well, the actual name was The Thessian Center of High Learning for the Asasi Republics, but it looked like everyone just called it UoT). She was even giving some lectures there, there was a talk planned in about a week.
"The Prothean Extinction, Recurring Folly of Large Civilizations?"
Nice.
Before I got lost reading her long list of publications, and all the archaeological projects she was involved with, I decided to move along. She was fine.
Garrus. I wasn't even sure how old he was, so I didn't know if he was on C-sec already. And… There wasn't anything for me to do there. Same for Wrex really.
It was the same with the rest of the crew of Mass Effect 2. Samara? I had no idea where her daughter could be, and moreover, there was no way in Hell I was going anywhere near the freaking space vampire. Kasumi? I didn't have a clue where to look for her, to warn her about Bekenstein, though it could be worth trying. Thane? Yeah, that'll work, I'm sure I could just drop by the hanar homeworld to look for his kid and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. And so on and so forth.
I didn't even freaking remember which planet Jacob's father was going to crash on. And believe me, I tried. For hours.
In the end there were only two people I could think of.
Jack. If she was still in Pragia, I needed to get her the hell out of there. How?
…
Worst case scenario, get some hired guns and raid the place myself. I had no idea what rates mercenaries charged these days though.
And then, there was Javik. That was nothing short of a nuclear weapon, timeline-wise. But it was the best chance to get the galaxy out of its collective ass. Who, exactly, I could convince to look for him was another story. But I was digging him out one way or another.
If DLC content was a thing in this reality, that is.
Yeah, it didn't sound like much of a plan. In fact, it didn't sound like a plan at all. I spent the entire flight back, instead of catching some sleep, just running everything through my head. The realization was as painful as it was hard to accept. I was freaking useless.
All I had done for the last year and a half was stall.
That was the bottom line.
I could claim it was all about getting Shepard safe, but it was just an excuse, a way to lie to myself that I was still going to do something.
A gun and some guts and I'll be ready to save the galaxy.
Like hell. The recruitment officer wasn't all that wrong. I was.
So, instead of a relaxing day flying, I had a restless spell of nearly twenty hours with my eyes fixed on the stupid pilot lights above my head. The best thing about it is that I was sure I was weirding out the guy sitting next to me. Just imagine having a 6'2" built up guy sitting next to you, angry face on and muttering to himself every so often, and barely moving the rest of the time. No sleep, no in-flight entertainment, nothing.
Weeeeeirdo.
After the uneventful flight, we docked and I made towards the apartment, stopping on my way to collect a few groceries. I was pretty sure the cryo would be empty or nearly so, and I had promised Shepard I'd cook dinner. I stopped worrying about how she was feeding herself some time ago. Yeah, the cryo was always near empty, and she had gotten noticeably leaner. However, with the amount of time she was spending at the climbing gym, and how freaking fast she went up those damn walls, I wasn't too worried she was starving herself. She was just damn fit.
She was very driven.
The apartment was empty when I arrived. I dropped my bag, got the groceries out, and got cooking. The kitchen was ridiculously tiny, but there was enough space if one was organized. I was making some stuffed bell peppers, a Spanish potato tortilla, and had a French apple tarte tatin and a mushroom risotto ready to be finished a soon as Shepard came back.
Which come to think of it, she was quite late. Maybe she decided to spend her birthday celebrating. Or maybe she didn't want to talk to me.
Then again, she had asked me to be here. Well, whether I was going to be here.
I heard the door open when I was flipping the tortilla, always a delicate procedure.
"Hey Lana," I said. "Welcome back."
"Hi…"
"Happy birthday." I put the pan back on the stove and turned to her, pointing at the oven. "Hungry? Why don't you put the pie in the oven?"
"...'kay."
That was odd, she was a lot quieter than usual. Specially since I knew she loved that tarte. I grabbed the pan to flip the tortilla again – flip it often, to avoid burning the surface while the inside is raw, but not too often because the pan loses heat every time you pull it out; it's a delicate balance – and looked at her.
"You okay Ali?"
"No, no, I'm… Yeah. No. I just…"
"Yeah?" I inquired without turning. One smooth move, and I had it flipped again.
"I joined the army today."
*CLANG*
I dropped the pan on the stove like it was a venomous snake, and turned to Shepard. She was right behind me, and for all the hesitation in her voice, she was standing ramrod straight, almost defiant. Still, her eyes, the way she gulped…
My head was swimming. I couldn't even process past the words Shepard had just said. There were a thousand ideas vying for attention in my brain, equal parts memories from the Mindoir days, and older memories from the Mass Effect games. If I had been thinking straight, I would have been surprised at how the latter were just as vivid as the former.
Batarians shooting at us. Shepard bleeding when a bullet caught her leg.
