Hello everyone, sorry for the long periods of time between updates. My spacebar is currently broken, so writing is pretty problematic, but the next chapter should be up in a few days. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, your comments were all very much appreciated!
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But as it turned out, she hadn't.
The next few weeks flew by, and she spent very little time with James. The first term had come to an end, and they had a week of holidays.
Irene had had a conversation about the holidays with her parents, but they had decided to once again stay in England, instead of visiting New Jersey. Irene had expected the news, and as a result she wasn't very disappointed. She did occasionally think about the few friends she had had there, but they had all been too young for her to form a really strong emotional bond with them. Besides, she had changed so much over the last few years, and she imagined that they had too. Other than a few distant relatives on her father's side, she had no one she really missed in America, and so she was perfectly content to stay in England. However, her mother had been surprisingly eager about the possibility of going back to America, even for the one week, but Irene's father made it clear that going there for such a short period of time would be a waste of money. Irene thought this was rather hypocritical; over the last year, his business trips to America had grown more and more frequent. He might think that the holiday would be a waste of money, he visited New Jersey almost every month, but her mother, for whatever reason, seemed to miss it.
Unlike her family, James and his parents were going away for the week, to visit some distant relatives of his in Scotland. James had never met them before, but his parents made it very clear that he had to go with them.
Irene wasn't thrilled when she heard the news-she had been hoping that she could spend more time with James now that they had a break from school. Even though their time had been limited and she should have grown used to spending less time with him by now, being apart from him made her sad.
Most of her friends had gone away on holiday as well. She supposed she could have called Sherlock, but he had told her that Mycroft was visiting and that his mother had suddenly been very eager to have the whole family under one roof again. Irene knew that Sherlock believed that the main, if not only reason for his mother's enthusiasm about spending time with her family, was Mycroft's return and had little to do with Sherlock himself. Even so, Irene knew that Sherlock looked up to his brother, even though he never really spoke much about him ,and she was determined that since Sherlock had been given the chance, he should spend his holiday with his family.
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Even though the holidays only lasted a week, Irene didn't realise what effect that time had on her. This was the first time she had had absolutely no contact with James in more than a year. And while the fact made her sad, she didn't realise how much it allowed her to concentrate on other things.
So, when school started again, and James returned, Irene immediately sensed that something really had changed, but this time, she suddenly didn't feel like it was just her being silly.
His smile was still the same, he gave her a kiss and told her how much he had missed her, but after that he seemed edgy, almost as if he didn't know what to say. He immediately turned to Jessie and began a conversation with her. Jessie had spent her holidays in London, and she and James were comparing country and city life. Generally this wouldn't have surprised or bothered Irene, but now she picked up in small signs that she hadn't noticed before. James's body was angled away from her, he kept changing his position slightly, and whenever she added to the conversation, he would smile at her but when her eyes met his, he seemed uncomfortable.
Initially Irene wondered if something had happened on his holiday, but the more she thought about it, the more she wondered whether or not this behaviour had been present before. What if they weren't new signs? It suddenly dawned on her that she might she simply not have noticed his behaviour before.
James was facing away from her, so he didn't see the way her eyes widened. But for Irene, the realisation shocked her.
Generally, Irene was a fairly observant person. Since she had been little, she had always taken a keen interest in observing other people, figuring out their mannerisms and habits, finding out what they liked and what they hated, and generally knowing how their minds worked. She was no expert, but she knew a fair deal about body language. Sherlock was an expert in picking up clues about people from their appearances, and while she could never possess his talent in that area, her better social skills enabled her to find things about others from their body language. She generally prided herself on this, but now she realised that in regard to James, she had been completely blind.
Immediately this revelation caused a feeling of shock and fear to manifest itself. If he had been acting this oddly in the last few weeks, maybe even in the last couple of months, then what had happened?
Around other people Irene was generally logical and reasonable, but deep down inside, she was a lot more insecure than other people thought, despite her confidence. Due to the lack of affection and approval from her parents from an early age, she yearned to be accepted and loved by other people instead. As a result, if she loved a person, she couldn't bear disappointing them. It was no surprise then that she immediately wondered if James's strange behaviour was somehow her fault. Yes, he had told her that nothing had changed between them, but what if he had been acting just as strangely then as he was now? After all, looking back, Irene had heard exactly what she wanted to hear, and maybe he had been lying to convince both her and himself. Immediately, the doubts about her relationship with James started to resurface, but this time, Irene was determined not to let her renewed insecurities manifest themselves-after all, the last time that had happened, it had rendered her completely blind to James's behaviour, even though, at the time, she had believed herself to be just as perceptive as she had always been.
She took a deep breath and looked over to James and Jessie. They were still animatedly discussing their holidays, while Cecily listened, occasionally adding her own opinions. None of her friends had noticed that anything had suddenly changed, much to Irene's relief. She decided that instead of letting mere suspicions and fears get the better of her, she could use the time she had now to really watch James. That way, she could get to the bottom of this. If she really was the reason for James' behaviour, they would have to talk about it, properly this time. The thought that this might be her fault made her feel sick-what if James no longer properly cared about her? The worst thing she could imagine would be losing him.
She closed her eyes, telling herself to be reasonable. It was still possibly that something had happened in James's family, or that the pressure his parents were putting him under really had got to him. Whatever it was, she now finally had time to figure it out.
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"So, just to make sure, we'll meet on Saturday, at your house, at 1 'o' clock?" Irene asked, as she and James stood outside her classroom a couple of weeks later.
He nodded. "I'm sorry I can't come over to your house on Friday." He told her. Irene shrugged, determined to let it go, but when she saw how uncomfortable James looked, she couldn't just walk away.
