Hi all, well I've had to change the rating on this story to M for this chapter - it does get a little bit rude (hopefully makes up a little bit for the torment I've put you through!) Once again thank you all for your continued support and reviews, it really means so much to me :) Love Kelly xx

Chapter 14

The harsh, blinding light was too much to take in, in Mary's current state. It was a new day but she reeked of the night before. She clung to the moist sheets that was covered in last night's odours. But she didn't the sheets to remind her of her shame and regret, it was all around her. It was in the clothes that were scattered haphazardly across the room, it was in the beads of sweat that still covered her skin, it was with the naked man lying next to her. Her head was spinning but it was no longer cloudy, she could see as clear as day and she didn't like it at all. She sat up in bed before a wave of nausea washed over her and she rushed into the bathroom. She gagged and vomited until her system was empty but she still felt as rotten. Her actions from the night before leaving an unpleasant taste. She crept back into the other room; Jimmy was still asleep. She quickly dressed herself before he had a chance to wake and left the room without so much of a word or note. She wanted to pretend the night before had never happened. But no matter how much she wished it wasn't so, the damage had already been done.

Mary hesitated when she got to her front door. Her heart was pounding as she thought about what her husband and children were going through at that moment. Every time she did, she was overcome by guilt and shame. How could she possibly face Bert when all she could see when she closed her eyes was his best friend? She could still feel his lips on hers, the taste of hot sweat as they moved together; the weight of his body on hers. Mary trembled at the thought of the memory; she was disgusted with herself. She put the key in the door and let herself in.

To her surprise, it was not her husband who was first to greet her, it was Uncle Albert. "Mary, my dear, where have you been? We were worried sick!" He exclaimed as he embraced her and took her through to the kitchen where her family was waiting. "Mummy!" The twins exclaimed as they rushed from the kitchen table and ran into her waiting arms. Mary kissed and hugged them several times over while the tears streamed down her cheeks. Bert just watched her from his seat but she couldn't meet his gaze.

"Mummy, why are you crying?" Matthew asked.

"I just missed you so much!" Mary wept, she gave the twins another kiss.

"Where were you Mummy?" Rose asked.

"Yeah where were you, Mary?" Bert asked. He stayed rooted to his seat, Mary glances up at him and instantly realised he knew about her affair.

"Who was he?" Bert asked, not taking his hardened stare away from his wife. Mary felt the bile rise in her throat, her palms were sweaty and she tried to stop her trembling.

"Who was who?" She asked quietly, she looked away from his icy stare.

"The man you spent the night with." Mary gulped forcefully, she had known that she would never have been able to keep the truth from him but she had hoped she'd have some time before he saw her for the unfaithful wretch she was.

"Don't be silly, Bert! Mary would never do anything to hurt you. Right Mary?" Uncle Albert defended her but she just deflated further. All this time she had been so concerned with her own pain and longing for an escape for her suffering, all the while forgetting that she held the hearts of everyone in that room. Each of them depended on her strength in their own ways, she never considered how her actions would break them. She lifted her head to meet Bert's eye. "I'm so sorry." She wept.

Uncle Albert took the twins back to his house to give Mary and Bert a bit of privacy and a chance to talk. Mary sat at the kitchen table, her fingers tracing the imperfections in the wood and thinking about her own imperfections. She had never felt so low, she had always been the practically perfect nanny, wife, mother… Now she had ruined it all. She tried to remind herself that Bert hadn't fallen in love with her because she was practically perfect, he had already seen her flaws. She just wasn't sure how likely he was to forgive this one.

"Are you gonna talk to me or are you just sit there lookin' at the table?" Bert questioned as he circled her.

"What is there to say, Bert?" Mary asked quietly.

"An explanation might be nice, ya know seein' how you slept with another bloke."

"I know and I'm so sorry Bert… I'd had a lot to drink and I was upset. I know there's no excuse for my behaviour, I hate myself for what I've done to you." Bert's face scrunched up, Mary could've sworn she saw him tear up for a second but he quickly brushed them away.

"Who was he?" Mary ran her fingers through her hair wondering how she could dodge the question without lying to him.

"It doesn't matter."

"Oh it does if you ever want me to trust you again."

"What does it matter? It won't change anything."

"I won't ask you again."

"Bert, please!" She felt hot tears spring to eyes. Bert slammed his hands on the table, almost making her jump out of her seat. The tears ran down her cheeks, she'd never seen him this way before.

"You went to bed with another man, the least you can do is tell me what 'is name is!"

"Jimmy! It was Jimmy!"