Falling to her death at Alchera.
"Roy?" Shepard said. "Are you going to say something?"
"I didn't want that for you," was all I could manage to say, my voice thin and low.
Shepard's reaction was immediate. She bristled, her brow furrowed and her back tensed. "It's my decision," she said.
"No, no, that's not what I… mean…"
"Then what?" she insisted.
"I…"
I couldn't answer. Tell her to stop. Tell her to be careful. Tell her what's coming. Don't tell her what's coming.
Do something to change what's coming.
"You're freaking me out now," Shepard said. "I wanted to do this, okay? It's my decision. This…" she gestured with her arms around, "this just isn't me, it isn't my life! You wanted me to find a life, well I did!"
She was gathering steam, which managed to get me a little more back to the present. I put my hands on her shoulders, which stopped her talking, and looked at her straight in the eye.
"Ali… It's fine. It'll be fine. You're going to be amazing at this, okay?"
"O… kay?"
"And no matter what happens, remember you can always count on me. I promise."
"Right?" Shepard said, and yeah, she looked confused.
I was probably babbling, so her choice of reactions was probably quite limited. I let go of her and tried my best to smile.
"Hey, when did I ever break a promise?"
"Dunno," she replied, mirroring my hesitant smile. "You did promise to cook dinner…"
"What?" I noticed the smell as she said that, and turned to see that the tortilla was burning on the stove. "Shit, shit!"
I pulled the pan out of the stove, but it was too late. Burning food, smoke…
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHH*
Yeah.
Ten minutes later we were outside the apartment, while the fire brigade went through the mess I had just created. Shepard looked at me, a genuine smile on her face, and a little mischievous look in her eye. She didn't say anything. But she didn't need to.
"That one doesn't count," I said. "I was distracted."
Yeah, she cracked up laughing.
In what was starting to become tradition, Shepard and I ended up at Relay Rob's, reading through the menu and taking in the smell of the best barbecue this side of the relay. Getting good quality meat to Arcturus wasn't exactly difficult, but it wasn't cheap either. Yet it was hard to resist.
"Hi honey," the waitress said, walking to us pad in hand. "What'll you be having, the ribs?"
"… yeah," Shepard replied.
"Wait." I looked at Shepard, at the waitress, then back at Shepard. "Lana, how often do you come here?"
The waitress smiled, while Shepard did her best to look innocent. Well it was good food, so really, as long as she kept her protein up.
"Ribs and a large Astro-fizz," the waitress said. Shepard sniggered and nodded, flicking the menu off. The waitress turned to me. "What about you, handsome?"
"I'll have the same," I replied. "Astro-fizz and all."
The waitress chuckled in response, jotted down the order, and looked up. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, bring a nice salad too, she needs to eat her greens," I replied, pointing at Shepard.
"Oi!"
"Will do!" the waitress replied, making herself scarce.
"Seriously, you can't live off meat and Astro-fizz, you know."
"Whatever, it's your fault."
"I know, I know," I admitted. It was something I had said myself more than once. "I'm a terrible influence."
"You're not so bad," Shepard said, giving me a cheeky smile.
A rare thing, a compliment and a smile. Seemed like Shepard was finally relaxing. Nothing like a small fire to brighten one's spirit.
Hell, I hadn't seen her this relaxed since… Ever. She wasn't faking it this time. Once I figured out her little distraction act with me, I had learned to spot it. As far as I could recall, the only times when she looked half as relaxed were at the climbing gym.
Sidenote, I wasn't very good at that. Sure, with the genemods I was stronger than I had ever been – and with nothing else to do during long ship hauls during patrols, I had built a lot of muscle over the last year and a half – but when it came to climbing, being two hundred and twenty was an impediment, even if most of them were muscle.
Seriously, when I saw what the marines looked like in-game I thought it was just eyecandy for the ladies (or the so inclined guys), but no. The locker room looked like a cutscene of some bodybuilding competition documentary. Freaking gene mods.
Which reminded me.
"When are you shipping out?" I said.
"Next week."
"Uh-huh. What are you going to do about gene mods?"
"I'm not sure. I thought I could manage without…"
"Without? You seen the stats?"
"Yeah. I'm not planning to drop out."
"Without mods."
The waitress came by to drop the drinks and some bread and dips. I took my enormous glass and gave it a good pull, I was thirsty as heck.
Which is funny if one considers both Shepard and I looked like we had just stepped out of the biggest shower in history.
"They're expensive."
I shook my head and brought my omni-tool up. A few seconds later, Shepard's pinged with an incoming message. She gave me a look, but I just shrugged and went for the bread sticks.
Her gasp of surprise was quite satisfying, I have to say.
"Wha… What's this?"
