Chapter 14: Happy Thoughts

Sid was sitting on the sofa in the Loft, her back slouched against a pile of cushions at an angle that shouldn't have been comfortable yet somehow was. The last mission really got to her, more so than fighting a ship with suspicious things dripping from the ceiling and an army of giant bugs. That was different. She could shoot the Collectors in the face and feel much better about it. They were something she could take her frustrations on, something that at the end of the day could be squished.

Doubt wasn't the same. There wasn't anything physical to beat up or shoot. Even during Ghost's darkest days, Sid had prided herself on not being anything like Cerberus. Sure, they paid well and usually had a lot of work for her but they did some insane, ethically questionable shit. And now Sid was worried she was starting down the same path. Dr Archer's messed up experiment involving the geth made Sid feel unsure whether she was doing the right thing or not. Her plans didn't involve plugging anyone into the geth consensus although she was still dealing with the geth and deep down, she knew that could never end well.

And the worst part? Sid couldn't even ask Jo for her opinion. Sid had made the decision to keep it from Jo because even though she trusted Jo with her life, there were still so many questions about her resurrection and Sid had no idea where this would fall on a moral compass. And this was also a Cerberus vessel. Sid had made sure the Loft was free of bugs – and did random sweeps to make sure they didn't magically reappear – but there was still EDI. Even if EDI was pro-crew, she still had programming she had to follow and Sid didn't like the idea of her project falling into Cerberus hands. They had a way of twisting things into the worst possible outcome.

Sid's project had sounded simple enough in theory and she'd even come up with the idea shortly after waking up after the events of the Battle of the Citadel… so Jo kind of already knew about it, even if she didn't remember that conversation. It wasn't surprising. Jo was kind of busy staring into Kaidan's dreamy eyes at the time. Sid was attempting to create a virus that would destroy the Reapers. She didn't have access to an actual Reaper – which was probably a good thing – but the galaxy was full of geth. That seemed like a good starting point.

Sid's line of thinking was if she could get a virus that could affect the geth, then hopefully it would only need a bit more tweaking to affect the Reapers since the geth were impossible to hack. This started her geth collection. She needed as many fragments of geth programming as she could get her hands on to understand the geth consensus – figure out what made it tick so she could make it stop ticking. Only it was insanely hard to recover anything from dead geth.

It had been two years of hard work and she was still no closer whereas the Reapers were drawing nearer every day. Sid could understand why Dr Archer needed a shortcut. He was desperate and needed those results. It was one of the reasons why Sid hated that man so much… she could understand why he made the decisions he did. Sid would never stoop to experimenting on people like that however she was ashamed to admit that she had considered it. Briefly. For a second… that maybe sacrificing a handful of lives would save more in the future. And since that line of thinking, Sid never felt clean again.

She could justify her little experiment. She wasn't endangering any lives – in fact, she was trying very hard to save lives. And the geth would have been killed anyway. They would just end up in a scrap heap somewhere, she couldn't let them go to waste. And she only used deactivated geth, never any live geth or geth that had a chance of somehow reactivating itself. Yes, Sid had all the justifications she needed and she could picture every Cerberus scientist having similar justifications before they twisted everything. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, after all.

Sid resisted the urge to groan because that would only attract EDI's attention and then she would be forced to tell either Jo or Little Miss Perky and she really did not have the patience to deal with Chambers right now. For two years, it felt like the right thing to do. She didn't question it, even despite the fact that dealing in geth parts was highly illegal (it was one of the reasons why she hadn't even filled her crew in). And now, one mission to a Cerberus facility and her whole perspective was messed up. Talk about happy thoughts.

Perhaps she just needed to change her perspective? Take a break from it, take a step back and revisit it when the stink of Dr Archer cleared up. Perhaps that would be for the best. After all, there were so many other things to occupy her time with. She still needed to find Vido for Zaeed – this was taking a lot longer than she had originally anticipated and a part of her was actually surprised the old mercenary hadn't threatened her again. And Kasumi still needed help with her heist. Sid was helping with the logistics of it but she was also helping Kasumi cement the reputation of Allison Gunn, Jo's persona for the heist. As far as Sid was aware, Kasumi hadn't filled Jo in of all the details quite yet. According to the thief, "that was part of the fun".

