I have no life. Another chapter as promised. Shout out to xoShortee93! and of course I love all my readers. Thanks so much you guys! Hope you enjoy. =)
I worked whenever I could those first two weeks. It was something to do and I needed the money. So I took whatever shifts I could; and most of the time that meant the late shift, closing up at night.
It was two days before my birthday. At that point, I wasn't nervous. I was sort of numb to the whole thing, going day to day. The gang never showed up, no one got shot, gas stations weren't robbed, and people weren't killed. Nothing happened in those two weeks. It was extremely boring, honestly. So I would forget my situation; it would slip from my reality like it had all been a bad dream. I could even rationalize my calm demeanor to myself. You're gonna be fine. Killing you would only be something else for Billy to deal with. You've been good.
But that night brought a chilling reminder.
I didn't have a car so I walked pretty much everywhere. Kmart was only a ten-minute walk and I stayed on the main roads, so the stretch wasn't bad. I liked walking in the dark sometimes. It was calm and quiet, more so than any other place in the city. By the time I got off at ten, there weren't many people wandering around so I could stare at the ground as I went, looking up only when a car whizzed by a little too close.
That particular night, I did just that. It was cool and dark and my boots scuffed on the sidewalk as I went. I liked wearing them everywhere, even though they stood out from the norm when I worked. But I didn't care. Regular shoes made me feel less protected. The thick soles and hard toes shielded me from the real world. No more aching Achilles tendons from sky-high heels. I still had the pair I was wearing that night, the night my mother died. Each time I looked at them, I would remember the way I'd been tossed around. First at the police station, the alley, then at Bones' shop. I had been a rag doll, flung around at the mercy of others while I'd do nothing.
I wasn't completely changed. At night, in my apartment, I could hear the chatter of parties down the block. The whole neighborhood seemed to come to life after dark, mostly on the weekends. It would be easy to slip on those heels and wander into one, let loose and forget all my problems. But that's how I'd chosen to live life before, and it hadn't gotten me anywhere nice. So I would just listen, curled up in my recliner, staring at the black hiking boots on my feet.
The sound of a motor tore me from my walk and I glanced up, just as a truck pulled up beside me. It drifted at my side, slowing down to keep pace with my steps. I smiled at the chipped blue paint as the driver's window rolled down.
"You're an idiot." I smiled wider. Steven was staring at me with a tired expression, hand rested on the steering wheel in a lazy flop.
"Hello to you too." I replied, hands deep in my pockets.
"Walkin' alone at night in this neighborhood is plain stupid." He said flatly. "For someone who has shit luck, ya really don't try to avoid trouble." I rolled my eyes and turned away, focusing on the road. He liked to poke at my bruises sometimes, trying to make me listen to him probably. All it did was make me want to hit him in the nose.
"Get in the car." He ordered, his voice growing softer when he noticed my frustration.
"For someone who doesn't care, ya really tend ta mother me." I grumbled back. From the first day I met him, Steven knew how to make me grumpy. He pointed out the things about me that I hadn't fixed, but never complimented the good things. I knew he was right; it was just fucking irritating.
"Harley, I'm not askin'." His voice was gruff again. I wasn't sure if he'd heard me or not, but from his tone, my guess is he had.
"Steven, I'm fine." I said coldly. "It's a ten minute walk and it's lit. I don't have a car so I don't have a choice." Suddenly he laughed, dry and abrupt.
"Would ya listen to yourself? I'm offerin' ya a ride and your tellin' me ya don't got a choice?" I slowed my step and glanced at him, realizing how foolish that sounded. He braked and I stopped, biting the inside of my cheek. Then I grunted to myself and circled the truck.
The heater made the car comfortable and I was quickly sinking into the worn, soft fabric seat. Steven rolled up his window and eased back into the road, glancing at me as I looked out the window.
"Ya didn't ask me." I said softly. His head gradually turned to face me, his eyes snapping between the road and my stare.
"Ask ya what?" I rolled my eyes.