"That," I said, pausing to take another bite. For dramatic effect. "Was supposed to be your college fund."
"There's half a million credits in here!"
A few people turned when she said that, and she comically clamped a hand to her mouth, as if she had revealed the secret to time travel or something.
… yeah, maybe not the best comparison, given my circumstances.
"I was hoping to get you to a good one," I said.
Shepard leaned forward, and spoke at a whisper. "How did you get all this money?"
"Lana, it's not like I stole it. It's mostly my salary. Most expenses are covered by the Systems Alliance. Add in a volus investment manager who really knows what he's doing, and presto."
I was, of course, leaving out the proceeds on the sale of a watch and some collectible old coins. But the volus investment manager was, in fact, true. They guy added forty percent over eighteen months. And it wasn't a scam either.
The world of galactic finance was absolutely cutthroat. He claimed his other fund could have doubled my money, but this one was insured, so I wouldn't lose my shirt if it went wrong.
"I didn't know you earned this much," she muttered, still looking at the account.
"I don't, so don't get your hopes up for yourself," I said, winking at her.
Once the ribs arrived, we both turned our attention to the business of demolishing them in a very thorough fashion. Neither of us ate quickly, we weren't in a hurry, but we did do a thorough job of it. For me, it was a chance to enjoy a good meal away from the field rations. For Shepard, it was a last good meal, after I warned her she'd be having a hard time keeping food down while the gene mods kicked in. And once bootcamp started, well, that would be that.
The conversation, too, picked up. Shepard knew about bootcamp, of course, with everything I had told her, but now she was really interested. To be honest, she had fallen into the topic with far too much ease, so much so that I had a feeling she had been holding back on it until now.
Distraction. She had been playing the distraction game.
"So, really, you gonna take any mods other than the standard Alliance set?"
Shepard gulped her last bite of meat and wiped her mouth. "Nmph know, I-"
"Don't speak with a full mouth," I reprimanded her.
She finished eating, while laughing, and gave me a look. "Yes grandma. I dunno," she added, raising her omni-tool once again. "It"s so expensive, but now it's like looking at a candy store. I want them all."
"No more than three," I said.
"With some exceptions," Shepard added. "There's this one-" Her omni-tool pinged, and derailed the conversation. "Oops."
"Hm?"
"My friends. We're going after dinner and I didn't tell them we're here…"
"Off you go then."
"Okay." She stood up, and was about to walk off when she had a second thought. "Um… thanks."
I smiled and gave her a nod, pushing my empty plate away. The smile was empty. All I had in my mind during the whole dinner was that I had screwed it up. Shepard had joined the marines the day of her 18th birthday, same as she always did in the games. There was never a chance to change it, in the games I mean; it was just backstory.
Was I just a spectator to the games' backstories? To the game plot itself?
Or was I simply not doing enough?
That last one did ring a bell. I had been sitting on my ass for eighteen months. Yeah, the military had taught me how to shoot, how to fight, but it was not going to change history.
And I needed to start changing things real quick, because Shepard had just gotten on the tracks. I couldn't keep stalling
"Here you go."
The waitress' voice caught my wandering attention, much like the sound of the plate being put in front of me. It was a brownie sundae the size of my head.
"What the…"
"You look like you need it," the waitress said, flashing a smile. "Don't worry, it's nice and full of protein, we feed a lot of marines here," she added with a wink.
"Thanks," I said, looking at the pile of frozen goodies in front of me. "Hope it does the trick."
"You know, I don't think I've seen that girl smile since I've been here. And she just smiled twice. It can't be that bad."
"It is," I said. The waitress tilted her head and sat at the booth in front of me. The place was almost empty, so it's not like she had anything else to do. I took a spoonful of icecream, savoured the amazing flavour, and smiled.
"It works, doesn't it?" she smirked.
"Getting there. Anyway, she's joining the army."
"That's so bad?"
"Um, yes? It's not exactly the life."
"This is Arcturus, what were you expecting? All we have are jarheads and politicians."
The response was so simple, so obvious, and so true, that I tried to think of something to say back, and I couldn't. I must have had my mouth open for a while, because the waitress took the spoon, picked a healthy scoop of icecream, and put it right in.
"Eat your sundae," she added good humouredly, and went off to serve another table.
Arcturus was many things to many people. Heart of the Alliance's fleet. Link between Earth and the galaxy. For some, it was home. It was almost as if the place kept reinventing itself. And it did, because it seemed to be always a work in progress.
The sixth upper deck was the latest addition to the place. The outer shell had been there for a while, but only in the last few months the inside had been made liveable. It was still empty, only the large spaces and atmo were finished. There was no pressure to finish anything else until the space was needed.
