Last night had ended terribly. I had taken my time walking back to the dancing and my parents, and by the time I had, Elijah had already joined them as well.
"Caroline! Oh there you are sweetheart" my mother said relieved. I swallowed past the lump in my throat at seeing him, and smiled to my mother.
"I am so sorry mother, I got myself some lemonade but now I feel rather ill. I fear a rather bad headache is coming on" and I put my hand to my forehead for effect.
"Oh my dear," and she rushed toward me, putting her own hand to my forehead to check for a fever.
"Well there is no fever, but you do feel a bit clammy. Let us get you back to the carriage and up to bed" she smiled kindly. I felt guilty pulling her from the festivities, but I could not take the chance of being alone with Elijah right now. My mother called her maid to retrieve Mary, and soon the four of us were in the carriage on the way home. Mary had laid a fur blanket over me while I rested my head on her lap and closed my eyes. The interior of the coach was dark so no one saw the last silent tear as it leaked out of my eye.
When we reached the house Mary quickly hustled me out of the carriage and up the steps. I could hear Elijah quickly dismount and heard him on the steps behind us.
"Elijah dear, Caroline is simply not feeling well after the exertions of the day. Don't fret" my mother called after him, mistaking Elijah's guilt for brotherly affection. I did not turn back as Mary walked me through the entryway and then up the grand staircase and down the hall to my chambers. I did not want to see his pitying look. Mary quickly undressed me and brushed out my hair and asked if I wanted her to stay.
"No that's alright." I smiled at her, forcing my control to remain for a minute longer, "I simply need darkness and quiet and then I shall hopefully feel better in the morning"
"Alright, then let's get you tucked in" she murmured motherly, and did just that.
I laid in bed and stared at the canopy above my bed in the slightly flickering firelight. I heard when my parents walked past my door and down the hall to theirs for bed. A while later I heard another set of steps walk up to my door and stop. I held my breath and waited for a knock, knowing exactly who it was. But he didn't knock. He turned and went back down the hall to his own chambers, and I then heard the door close.
My turbulent thoughts would not allow me to fall asleep that night. My tears did not help either. But when I eventually did succumb to exhaustion, sometime around dawn, my dreams were disturbing and had we waking up gasping. Images of people I did not know mixed with people and places that I did, all in turmoil and fire, had me waking up with sweat dripping down my brow and my chest heaving. So when Mary came back later that morning to check on me I did not have to fake my exhaustion to her. She could see the sweat and matted hair and the dark circles under my eyes.
"Oh my dear, can I get you anything to ease the discomfort?"
"Just tea please" I answered weakly. She turned right away and marched through the door. I was able to fall asleep briefly while she was gone, but awoke gratefully to accept the steaming cup of tea. Mary had not only brought tea but also toast and some fruit to try and tempt me into eating. She set the tray on my bedstand, handed me a cup of tea and then pulled a chair next to my bed and took a seat.
"Your mother is still in bed as well. It seems the exhaustion from yesterday has set in" she started conversationally as she looked at me
"Is my father still abed?" I ask
"No. He and Mr. Mikaelson left with his secretary about an hour ago. I believe they said they would be back in two days' time"
"What?" I exclaim, almost spilling my tea as I attempt to sit up straighter
"Don't worry Caroline, your father had this trip planned a few days ago, but the time table got moved up a bit" she soothed me. Little did she know I did not need soothing. I was relieved to know that Elijah was not under the same roof, even if it was only for two days. Those two days would be all I would need to distance myself and regain my composure. I'm sure after my attack of a headache last night he had known exactly what I was doing, but I didn't care. I couldn't be in his vicinity and my parents smiling and laughing.
I would throw myself into my studies and look forward to our visit with Lord Derby's family at the end of the week; even if I would have to suffer Simon Knightsly's company. From the information I had gleaned off of my mother yesterday after they had departed, Simon had a younger brother and sister. They had a beautiful Castle with plush and bountiful tenant lands, and his mother was a gentle and sweet Lady. Her and my mother had made their curtsy to the Queen in the same year, but Lady Derby was only at court for a short while because she had already been betrothed to Stephan Knightsly. My mother had remained at court as a Lady in waiting for a year before meeting my father and coming to an arrangement. And then it had taken them almost three years to conceive, and that baby, a boy, had died shortly after birth. As did the baby after him, another boy. And then in the fifth year of their marriage my mother had given birth to me, not the heir, but a healthy baby at last. She had become extremely sick after my birth and the doctor had not thought she would make it. But after three weeks of fighting, she finally pulled through, but was told by the doctor that she would be unable to conceive any more children. Upon my father's death, the estate and the title will pass onto my younger cousin George, who I had no seen since he was six. That was why my father had decided to employ an apprentice, to run the trading business for me and my mother after his death. Which brought my wayward thoughts back to Elijah.
