Chapter 14: Confusing, Mixed Feelings
Five Years Ago, Garderobe Academy
Natsuki hadn't always known what her future had in store for her. Hell, she had enrolled into Garderobe under protest. What else could she do if she had absolutely no interest in other careers? On one hand an average career was easy, but it entrapped you into a dull society of skyscrapers, and anonymity. The other? A life as an Otome was soul shattering for the responsibility it held. Out of the thousands of other applicants, Natsuki hadn't a clue how she was chosen for enrollment. Was it luck? Grades? Physical fitness? Connections? She wouldn't be surprised at all if her mother had something to do with it. Her mother had been surprisingly supportive, and eager for her to become an Otome. It was to the point she wasn't entirely sure why.
Was Garderobe corrupt? Maybe so if her mother had used her networking. The world was a tangled mess of corruption, politics, and war torn ruin. That's what she had assumed. Inside Aries the average mother possessed her own rifle. With so many trigger happy maniacs roaming around, it had given her a determination. At a younger age she had felt disdain upon the danger. But now things were much different.
Natsuki understood that danger, and was mightily aware of its domino effect. Why did nobody ever do anything about these local issues? Surely they understood you needed to kill the root to dispel the threat? It wasn't necessarily the weapon's fault, it was the user. Like a mirror, Otome were seen very similarly. But there was a large difference. Natsuki was becoming a fully trained killer, but she had moral, and knew right from wrong.
Otome were neither good nor bad, but sometimes they had to make the wrong decisions to do the right thing. In that case, was she wrong to believe Aries had a problem? More weapons didn't mean a more secure security; it meant more threat. The same could be said about Otome. There were so many of them these days; especially in Aries, and Artai-
"-Anymore of that, and your head will explode." Mai's voice invaded her ears through the gossiping of the dining hall.
Looking up from her food, Natsuki blankly stared at the redhead for a moment. Had Mai been saying something? She wasn't sure. "What? Did you say something?"
"There you go lost in thought again." Sighing, the top Pearl animatedly shrugged. "I said are you worried about your results? We'll be getting them any minute now."
"Oh, that. I haven't really thought about it." Her future was about to be revealed. Honestly Natsuki wasn't sure why she wasn't anxious. She never did feel proud of herself, she just wanted to get things done with.
"I can't stop thinking about it. I'll never understand how you're so relaxed about these things, Natsuki." Pushing her meal away from herself, Mai grumbled under her breath. She looked around the dining hall for a brief moment. "Anyway, have you seen the others? I only saw Sarah for a few minutes earlier."
Torn from the old memory, Natsuki's eyes remained on the document before her. Zipang. It was always the same case, wasn't it? Drifting her eyes to the framed picture on her desk, Natsuki frowned. Looking between the younger versions of herself, and her friends, she sighed. "Mai, where did you end up?" Muttering under her breath, her eyes strayed to the windows. Instead of sitting, she stood, venturing towards the glass.
It was about to hit noon. Honestly she was surprised. She had been so caught up within her own head that the time had flown past. For how long, only Fumi knew. Upon proving she was fit to work, like when receiving her Otome license, it had barely affected her. Natsuki had assumed she'd worry over her injuries, but here she was, lost in the past.
Though indeed the first degree burns, and cuts were healing, her grafted cheek hadn't. The burns had also reached her throat, but remarkably hadn't damaged her breathing. It itched, that much was obvious, but…? Shoving her hands into her pockets for a moment, Natsuki leaned onto one leg. She peered along the path to the office, spying a royal, fat cat, and a bewildered maid. Lifting a brow, she watched the trio hurry towards her office. What? Why was Queen Mashiro here? From the distraught expression, Natsuki could only assume the worst. Again she sighed, shuffling back to her desk.
So at last the royal was making her appearance. Perhaps Natsuki could persuade action from the Queen? Although that much was praying for a miracle; obviously it wasn't to be, right? Surely not?
Taking the document which she hadn't completed, Natsuki remained standing as she read it. Zipang was wishing to make a stately visit to the academy. Was Mai's brother seeking to search for her? Surely he knew that was futile?