It was a great place to sneak to for a bit of privacy. It was dark, with only a few low maintenance lights on. And thanks to that, the view from the third open plaza was spectacular. So many stars it was hard to believe.
"You couldn't wait until the end of the year," Ian said.
Shepard and him were sitting on the ground, their eyes glued to the glass above them. Well, Shepard's. She could feel the glances Ian was giving her, and she was still trying to figure out how she felt about that.
"No point in waiting," she replied, leaning back and laying on the ground. It was a lot easier to see up like that, and she could glance at Ian too.
And she kept thinking of Hector. Mindoir. Just a few weeks before the... Just a few weeks before. He had told her she was like Helen, and it took her a while to connect the dots and figure out that one. His younger brother had a crush on her. She didn't care, she loved Hector instead.
Or at least she thought she did. It all seemed so silly and petty now. He was gone. Mindoir was gone. Her school, her friends, Hector and his brother. All gone.
But Ian was there, and her heart was pumping hard in her chest.
"A bunch of us were going to join then," Ian said. He leaned back, on his arm, his body sideways and close to her. "Wish you had waited." He smiled.
"I..."
Shepard found that her breath was not there when she needed it to speak. Ian took her hand, and she found herself squeezing back before the thought even registered. She didn't need to speak. Ian leaned further, he was so close she could feel his breath. It was warm, so warm she felt drawn to it.
She closed her eyes.
They kissed.
Her heart redoubled its efforts to try and burst through her chest. She felt Ian press closer on top of her, the strength of his body equal parts reassuring and...
No!
A feeling of panic hit her like a bullet. She scrambled, trying to get away from Ian, and the irrational fear overwhelming her as she tried to free herself from him.
"Woah, woah!" Ian said, jumping back away from her. "Lana, what-"
"Stay away!"
She recoiled on the ground, her eyes darting around in terror.
"Fine!" he said, raising his arms in a hands-off gesture. "What's gotten into you?" When Shepard didn't reply, Ian insisted. "Lana?"
Ian made as if he was about to move closer, which prompted Shepard to recoil again, shaking her head.
"I'm not going to hurt you, what's wrong?"
"I'm... I need to get out of here," Shepard said, jumping to her feet. "I'm sorry."
"Lana-"
"I'm sorry Ian. I'm sorry"
She turned around and fled, her steps echoing through the empty space. Ian called her name again, which only made her run faster. It hurt, and she knew she had just hurt Ian worse still. What kind of person was she? What kind of person did that?
The kind of person she was.
Author's Notes: So, timeskip! Life on the Systems Alliance involves a lot less shooting, and a lot more boredom, than you might think - at least before the reapers come. So, Shepard joining the marines? Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have joined the marines to begin with, what the hell was I thinking? And as good as things may seem on the surface, it's not all good times and roses.
Got a lot of reviews last chapter, thank you so much for them! To touch on a few questions:
Lfan8: Thanks a lot for such a thoughtful review! You touch a lot of good points, so let me share my thoughts on them about what I've been trying to do (always a difference between trying and achieving).
More than calm/mature, what I wanted Roy to come across as is more passive than anything else. As with Shepard, and with everything else, my tendency has always been to just take the punches without really punching back. Took a while to get out of there, and that's the headspace I wanted Roy to be at. Yeah, should lose his cool more often, he probably will as life in the army beats that out of him and he finds a voice. There's a lot of crazy planned ahead, and I intend to take Roy's head to places :)
Shepard's angry at everything. One of the things that can happen when losing close family is anger and lashing out at those who are closest to you, not so much because you are angry at them, but because it's the only channel you feel you have to focus that anger. Proper channelling of that anger is part of the healing process, which Shepard really isn't getting through. She's still focusing a lot inwards.
The relationship between the two of them is confusing. One thing is that Roy doesn't really know what he's supposed to be towards Shepard, which in part is, as you pointed out, the small age difference between the two. Trying to be a paternal figure doesn't work, Shepard's bristling at that, but Roy doesn't really know how to be a sibling. On the reverse, Shepard's trying to see Roy more as non-family family (as he mentioned last chapter to Joe), but Roy doesn't make it easy. She's still not clear why he cares, and she's in that space where she hates that he cares, but is afraid of him not caring - that'd be her left alone. As I said, grief focus.
All in all, you gave me food for though, and thanks again for sharing your thoughts with us :)
Mizuki00: Just a lil' more feelz. And speaking of, thanks for the positive feelz for my continued existence on this earth! ;)
And seriously, thanks a lot everyone, because all those reviews really brighten my day. I'll keep striving to improve and deliver as best I can. Next time, well, next time it's going to be a real headsplitter.
Until then, happy New Year, dear readers, and I hope 2016 proves to be a year to remember for all of you! :)