I shook myself to remove those thoughts and turned back to my conversation with Mary. We talked for a few hours and worked on needlepoint together before exhaustion overcame me again. With Elijah no longer sleeping two rooms away, it was much easier for me to fall asleep, and I slept straight through supper, not waking again until nightfall. I got up from the bed, rinsed my face, and patted down my hair before donning a dressing gown and heading into the hallway. I walked to the banister and saw that the fire in the sitting room was lit so I made my way down the stairs to find my mother sitting by the fire reading… and most shocking of all, she was also wearing her dressing gown.
"Hello mother" I said sleepily as I walked to join her in the adjourning chair by the fire
"Hello dear" she smiled, setting aside her book, "How are you feeling?"
"A bit better. One more nights rest should be just the thing"
"Have you eaten today" she asked
"Actually no" I say, and just then my stomach rumbles to confirm the admission. My mother tssks in disapproval before getting up to pull the string to summon a servant. One of the younger maids answers the call with a curtsy.
"Please have Lizzy fix Caroline and I supper. Anything she had available will do. And bring up tea as well"
"Yes My Lady" the maid murmurs and scurries away to complete the task. My mother returns to her seat and looks at me
"You did an excellent job yesterday of handling the village children Caroline." I blush at the compliment. "I know that you will make an excellent mother when the time comes"
"A mother? Me? But I am not even betrothed!" I protest
"These things have a way of happening faster than we anticipate my dear, I just want you to be prepared for the whirlwind when it does happen" she answered mysteriously
"Is a betrothal in the works mother?" I ask hesitantly
"Not exactly" she says simply, and picks up her book to begin reading again, not inviting any further questions. I can only stare at the fire shocked. I don't even know anyone my own age who would be considered eligible for marriage to me. I know that my rather large dowry will attract some attention at court next year, but my meager lineage will not attract flocks of potentials, not like the daughters of Dukes and Princes.
The maids returning with trays of food and tea distracted me. Lizzy had managed to put together an assortment of cheeses, fruits, some bread and chicken extremely quickly, and for that I was grateful. Until seeing the food I hadn't realized how hungry I had actually been. I poured the tea for my mother and I and then proceeded to fill my plate. My mother watched with approval at my selections and then helped herself to her own small plate. I ate my food hungrily and drank my tea greedily, and not long after finishing I was again tired. Seeing this my mother sat me up and waved me from the room with orders to go straight to bed, and that my dancing instructor would be scheduled for an extra session tomorrow to go over more stately dances, so I needed to be well rested. I was asleep the instant my head hit the pillow.
The next two days passed by smoothly. I was able to constantly distract myself from thoughts of Elijah with my lessons, especially my Portuguese with Gloria and spending time with Maria, and on the second afternoon I received a message saying both of my dresses would be ready by the morning. I was so excited I immediately ran in search of my mother to gain her permission to go to the village first thing in the morning. I checked in her chambers, the sitting room and even the library and she was nowhere to be seen. Out of the library window I could see her walking on a garden path with my father, I hadn't even realized he was back home! I ran out of the library door and down the hall, and I had almost reached the entryway when I collided with something that almost sent me sprawling back onto the floor. But that set of familiar strong hands caught me before I could.
I was not yet prepared to see him. I hadn't even known he was back yet. I had planned to appear aloof and distant, not collide with him, an excited mess the minute he got home. After a moment he set me on my feet and I immediately stepped out of his reach. He noticed.
"We have to stop meeting like this Caroline" he said smiling. My heart clenched at his familiar tone, but that only reminded me of how childish I had been in regards to him.
"I apologize Mr. Mikaelson. I did not mean to invade your personal space" I reply, my voice monotone and I even bobbed a slight curtsy for effect. His smile was immediately gone.
"Caroline, I-", he started to say, his hand reaching toward me. I quickly back away to the other side of the hall, out of his reach, and moved in the direction of the door.
"I really need to find my mother, good day sir" and I quickly make my way down the hall and away from his intimidating presence. Once I make it through the front door I could breathe again. I take advantage of it and fill my lungs deeply, and then I make my way to the side of the estate to the gardens to see my mother.
As I come upon my parents they are deep in conversation, but stop when my father catches sight of me walking toward them.