"Headmistress! I know you're in there! Open up!" A drastic knocking was bombarded upon the door.
Why did Mashiro always have to be so persistently loud? Lazily looking to the door, the Otome set the document down. Striding to the doors, she opened them; her eyes lowering to the royal. "Your Majesty. What a pleasant surprise." Manoeuvring backwards so the younger female could enter, she ignored the awkward stares.
The maid in particular passed a concerned glance at her state.
Oh, right. The burns. Perhaps she should say something about it, Natsuki pondered? She stole another glance towards the maid momentarily, the woman handedly holding the fat cat. In the maid's arms the feline struggled, her hissing echoing through the large office.
"One of your students had the nerve to annoy me! Where is she?! She has pigtails, and is absolutely clueless about everything!" Gesturing imaginary pigtails atop her head, Mashiro pointedly stared at the Headmistress. She seemed to have recovered from the shock of Natsuki's injuries.
The maid in the meantime appeared flustered. She glanced between the Queen, and Natsuki worriedly. She knew all too well how Mashiro could behave. Though she might be the Queen, she had no right to behave in such a way. Truly it was a disgrace, but Aoi couldn't say a thing.
"Arika Yumemiya would be the one you speak of." Sitting herself down, Natsuki clasped her hands together. "What did my student do to irritate you?" Propping her elbows to the desk, Natsuki silently regarded them.
Having not offered them seating, she could only hope they got the message. She didn't exactly want them here, after all. Natsuki had to comprehend with enough drama as it was, let alone deal with teenage hormones. Far too much of those already swamped the academy.
"Everything! She did everything! I was just minding my business esc-taking a stroll outside my castle, when-" Interrupted, the Queen almost jumped out of her skin when Miss Maria arrived.
The royal's gaze shot to the veteran, whilst in the meantime Aoi, and Natsuki merely glanced at her calmly.
"Headmistress." The epitome started, nodding to the pair. "Your Majesty." Again focusing upon Natsuki, Miss Maria clasped her hands before her. "I shall return later, but please remember it is urgent."
Urgent? Somewhat pointedly Natsuki again regarded Mashiro. "I will speak with Yumemiya about your concerns. But please, Your Majesty, as you can see I am rather busy." Standing once more, Natsuki ushered the pair towards the door. The maid gave her another concerned look before persuading Mashiro to leave. Once the two had, Natsuki exhaled sharply, rubbing two digits along her forehead. It would never end, would it? "What is it, Miss Maria?"
"A call was received from the Hexagon. President Chrysant is wishing to speak with you as soon as you can afford."
The President? Removing her hand from her forehead, Natsuki blinked at her.
"I will also add that you must plan when the Survival Hike is. We cannot allow it to be delayed any further."
Ah, of course. Nodding to the woman, Natsuki set herself down behind her desk once more. "Thank you for the reminder, Miss Maria. I will pass along the information tomorrow. As for the call, I will contact the President immediately."
"Regarding Artai's civil war, Headmistress…" Yukino's voice flowed through the telephone. "I have sources suggesting that Florence, and Remus will conduct a treaty against Artai's recent activity."
Not a day back, and Artai affairs were already biting at her heels. Slouching against her chair, Natsuki delicately cupped her grafted cheek.
"They might be preparing for all-out war. Things in Artai don't seem well; the country's heirs are disappearing left, right, and centre."
"Garderobe has detected no use of GEMs in Artai's borders. Whatever is happening to the heirs, an Otome isn't involved." Natsuki murmured. If it was true Florence, and Remus were making a treaty, this could prove useful. Three leaders were needed in order for Garderobe to retaliate. If Aries joined this treaty it was possible this civil war could be dealt with. Either that or made much, much worse.
"I was worried an Otome might've been involved. Tell me, Headmistress; has there been any GEM activity in Artai at all?"
"Why?" Natsuki frowned, listening to the President carefully. "Ah, I see." The moment an Otome was used against the public, war was a liable outcome. It was unknown how many Artai heirs there were, but not all of them could be corrupt, right? "Not since last year. It's like the Artain Otome just disappeared."