Sid liked Kasumi which was why she hadn't ruined the "fun" yet. And Sid hadn't asked many questions. After the events of Virmire, she had learnt the value of asking questions – she probably still didn't ask as many as she should have, in some cases – but she respected Kasumi too much to pry. Besides, Kasumi was the 'thief with a heart of gold' type, not the 'doom the entire galaxy' type. And Sid got the distinct impression that this heist was more personal than she let on.

Well, wallowing alone in self-pity wasn't getting anything done. In fact, all that was doing was making Sid hungry so she got to her feet and headed down to the Mess Hall. A couple of the crew members were already having something to eat – a few were having a conversation about the latest colony to be… Collected (God, that was such a terrible pun, Sid knew she couldn't say it out loud) – and it looked like none of the ground crew members were around. It took her a moment to realise she hadn't really mingled much. Then again, she didn't want to risk getting close to someone and then having a massive falling out later… like Kaidan. And Joker. It just hurt too much.

She wandered over to the counter and casually leant against it. "What up, G?"

Gardner frowned at her before looking at her suspiciously. "What do you want?"

Sid casually examined her nails. "What makes you think I want something?"

"No one's this friendly to me unless they want something," the mess sergeant answered grumpily and narrowed his eyes.

"Well, now that you mention it…" Sid admitted slowly and noticed the growing suspicion. "I don't suppose you have any of your calamari special stashed somewhere?"

At that, Gardner looked surprised. "I think that makes you the only person who likes it."

"It reminds me of the days growing up with the Batarians," Sid said wistfully.

At that, Gardner's expression darkened and the tiny sign that indicated they were having a pleasant conversation vanished. He grabbed a bowl, dumped whatever food was cooking in it and shoved it into her hands, glaring all the time. Sid hadn't expected that reaction and walked off with her food with a frown on her face. That took an unexpected turn. Perhaps he hadn't realised she'd meant that as a compliment. Then again, Batarians weren't exactly known for their cooking skills.

Sid found an empty chair and got settled. As she slowly ate her food, she put a lot of effort into not thinking about her project or Dr Archer's experiment which was harder than she had been expecting. She barely even tasted her food as she tried to think about happier things. To her knowledge, they didn't currently have an active mission. The Illusive Man seemed to have backed off since the Collector Ship – aside from the experiment from hell – and the rest of the crew was working to putting their affairs in order.

That sounded grim but it was true. This was a suicide mission, after all. Everyone needed to be focused and with Cerberus still researching the Omega 4 Relay, the tasks were becoming more focused on the crew. Everyone from the dossiers had been recruited, Jo was reinstated as a Spectre and had worked out some understanding with Anderson and Hackett. The Council recognised her return – as much as they recognised their human Spectre – and she had updated her records with C-Sec. There wasn't much else to do besides wait and cruise around the galaxy, looking for trouble and gathering resources to upgrade the Normandy. It suddenly occurred to Sid that she didn't even know what part of the galaxy they were even in at the moment.

Jo emerged from the elevator and spied Sid so she wandered over and dropped into the seat opposite her. They acknowledged each other and then both descended back into their thoughtful silences. It was likely that Jo had just completed her rounds, checking in with every crew member, and had come here for a break, not more conversation and Sid wasn't exactly in a conversing mood. She glanced at Jo, trying to figure out if her curiosity was enough to intrude on Jo's thoughts. Who was she kidding? Boundaries didn't mean a thing to her.

"Hey, Jo?" Sid said.

Jo still had that distance look on her face. "Hm?"

"Where are we?"

It took Jo a moment to process the question and then both her eyebrows shot up. "Come again?"

Sid shrugged. "What is our current position? And I don't mean the mess hall. I mean the Normandy's."