"Hello sweetheart," he smiles brightly at me, and leans forward to kiss my forehead when I reach them.
"Hello Father, I had not realized you were back"
"Yes we got back about a quarter hour ago" he responded
"I did not mean to disturb you, I simply wanted to ask you, Mother," I say turning to her, "If Mary and I and a groom could ride into the village tomorrow and pick up my new dresses. I received a note today saying they were ready" I ask with a bright smile
"Oh of course dear, what perfect timing. The day after tomorrow we will be traveling to Lord and Lady Derby's estate, and it will be the perfect time to unveil your new evening gown." She answered, looking at my father.
"Quite perfect" he said with a small smile, clearly trying to feign interest in women's clothing. I laugh.
"Thank you! We shall leave right after breakfast" and I turn to walk away to let them return to their conversation
"Oh Caroline?" I turn to look at my father, "Elijah will accompany you to the village tomorrow".
It takes all of my control to maintain my pleasant smile, but unable to articulate a positive reply I simply nod and turn and walk away again. I walk up the front steps and enter the house again. Deciding I did not want to be alone in case I happened upon Elijah again I head to the nursery. I had already had my Portuguese lesson early this morning, but Gloria always welcomed my company. I spent the afternoon with her and Maria, laughing and forgetting who was working silently one floor below us.
And an hour before dinner Mary found me still there and brought me back to my room to get me ready for dinner, a formal event again with the return of the men. I chose a plain evening gown of dark blue with little decoration. I paired this with a grey girdle belt and a simple grey and blue French hood. I had never worn a hood before, never having left the estate for Court or any other royal function. I knew I would have to wear them next year so I might as well get used to them now. Mary did not say a word about my new dressing habits. But when I looked in the mirror when she was done positioning and pinning the hood, the last word I would ever use to describe my reflection was childish. The French hood added an elegance to my features that I had never noticed before. The hood did not cover my hair, only a portion at the top, so Mary had again combed it out to silky waves down my back. I then stood to take in my entire appearance. I looked like a Lady of the court. I smiled, satisfied, and walked out of the door as the dinner bell sounded.
When I reached the sitting room I found only my parents within, and they both turned and exclaimed at my appearance.
"Caroline you look absolutely beautiful!" my father exclaimed
"Oh my dear, that new French Hood is just the thing!" my mother said smiling. I was used to her wearing hoods, first in the bulky style of the English, and now Princess Mary and her ladies were sporting them in the French style, so she had switched.
"Thank you" I reply smiling, "Since we will be attending the Knightsly's at their castle in a few days and it will be expected that I wear them, I figured it will be good practice to get used to it tonight and tomorrow night" I reason
"Oh that is good planning, my dear. And when you are in town tomorrow I would like you to purchase two more. One of blue and one of red, to match your dresses and your new dress" my mother said. I nod excitedly at the idea of more shopping.
"Elijah! It looks as though you shall truly be going shopping tomorrow" my father laughed good naturedly, speaking to Elijah, who had apparently just entered behind me. I turned to face him.
"Mr. Mikaelson" I say with a slight curtsy
"Miss Forbes" he replies with a bow. I then turn away and walk to stand beside my mother as she pours us wine. I can feel his eyes on me as I walk away, but then he walks over to join my father. I pointedly do not make eye contact with him for the ten minutes we wait for the summons to the dining room, even though I feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.
But when the summons does finally come my mother walked over to my father smiling and took his arm and together they walked out of the sitting room. I finally looked at Elijah and he held out his arm for me to take. I walked to him slowly, avoiding his gaze and linked my arm through his, barely touching his sleeve. He tucked his arm closer to his body as we started walking.
"You look beautiful" he muttered to me. I held my chin up higher and only gave a slight nod in acknowledgment, while my chest clenched painfully.
During dinner I spoke almost exclusively to my father, who was seated across from me, while my mother and Elijah conversed. It felt like it lasted for hours. It was exhausting to be so aware of him seated next to me, yet to so pointedly ignore him. I knew it was a bit childish of me, and I hated acting like the very thing he accused me of being, but it was easier than having to talk to him.
Finally the meal was over and my mother and I made our way back to the sitting room.
"Is something bothering you Caroline?" my mother asked from her seat on the settee while I poured us both tea
"Of course not mother," I respond, "just a bit distracted I suppose. I'm sorry if my behavior caused you any distress" I walked back over and handed her the cup.
"Oh no distress, just a bit curious" she said, looking at me funny as I took the seat opposite her. I smiled over the rim of my cup and took a sip.