"Yukino, tell her already! Why aren't we acting yet?!" Natsuki barely caught Haruka's voice. Removing her hand from her cheek, Natsuki arched a brow. What was up with Haruka this time? "It took so many enforcers-" "-resources, Haru-"
Taking her glass of tea, Natsuki continued to listen in on the boisterous blonde. What was she even on about?
"-If you aren't, I am!" A noise, and disturbance emitted. Natsuki could only guess Haruka had snatched the phone from the President. "Kruger! Listen to me carefully!"
Moving her phone from her ear, Natsuki winced. "What is it?" Cautiously she brought the device back to her ear, staring down into her tea.
"That bratty Duke had a sister! I finally found her-"
A sister? "Since when?" Another struggle was pulled, and Natsuki found herself speaking to Yukino again. "Yukino-"
"Arashi Dai Artai is the Grand Duke's younger twin. It was falsely reported that she died a premature death during birth."
Arashi... Setting her tea down, Natsuki became lost in thought for a moment. Arashi D- "Do you mean to tell me my attempted murderer is a ghost?" And a living one at that? Staring at the desk, Natsuki's eyes were dead-set against the oak. Upon Shizuru's return, she only regarded her for a moment, the brunette closing the doors. "What intel do you have on her? Connections, explosives? For instance does she have a motive?"
"She's just that, Natsuki; she's a ghost. But we had reports the Duke died. Do you think she took his place?"
"It's highly possible. I saw the Duke at the Mass ceremony in Artai. The footage of him was too distant to see his face. Do you think your agents could look into identifying him? If it's true the Duke was overthrown, it's probable his twin took over."
It would certainly make sense if Nagi had a twin. If so she assumed everyone at the Mass ceremony were in on the ploy. None of them had reacted to the Duke's presence. Tapping her knuckles against her mouth, Natsuki again spoke after a thoughtful pause. "I will have my agents look into the Duke. Until then I will keep Aries' intel fixed inside Garderobe."
"Thank you, Headmistress. As always Garderobe is free to share our intel. I will contact you if anything drastic- ah, Haruka! Not the camera!"
The call ended, and Natsuki blinked. The dead drone from the phone sounded, and she placed it back in its receiver. Camera? What on Earl were those two up to this time? Shaking her head, Natsuki Hesitantly stood with her tea. "Shizuru? How was teaching?"
"Exhausting. Since Miss Maria returned she's been watching me like a hawk." Drifting towards the younger Meister, she smiled. "Have you taken your medicine?"
"Don't worry, I did." Looking down to her tea, Natsuki drank the rest of it, and then continued afterwards. "Hasn't she always watched you?"
"No less than you."
"You, and me both." With the small talk ending, Natsuki perched herself on the end of her desk. Patting the left side, she persuaded the Archmeister to do the same. "I was just on the phone with Yukino. It seems the Grand Duke had a twin who may or may not be alive."
"A twin?" That would certainly be interesting if it was the case. Shizuru was silent for a moment, thinking. "Has Aries discovered how many heirs there are?"
"No. This Arashi Dai Artai is the only relative we know of currently." Placing her glass onto the other end of the desk, Natsuki pondered. It had been a good decade since the Grand Duke had taken over Artai. "The previous Grand Duke went missing over a decade ago along with his Otome, Hazakura Sakura."
There was always that strange suspicion Natsuki had about the Artai family. It all seemed far too convenient at the time. Nagi Dai Artai had become the Grand Duke, but at the same time Queen Mashiro had been recovered. They seemed so…
"Natsuki, you're glaring."
"Oh, what?" Not having realised she had been staring at Shizuru, she relaxed. Lifting her eyes to meet the Archmeister's, Natsuki sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm lost in thought about this." But like that was anything new? "We'll have to wait, and see where this twin case goes. But we're no closer to finding out what's happening in Artai." Not to mention Nina Wang, and Juliet Nao Zhang hadn't revealed anything.