Jo actually smiled. "Last I checked with EDI, we just entered the Minos Wasteland."

"Good to know," Sid replied.

Jo shook her head ruefully and the silence returned between them. Sid didn't really see what was so amusing. They were looking for resources which meant jumping from system to system. It was hard to keep track, not to mention it was so bloody boring. All they did was have EDI send probes to the surface. Not exactly a noteworthy activity. Nothing exploded, no one was shooting at them, nothing that even resembled a near death experience. Well, Sid probably shouldn't complain about the last one. This was a suicide mission. No need to jinx it.

::Apologies for the disturbance, Shepard.::

Jo shot Sid a look, like she jinxed this. Sid returned the look with a smile. Whoops.

"What do you need, EDI?" Jo asked.

::I have detected an anomaly on the planet of Aequitas. Your presence is requested.::

"I'm on my way," she answered with a heavy sigh.

"In my defence," Sid commented. "I had no idea resource scanning could develop into something exciting."

Jo rolled her eyes but her smile indicated she was more amused than annoyed. She pushed herself to her feet and returned to the elevator. Sid pursed her lips. An anomaly did not sound promising.

Shepard stood behind Joker's chair and gazed at the planet. It looked harmless enough from way up here but looks could be deceiving. Things had been relatively quiet… until Sid just had to ask where they were at the moment. Just as Shepard was taking a moment to relax. Thinking back… perhaps they had both jinxed it.

"What's happening?" Shepard asked.

Joker was still looking at the instruments, trying to figure it out. "We're picking up some kind of radio signal. Beyond that, I have no clue."

"Launch the probe, EDI," Shepard instructed.

The AI did as it was told and Shepard could just make out the object hurtling through space towards the planet. A few moments later, the radio signal became clearer and the probe relayed what little information it had picked up. Surface scans report potential alien signatures from within the mining facility. Anomalous life signs detected. Whereabouts of the facility staff unknown. Shepard did not like the words 'anomalous life signs' and figured it was worth investigating.

"EDI, please inform Mordin, Grunt and Sid that we are going to investigate that mining facility."

::Acknowledged.::

Shepard noticed Joker's shoulders tensed when he heard Sid's name but Shepard said nothing. They needed to figure out that they wanted to be with each other, they were just being stubborn idiots. Without another word, Shepard went to gather her gear and together they headed down to the planet's surface. She had decided to bring Mordin along because it had been a while since the Salarian scientist took some time off the ship. His research was crucial to their mission but he needed to stretch his legs every now and again. They all climbed out of the shuttle and were standing in front of the mine entrance. Shepard looked around.

"Y'know, just because I may have jinxed things, it's no excuse to bring me somewhere so… creepy," Sid said.

Shepard agreed that something did not feel right about this place. "Just… be careful. We don't know what we're walking into here."

"Detecting minimal life signs," Mordin announced. "No recent mining activity detected."

"So… whatever is wrong here has been going on long enough that nothing's been mined recently?" Shepard asked.

The Salarian sniffed. It seemed more like habit than a reaction to something offensive. "Affirmative, Shepard."

"That's not ominous at all," Sid commented dryly.

"Grunt, you're taking point with me," Shepard instructed.

The Krogan took a few steps forward so he was standing beside her. "It smells… wrong."

And there was another cheerful thought. It was a bad sign when Grunt didn't follow up with his unique chuckle that always amused Shepard so she took out her assault rifle. The others followed suit and they slowly approached the mine. Something about this place was making Shepard's skin crawl. They had barely entered the mine when they found a small group of husks. Grunt fired his shotgun and Shepard used her assault rifle. The noise attracted a couple more but between Sid and Mordin, they were quickly destroyed. Grunt actually looked disappointed.

Sid noticed a datapad on a nearby table. It took a second for her to read it and then she snorted in amusement. "You really know how to find trouble, Jo."

"Why? What does it say?" Shepard asked with a frown.