Bert gave her a curious stare. "Jimmy? Best man at our wedding, that Jimmy?" He asked. Mary nodded through her tears. Bert felt as though he'd been stabbed in the chest not once but twice. His best friend had slept with his wife, he felt like his whole world was falling apart in one fell swoop. He turned away from his wife and ran his nails down his face. "How did it happen?" He asked.

"I was upset and I had been drinking… He comforted me and then… One thing led to another." Mary said. His heart was racing and his blood boiling. In a blind rage, he knocked all the dishes off the counter letting them smash on the floor; Mary let out a surprised scream. Bert kicked over the kitchen chairs and began stamping on them until the wood splintered. Mary arose from her seat and rushed over to her husband, he pushed her away but she persisted. "Bert, please!" She cried as she took his face in her hands. "It meant nothing to me. I love you and I love our family. Please forgive me!" She buried her face into his neck and sobbed. Bert let his tears fall into her hair completely ready to give in to her. Mary moved her lips up his jaw, across his cheek and to his lips. He responded for a millisecond before shoving her away. "No!" He shouted. "You can't kiss me an' think that'll make it better… I need to get out of here." Bert pulled away from her and left the kitchen. "Bert!" She exclaimed as she followed him but he stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Bert didn't return that morning, nor the afternoon or evening. Mary bathed to wash the previous night off body, until she could no longer smell Jimmy on her skin. She let the almost burning water wash over her exhausted body. Normally, Mary would sing when washing herself but this time she didn't feel like it. She let the steam envelope her, making all invisible – if she couldn't see the world, the world couldn't see her. She dragged the soap over her rough skin, massaging and kneading her neck and shoulders, and as she did she felt the weight of the Earth slip away. It was comforting, if only for a few minutes. In the early evening, Mary called up Uncle Albert to speak to the twins. She and Uncle Albert agreed that the twins should stay with him and Edith until things settled down between her and Bert – if things would ever settle down between them.

"Mary, my dear… How long do you think you can carry on like this?" Uncle Albert asked.

"I don't know… However long it lasts I suppose."

"What if Bert can't move on from this? Are you really going to stay in an unhappy marriage?"

"What are you saying Uncle Albert?"

"I think you might be done, my dear."

Mary was quiet for a moment, she hadn't contemplated divorce, it didn't even feel like an option. She loved her husband more than anything but she did have to admit that she was beginning to feel like she was holding up a large stone and if she wasn't careful, it was going to crush her. "Mary?" Uncle Albert asked.

"I love Bert, he is the father of my children."

"That's precisely why I'm saying this… I love you both dearly and I don't want you to split up either but all I've seen you do over the past few months is hurt each other – and hurt the children. If you were to divorce, it doesn't mean you don't love each other, it just means that you weren't meant to be."

"That's the thing Uncle Albert… Bert and I are meant to be. I love him so much."

"I know my dear, but if you carry on like this, there won't be any love left."

At some point while she was waiting for her husband, Mary had fallen asleep on the bed. She awoke to the sound of Bert's voice on the stairs. She climbed out of bed, put on her dressing gown and went to find him. She found him slumped on the stairs, his clothing torn and his face bloodied. "Bert!" She gasped. She rushed to his side and tried to help him up the stairs. "Bert, what happened?"

"I ran into your boyfriend in the pub… If you think this is bad, you should see him!" He slurred. Mary dropped her head in shame, she slung his arm over her shoulders and lifted him to his feet.

"Oh darling! We need to get you cleaned up." Once they got into the bedroom, Mary tried to remove his clothes so she could see the extent of the damage but Bert kept pushing her away.

"Bert please! I need to see if you need to go to the hospital."

"Get your 'ands off me! Go to Jimmy's, I'm sure he wouldn't mind you looking after him but I certainly don't want you!" He continued to struggle against her.

"Bert really! You're being childish now! I've said I'm sorry so many times, what else can I do?"

"Just get away from me!"

"Do you want me to beg, Bert? Just say the words and I'll get down on my knees and I will beg!"

"Get up Mary, you're making a fool of yourself!"

"What do you want from me?! Please tell me what you want!"

"I want a wife that doesn't jump into bed with other men! I want our family back the way it was! I want to hold my son in my arms but I can't because you let him play in the road!" With that he gave her an almighty shove that sent her tumbling across the room. She fell backward, smacking her head against the wardrobe as she did.

Mary slumped to the ground in complete disbelief, Bert had never been violent with her and although he hadn't meant to hurt her, she couldn't deny that there was a look of loathing in his eyes that she had never seen on him. It appeared only for a moment until he realised what he had done and it dropped, but the damage had already been done. Mary realised that perhaps Uncle Albert was right, maybe it was the end for them. She stumbled to her feet ignoring the blood that was trickling down her ear. "I'll… I guess I'll go and get the first aid kit." She murmured.