Would it truly be a good idea to seek them out? There was also the situation regarding Erstin Ho. What should she do? Standing, Natsuki eased from the desk, and took her empty glass. Instead of thinking, she busied herself by washing the glass at the kitchenette.
Watching Natsuki leave the room, Shizuru tilted her head curiously. Her hands supported her weight against the desk, and she pondered. Something had vaguely changed within her lover. She wasn't sure what it was, but there was certainly something different.
Was it… confidence? That didn't seem right, and Shizuru couldn't put her finger on it. Did Natsuki have a change of heart after the SLAVE attacked them? Whatever it was, it was ambiguous.
"Natsuki, did something happen?"
"Like what?" The Headmistress called, leaving the glass in the drying rack. Making her way back towards Shizuru, she stood before her.
"I'm unsure. You just seem a little different." Grasping the younger woman's hands, Shizuru searched her expression. There was evident confusion, but she could also see a little understanding? It was like the Headmistress knew, but only at the back of her mind. "Let's not worry." She decided, smiling afterwards.
"Ah." Had Shizuru noticed something she hadn't, Natsuki wondered? She looked down to their joined hands. "A lot has happened recently. Maybe I have changed? Who knows?"
"But are you alright? You've gone through a lot." Shizuru murmured, lifting a hand to cup the woman's grafted cheek. Her touch was delicate, and cautious as she added pressure. In no way was she wishing to hurt the younger woman.
Truly, at times it amazed Shizuru how strong Natsuki was. They were similar in that concept. They were both much better fighting against physical pain than emotion.
"I am fine, Shizuru. I promise." Leaning into the woman's touch, Natsuki noticed the Archmeister was lost in thought. How strange. Placing her hand against Shizuru's, she leant towards her. What was she thinking about, she wondered? This was definitely a rare thing Natsuki was witnessing.
Edging closer to the woman, Natsuki instead brought her hands either side of Shizuru. She planted them against the desk, and murmured softly. "But you also seem lost in thought, Shizuru." Searching the eyes which immediately leapt to hers, she flushed suddenly.
Shizuru was pretty.
"My, Natsuki. You aren't thinking of anything dirty, are you?"
Upon the teasing accusation, Natsuki instantly blushed a deep scarlet. "I-I am not!" Straightening up, she twitched when the elder merely dragged her back. "Shizuru!" She had only been admiring her!
With the Archmeister's fingers hooked around her cross-tie, Natsuki gulped. Ah, of course; it was this method of Shizuru's again, wasn't it? Nervously she regarded the elder woman, attempting she shuffle away.
Alas, this was futile. Already the Headmistress had been caught in the spider's web.
"No? Your reaction seems to say the opposite." The Archmeister cooed into her ear, wrapping her arms around Natsuki's shoulders. Shizuru had to admit, it was rather fun getting an answer from Natsuki this way. It was mean, but she couldn't help but tease her every so often.
"I was admiring you, I wasn't thinking of anything dirty." Sighing, Natsuki leaned into the older woman. "One of these days you're going to give me a heart attack, Shizuru." Propping her chin atop the Archmeister's head, she cupped the woman's sides.
"We know I wouldn't allow that. Anyway, Natsuki. It's fairly late, isn't it? You've been at this desk all day." Setting her hand atop Natsuki's heart, she tilted her head.
She gazed up to Natsuki's throat, watching it constrict when the Headmistress swallowed. This lover of hers; Shizuru couldn't help but smile. She could feel Natsuki's heartbeat thump quicker than usual.
It was another quiet moment between them. It was obvious neither wanted to move for the time being. Natsuki was slot between Shizuru's thighs, and she thoughtfully stroked her fingertips along the elder's sides.
Natsuki wondered whether she was refraining herself from this. Shizuru was guilty it had been her who had got hurt. Indeed she deeply appreciated what the Archmeister had done. After all, it had been Shizuru who had been by her side throughout her hospitalisation.
These days they truly were glued to the hip.
Actually she hadn't got the full story yet. Certainly not much would've happened, but Natsuki wanted Shizuru's side of it. What had she been thinking during the days she had been unconscious? Natsuki could only begin to imagine a little of it. Let alone the true extent.
