Chapter 14

I was ducking, weaving, my blue blade a whirl of light, stabbing and parrying, my defense all but a solid wall against the green beam. But still I could not gain the advantage- the wielder of the green blade seemed to know my moves as well as I did myself.

At some unspoken signal, the blades disengaged, my opponent stepping back, and I felt myself step back as well, extinguishing my saber and giving a bow.

"Well done, Padawan." The green saber went out and our surroundings became clear- lush and green, the bubbling of streams constant in the background, life tucked into every corner of the Force- the Room of a Thousand Fountains. "Your skills have greatly improved- they will serve you well in the coming conflict."

"Thank you, Master," I heard myself say.

The skin around the Jedi's eyes crinkled as he smiled, and he gave my braid an affectionate tug. "But enough of that. We have limited time."

He turned and I followed him down a path of stepping stones at an unhurried pace, the other Jedi occasionally pausing to inspect a flower or run a finger down the edge of a leaf. We came to a stop beside a small hidden spring, shallow but crystalline clear. A bench was by the edge of the pool, but he knelt on the moss beside it. I joined him, the wetness of the dew soaking through to my knees. We waited silently, taking in the surroundings.

"Be mindful of the Living Force, Padawan," he eventually said, eyes closed. "Fate may be revealed through the Unifying Force, but it is the Living Force that creates the building blocks towards that fate."

"Yes, Master."

The spring burbled.

He turned his head and looked at me. "Listen, my apprentice. Seek to understand. Then carefully ponder and act on your instincts. The fate of the stars rests in your hands."

"When must I listen, Master?"

"Always. But you will know when the time comes. You will not see the end of the path, but you will see the crossroads, and the bricks that build it."

The master picked up a fallen nut from the tree we sat beneath. "This seed is destined to become a great tree. But it does not know it. It does not see its parent and strive to be like it. The Living Force guides it, day by day, until it grows into what it is meant to become."

I stayed kneeling, hands folded in my lap, while the Jedi dug a shallow hole with his hands beside the path and dropped the seed within, covering it gently with soil.

We stood together turned to face each other.

"May the Force be with you, Master," I said, bowing.

The master's grey eyes sparkled with some unfathomable emotion. "I'm so proud of you, Obi-Wan. The Force is with us… Until we meet again."

He put a strong hand on my shoulder, the skin of a finger brushing against my neck- and in that moment, I felt his presence. Strong, unyielding, gentle, warm and enveloping as the summer's breeze, bearing memories and wisdom and warning and pride and love-

Everything slid out of focus, fog rolling through the gardens, and Qui-Gon Jinn vanished into the mists.

My eyes flew open, and I was unable to stop a small gasp of breath. The room was stark and blank as ever. The lack of light cast everything in a uniform grey but for the steady blinking lights of monitors. The Force echoed here with pain and healing.

But for a moment, I could have sworn I felt my master's presence. It was changed, fuller, more synchronized with the Force, but unmistakable. Warmth blossomed in my chest as I thought of the love and pride he had for me-

It was a dream. Just a dream.

But I struggled to fall asleep again.

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When I did awake the next morning, I set about the task of escaping. Getting out of being held unnecessarily long in med centers was something I had much practice with, but the healers here at the temple were familiar with most of my tricks. This time, I had Anakin. I wasn't sure whether that would help my case or not. If I played it right, and he didn't make things more difficult...

I pulled on the fresh tunic and robes that had been left out. I felt some lingering soreness in my muscles, but overall quite well, though I did examine myself through the Force to be sure.

I ran a hand through my hair, wishing I had a comb to make it a bit more presentable, and stepped out into the hall.

I first stopped in to see my apprentice, who was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and twirling a small medical instrument around a finger of his flesh hand with the Force. I stood in the doorway, observing him for a moment. A veil of sadness descended- he would never have his natural hand back. I thought of the eager nine-year-old boy I had first taken in. Did he ever suspect that he could lose a limb at such a young age? That he could become so permanently disfigured? That I wouldn't be able to save him his loss? I shook my head, dispelling my thoughts and the emotion. He would get over it, and be stronger for it. A Jedi must not be attached. I took a step towards him. When Anakin heard me approach, he quickly grabbed the tool and dropped his hand to the bed.

I hid a smile. "Be mindful of the Force, Padawan. You should have sensed me approaching."

"Yes, Master," he said.

"I'm surprised to see you awake," I continued, sitting at the foot of the bed.

"My sleep cycle is shot, Master. Too many time changes on top of being treated here."

"You had plenty of time to adjust on Naboo, and you weren't long on Geonosis," I thought aloud.