"If I wanted a ride. Ya ordered me." The truck bumbled along, leaving us with only small thuds and clamors in the silence. Steven faced the road for a second then turned to meet my eyes.
"Sorry." I wasn't expecting an apology so I just stared, stunned. But he thought nothing of it, driving calmly towards home. I let my eyes wander and I noticed his clothes. They were dirty, like the day I'd shown up at the shop. He worked hard. It was apparent in his paint-spotted and oil-smeared jeans and rough, calloused hands. Being a thug wasn't like the movies. There wasn't money in standing around with a gun in your hand. Steven was walking proof.
"You should talk ta Bones 'bout a car." He randomly spouted. I smirked and he raised an eyebrow, tossing me a quick glance. "What?"
"Ya think Daddy will give me a car?" His face broke into a small grin and I let my smirk grow into a smile.
"For what it's worth, I think he likes ya." I laughed then, tossing my head back. Steven fought to keep his lips together in a massive grin.
"I think there's a big difference between like and wont kill me." He nodded slightly, taking a turn.
"Yeah, but ya kicked heroin." I studied his expression, my laughter calming. Steven caught my eye for a second. "The second ya did that, you ensured he wasn't gonna kill ya." I nodded a little, realizing what he meant. I'd gained some respect in Bones' eyes. "Then ya barge into his shop and demand ta see him." Steven snorted and shook his head. "That took balls, Harley." I blushed a little, tracing the seam along the knee of my jeans. "If there's one things Bones respects, it's balls." He left it at that and I clasped my hands, looking back out the window. There were a few people on the sidewalks. Normally, I didn't go this way on foot. It was the seedier route. Faster, but definitely not safer.
As we slowed at a red light, I stared at the gloomy buildings and deserted lot that lined the block. Then a woman's face caught my eye. To this day, I can't say what told me to look again. It was one of those things the eyes catch but the mind doesn't; like when you scan a page and see a word without reading it. I squinted as she walked past the truck. Maybe it was her general disarray that warranted another glance, or maybe I saw her eyes the first time.
Because once you saw her eyes, there was no mistaking who she was. At least to me.
"Stop." I said, pressing my palm into the dash as he started to go at the green light.
"Why?" He said with a crooked brow. But he didn't slow, so I threw open the door, forcing him to screech to a stop completely. "JESUS!" He shouted. I was long gone by the time he turned to yell at me to get back in the truck. My body had a mind of its own, rushing me forward when my mind said my actions were completely irrational.
I followed her at a slow walk and watched her turned down an alley. Glancing around, I made sure I wasn't being watched in turn. Following people on a dark street was an invitation for trouble. A sarcastic snort hissed from my nose when I realized how right Steven was. Harley Todd, trouble magnet. But I didn't stop following her. I crept up to the corner, peering around the side carefully.
"Harley, what the fuckin' hell are ya doin'?" His voice echoed in the brick alley and I whirled around, holding a finger up to my lips. Steven charged up next to me and ignored my hushing altogether, taking hold of my arm to drag me back to the truck pulled off to the side of the road.
"Just wait." I hissed, jerking my arm from his grasp. Then I rounded the corner, walking briskly down the length of the dark path. His boots crunched behind me and he appeared at my side.
"What are ya doin'?" He repeated the question, but a little quieter. Maybe it was curiosity, but for some reason he was whispering to me instead of yelling.
"I don't know." I murmured back, stepping quicker. Once around the corner, I peeked and saw an old, condemned building. It was maybe an old store, or office. I hadn't the slightest idea, but I ducked into the open back door without a moment of hesitation, Steven firmly grasping my arm. He didn't try to stop me, but held on as a protective measure.
It was very dark inside, but a faint light led us further inside. I was on a mission and Steven was compliant, so I didn't slow. Pushing open another door, we stepped into a large, open space. The second we did, shuffling of feet made us freeze and several pairs of eyes stared back at us in the dark.
"COPS!" Suddenly all the eyes vanished and the scuffling became pounding footsteps.