Mary entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her, when it clicked shut she let the tears fall. She took some cotton buds out of the first aid box and began to staunch the blood that was dripping down her ear. When the wound was cleaned she saw that she just had a tiny cut on her head - all that blood for a tiny cut! She threw away the soiled buds and quickly wiped her tears before returning to bedroom.

Mary knelt down in front of Bert and placed the first aid kit on the bed beside him. She looked up at his grief-stricken face, his tears and blood were mingling. She silently reached up to clean his wounds and wash the dirt off his face. She was so gentle, almost as though she was taking care of a child. "I 'urt you." Bert whispered through his tears.

"It was an accident. Besides it was just a little cut, no harm done." Mary replied with a kind smile. "Can you remove your shirt please?" Bert shyly unbuttoned his shirt and winced as he pushed it off his shoulders. Mary gasped when she saw the array of cuts and bruises that covered his torso.

"How did you get those?" Mary asked.

"Things got very physical with 'im... We ended going through the window of the pub." Bert admitted shamefully.

"Oh darling..." Mary leant up to touch his chest but stopped, the distance between them was too great for such an intimate act. She carried on cleaning his wounds. "We can't go on like this, Bert." She said, firmly.

"I know."

"I was speaking to Uncle Albert earlier... He's worried about us and to be honest I am too. He said no one would blame us if we went our separate ways."

Bert's head shot up, his eyes met hers in desperation. "You mean divorce? No! I don't want that... And Uncle Albert shouldn't be suggesting it!"

"Bert, I am so scared for us! We haven't been ourselves for months... We're always hurting each other and one of these days it's not just going to be one of us that gets hurt, what about the children?"

"That's exactly why we need to stick together. We're stronger together... This is us Mary, you once told me that there wasn't anything that we couldn't survive."

"Well I never thought this would happen... Bert, what if you can't ever forgive me?"

"I can, I promise I can!" Bert seemed ever so sincere in his words but his eyes told a different story.

Mary made a move to put the bandages away when Bert grabbed her wrists to stop her. He put the box of bandages to one side and wrapped his arms around his wife's waist, letting his forehead rest against her stomach. Mary ran her fingers through his hair while he cried and she felt her heart split in two. How could she have let things get this far? She thought about how all of this could have been prevented if she hadn't let the children play in the street the day Tom died. If she had, Tom would still be with them and they would still be happy. What did she have now? Two children who were terrified of her, a broken marriage and a dead baby. She let a few silent tears roll down her cheeks as she grieved for not only her little boy, but her entire family.

After a few minutes, Bert lifted his head to look up at Mary, his eyes were still shining with tears. She ran her thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away a few stray tears. She was about to step out of his embrace when he tightened his grip on her waist. Slowly he undid the knot on her dressing gown and let it fall open, revealing Mary's nightgown. Her heart began to race as Bert stroked her hips and planted gentle kisses on her stomach. "Bert." She croaked. He didn't answer her, he was too busy moving his kisses up her body until he reached her lips. He pushed the dressing gown off her shoulders, leaving her in just her nightgown. He pressed his forehead against hers and rubbed their noses together. Mary exhaled deeply as Bert hesitated a little before kissing her gently.

It didn't take long for them to lose themselves in a passionate kiss as Bert parted their lips and took his wife in his arms. Mary pulled away slightly. "Bert…" Mary said in between kisses. "We said we'd never make love in the middle of a fight… Darling, this isn't going to solve anything." Bert didn't cease the kissing, it just became more urgent until he pulled her down on to the bed. Mary tried to get back some emotional control as Bert planted desperate kisses on her neck and began pushing up her nightgown. Mary moaned as Bert began trailing his kisses down her body and in that moment realised that she needed this as much as he did. She lifted her nightgown over her head as Bert came back up to her lips, Mary undid his trousers, moving her hand inside. Bert gasped as Mary stroked him. He ran his hands over her soft skin, for the first time ever he started to appreciate how much her body had changed after giving birth to their children. She was still tiny but her skin was not as tight as it had once been and her natural curves were much more visible. She was the mother of his children and she was beautiful. Despite how she had changed and despite what she had recently done, he loved her desperately and he desired her more than anything. He kissed the stretch marks on her stomach, hips and thighs; a breathy moan caught in Mary's throat and her chest moved faster and faster with the closer he got to her centre. Bert moved back up her body and finally removed his trousers, quickly kicking the garment to the floor and lowering himself on to her. He placed a loving kiss on her lips as she rested her hands on his back.

"I love you, Bert." Mary whispered.