"Ah… right." He glanced to the side.

"Anakin," I said, a note of warning entering my voice. What had he gotten up to this time? He had said the week had been eventful.

"I'll tell you about it… Just give me some time to mentally prepare?" He gave me a pleading look.

For what? To defend himself? "Very well, but sometime today. The Council will soon call us to debrief the mission."

He nodded.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Bored out of my skull, Master."

Not unexpected. "And your hand?"

Anakin spared it a glance. "A healer gave me some exercises to do."

Avoiding thinking about it, then.

The door opened and in swept a blue-skinned Twi'lek. "Master Che," I said with a short bow. "A pleasure to see you as always."

"Spare me the flattery, Obi-Wan. Why are you out of bed?"

She knows your first name. That isn't good, Anakin noted.

I ignored my padawan. "I feel quite well, Master Che. Some lingering soreness, but nothing more can be done here, I think. A few days back in our quarters will do me good."

I kept up an innocently neutral expression as the healer looked right through me. She turned to Anakin. "And how do you feel, Padawan Skywalker?"

"The same, Master. It doesn't hurt much."

"He mostly needs to come to terms with his loss," I put in. "On top of the confusion of our mission, I think the best thing for my padawan would be to relax and recover in a more familiar setting."

The healer's mouth twisted as she looked over her datapad and examined Anakin's arm. He kept his face just as carefully blank.

"All your reactions are normal, your body has physically accepted the prosthetic…" she sighed and looked up at me. "Very well, Kenobi. You may both leave."

Yes! I heard Anakin's mental shout of triumph.

"Thank you, Master Che," I said, giving another bow.

She scowled for a moment. "Come back and check in with me tomorrow, or I'll confine you both to bed rest for a week."

She swept from the room. After waiting a minute, I stepped outside to allow Anakin privacy to change back into his tunic and robes. He soon joined me.

"Shall we go get breakfast?" I asked.

Anakin grimaced and tucked his arms into the sleeves of his robes. "I'd rather just go to our quarters, Master."

I nodded in understanding. "We should have something that hasn't gone bad after a week," I mused. I started walking and he fell into step beside and slightly behind me.

You seem lighter, I noted as we walked. Still brooding, but better than you were during the mission to Ansion.

I'm not brooding, Master. I'm pondering the situation I'm in.

I was silent, but expectant. Anakin determinedly pretended not to notice.

I expected your 'pondering' to worsen by the compounding of issues, I prodded.

The earlier issue was resolved, Master.

I nodded in greeting as we passed another Jedi who was heading for the Halls. The earlier issue… Hadn't Anakin's bad dreams about his mother been the matter that was worrying him?

Did your dreams about your mother stop? I was almost afraid to ask, on the chance I was wrong and the question could send him spiraling down into darker brooding again.

...Yes. Well, technically, no, but I know these are just nightmares, and I can handle them.

These were just nightmares? I knew it was possible that his dreams could have been premonitions of the future. I had spoken to Master Yoda about them, and he advised me to let them be, that the Force would direct us to act if we needed to and if they were indeed visions. But if Anakin was sure he was having nightmares, and that earlier they were not, then something must have changed. Or Anakin himself had changed them. Oh, I hoped he hadn't done anything foolish!

Anakin didn't say anything else on the way to our quarters, and I didn't press him. Answers would come soon enough. Patience was a Jedi virtue, and one that I had frequently learned to exercise since taking Anakin as my apprentice.

We arrived at the set of rooms we had lived in together for the past ten years- and before that, where I had lived with my own master. I went to the small kitchen to scrounge up a meal from what little we had stored.

The fruit was overripe, any leftovers growing mold and inedible. The bread was mostly stale, but would do with some jam. I put on some water for tea and waited, leaning back against the countertop as I perused the various messages on my datapad that I had missed while on the mission.

When the tea was ready, I carried it and the food to our table. I glanced around and found Anakin kneeling on a cushion, clearly in meditation.

Since when did my apprentice meditate without being asked? I could think of two past instances. Maybe three.

"Anakin," I called. He opened his eyes after a second and stood, coming to sit again at the table.

We ate in silence. I watched my padawan, while he stared off into the distance, using his left hand while his right rested in his lap.

Despite how hungry I knew he must have been- usually eating as much as or more than the stereotypical young human male, on top of likely missing all meals since arriving on Geonosis- he hardly touched the food.

I eyed him for a few minutes while he continued to look off into nowhere, then quietly cleared my throat. "Padawan, would you like to talk?"

