Chapter 14: Malcontent
"Your only existence shall be that which I weave for you out of sorrow and woe."
-Black Spindle description (Destiny)
Ralsei quickly glanced at his companions. Kris and Susie were having a rather heated discussion about some tangential, oddly specific subject, while Noelle was clumsily attempting to restring her crossbow. Ralsei was keeping to himself, lost in his own thoughts.
He had never seen a soul as damaged as Kris'. Obviously, something was causing him intense emotional pain, but what? What could have caused such deep cracks to form? Some sort of trauma, perhaps? Chara clearly hadn't done him any favors, after all. That could explain one crack, but what about the others?
Ralsei sighed to himself. He wouldn't get anywhere by guessing. He had to talk to Kris. But would he even want to talk about it? Those memories had to be painful ones. But he had to at least try to get him to open up. Even if he didn't want to talk, it might be comforting to at least know someone cares enough to ask.
His eyes shifted to Kris. Whatever Susie had just said, it caused him to suddenly burst out laughing. She kept talking, and Kris laughed harder, burying his face in his hands. Ralsei smiled sadly. It brought genuine joy to his heart to see Kris expressing happiness in any capacity, and it saddened him to know how rarely such a thing occurred. He had only seen that beautiful smile of his a few times, but it was truly magical every time.
'We'll get through this, Kris,' Ralsei thought. 'Then, hopefully, your soul can start to heal.'
Ralsei was shaken from his reverie when Noelle's crossbow slipped from her hands and clattered to the ground. She sighed in annoyance.
"Are you sure you don't need help with that?" Ralsei asked.
"I think I've almost..." She went silent as she fastened the string into place. "Got it!"
Ralsei nodded. "Guys, we're ready."
"Then let's head out," Kris stood. "We're burning in this daylight."
"Don't you mean, 'we're burning daylight'?" Susie questioned.
"I know what I said." He pointed eastward. "Let's go."
"Kris, wait," Ralsei stopped him. "Before we go, I need to talk to you."
"Let me guess: you're madly in love with me." He grinned slightly.
"W-what? No!" Ralsei took a step back. "I'm being serious!"
Kris chuckled, "Alright, what is it?"
"It's about what happened last night. I'm really worried about you."
Kris sighed, sitting down on a large rock. "I know you're worried, but I'm in control of myself now, I promise. That kind of thing doesn't happen too often, anyway."
Ralsei sat beside him. "I never doubted that, Kris. I'm worried about you."
"What's this about, Ralsei?"
Ralsei lowered his head a bit. "It's about your soul. It's cracked, Kris."
"Wait, what?" Susie was surprised.
Kris let out a shaky breath, his gaze falling to the ground. "I... never noticed."
"Kris, please, talk to us." Ralsei took his hand.
He kept staring at the ground. "Listen, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine."
"You have cracks in your soul, and you almost killed yourself. You're not fine, Kris."
"It's not exactly easy to talk about this, you know."
"I know it hurts, but don't you think you'll feel better if you talk about it?"
"...I don't know."
"You know we'll support you, right?" Noelle placed a hand on his shoulder. "Just talk to us. Let us help you."
"What do you want me to say?" Kris looked up. "That I've been possessed for nine years? That I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own body? That I can barely talk to anyone about it, because, let's be honest, who the hell is gonna believe something like that?"
"Well, I guess that's a start," Susie deadpanned.
He let out a dejected sigh. "I hate talking about this because I just feel like I'm fishing for sympathy."
"Kris, it's alright to talk about your problems," Ralsei said. "You wouldn't think that way about someone else, would you?"
"Of course not."
"Then be fair to yourself. Don't make this harder on yourself, okay?"
Kris fell silent. It was hard to bring himself to share these memories. Just thinking about them induced a dull pain in his soul. He hated the idea of burdening his friends with his own emotional anguish.
That being said, they had made it very clear that they would support him, no matter what. Perhaps having someone to talk to really would help him cope.
Besides, they'd probably keep asking even if he said no, right?
Finally, he spoke, "Alright. If you're really so invested, I can tell you a little bit."