"No! We're not cops!" I shouted, waving my hands in the dark. "I'm sorry if we startled you."
"What the fuck is this?" Steven hissed in my ear, tugging on my arm. He wanted to leave, but he took a step, his body slightly in front of mine in the doorway.
"If ya aren't cops, then leave." A voice snapped from the dark. I squinted and slowly my eyes adjusted. A woman, the one I was following, stepped forward. Her eyes made my heart pound as they scrutinized me in the dark. I took a moment to study her and it made my stomach hurt.
She was blonde. Her hair was matted and dirty, but it was blonde. That much was obvious by the few stands that caught the light. Her face was gaunt, but held a shape of distinction. She wasn't afraid of me and it showed in her high cheekbones and defined chin. Her nose was sharp and perfectly straight, oddly beautiful for someone hiding in the darkness.
"Are ya deaf?" I opened my mouth in a wordless response. The skin on her arms was loose, almost hanging off her bones. Because that's all she was, skin and bones. But the track marks were the worst part.
They were everywhere.
Some were large and obviously infected while others were so old they'd faded into scars. I winced in familiarity, subconsciously feeling my own arm in shame. She had been beautiful once, and so had I.
"Harley." Steven whispered in my ear and I realized he was pulling on me. I took a step back, yielding to him finally when the woman's eyes shot up to mine once again. Startling, chilling, clear, and blue.
"Harley." He said my name again and I let myself go, allowing him to drag me back the way we came. Once outside, I stared uselessly ahead while I was pulled back to the truck. "You gonna tell me what the hell that was?" His voice was angry.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. I had no other words. There's a point, sometimes, where the mind is so shocked by something it shuts down. And I had reached that point.
"I'm beginnin' ta think your crazy. Chargin' into a fuckin' dark ass building like that. No wonder the first time I saw ya I had ta pull a fuckin' homeless bum off ya. Goddamn it, Harley."
It wasn't until he'd closed me in the passenger seat that my body responded to my mind. My chest shuddered with a sob and my eyes flooded with tears. Steven wasn't even inside before I was crying into my hands.
"Oh shit." He muttered, climbing into his seat. "Harley." I gasped for air between my sobs. My chest was in agony but I wrenched more cries regardless. Steven touched my shoulder, weakened by my outburst. "I don't think your crazy. Maybe you just—" I looked up at him from my hands, my face red and wet from crying.
"I wanna go home." Steven froze, staring at my expression. Then, with slow movements, he obeyed, starting the car.
He followed me inside. I guess, looking back, I should have expected it. But when he walked behind me into the apartment, I ignored him, hoping he'd just leave.
"I'm sorry, alright?" He blurted, flopping his hands to his sides. "Jesus, Harley. I didn't mean ta make ya cry. I just…I'm gettin' tired of always savin' your ass." I glared up at him.
"I'm not cryin' because of you." Then his brow knotted. I stomped away, ripping open the refrigerator for a bottle of water. My throat hurt from crying and I'd probably shrivel up into a prune at the rate I was going. He stepped quietly into the kitchen and leaned in the doorway.
"Then what's this all about?" He asked gently, gesturing to my continuing, quiet tears. I took a pull from the bottle and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
"Do you know who that was?" I hissed it at him, blinking through wet lashes. Steven frowned.
"What, the homeless junkie?" I shuddered and cried harder, flopping back against the counter and covering my eyes with a hand. "Shit, Harley." He stepped closer but hesitated, deciding to stand in the middle of the floor, arms crossed.
"Did ya see her face?" I asked, looking at him once I lowered my hand. He shook his head. I wheezed a few more sobs. "He looks just like her." Steven frowned and stepped closer until he was only a foot away, looking down at me.
"Who?" My body trembled as I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
"Billy." His face fell into a stony, neutral expression and I watched him, my face crunching up into another cry. "That was Stephanie, Billy and Joey's mother." Steven slowly shook his head.
"No, Bones said she left." I sniffed and shook my head.