Anakin blinked and looked at me, then nodded decisively. "Yes, Master." We stood and I led the way to the meditation cushions, where we knelt and faced each other.

Anakin clasped his hands in his lap, giving only a twitch of surprise before staring at the floor, gathering his thoughts. I waited.

Finally he looked up. "Master, I made a few choices during this mission that… you wouldn't approve of. I don't regret any of them, but I did learn from them, and I ask that you please… hear me out before making judgements."

I had never seen Anakin this nervous before. Certainly, he had been hesitant and guilty when he went against my orders in the past, especially when he was a young padawan, but this time there was an edge of determination, and not just to avoid punishment, it seemed.

"Go on. I'm listening." I kept my posture relaxed, and gave him my attention.

He swallowed and nodded, setting his shoulders, then began. "As you know, we found out Padmé is Force-sensitive. On the transport to Naboo, we were discussing Jedi philosophy, among other things, and she asked what possessions I did carry with me. I showed her the comlink, explained what midichlorians are, and she wanted to be tested." He looked me in the eye. "Even give or take two thousand, her count was high enough that she should have been considered to join the ranks of the Jedi. She said her parents didn't know, and her medical record has a lower count listed. We guessed maybe the droid who took it at her birth malfunctioned."

I nodded. I knew the basics of this already. I guessed this was where the questionable part began.

"We were kind of in shock. Just to check, I… taught her how to meditate. And she could. She's really good at it, in fact."

"And you didn't consider the possible repercussions of this?" I couldn't help asking.

"Well… briefly. But my mandate was to protect her, and knowing the basics of the Force could only give her greater protection. And on Geonosis, it could have saved her life, for all we know."

"It wasn't the wisest choice to come after me on Geonosis, but I suppose we'll get to that later," I sighed.

Defiance sparked in Anakin's eyes, but quickly died down. "So I taught her the basics, Master. How to reach for the Force, how to push, pull, levitate, basic lightsaber handling, and how to release her emotions, of course," he hastened to add, "and… other things as they became necessary."

It could be worse, but I suspected the ice he was treading on would only get thinner. I clasped my arms in my sleeves.

"We stayed at a lake house after meeting with the queen. We… ah…" he trailed off, glancing down, and tried to surreptitiously wipe his human palm on his robes. "Once… we… kissed."

"Anakin," I sighed. I thought that Senator Amidala would have been more sensible, at least.

"It was just the once there, and we know, attachment is bad. Um. Which doesn't really help with what happened next."

"Which was?" I thanked the Force that I already had practice in being patient with him.

"Well, we did end up discussing what bad things could happen from me teaching her, but I wanted her to be able to defend herself. Then I was meditating, and I had a vision of my mother. She was taken captive by Sandpeople- Tusken Raiders- and a few dozen men were killed trying to go after her. Padmé saw the vision too, and so we went to Tatooine."

He took a breath. "We found the farm. Turns out she was freed and married, and I have a stepfather, stepbrother, and soon a step-sister-in-law…? And then Padmé and I went after my mother."

"You took the Senator with you?" I finally questioned. What in the galaxy would possess him to do that? I knew he cared about her safety, if nothing else. And I had experience with Tusken raiders- I had rescued the handmaiden Sabé in the guise of Queen Amidala from them, thankfully before any sort of torture had begun.

"She had reasons that were convincing at the time… and I thank the Force that she did come," Anakin defended. "It was because of her that we all got out alive. We got my mother to the hospital, had a few more interesting conversations, and then we received your message and came to Geonosis."

"Is that all?" I checked.

"Apart from confessing our love before we entered the arena, yes, that's everything you would consider bad."

I stood, needing to not have his stare boring into me, and stepped over to the window, gazing at the passing traffic. What was I going to do with him? I had tried my best to teach him, train him, guide him. And his first solo mission he had flouted about half the rules of the Order- and admitted he regretted none of it. What more could I have done?

Anakin was standing, looking at me, the sun coming through the window illuminating the sweat on his brow.

"Master, please, say something."

"What more can I say?" I retorted. I took a breath. Perhaps there was hope. "You said that was all I would consider bad. What was good? You said you learned a lesson from this."

Anakin nodded quickly, relief written across his face as he leaned forward. "Yes, Master. I learned not to rush into things without the aid of the Force-" he glanced at his prosthetic hand. "Along with the dangers of attachment. I'll never question them again."

"How? As far as I can tell, everything turned out alright for your mother and for the senator."