"I love you too." He murmured before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. He slowly slid inside of her, making her gasp into the kiss. He began to thrust into her, moaning gently, revelling in how they moved perfectly in sync. "Bert." Mary breathed as she rocked her hips against his. Bert thrusted quicker, drawing out more gasps and moans every time he pushed into her. He flipped them over so she was sat on top of him and they rocked against each other. Mary began to whimper, she was getting close. Bert kissed her chest as they moved as one, trying to make the moment last as long as possible. Mary dug her nails into Bert's scalp as she arched her back, grinding her hips against him furiously as she felt her orgasm come crashing over her. Bert rolled on top of Mary once more, he thrust a few more times before he too gasped and came and collapsed on top of her.

As he came down off his high, Bert rolled off his wife. Mary's eyes clouded over as she stared up at the shadows on the ceiling, her breathing still coming up in gasps. When she had floated back down to Earth and could finally string a sentence together, she turned towards Bert and reached out for him. "That was amazing." She breathed as she stroked his shoulder and to her shock and dismay, he rolled further on to his side of the bed and fell asleep.

Mary lay stunned and silent for a moment, her arm still hanging in the black, empty space between them. He usually slept so close to her, especially after making love, that now a mere few inches seemed like a world away. It was in that moment that she realised that they hadn't reached a turning point and that things may never go back to the way they were before. She let a few stray tears fall before moving closer to him so she could kiss the bottom of his neck before rolling back to her side of the bed. She made sure her tears were silent as she cried herself to sleep.

The next day Bert awoke up to the feeling of soft lips on his temple. With his eyes still closed, he reached out for the woman kissing him. He sleepily stretched out, his legs poking out from underneath the bedclothes. His eyes blinked open and he smiled up at his wife. She was already dressed for the day, in fact she was dressed to go out: hat, coat, gloves. He glanced over her shoulder and spotted her carpet bag on the night stand.

"Are we going somewhere?" Bert asked as he tried to comprehend what was going on. He glanced around the room to find that various items were missing: the gold-plated hat stand, the mirror and Mary's clothing from the wardrobe. His heart began to race as the panic set in. He looked back to his wife, her eyes were puffy and red, she had been crying for hours by the looks of it.

"You're going somewhere? Mary what's going on?" He asked, he sat upright in bed. Mary shook her head as more tears began to fall.

"I can't do this anymore, Bert." Mary sobbed.

Bert felt his whole world crashing down around him. Mary was about to walk out of his life; out of their children's lives. It didn't make any sense, Mary would never leave her children.

"There's a family in France that need a nanny… I think it'll be good for us to take a break for a bit." Mary said as she continued to pack a few things into her bag.

"France?! Mary, we're married; we have children… There is no taking a break from this."

"If I stay things will just keep getting worse and worse until we're completely broken."

"How long do you need to be there for?"

"I don't know, I'm just going to see how things go." Mary picked up a photo off the night stand. It was the day of Tom's birth… The day they were so convinced they were going to lose him but he surprised them and pulled through. A few more tears slid down her cheeks. The more she thought about it, the more Mary realised that Tom's death had been hanging over them like a dark cloud for four years, waiting to strike them in the most painful way.

"I know I'm being selfish but I can't be here right now, Bert. I'll die if I stay… I just need some time to think, to get my head straight." Bert grabbed her hands and stopped her from packing anymore.

"If you do this, can you promise me that this is just a temporary thing? That you'll come back to me?"

Mary didn't answer Bert, she just wept as she packed up the remainder of her things. "Mary, please answer me." Bert whispered.

"I don't know, all I know is this the only thing I can think of that might save us." Mary replied

"How? You're tearing our family apart… Think about the kids Mary, they need you - I need you… Please don't leave us!" Bert realised he was now crying too.

"This is the right thing to do." Mary said firmly. Bert grabbed her by the arms and pulled her close to him. He wanted to shake some sense into her; he wanted to take her back to bed and never let her go. "How can it be the right thing to do if you're not here? How can it be the right thing if we're not together?" He asked. Mary shifted in his grip so she could take his face in her hands, kiss his lips and embrace him.

"I love you Bert..." She whispered against his neck. "I just don't know if love is enough anymore." With that she slipped from his arms. "Tell the children I love them." Mary wiped her eyes as she crept out of the bedroom.

Bert stood completely stunned for a moment, the love of his life had walked away from him; from their children. His brain was telling him that it was a good thing, that they were better off without her and that what she had done was unforgivable, but his heart... Oh but his heart! She was his soul mate, an extension of himself and once was the sole reason he kept breathing. He ached for her, the pain cut through him like a rusty knife that he thought it would've been better if she'd killed him. He blew his nose and wiped his eyes and got ready for the day, after all he needed to collect the children from Uncle Albert's house. For the time being he would have to paint on a smile and forget his heartbreak.