"It's late, yes." She said suddenly, almost having forgotten Shizuru had spoken. Pushing back, she leant closer to Shizuru's face. The Archmeister gazed at her questionably. She could see it through the elder's faint façade.
Again Natsuki pushed forward. This seemed to answer Shizuru's question in an unspoken manner. Onto the desk her back went, and she wrapped her arms around Natsuki's upper torso. So that's what she had been up to. Shizuru was genuinely surprised Natsuki had actually gone through with it.
In amusement she watched Natsuki awkwardly press against her. Their shared body heat instantly relaxed Shizuru. "They say it's bad manners to play with your food. Let alone eat at your desk-"
"Shizuru!"
Laughing softly, Shizuru rested her head back against the desk. "I'm only teasing, Natsuki." Sitting up, this pressed the younger Otome even closer to her. Left with Natsuki awkwardly half straddling her, she couldn't help herself. With the Headmistress's baffled expression, and only one foot against the floor, Shizuru again laughed.
"Only teasing. The excuse of your life, Archdemon."
Archdemon? Passing the younger woman a entertained glance, Shizuru gripped her cheeks. She guided Natsuki closer, and murmured. "Natsuki does realise calling me the Archdemon means she is one too?"
"Of course I do." Natsuki was beginning to get uncomfortable in this position. But it wasn't like she actually minded. It was rather funny half straddling Shizuru on the desk. Clasping her hands to the elder's shoulders, she dipped closer. "Not all demons are bad; the same for angels, some are awful."
"You make it sound like you have experience of angels, and demons. Do I truly seem like a demon?"
"Others would call you an angel even after seeing you in combat." Natsuki appeared disdained by the fact, her expression twisting at the notion. She wasn't stupid; Shizuru was terrifying in combat. The Archmeister was like the Devil incarnate when angered.
That's if anyone managed tell the tale after surviving in first place…
"Then let them think it. It will only cause them problems later on." Pushing forth, Shizuru kissed her softly. Between their lips, she brushed her thumb against Natsuki's lips. "Like these little things, we know ourselves better than anyone."
"Ah… of course." Natsuki knew- of course she did. She would like to imagine she knew Shizuru the best. Other than the Archmeister herself certainly, but still; she was Shizuru's partner, best friend, and lover. "Hey, Shizuru?" She questioned the elder, leaning into the woman's thumb.
"Hmm?"
"I love you." Adjusting herself so she instead stood, Natsuki braced her hands against the desk. With her hands either side of Shizuru once more, another abrupt memory came to mind. It was a vivid memory having taken place a few weeks back.
"Natsuki, you're all red-"
"I am not!" The Headmistress blurted, remaining idle within their close proximity. It wasn't her fault she had accidentally remembered their first time! Then again, why was she even embarrassed?
"You poor thing." The Archmeister laughed, hooking her arms around Natsuki's shoulders. "If you want to do it you need only ask, Natsuki." She smiled, able to hear the younger Otome grumble inaudibly.
This was so cute. Shizuru adored it whenever Natsuki's younger personality revealed itself. The innocent, coyand flustered Natsuki from their student years was always certainly something.
But perhaps for Natsuki's sanity she should relent? Shizuru considered the option, easing away from Natsuki slightly. Remarkably the younger woman had relaxed against her. She could feel Natsuki's arms slot gently around her middle, prying her back.
Or maybe not? "Natsuki?"
"Can we stay like this for a while?"
"Of course." Shizuru smiled. Abruptly upon studying Natsuki's burns, she pondered whether she was self-conscious of them. Though Natsuki hadn't really shown any negativity towards them, Shizuru couldn't help but worry. Even along her throat, the burns still appeared painful.
The skin was a sore pink, as expected of first degree burns. In a way it was like Natsuki had a severe sunburn. But the worst damage had been done to Natsuki's face. Shizuru wondered how she felt about it in general.
It would scar, that much was obvious. With skin grafts came the risk of the skin tone being different. The thought had jolted Shizuru so many times these past few weeks she was sure she'd go mad.
"Natsuki, do you feel self-conscious about your burns?"