"It did… but it nearly didn't." He turned to the window and spoke in a low voice. "When we went to the camp to save my mother, we found her beaten, bruised, bleeding, held up only because she was tied. I was… overcome with emotion. With fear. With pain. With hatred for what the Tuskens did to her. I was going to untie her. But Padmé stopped me.

"The Force was speaking to us. Shouting. But she was the only one who heard. I went to untie Mom again, and Padmé heard the Force again. She realized that my mother could have internal injury. She realized that maybe the only reason Mom had survived a month under torture was because she was holding on to my memory."

His voice was thick, his reflection tormented. "I broke down. I couldn't have saved her. But Padmé kept a cool head. She went first into meditation, and was an anchor of calm, helping me put aside my emotions, and I was able to heal my mother enough to get her to the hospital."

I stroked my beard. "You're saying that because of your attachment, you didn't hear the Force and your mother could have died."

"That's not the worst of it, Master," Anakin said, looking to me then back out to the city. "Later, I had a dream. It was between a nightmare and a vision. I think it was a vision of what would have happened had Padmé not been with me. In it, I found my mother. I untied her. She woke up. And then… she died. And I… I turned to the dark side. I slaughtered the village. Not just the men, the warriors, but the women and children too, the innocents."

My breath caught in my throat. It didn't happen. He didn't fall. But I could picture it all too vividly- his eyes, so expressive, burning with hatred and fury, striking down robed figure after robed figure, as they futilely tried to fight back against his blue blade.

Was it truly a possibility? I had to do more! What if something actually did happen to Anakin's mother? To Senator Amidala? Would he turn to the dark side of the Force? Had Master Yoda been right all along, that he was too dangerous to train? Or was I just not a good enough master?

I could ensure we weren't anywhere near Senator Amidala again. I could try to keep him from thinking about his mother, I could help him to distance himself- but if after ten years, he still went back to her side- both of their sides- what could I do? "Anakin-"

He met my eyes again, and I saw that his were glassy. "I don't want to ever fall to the dark. I know why attachment is forbidden. Because I was taken in so late, because every other Jedi was raised right, I don't think any of them could understand as clearly as I do. My mother, my parent, the person who raised me for half my life, taught me most of what made me who I was, who had guided me, protected me, sacrificed so much for me- she held out, just long enough to see me again, and then she died in my arms, and I was helpless to save her. And so I fell to the dark." His face was twisted, tears welled in his eyes.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

"No Jedi can feel that pain. They couldn't understand. They don't understand!" He gave a bitter laugh. "And you wouldn't understand- the perfect Jedi, always composed, never fearing attachment to anything!"

I could only stare, and when he looked at me, his shoulders immediately slumped. "I'm sorry, Master, I didn't mean to speak like that. I just feel so alone. That no one else can help. That no one will listen, when the time comes." He pressed his forehead against the transparisteel, closing his eyes.

He looked so like he did as a young boy first come to the temple. So lost. And he didn't know what he was saying. Force, he had no clue what he had said. Something inside of me broke, and for the second time in as many days, I pulled him into an embrace.

"Padawan," I murmured, though in my head the word echoed in a different voice. "I do understand. I think I understand you more than any other in this temple."

"We're linked telepathically, Master," he murmured. In another situation, he might have rolled his eyes.

In response, I reached out to him through the Force. Images flashed through our heads. A red and black tattooed Zabrak, eyes sickly yellow. A young man fighting side by side with his master- his master who could not have been more dear had he been the man's true father. Red ray shields, separating the master and apprentice. A red blade, piercing the master, while the younger screamed in pain and grief. The younger, fighting with fury, hatred, a desire for revenge, but falling into the pit. Only then, he let go of the dark, and leapt up to enact justice on the killer. The man rushing to his master's, his father's side, holding him desperately as the light faded from his eyes.

I opened my eyes, and while Anakin's were wide with shock and remorse, I felt only compassion. "You see I understand."

He nodded numbly. "I- I never realized-"

"That I might be one of the most attachment-prone Jedi in the Order?"

I heard his breath hitch in surprise. "No."

How could he not see? Was it not painfully obvious that I was attached to him, as I had been to Qui-Gon? How could he not know how much I cared for him- that I cared far more than I should? "Sometimes I don't know what they were thinking, pairing me with you," I said. "Surely you heard about all the things I did as a padawan?"

"Nothing, Master."

"Well." Memories flicked through my mind- Satine, Siri, the Young. "Honestly, your little escapade here is something I might have done in my younger years if I had felt strongly enough about it."

Anakin was all but gaping at me, and I smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, ignoring old aches in my heart. "Other than my fits of attachment, I was a model padawan, of course."

