Dear Diary,

Ok, so I've never had a diary so I'm not sure what I'm suppose to write about. I think maybe that's the whole point. To write down what I feel just to get it off my chest. I was watching Dr. Phil today (cause Edward won't let me do much of anything else) and Dr. Phil said that writing down your feelings is a good way to relieve stress. Ever since I ran into Tanya that night at the restaurant, Edward and I devoted ourselves to do anything, not to stress me out. Normally I would throw a fit if Edward tried to baby me, but when I heard about what had happened to Tanya, and that it was a direct result of stress, I vowed that no matter how much things seemed to spiral out of control or how horrible I felt, I would not let stress kill my baby. Yeah, kill, no that's the wrong word. I didn't mean it like I think Tanya killed her baby, it's just that well, she was really stressed out when she was pregnant, depressed even. She told me when she first found out she was pregnant, she was so overjoyed and literally bouncing off the walls. She said that it had changed her whole life. The color of someones bleached blond fake highlights didn't matter to her anymore. She said it didn't matter if she left the house without makeup. She didn't care how much money her friends new boytoy made. All she cared about was her baby. Funny, because that's how I felt about my baby. Like, nothing else in the whole wide world mattered. Odd, that Tanya and I were on the same page that only pregnant women could understand. Tanya told me that when she told her boyfriend of her pregnancy, he broke up with her and denied that he was the father. Tanya surprised me then, she said that he didn't matter and that he was a loser. Edward and I couldn't have agreed with her more. But I think it got to her more than she lead on. Weeks past and she grew bigger and bigger along with her happiness. The pressure to finish college was weighing heavy on her shoulders and her up-do mother wasn't so happy about her unwed daughter's pregnancy. She told me that about the time of finals, she was so stress and worried about so many different things that she didn't even notice the pain. It wasn't until she started to bleed that she rushed herself to the emergency room and found out that she was having a miscarriage! She was devastated and then later admitted to being suicidal.

I feel so bad for her. I've left what happened in high school, where it belongs...in the past. I'm a different person now. Less shy, more motivated, secure. I learned threw the years that words are only words until you let them hurt you. But the loss of a child, a unborn child, was too much to carry. I couldn't help but cry with Tanya at the dinner table when she told Edward and I her sad, sad story. Edward, saddened by her story too, was also upset with Tanya her telling me such horrible things. "Not really dinner conversation to have with a pregnant woman." He scolded her.

"Bella?" Edward called from our bedroom.

"I'll be right there." I answered him.

So, let me go see what he wants. You know, I kind-of like the idea of a diary. Hum...diary is too girlie of a word. I like, journal. Yeah, my journal.

I got up from the sofa in our living room and padded my way down the long hallway to our bedroom. Why did our hallway have to be so long and why was I so out of breath by the time I reached my destination? Or right! Cause I'm carrying an extra 30 lbs! Calm down Bella, calm down. No stress, it's all for the baby, no stress.

"Yeah, Edward?" I asked as I poked my head into our bedroom. I didn't see him on our bed or anywhere in our room. "Where are you?" I then stepped further into our room.

"Bella, I bought something today..." He walked out of our walk-in closet holding a small, brown bag. "But now I'm not so sure about it."

"What do you mean?" I asked as I lowered my self down on the foot of our bed.

"Let me help you." Edward rushed to my side and guided my swollen body slowly to our bed.

"Thanks."

"No problem." He kissed my forehead.

"So what did you buy?" I asked.

"Um..well..." Oh my goodness! Did my Edward just blush? No! No way!

"I've never seen you blush before!" I laughed. "I like it."

"I not sure how to explain what I bought." He admitted.

"Is it diet pills?" I asked half jokingly. "You know this isn't fat weight, it's baby weight and I've already planned exercise routines and calorie counting for after,"

"It's not diet pills, Bella." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Oh."

"It's, well here. Once you see what it is, you'll know." He handed me the small brown bag and I opened it without hesitating. I was prepared for all sorts of things. Jewelry, perfume, anything that's price sticker I'd faint at, but I wasn't expecting this...and it scared me a little bit.

"I thought we could try it you know, since I've been not really on top of my game." Edward sat next to me on our bed. "If you don't want to then we don't..."

I cut him off. "Edward, why did you buy this. Really?" My eyes started to get foggy. "We've never needed anything like this before." A rebel tear escaped my left eye.

"I just can't get past it Bella." He wiped the fallen tear away. "I don't want to hurt our baby."

I open my mouth to say something else, but he silenced me. "I know that it's not going to hurt it, but still, I just...can't." He let out a deep sigh.

"So, it's not that," I shrugged, "that you're not...not...attracted to me right?"

"No," He chuckled. "Your attractiveness grows moment by moment. I can hardly contain myself." He lifted the bag from my hands. "But I want you, so much. And I think, I mean I'm willing, to try anything, with your permission of course."

I couldn't say anything, what was there to say? Four years together and we'd never had a problem like this. Our sex life was fantastic and me being pregnant with all my crazy hormones left sex part of our daily routine not to mention my only form of exercise. For the past couple of months, though, things were different. Edward didn't want to hurt our baby, so we never actually made love. We'd do other things to satisfy our needs, but it was never really enough. I needed him, and from the look on his eyes, he needed me too.

"We can try it Edward." I grabbed the bag from him and removed the product. "I've seen the commercials, it's suppose to be wonderful." He laughed at my optimism.

"Your sure, I mean, we don't have to." He said the words, but his burning eyes of desire said otherwise.

"Oh, shut up and take off your shirt so I can ravage you!" I demanded, Edward did as he was told, like the good little husband that I trained.

Later...

After two hours of playfulness, yummy, hot, passionate, raw, intimate, love-binding, over the moon sex, we feel asleep in eachother's arms.

Two questions for you guys.

1. Has anyone seen 'Slumdog Millionaire'? It looks pretty good. I think I might go see it this weekend, if it's still in theaters.

and

2. Can anyone guess what was in the small, brown bag Edward brought?

Special Thanks goes out too...

Those of you that have added 'Into The Ocean' to their favorite stories:

DarbyCullen, kpinky28, starlight-angel-05 and TwilightxFanpire

Those of you that have added this to your story alerts:

DarbyCullen, Iabellavampira and AdabellaCullen

Thank you to Ikb68 and edwardsgirlsince1901 for adding me to their author alerts.

And cake batter flavored ice cream with hot fudge, caramel, whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry all on top of a hot, warm brownie fresh from the oven with a side of cake on the side goes out to edwardsgirlsince1901 for added me to her favorite author's list! You rock! And your choice of favorite authors is fantastic!