"James…" she began tentatively, just as he was about to walk to his next class. He spun around, and Irene saw the alarm suddenly appear in his eyes. She bit her lip.
"You know that if there's something wrong…if you feel unhappy or uncomfortable about something, you can tell me right?"
He frowned at her, the alarm fading from his eyes.
"Of course I know." He told her. "But what makes you think there's something wrong?"
Irene regarded him for a minute and wondered whether she should tell him that she suspected something was upsetting him now. But just as she opened her mouth, the bell rang, answering the question for her. James gave her a quick smile and dashed off to his next class, while Irene closed her eyes and sighed. They would have to talk about this on Saturday after all then.
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Irene felt lonely on Friday evening, all by herself. James not spending Fridays at Irene's house was a very recent development. Generally, no matter how busy he was during the week, he always made time to spend that one day with her. She loved waking up beside him on Saturday morning, feeling sleepy and content and just very, very happy. She always woke up first, so she would go down to the kitchen to talk to the maid and ask her to make a big breakfast. Then she would go and watch James sleep, trying to memorise the way his eye lashes rested on his cheeks or how peaceful he looked. The lazy Saturday mornings were amongst the time she felt the happiest with him. No matter how uncomfortable she had felt in the recent weeks about where their relationship was going, during those Saturday mornings, she had always been able to completely forget that something was wrong.
But now, she didn't even have that. She supposed it didn't make much difference, they would get Saturday afternoon and maybe even the evening together, but Saturday mornings felt sacred somehow. If could she see him only once in the week, she would choose Saturday mornings.
Now that she was making her way to James's house however, she felt a growing sense of nervousness and dread, but also determination. It had been less than two weeks since the end of the autumn holidays, and since then, Irene had been watching James carefully. Her observations only reinforced her belief that something was very wrong and had been for a while now. She had several theories, but nothing specific. She had dismissed one suspicion as soon as the thought entered her head, and felt sickened that she had even thought of such a thing.
The one thing that haunted her was that James's behaviour might somehow be her fault, that it stemmed from something she had done. If she was completely honest with herself, she knew that she was being irrational, it was probably much more likely something that had happened with his parents or something to do with his friends. But then again, she knew that if that really were the case, he would probably have talked to her about it. After all, she told him everything-all her own sentiments about her family, her innermost thoughts and feelings-he knew everything.
Still, the issue had to be resolved. The thing that terrified Irene the most was that he would want to end the relationship, but somehow she doubted it. While it was her greatest fear, she had thought about it a lot, and had come to the conclusion that if James still wanted to spend his free time with her and go out on dates with her and spend his nights at her house, he probably wasn't in any hurry to end the relationship.
She took a deep breath as she crossed the street, knowing that she was only five minutes away from his house now. Generally she either asked to be driven to his house or she took the bus, but today she had decided to walk; she needed time think. Now, as she made her way up the drive way to his house, she was mentally planning out what she should say to James and how she should react to whatever news he had to tell her.
She smiled nervously as a she knocked and a maid opened the door. Irene knew most of the staff from her frequent visits to James's house, but she didn't recognise the young maid who was looking at her expectantly.
"Hi." She said. "I'm here to see James." She was already unbuttoning her coat, wanting to get into the house and out of the cold (only now, that she was no longer engrossed in her thoughts did she realise that she was freezing cold and that walking really hadn't been a good decision in the cold November weather.)
The maid frowned at her. "Are you a friend of his?" she asked.
Irene nodded. She really wanted to see James and get this talk over with, so she didn't even bother correcting the maid.
"I'm afraid he's not here." the maid told her sympathetically. "You'll have to call another time, I'm afraid."
Of all the things Irene had been expecting, this was not it. "What do you mean he's not here?" she asked, completely perplexed.
"He went out about an hour ago with a friend of his."
Irene sighed, more annoyed than upset. James was very devoted to his friends, and maybe one of them had needed his help.
"It was probably Patrick" she said to herself with a sigh. Patrick was James's closest friend, although he had his own clique and didn't usually sit with her and Jessie at lunch during school. As a result, she didn't know him very well, but she understood that James might have dropped everything he had been doing if Patrick had called.
But the maid shook her head. "I think he said her name was Maria." She said.
Irene's eyes widened. She didn't know anyone called Maria and she had never heard James mention anyone with that name. Immediately, alarm bells started going off in her head and she felt sick to the stomach.
"Did he mention when he would be back?" she asked, and was surprised by how calm and level her voice sounded.
"I'm under the impression that they would be gone the whole day. He's generally gone for a while when they're out together."
"She comes here often then?" Irene asked, her heart beating out a crazy rhythm. She felt dizzy, and focused on the maid, still trying to process her words.
The maid nodded. "I'm afraid you'll have to come tomorrow, dear." She told Irene. Suddenly she noticed that Irene was shaking.
"You must be freezing!" she exclaimed. "Would you like to come inside?"
Irene shook her head mutely. She wished she could just forget this whole conversation; pretend that she hadn't heard anything the maid had told her. She didn't even want to think about what all this meant.
"No, I should be going." She mumbled, already turning around. She heard the maid wish her a pleasant afternoon, but she couldn't bring herself to reply. Just as the maid was about to close the door however, she turned around and ran back. The maid stared at her, no doubt puzzled about her strange behaviour.
"Maybe it would be better if you didn't tell him I was here." She said hurriedly. "He'll feel bad that he forgot that we were supposed to meet. He gets terribly sensitive about these things."
The maid nodded, a look of professional neutrality covering her formerly confused features.
Irene nodded at her briefly, mumbled a thank you, and walked home, feeling completely numb.
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