"I'm quoting here: If you're reading this, get the hell outta this place. Now."

Shepard sighed. "Great. Let's keep moving."

They pressed forward but it felt like every time they rounded a corner, they stumbled on a group of husks. Grunt started to cheer up when the groups were large enough for him to charge in and rip them to pieces but it still wasn't looking great for the miners. Even though it probably meant all the miners were dead, they still needed to search for survivors, figure out why there were husks here and make sure all the husks were destroyed. It was the safest option.

::Shepard, I detect a powerful alien signature deep within the mines. It appears the device is the source of the husks. It is likely that destroying it will stop them.::

"Thanks, EDI," Shepard replied.

The closer they got to the source of the alien signature, the more husks swarmed them. Shepard could just barely get a look at the artefact before needing to focus on the husks. It was tall – much bigger than anything they'd seen before around husks. It definitely didn't look like Dragon's Teeth.

"Sid, I need info," she shouted over the battle.

Sid immediately activated her tactical cloak and disappeared. The husks weren't smart enough to figure that out and then focused on the remaining three targets.

"There's some stuff here left by the miners that looks explosive," Sid announced.

Shepard grit her teeth as she still fought not to be swarmed. "But?"

"Well…" Sid drifted off but, strangely, Mordin was the one to complete the thought.

"Mining destabilizes the cavern," he said. "Likely to collapse."

"That's what I was worried about," Sid replied.

"It's our best option," Shepard decided. "Blow it and we'll have to sprint out of here. Grunt, clear a path."

The Krogan finally let out his chuckle and started to charge through the husks, alternating between head butting them and hitting them with his shotgun. Sid shot at the explosives as she ran and the roof collapsed on the ancient artefact. True to Mordin's analysis, the roof started to collapse above them. They sprinted through the mine, acutely aware of the big chunks of rock hitting the floor moments behind them. The mine suddenly felt impossibly long.

After what felt like a lifetime of sprinting, they finally reached the entrance to the mine. They all dove through the doorway, just as the mouth collapsed and they were engulfed in a thick cloud of dust. Shepard picked herself up, coughing, and regarded the mine. The doorway was firmly blocked by rock and she was satisfied that the collapse would have destroyed any remaining husks. Even so, they needed to be sure.

"Mordin?" she asked.

The Salarian approached the rocks with his omni-tool activated. "No life signs detected. No alien signal detected. Mine is secure."

"Thanks," Shepard replied. It was always reassuring to know that collapsing a mine got the job done.

As ground missions went, this turned out to be quicker than Shepard had anticipated. They returned to the Normandy and Shepard couldn't help but wonder. That alien artefact was huge and had turned so many people into husks. Were there more artefacts like this one out there? Was this the Reaper's opening move? Turn as many people into husks before their invasion and then there would be fewer people to fight back. Or was the artefact just left over from the days of the Protheans? Some definitive answers would be nice but those answers were currently sitting under a few tonnes of rock.

Shepard took a quick shower and then headed to the Armory. She and Jacob greeted each other and then she got to work cleaning her hard suit. It may have been part of Jacob's responsibilities but she felt kind of bad leaving the job of cleaning husk bits off the hard suit to him. There was also something oddly calming about the repetitive motions and it was easier to focus on the small details, letting her mind forget – for the moment – just how much depended on her.

::Pardon the interruption, Shepard. Justicar Samara would like a word.::

Samara was one of the crew members who largely kept to themselves. Shepard had the occasional conversation with her but she didn't often leave the Starboard Observation area. Shepard had not expected a summons from the Justicar but perhaps it had something to do with whatever mission she had been working on when they recruited her on Illium. Shepard thanked EDI for the message and Jacob offered to finish cleaning her hardsuit for her.

Samara had always appeared calm and serene to Shepard, someone who knew what she was doing and what was expected of her, finding some way to carry the burdens on her shoulders without letting them overwhelm her. Samara was at peace follow her code and Shepard greatly admired that about her and was maybe a little bit jealous. When Shepard entered the observation area, Samara already looked tense and after a polite greeting, she got to her feet. Whatever this was about greatly worried Samara because Shepard had never seen her stand for one of their conversations before.