"Whatever you're comfortable with, Kris," Noelle said.
He nodded. "Well, obviously, dealing with Chara hasn't been easy. I was just a kid when she showed up and, let me tell you, she makes a hell of an entrance. First thing she did was make me rip my soul out."
"That's horrible..." Ralsei commented.
"What's really horrible is what happened right after. Apparently, right after that, I - or she, however you wanna say it - tried to kill my brother, Asriel. I don't really know what happened, but I don't think anyone got hurt, at least."
"What about you?"
"I was eight, what do you think I did? I cried my eyes out. Asriel could've died, and I felt responsible. Everyone told me it wasn't my fault, but I still felt pretty terrible.
"After all that, Chara finally decided it was time to introduce herself. We didn't get along, because, honestly, that's a pretty bad first impression."
"Did she say anything about her whole 'kill everyone' plan?" Susie asked.
"Vague hints, and she kept saying I was lucky."
"Gonna have to disagree with her on that... What happened then?"
"We tried everything we could think of to get rid of her. Nothing worked, and honestly, I think it just made her mad. It didn't really take long for me to start feeling like I was putting people in danger, so I kinda isolated myself. Plus, I'm the only human in my hometown so I started feeling like even more of an outcast. Really, the only friends I had before this week were Noelle and Asriel."
Wordlessly, Ralsei wrapped his arms around Kris. He wrapped his own arm around Ralsei in silent appreciation.
He continued, "My parents got divorced a few years later, and that's been pretty hard on me and Asriel. Then Asriel went off to college, and Noelle and I didn't really see each other too much, so I've basically been alone for the past couple years. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Asriel, but..." He trailed off for a moment, "I really miss him."
"Kris, I'm sorry..." Noelle whispered, shifting closer to him. "I had no idea you were so lonely..."
"Hey, don't worry about that. You're a great friend." He briefly glanced at Ralsei and Susie. "That's become less of a problem anyway."
He paused for a moment, sighing softly.
He continued, "That's basically most of my major problems. I don't really wanna talk about the pre-Chara days, but I think you guys get it. I haven't really had much to be happy about for a long time."
"You've got us," Susie said.
Something resembling a smile appeared on his face. "Yeah, I do, don't I..."
Ralsei took his hand again, looking into his eyes. "I wish I knew how to make you feel better, Kris. I don't know what to say that I haven't already said..."
Kris placed his hand over Ralsei's, his smile taking on a more definite form. "Honestly, just having someone to talk to helps a lot. I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me."
'There's that lovely smile again.' Ralsei's heart skipped a beat.
Ralsei smiled himself. "We'll do whatever it takes to help you through this."
"Thanks. I'm glad I'm doing this with you guys."
Susie chimed in, "We'll give you something to be happy about, Kris." She leaned close, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Tell you what: next time I punch the Knight in the face, it'll be in your name. How's that sound?" She punctuated her statement with a sly grin.
Kris chuckled, "Sounds good to me."
There was a lull in the conversation. Kris quickly glanced at the sky. The sun was still high overhead, burning bright. He silently cursed the sun as its intense light stung his eyes.
"We should probably get moving," he said as he stood. "We've got a long walk ahead of us."
"Are you feeling any better, though?" Noelle asked.
"Honestly, yeah, I am. I think I needed to vent a little."
"That's good to hear."
He nodded. "Well, why don't we talk about something else?" he suddenly tried to change the subject. "Things have been getting a little too serious for my tastes."
"Well, what do you want to talk about?" Susie asked.
"I don't know. I've only got, like, two topics in mind, and you and I already went through one. I will disagree with you until the end of time, by the way."
"You're just mad because I'm right."
"Susie, cereal is not a freaking soup. That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard."
"Dude, the milk is the broth. It's a soup."
"Wait, isn't soup served hot?" Noelle questioned.
"Cold soups are a thing. I'm just saying, cereal technically counts as a soup."
"Maybe in some cursed parallel universe," Kris said, "but definitely not this one."
From high atop the cliff, Sariel watched as they ventured forth. Walking along the face of the cliff, he followed closely behind them, sword in hand.