For a long moment the Headmistress was silent. At last after a time, she eased away. Taking in Shizuru's appearance, she glanced away. What was she supposed to say? Oh, Shizuru. I do find it funny how people react, but at the same time I hate it? Honestly it was a strange thing.
During their student years she would've snapped somebody's spine if they touched her hair. But these days? She stared at the floor just before the Archmeister's feet, frowning.
How did she feel towards her burns? Stuck in thought, she was only derailed from it when she heard Shizuru utter her name. With her ears twitching upon the invasion, she lifted her eyes to the brunette.
"Natsuki? Are you alright?"
"Ah…" Was she? Touching her fingertips to her skin graft, her shoulders sagged. "I guess it just hadn't hit me yet." But how so? She had been bedridden for a good two weeks. But she had been insistent on leaving the lab to work.
She hadn't been thinking about her wellbeing at all. "I was more worried about you." She continued, looking Shizuru properly in the eye now. Searching the woman's expression, she smiled somewhat helplessly.
There was no façade to greet her, and reluctantly she sat back beside the elder. Upon Shizuru's right side she was, and she hesitantly reached for the brunette's hand. "I honestly don't know how to feel about these injuries yet. It hasn't sunk in at all."
Listening carefully, Shizuru watched as Natsuki captured her index, and middle fingers. The Headmistress's hold was precise but absolutely delicate.
Obviously Natsuki needed time alone to think about this. But perhaps she could help in some way? Yes, she definitely could.
Grasping Natsuki's hand fully, Shizuru stood from the desk. "Natsuki, come with me." She uttered, no teasing found within her tone. Guiding the silent but curious woman forward, she brought them into the quarters. "Is there anything on your mind?"
"A few small things." Natsuki wondered what Shizuru was planning. Was she leading her here for the sake of privacy? Looking down to their joined hands, she again mindlessly smiled.
The Archmeister was guiding her around like a schoolgirl. Who were they, children? It was cute, really. Rarely did Natsuki see this side of Shizuru. It was like a slightly inexperienced, but genuinely happy Shizuru had taken over.
Natsuki wondered what she was thinking. " I feel as if I'm being sent to a teacher's office." She joked, the two halting by the familiar sitting area inside the quarters.
" Technically you are, Headmistress." The elder easily countered. She regarded Natsuki quietly, a smile tugging her lips once she caught Natsuki's expression. To put it simply, her lover seemed amused.
"Shizuru Viola, might I remind you that you're a temporary assistant teacher?"
"That I know well. Though I am sure the academy would gladly take me, Natsuki Kruger."
Sitting down, Shizuru gestured Natsuki do the same beside her. "What has been on your mind, Natsuki? There seems to be a lot of things affecting you."
"You really can read me, can't you?" For a moment, Natsuki stared at Shizuru, studying her. She could tell she was worried, but should she tell her everything? Would asking Shizuru what she felt when she was bedridden be a good idea?
It wasn't like she'd get judged though, of course Shizuru wasn't like that.
"I've been wondering about how you were when I was in the lab." Natsuki muttered in continuation. She sighed a breath, and leant into the settee. "You haven't said how you feltand I wondered if you just needed time. But I'm concerned for you."
There was the prying feeling tugging at Natsuki. What if Shizuru started to feel down, and she wasn't helping her through it? Shizuru already helped her so much; the Archmeister was her rock, and she hoped she was the same for Shizuru.
"Where could I even begin?" Holding her wrist, Shizuru rested her forearms against her lap. She looked down to the limbs in thought, her expression only minorly twitching.
It had been a dark time for her, that much was obvious to Shizuru. When Natsuki had been unconscious, she hadn't thought of anything else; only the worst scenario. "When you got injured, I…" Shizuru froze suddenly, her mind wiping what information she had gathered.
"Shizuru?" Nearing closer to Shizuru, Natsuki set a hand atop the elder's. "You're fine, take your time."
But still, where should she start this, Shizuru pondered? She removed her hold from her wrist, and twisted it to hold Natsuki's instead. "It was the darkest moment in my life, you know this, Natsuki." She attempted to choose her words carefully, her thoughts muddling together.
