Chapter 14

"Goku?"

Goku tried to focus on Sanzo's voice. Tried to pay attention. Frustrated, he snarled and pulled at his hair.

"Goku, stop that. Hey! Can you hear me? I told you to stop. What do you mean, Hakkai and Gojyo were taken?"

Sanzo was worried. Sanzo was asking him questions.

"Answer me!"

And Sanzo was growing impatient.

Goku whimpered. The ghostly presence, or whatever that thing should be called, had force-fed him some truly gruesome memories, adding and mixing its terror in with his own. And if he intended to function in this world as the fairly sane demon Sanzo needed him to be, it would be necessary to plunge into the dark, swirling maelstrom of his own thoughts to repair the damage—to sort out into two separate piles what was and was not his, so to speak. Only then the defeated, eternally frightened version of himself—the one who now shook in a fragile human's embrace—would be submerged, chained, shackled, walled again. Because he had dug his own inner cave where the impaired fragment of his spirit would be forever held a prisoner—had dug like the thing's tireless shovels were still digging. Even now he could hear them, hear their interminable melody of rasping metal against hard soil…

Stop this! he ordered himself. Sanzo told you to stop this. And Hakkai and Gojyo need you! Think!

The old man who hovered nearby had said something important, hadn't he? A warning. The warning that had propelled him to that park. What had been the human's exact words? Goku frowned, trying to remember. "The council," he stammered, "the council has been … has been executing youkai…"

"What?" Sanzo blurted out.

"The council," Goku repeated forcefully, "has been executing youkai since—since I was a child." He raised his pleading eyes to Sanzo. Please, understand!

"Yes, of course," someone else's voice intruded. "We're sensible people. And if everybody had done the same, we wouldn't be hearing those horror stories about demons feasting on humans, would we?" Goku shook his head numbly, still staring up at Sanzo—who looked down at him with a forbidding expression. "Yes, we're wise people, quite the opposite of you, boy. As for you, monk… Since you're responsible for this poor child, you will pay for the damage he caused to our door. Which will stay locked from now on. Did you hear me, Ji Hui? Actually, I am taking the key with me."

"Yes, Gao-sama, I'm sorry for…"

Goku could no longer pay attention and let his head drop until it rested against Sanzo's shoulder. The noise of the shovels was louder now, echoing along the corridors that led to his cave. It combined with his own frenzied pleadings. And with their laughter.

"Goku, what the fuck happened?" Sanzo insisted, pushing him away. "Goku?"

He blinked when the slap connected with his face.

"I need an answer, damn it!"

Keening, Goku pressed his hands to his ears. He was drifting. Drifting to his tomb, to the time when Sanzo was not in his life, to when Sanzo was not even born—and how could the world have existed without Sanzo? But it had been like that once, no Sanzo at all, only unanswered prayers and unspeakable horror.

Another slap.

Not enough to keep him in the Here and Now, though. Not nearly enough. He would have to make this journey back, had to… Had to lock Mad Goku back up, had to bury him again. Only then would he be able to emerge with what was left of his soul, patching what was possible to patch of the walls of his own personal hell.

But… What about Hakkai and Gojyo?

"I was—I was in the kitchen," he tried again. He could feel dirt—dirt falling on him. Could taste it. "Then… Then he said that to me." And dirt…

"He?" Sanzo urged. "He who?"

…dirt covered the bloodied white of the open fractures of his legs.

With a shaking hand, Goku pointed in the direction from which he had heard the clerk's voice. He could not focus on anything any more, but he hoped the old man was still there. "I ran, but the door was locked," he choked, trying to spit. "The fucking door was locked!" Dirt invaded his eyes, his nostrils, his mouth…

"Goku! Stop that!" Was there a note of fear in Sanzo's voice now? "Goku?"

Goku sobbed once, a dry, helpless protest. Right now he needed Sanzo to be … Sanzo. Strong. Unemotional. Omniscient. Sanzo.

"I saw when—when they took them," he muttered. "Armed men. With guns like yours. And horses. We—we have to go." He had to struggle for each breath now. "And I—I saw… It was buried alive! Buried alive, like—like me!" He tried to cough and inhaled a lungful of dirt. Panicked, he aimed his nails at his own neck, scratching mercilessly at the tender skin. And hissed, baring his teeth, when hands restrained him. Gods, he would fight. He would kill anyone (everyone) who wanted (dared) to hurt (oppose) him…

"All right. You. Will. Stop."

The roar froze him completely. For lost as he was, maddened as he was, Son Goku would recognize a certain Genjo Sanzo's commands no matter the circumstance.

He floated, weightless, held together only by Sanzo's hands on his wrists, knowing that not even Sanzo would be able to bring him ashore this time. "I—I need…"

"Goku?"

"Sanzo."

("Father")

And he let go, allowing himself to sink into his waiting abyss.