"What am I doing?" Catrine thought. A week had passed since she struck her bargain with Guy: a marriage for a trip home. She felt her reason slipping from her every moment she spent with Guy; with every kiss, she lost her conviction to use him merely to gain her freedom.
She sat on the bunk in the cabin of the ship. The ship had left the port of Le Havre not two hours ago. She realized as she watched Guy leaning over the ship's rail that she loved him too much; she couldn't wait till they reached England for their wedding.
"I've forgotten," she thought. "This is a bargain first, a marriage second, and Guy must be expendable- a means to an end." She closed the cabin door, locking it from the inside. "He'll come looking for me. I need to distance myself. I simply have to stop caring."
She dwelled on how she would meet her brother in London first; how is pudgy round face would peel back into a grin. He'd easily give his blessing once he accepted the fact that she was no longer at the French convent. And Guy can be very persuasive. She only needed his blessing, and her dowry money. Then on to Nottingham to meet Robin and regain the portion of it once known as Gisborne. Then she would free herself from men, by any means necessary. She regretted now choosing Guy. Choosing him and now falling in love with him.
She startled out of her thoughts at a knock at the cabin door.
"Catrine. Why is the door locked? Are you alright?" Guy's deep voice encompassed her wholly.
"I'm fine, I just need to rest. Too much sun and too many waves."
"Then let me in to take care of you, my love." He began forcing the door, trying the lock. "I'm sure I can make your aches and pains go away. There must be some way to have you forget," he chuckled through the wooden planks.
Not what she needed. She could take care of herself; no man was necessary. She could live alone, and very happily.
"But would you be truly happy alone?" Guy's voice asked her in her mind. Her hands gripped her head, as though she could rip him out.
"I'm going to get you water and something to eat; you'll feel better then," Guy's voice echoed through the door. His footsteps sounded away from the cabin.
Catrine breathed. Alone. Hungry. Thirsty. So she just listened to her heart beat. And remembered lying next to Guy feeling his heart beating too.
She sighed and felt the ache between her thighs.
Guy walked up to the door again, he knocked, but there was no answer. She must have fallen asleep.
"I've worn her out, keeping her up late into the night." He felt proud of the pleasure he gave her each time they had lain together. But she had become far more than that to him. She had her own power that drove her, and he knew it. It intrigued him how she deliberately tried to not rely on him.
"She's so deeply stirred by me, so madly in love with me. She must be overwhelmed by her own passion." He thought to himself about each time they made love, violent, passionate and yet somehow tender.
"Catrine, get up my love; I have your food and drink," he spoke, knocking on the cabin door loud enough to wake her.
Though she wasn't asleep, Catrine played along and walked over to the door. She unlocked it, opened it a crack and peeped out. She took the tray from his hands, shoved him away, and locked the door again. "There," she thought. "I'm fine on my own."
Guy staggered back in shock. What a confusing woman! She locks him out for love of him, he brings her food, and she steals it from him? This will not do.
"The two day voyage to London will be very long for you alone in the cabin, Catrine. If you won't let me in, then I won't let you out."
"You wouldn't dare!" Catrine yelled through the door. Guy could hear her just on the other side.
Catrine hear movement and then a thud. She realized he sat in front of the locked door.
"Damn." She cursed at him.
"Not a very lady-like vocabulary, my love. When you're ready to leave, you can let me in first." His low voice called out, taunting her.
She threw herself on the thin mattress on the bunk. Trapped. Her thighs ached again. And her heart longed to feel his heartbeat again.
"Damn," she cursed again, and lightly got off the mattress and snuck to the other side of the door. She gently pulled back the lock, and then forcefully flung open the door. Guy crashed backwards into the room as the door swung open.
"Now you're in. And now I'm heading out." She grabbed his hand and helped him up. Then she kissed him hungrily, moving his hand between her thighs.
Guy squinted his eyes, a bit confused by everything that just happened.
"I've missed you, Guy. But first, I'd like to look at the sea." Catrine led Guy up the stairs and to the Starboard rail. He wrapped his arms around her, like the first time he held her that first night. She watched as the waves would rise and fall, crashing along the ship. A strong wave checked the couple's balance, Catrine stumbled forward nearly over the rail. All she saw was blue water. But Guy held her tightly to keep her from flying overboard and pulled her back into him.
Catrine was glad she wasn't alone at that moment.