Samara walked over to the window and stared out at the stars. "I must ask for your help. That is not easy for me."

"Whatever you need, Samara," Shepard answered. "Take your time."

"When we met on Illium, I told you about a very dangerous person I was pursuing. Using the information you obtained, I have located her," Samara continued. "She's been going by the name 'Morinth'. I would like to apprehend her before she disappears again."

Shepard was momentarily confused. "I thought you said you would focus on finding her after this mission was completed?"

She internally cringed when she realised it sounded like she wasn't willing to help but before she could try to say more, Samara answered her.

"I know where she is – right now. In a month, she may be gone. This is the best opportunity I've ever had."

Well, that was fair enough. "Where is she?" Shepard asked,

"Omega," Samara answered. "A night club called Afterlife, which seems a perfect place for her to hunt."

Well, Sid had a relationship with Aria T'Loak – although Shepard wasn't entirely sure how that relationship functioned – which meant she could smooth things over with Aria and maybe even get some information. Shepard figured that Sid would have an easier time with Aria than Samara, given how the Asari on Illium reacted to the presence of a Justicar. And on Omega, Samara's code could possibly cause some trouble because almost everyone had some dealings with crime.

"Would you mind telling me a bit about her?" Shepard gently pressed. "I know you've been hesitant to speak of her in the past."

Samara did not answer immediately. "She is an Ardat-Yakshi. It is a term from a dead asari dialect. It means 'demon of the night winds'. But that is mythology. She is simply a very dangerous woman who kills without mercy."

That was certainly a dramatic name but there had to be a reason for it. "I'm not sure I understand. Is 'Ardat-Yakshi' a term for a special kind of murderer?"

"Morinth suffers a rare genetic disorder," Samara explained. "When she mates with you, there is no gentle melding of nervous systems. She overpowers yours, burns it out, and haemorrhages your brain. You end up a mindless shell and soon after you are dead."

"Can't Morinth abstain?" Shepard asked. A genetic defect did not sound like a good reason to kill someone.

"Each encounter gives her strength," Samara answered. "The effect is narcotic: the more she does it, the more she needs to do it. She will never stop. She can't."

Shepard still wasn't sure if she understood this whole thing. "So you hunt down these asari because they're born with a genetic condition?" It was an honest question and not meant as a judgement. The intricacies of asari culture were sometimes hard to understand.

And Samara didn't seem to mind explaining it. "It manifests with maturity. When one is diagnosed, she is offered the chance to live in seclusion and comfort. If she refuses, it shows her addiction to the ecstasy she gets from killing her mates. There is no redemption for such a person."

Shepard took a moment to process this information. It certainly shattered the illusion that asari were perfect. "I can understand the danger. This situation is certainly worthy of your full attention."

"She confuses her victims, twists their feelings," Samara added. "They will do anything for her favour."

"Then we need to stop her," Shepard said without a doubt in her mind.

That seemed to put Samara's mind at ease. "Thank you, Commander. There are no words to express what this means to me." Shepard turned to leave but Samara was not quite finished speaking. "There is one thing more: this creature, this… monster. She is my daughter."

Shepard paused mid step and then turned to face Samara. That was quite the bombshell to drop. "You mentioned that this is genetic. How many children do you have?"

"Three," Samara answered. "And three Ardat-Yakshi are in existence today. It is as it sounds. Morinth was always the wild one – she was happy and free. But selfish."

Shepard was having a hard time wrapping her head around this: a mother sworn to kill her own daughter. And if this was how she felt about it, what about Samara? "I'm sorry, Samara. I cannot even imagine what this is like for you."

Samara turned away from her. "I do not want pity, Shepard. I do not accept it. My daughter's condition is my fault. And my redemption lies in killing her. Do not pity me. Simply understand my situation."