"So when are we leaving for the Knightsly estate?" I ask, wanting to change the subject
"First thing in the morning, day after next. It will take us almost a full day's travel to reach them"
"Ah are you discussing our travel plans to the Knightsly's?" my father asked as he and Elijah joined us. My father took a single chair in between my mother and I, while Elijah sat next to me on the settee.
"Yes, Caroline wanted to know when we were leaving" my mother answered
"Ohh," my father laughed, "Are you in a hurry to see a certain young Lord again my dear?"
I flushed immediately at the implication that I was excited to see Simon Knightsly again. The thought of seeing him again was the only downside to meeting the rest of the family and getting away from Elijah for a few days. A shift in the seat next to me reminded me that I hadn't answered my father.
"Oh no, I am simply excited to meet new people. From what I have heard they seem like a lovely family" I smiled back at my father, but the knowing twinkle in his eye didn't go away.
"Of course" he agreed indulgently, sharing a knowing look with my mother. Elijah cleared his throat and stood. I hadn't realized how warm he was, nor how close he was sitting to me, until he was gone.
"I'm very sorry, but I must bid you all goodnight" he said gruffly. I finally looked up at him and met his gaze. But at the intensity I saw behind his brown eyes as he gazed down at me, I quickly looked back down at my hands in my lap. Both of my parents bid him goodnight and I nodded in his direction, and then he was striding out the door. I gazed at his retreating back, and I could almost feel the tension radiating off of him.
But once he was gone I was able to relax a bit more and my parents talked more about the Knightsly's and what the weekend would entail. We would be joining them for dinner on Friday night, and then another one of my father's acquaintances and his family would be joining the party the next morning. The Huxtable's were the family of the Baron Montford. They had a married daughter and son and then a younger daughter and two sons. They had just responded a few days ago agreeing to attend so now I was looking forward to it even more. I had met the younger Huxtable daughter, Margaret, a few times before and she was a sweet and quiet girl of sixteen. My mother's yawn had me yawning in response and then my father followed suit. We all laughed and stood to go up to bed together. My parents walked me to my chamber door, and I kissed them both on the cheek before opening my door and sliding inside. The first thing I noticed was how dim my room was. A few of the candles had burnt out.
"Mary?" I called, looking all around for her in the shadows. I called again but still received no answer. Strange, I think, she must have fallen asleep awaiting me. I shake my head, reaching for a spare candle in my desk drawer. I go to one of the candles that are still lit and catch a flame to bring it to my vanity and set it down. I start removing the pins holding my hood in place and set it down before picking up my comb and brushing out my hair.
Once my hair was brushed out smooth I put it over one shoulder and turned my body to examine the laces up the back of my gown to see if I can manage. I reach my arms up and grasp the bow and start to loosen them, but when I got a little further down my back I couldn't reach anymore. I sigh in frustration and stretch even further to get another inch, but freeze when I sense him behind me. There was a slight shift in the air and I could smell a hint of his cologne. I slowly lower my arms, but don't turn to face him. Then I feel his fingers on my back, taking over where I left off with the laces and I close my eyes at the sensation. After a few moments he had all of the laces loosened and I was able to slide the sleeves and bodice down and step out of my skirts. I was now standing in my dimly lit room wearing only my shift, and I knew Elijah was still standing behind me.
"Caroline-", he started to murmur quietly
"Don't" I cut him off. I didn't want to hear either his excuses, apologies or more of his negative opinion of me. Neither of us spoke or moved for a moment. But then I heard his slight sigh behind me and I heard rustling as he moved. I thought he was moving toward the door but then I felt his hands on my bare arms and felt his chest against my back. He moved his hands up and down my arms slowly, leaving a trail of fire behind. My breathing hitched in my throat as his left hand made its way up my shoulder and to my neck to move my hair to the side. And then when he leaned into me to press his lips to the back of my neck, my breathing stopped completely. When those lips started moving against my skin my knees grew weak. His arms wrapped around my waist and held me against him. I leaned my head back against his shoulder and twined my fingers through his where they held me. He murmured my name as his lips moved to my shoulder and his arms tightened around me. By now he was fully holding me upright and I couldn't help the small moan that escaped my lips.
"Caroline" Elijah whispered into my ear.
"Mhmm" I murmur back
"I'm sorry" was all he says, and then he was gone. I was left standing in the middle of my room, breathing erratic and with an ache that I couldn't even name. I turned on shaky legs to survey the room, and there was no sign of him anywhere; I hadn't even heard the door close as he left. I then walked back to my vanity and sat, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Feeling more confused than ever.