She instead looked at Natsuki properly, watching the different emotions brush across the woman's face. She couldn't help but study how the skin graft interweaved against Natsuki's cheek.
It was still a detail Shizuru was awfully aware of. She knew Natsuki probably didn't like people staring at the wound. But even so, here she was doing just that. "Natsuki, I had begun to think you wouldn't ever wake up again."
Such a thought had quickly become Shizuru's deepest fear. A prone, and unconscious Natsuki forever asleep; forever unaware of her surroundings. Comatose; it was a fate worse than death. For Shizuru, how could she put these fearful emotions into words? Vocal languages only supplied you with so much information.
"And I'm awake, Shizuru. You aren't going to lose me so easily." The Headmistress squeezed her hand tightly. "Do you know what my darkest fear is, Shizuru?" She hovered closer to the Archmeister, a finger, and middle finger upon the woman's cheek.
"What is it?" Shizuru asked quietly, the digits redirecting her face. They stared at each other closely, a confusion emitting from herself. How was she supposed to feel? Shizuru had no clue; but if Natsuki shared her secret, how would she feel afterwards? Worse? Better? No change-
"I have lost my whole family in different ways. But it wasn't the relatives I lost through death who impacted me the worst. It was those who I lost through argument who hit me the worst." Taking a breath, Natsuki thought for a moment. She examined the Archmeister, searching for any signs of distress. But alas, there was evidence, but this was the best route for them.
"Shizuru." She spoke again, cupping the woman's cheek entirely this time. "I am terrified of losing you because of some pathetic, petty reason. I have no idea how our relationship would end, but I never want it to end."
Something inside the brunette clicked at that moment. With the Headmistress's forehead resting against hers, she was stunned in place. There was a mix of emotions which protruded from her soul. What were these feelings? Even Shizuru didn't know.
"Natsuki, I…"
The Headmistress had utterly, and completely stunned her. What was she supposed to say? How should she react? Was it right her heart had leapt into her throat? Was she supposed to feel happy that she felt excited? This was indeed how Natsuki felt for her. Yet even so she felt so unsure still.
Suddenly all was clear to the Archmeister. "When you were unconscious." She started, easing away for comfort's sake. "I was terrified I would never see you again. You were lying prone inside a lab; underground at that." Staring at the floor, Shizuru frowned slightly.
Though it had only been a few weeks ago, it felt like an age had passed. But even so, Shizuru felt it had only been yesterday. It felt so alien. Why had these two feelings interweaved so easily when in reality they were completely different?
"You had saved me from a SLAVE- you, the Headmistress of Garderobe had so willingly sacrificed yourself for me. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I had insisted again, and again that it hadn't."
Natsuki could only listen in carefully. She kept her eyes upon Shizuru at all times, watching the emotions spark across the woman's eyes. It was so very rare to see Shizuru like this. She had mentally bared herself.
Shizuru truly was as overwrought as she. Natsuki felt at a loss for words. So perhaps… "I know it's selfish of me, Shizuru." She caught Shizuru's attention instantly, the woman's gaze transfixing to hers. "I am the heart of the academy. If I was to die, all technology would cease to work. But even so in that moment I had to save you. I didn't think, I only thought upon that moment."
When Natsuki thought about it, her decision had been rather silly. Many things would've outright killed Shizuru if she hadn't been lucky. But in a world without Shizuru, that to her didn't make any sense.
It was like abruptly losing your hearing. How do you adapt to something so impactful such as that? It wasn't like you could just replace it. Even with today's available surgery, it just wouldn't be the same.
It was like experiencing a memory over, and over again. A memory was artificial; it had happened, but it was no longer real.
Greeting crimson with green, Natsuki paused in thought. "Shizuru…?" She murmured questioningly, the Archmeister edging forward. The elder didn't say anything, and merely clasped her hands to Natsuki's temples.
Oh… so, this is the reason. With her back pressed firmly to the settee, and Shizuru straddling atop her, Natsuki's mind voided.
This would truly help them.