Shepard wasn't sure if she had offended Samara – that had not been her intention – so instead, she decided to follow instructions. "So, to under your situation, how did this happen?"

At that, Samara started to pace as she answered. It was obvious that this whole topic was, understandably, very emotional for her, even if she kept most of her emotions hidden.

"I spent my youth on the move, adventuring. I killed people, mated with them or just danced the night away. I learned so much, experienced so much. And then my matron days came. I could finally sit back, bask and enjoy my family. But in one moment, it was all taken away. I sat in a med lab while a near sighted doctor droned at me. And I learned that nothing was as I thought it would be. I gave up all that I possessed. I own nothing, claim nothing. All my knowledge will die with me. Now my purpose is to destroy my own children." She paused. "Help me find my long lost daughter and kill her."

"We'll find Morinth," Shepard promised.

At that, it looked like Samara was done talking because she went to sit down again. Shepard figured that answering these questions, admitting that she was going to kill her daughter, had taken a lot out of Samara and this was one of those times where saying thank you just wasn't appropriate. Shepard wanted to say something to reassure Samara but again, she didn't want pity. So instead, she decided to focus on it as a mission.

"Sid – that is, Phoenix – is familiar with Omega and Aria T'Loak, the owner of Afterlife," Shepard said. "I'll see what she can find out."

Samara bowed her head in acknowledgement and Shepard took that as her cue to leave. It took some wandering around the Normandy but she eventually found Sid leaving Kasumi's quarters in the Port Observation deck. She was about to ask what those two were plotting but decided against it.

"Sid."

"Jo."

"You have a few moments?" Shepard asked.

Sid looked surprised. "Uh… sure. Why?"

"Relax, you aren't in trouble," Shepard replied. "Samara's asked for help in dealing with… a personal matter. We need to go to Omega and I was wondering if you could deal with Aria on our behalf?"

Sid blinked. "And by deal with, you mean…?"

Shepard sighed. "Not kill her, if that's what you're thinking. I just remember the giant beehive Samara's presence kicked up on Illium and don't want a similar problem on Omega."

"Well, I don't really know how Aria will take the news of an incoming Justicar," Sid replied. "Considering we've never spoken about Justicars before and I didn't even know they were a thing until recently."

"Will Aria help us?" Shepard asked.

"Look, Omega may be the armpit of the galaxy but it's Aria's armpit…" Sid suddenly realised what she was saying. "Um… that metaphor took an awkward turn. Scratch that." And then she made it worse. She laughed, noticed Shepard's expression and then turned it into a cough. "What I'm trying to say is this: Omega is dirty, smelly and basically a hub of criminal activity. People tend to avoid it and no one really goes there on holiday. But it's Aria's. Whether she helps or not… that depends on how this personal matter will affect her."

Shepard frowned. "That doesn't really answer my question."

Sid smiled. "I can talk to her but it won't really accomplish much if I don't know what information you're looking for."

"I'll leave that up to Samara," Shepard replied.

She didn't exactly want to spread it around the ship that Samara's personal matter involved killing her own daughter. Besides the fact that people would jump to all kinds of conclusions, Shepard also knew it was really hard for Samara to talk about it and ask for help. She was not about to betray her confidence.

And then something occurred to Shepard. "What exactly is your relationship with Aria?"

Sid looked amused. "A business relationship. I've smuggled stuff for her in the past and helped her deal with… problems, shall we say. She's always offering me a permanent job. Besides, after the whole munity thing, Aria helped me get back on my feet. I would say we were friends but I don't think Aria has friends."

"Yeah," Shepard said slowly. "Aria doesn't strike me as a friendly person."

Sid laughed. "Just take my advice on something: having the Queen of Omega in your corner isn't a bad thing."

"I'm not sure it's a good thing either," Shepard countered.

"You want to survive in the Terminus Systems, you need allies," Sid pointed out. "And out here, you can't afford to get picky."

Shepard sighed in annoyance. She hated it when Sid had a point. "We'll leave for Omega now."