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Susan was weak with grief for the next three days, hardly bearing the energy to help plan the funerals-two of them. She had been convinced, if that was the word for begging someone who didn't have the heart or nerves to refuse, to only hold two funerals. One for her parents, and one for her siblings.
How she finally made it through her parent's funeral, she had no idea. Numbness had settled over Susan's mind, and everything she did took on a mechanical stiffness. She stood when everyone else did, sat when everyone sat, cried when everyone cried, and said a few words about her parents when the preacher asked her to.
She was numb from her parent's death, and downright heartsick for her siblings, feeling almost guilty. What if she had been there for them? Why had they gone to the station? Would she have been able to stop them? How had they ever grown apart? Why had they believed when she could not?
The questions gnawed upon her numb mind as she sat through the preacher's talk of death and heaven. The sound of sobbing almost drowned him out, and if she were herself, Susan would have been surprised to see that she sat among a very sober-faced but silent group of young people in the front row reserved for family. She recognized Peter's fiancé, Minnie or whatever her name was, and Roger, Peter's and Edmund's best friend, but as to the others, she had no clue. Nor did she care, she found herself thinking as she stared at her siblings' coffins.
It was a strange thing indeed. She had seen several of the other crash victims. Their bodies were horribly disfigured, or burned beyond recognition. The Friends of Narnia, however, had not been touched.
Just be grateful, part of her mind whispered, and don't try to puzzle out fate.
"Not fate," she whispered to herself. "Something else entirely." She was beginning to put the pieces back together in her mind, to see what she'd been missing the whole time, but she felt so fuzzy and depressed that she couldn't quite think straight.
"Susan?" the preacher said suddenly, startling her out of her half-formed thoughts. "You have a few words to say?"
She nodded mutely and stood, walking to the podium he'd vacated and facing the audience after another quick look at her siblings. There was something interesting, too. Unlike the others who had just looked like they were sleeping, the Pevensies looked dead. Not only dead, but as if they each had their own opinions of being dead. Peter looked calm and relaxed, all the worry smoothed out of his face and replaced with a regal bearing not of this world. Edmund seemed grave and thoughtful, but there was a stillness about him he hadn't shown in life. A small smile played over Lucy's lips, as if she knew a secret that no one else would ever know. Susan sighed and pulled her paper out of her pocket, looking over the teary audience.
"You all know-knew-" what on earth made me say know? "-my brothers and sister," she began quietly. "I'm fairly sure they were known instantly everywhere they went. Even strangers were able to recognize them in some way. My brothers were good men, and my sister was a Valiant-" That wasn't what I was supposed to say. Why did it sound so right?- "young woman. These are rare qualities in this day and age and they will be sorely missed.
"After the war, we never really were the same-" Her mind went completely blank. "Um... the war...changed us in ways that can not be described..." I just said that. I'm repeating myself. "There...there was a war..." Which war? "There's only ever been one," she snapped at herself, flustered. The mourners shifted in their seats. Minnie, Roger Young, and the other girl and boy with them sat up straighter and listened more closely. Susan fanned herself with one hand and shuffled her notes with the other. "Sorry. I kind of went off track. It's just...it's hard with them being...gone, and it's worse because..." she paused in her shuffling. "We were just... we were always so close after we were crowned, but somehow I managed to drift..." She shook her head furiously. "Uh...My brother Peter," she said, finding her place in her notes again.
The Gentle Queen looked up from her cage, hope in her eyes for the first time since Narnia's fall. She wasn't causing these stumbles. Grief was. Love was. Knowledge was. She eased herself back into Susan's heart, hoping to stir things up even more.
"My brother Peter had an astonishing number of accomplishments in the few lifetimes-years-years that he was a-alive." What is the matter with me? "He graduated high school second in his class and went on to college. He turned out to be brilliant in law and an expert swordsman-uh... fencing. He fenced in college." I think. He must have. Right? "He was well on his way to becoming an effective leader. Some called him the only honest lawyer in England. He was..." She fought to think of a word. "Magnificent. His success in society was only outdone by his success in friendship. There was no one kinder, no one more true, no one more brave and willing to stand up and fight for what was right...except maybe Edmund, of course.
"Edmund has almost always had a strong sense of conscience and justice." Why did I say almost? "Uh...I say almost because I can tell you he was a bit of a traitor when we were younger." No, we forgave him for that. Wait, for what? Where am I? What am I saying? "You know how little kids are. He soon grew out of it. Ed was a quiet thinker, a man of peace and eloquence, but deadly when riled. He was quick to anger and just as quick to forgive. Many people said he would be the next Prime Minister, but he always hoped for a job as ambassador.
"And Lucy. Lucy shined. She was a bright light in the darkness, a beacon of hope. She was unemployed, but that didn't stop her from doing what she could where she could. Whenever there was anyone in need, she was there. She baby-sat when no one else could be found. She volunteered in soup kitchens and charity bake sales. She danced in the wild meadows in spring and spoke to trees, ran with fauns through the forests, and filled the castle halls with joy..." Susan shook her head again. "Metaphorically, of course. She brought color to this dark, gray world..." She fell quiet for several seconds, and something seemed to click in her head. Murmurs were running over the mourners like wildfire. She blinked. "Uh... more than anything, Lucy loved. She loved deeply, and with a love that cannot be broken. They all did. Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, the Professor, Miss Plummer... uh... they loved beyond comprehension. They taught others to love, too. Everyone they met, they touched. They..."
Susan paused. She had finished with her notes, gone so far off the page that she couldn't even pick up a cue from them. Her eyes were brightening as she once again picture their faces, glowing with a golden hue that could only come from breathing Narnian air. A smile broke over her face, and she suddenly broke into a peal of wild, jubilant laughter, deeper and more hearty than any she'd felt in years. "And I understand now!" she shrieked in joy. "By the Lion, I understand! Why couldn't I see it before?"
The whispers in the crowd took on new heights. Susan didn't hear them. She was once more reaching into her heart.
The Gentle Queen stepped back and stared as Susan took a key from her pocket and unlocked the cage. Neither was really sure if it was actually happening. She met the Caged Queen's eyes with an easy but nervous smile as the door swung open. Come out, she said to her. Come back to me. Enter into my heart and mind. I'm sorry I ever shut you away. I'm ready to be Gentle again.
The Queen wept with joy and sprang from the cage. Queen Susan the Gentle stood before her new subjects with a stronger, more ready smile than she had ever given before. "The masquerade is over," she said to the mourning, muttering crowd. "And there will never be another."
Eruanna Umdomiel, LucyofNarnia, ElvesWizardsCentaursOhMy, Bartholo, Fierce Queen, Shizuku Tsukishima749, and anangelwithnoname, I cannot thank you enough for your wonderful reviews and enthusiasm! I'm so glad that you are enjoying the story so far. It's not over yet. There were two chapters left after this one, but I went ahead and added a third. I showed you James, so it's only fair that I show you Roger, too.