This time he really did stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Yes, Master." He looked back out the window, considering. "There was something else I wanted to mention."

"Go on."

"My mother. I had the nightmare while she was recovering, and I told her about it. In return, she told me what she thought about love and attachment."

I raised a brow in curiosity. Other than his recklessness and bouts of stubbornness and rebellion, Anakin had seemed a sweet and good-hearted boy when I first began training him, especially for one not raised in the temple. I had often wondered about his mother and how she taught him.

"She told me that they were separate, but we often have both. Love is what Jedi strive to have in the form of compassion. Attachment is when you can't let go, when you can't trust them to the will of the Force. It's possessive."

I nodded, stroking my beard. Attachment and possession, compassion. "That sounds logical."

"Like how my mother let me go to be trained as a Jedi. She loved me, but she wasn't attached. But when I went back to her, I was the one unwilling to let go, and so I could have gone dark if I lost her."

"Yes," I agreed, remembering all too clearly my own near-brush with the dark side.

"But love… If you can have love without attachment, it is something to aim for. Even… romantic love. Familial love."

Was that even possible? "An interesting theory. Can you have those without attachment?" Perhaps Anakin's mother did somehow, but she was not a Jedi. Shmi Skywalker was not sensitive to the Force, could not be lured by its dark power. And yet, what he was saying made sense.

"I don't know. But it's what I'm aiming for." He looked at me, his gaze solemn. "I want the council to see that it's possible. I want the rules to change… Padmé and I want to get married."

Oh.

"That's… major, Anakin."

"You loved Qui-Gon, didn't you? And you couldn't have stopped or changed that," he challenged.

"No, I couldn't have," I admitted. Nothing I could have done would have made me feel differently, disregard our experiences together, respect and look up to him less.

"But attachment is something you can try to get rid of. Jedi do it all the time. It might be harder for some people, but it's doable. We need the council to recognize that love can still remain once attachment is gone… that it must remain. It's what binds us together, it is compassion."

I leaned back, crossing my arms and considering his words. They made sense. But this was twisted against all I had learned growing up, all I had known through all my life. To avoid attachment at all costs. It will only bring you pain and lead you to fall. Familial love and romance was dangerous.

Qui-Gon came to my mind. This was something he would approve of, I think.

Listen, my apprentice. Seek to understand. Then carefully ponder and act on your instincts. The fate of the stars rests in your hands.

Had my dream last night been a vision?

You will know when the time comes. You will not see the end of the path, but you will see the crossroads, and the bricks that build it.

I'd say this was a crossroads. What far-reaching consequences this philosophy could have! What if Jedi still couldn't let go, and pursued relationships regardless? We had the code in place for a reason.

But I could see now that Anakin had a vision for the future of the Jedi. This could very well be life-changing, if there was a chance the very structure of the Jedi Order was shifted, the way we interacted with the rest of the galaxy. The idea was so strange, I almost couldn't picture it myself. Who could really see the outcome? Was this where I had to trust the Living Force?

I sensed Anakin waiting patiently for once- if a bit anxiously- as I closed my eyes and reached for the Force. I saw the bond between us, using the Force's lense in a way I hadn't before- it was spotted with dark attachment, but the core of it was respect and love- pure light. Love was light.

The Force seemed expectant. I delved deeper into it, asking it to show me similar bonds. They flared to life for a moment- bonds between master and apprentice, some bonds reaching off elsewhere. Bonds outside the temple, colored with more attachment, but maybe stronger than those within- because they weren't afraid to love.

And Anakin again, with bonds stretching away- the other two strongest I guessed to Padmé and his mother. They were stronger than any others I saw it the temple, flecked with attachment as they were.

The attachment had to go. It could infect the bonds under the right circumstances, growing and spreading darkness, tainting all it touched. But could the dark attachment be removed without severing the bonds of light entirely?

I thought it could.

I came back to the physical world, and made my decision, trusting our fate to the hands of the Force- "I think you are right, Anakin."

The air, the Force was heavy as he looked at me.

"I think you are right, and I will support you in making this reality."

A/N: Dun dun duunnn! Thus concludes arc one. Thank you all for reading! I think I'm going to continue on to the second in this same entry, not a new one, unless anyone has any objections.

Also, I was wondering if any of you would like to beta this fic. Someone familiar with the Clone Wars would be preferable, but I'm pretty sure just about any of you would do better than my brothers, who are my current editors. Our conversations go something like this:

Me: So, what do you think? What can I do better?

Bro. 1: Uh, it's good.

Bro. 2: Wait, how many chapters have you written?

Yep. So if any of you are interested, PM me!