"It was her." Then I looked into his eyes. "He hates me and now I know why." His brow arched.
"Because his mother's a junkie livin' in abandoned buildings?" His phrasing brought on another round of sobs and he closed his eyes, realizing his mistake. Then he did something unexpected. Steven stepped forward and encircled me in his arms. And, like the time in the lot, I grabbed onto him, clinging desperately for comfort.
"Bones loved my mother and not his. He wanted to leave Stephanie for Deb, but my mom…she told him no. She was furious that he'd lied." I cried into his chest, my mascara adding black smears to the various other dirty things on the cotton shirt. But I didn't care. His arms were holding me close and I was grateful. My body was shaking with fear. "He's gonna kill me. He's gonna put a bullet in my head because I ruined his family. Probably drove his mother to drugs. I caused it all." Steven ripped my head back with both hands splayed over my cheeks.
"Stop that." He said briskly. "Even if that was Billy's mom, you have no idea why she started shootin' up. Bones cheated plenty of times. Fuck, she coulda been doin' that long before he met your mother." I shook my head, his words falling on deaf ears.
"It's my fault. Billy hates me. He should hate me." Steven shook my head a little, cutting me off.
"Shut up, Harley. Just stop." I took a few breaths, more tears flowing from my eyes. Taking a slow, calming breath, he continued. "What Bones did with your mother has nothing ta do with ya. And what Billy's mother did has nothing ta do with ya." I sniffled but more hot tears dribbled down my cheeks, wetting his hands. "You were a baby." Slowly I calmed and his hands drifted down to my shoulders, resting there as I took longer breaths.
"He's not going to keep me around." I whispered. "Why would he? I have no one. No one would go lookin' for me." Steven sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Billy won't kill ya. Not if he doesn't want Bones' .45 shoved up his ass." I looked into his eyes, startled.
"But Bones said—" Steven snorted.
"He says one thing, but does what he wants." I swallowed and Steven smoothed his thumbs over my upper arms. "I know for a fact that Billy wouldn't kill ya without clearin' it with Bones, and Bones won't let that happen." I felt a small sense of relief pool in my stomach.
"Because he loved Deb." I murmured, remembering the look in his eye when he mentioned her.
"Because he likes ya." Steven corrected. "You're kinda endearing." I glanced up and Steven gave me a warm smile. It was the biggest one I'd seen on him. It went all the way up to his eyes. The feeling in my stomach grew and I kept his gaze, reading what he wasn't saying. I like you too.
"I'm kinda a mess." I added, wiping a hand over my cheeks. Then his hand appeared under my chin. With a gentle lift of his finger, he tilted my face up to his.
"Just a little." I managed a small smile, but tears rolled down my cheeks regardless. My guilt hadn't vanished entirely. Seeing Billy's mother had crushed a part of me. Not only did I feel responsible, but I saw myself in her. I saw what I would have become.
"Thanks." I murmured. Steven smirked a little, then his eyes lowered to my lips. Suddenly, my heart stopped, I couldn't breathe, and my skin was buzzing. He looked into my eyes again and I let my head drift forward; barely, but enough, and he closed the distance. His kiss was soft and warm, making my heart furiously race in my chest. Pressing his mouth to mine, his lips were gentle, not pressuring or expectant. Each small kiss was so light, they felt like glancing blows, but I didn't mind. No man had kissed me this way before. There was feeling in his actions, compassion.
When he stopped, my eyes were closed. I didn't want it to be over; it was like waking up from a brief, beautiful dream. But I eventually opened my eyes and watched as he lowered his hands to his sides.
"You'll be fine." He murmured.
Then he left, closing the front door with a soft click. I didn't move for a long while, just staring at the doorway where he'd disappeared. Eventually, my eyes wandered to the small clock on the microwave. It was past midnight.
One more day.
Apologies for any mistakes. It's quite late, I shall be checking once I've replenished my brain cells.
Whelp...the big day is upon us. Thoughts?