Author's note: Slightly different chapter...

"What more could you have done?"

"i don't... i don't know. but somethin'."

There was no point in playing 'what if', no point in saying 'if only'.

No point. No point at all.

Not really...

...

..

.

Except...

The guilt.

Frisk's words rumbling around in his skull as he lay there drifting in and out of sleep...

There was still no point.

Sans just couldn't help it..

"THEN, LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN HANDLE MY FABLED 'BLUE ATTACK'!"

Sans was watching the duo from a distance, something twisting sickly inside him; anxious. He didn't exactly have a bad feeling about this. At least, he didn't feel like anything bad had happened here before, but he knew for a fact he had surely been here. It wasn't new.

Nothing was ever new...

Except...

The kid... They were supposed to be determined, right? They were supposed to be indomitable. They were supposed to be some weird anomaly able to twist the very fabric of time like their plaything...

But then why did they just look like a very sad, little kid?

He had noticed it the moment they had exited the Ruins, they had looked like they were in autopilot, or other times barely moments away from crashing down onto their knees, never to stand up again.

Something about that thought, about that image was familiar to him somehow. But there they were. Standing across from Papyrus. Ready to Fight. Ready to keep going regardless.

Sans just wasn't sure. He wasn't sure what it was he was supposed to do. They weren't happy. They just weren't happy. And an unhappy, bored anomaly was bad news. He just wasn't sure what he could do to make it new, to make them stop... He didn't know what it was that they wanted. He just... He just didn't know.

Maybe that was why he was watching the Fight... He felt like... That while it wasn't new, it was something he didn't do typically.

The kid was keeping their fingers tightly fisted and their lips seemed to be pressed together painfully as they let Papyrus' light blue bones pass through them without any obvious affect, but he could tell by their face that they knew what was coming, that they were preparing themself. Only for that preparation to fall through.

They were crashing downward, and he could tell by their widening eyes and frightful gasp that they were also, finally, crashing mentally. The change was so drastic in their expression. Their heavy expression was now open and frantic as tears were pooling uncontrollably in their eyes as their mouth fell open wide. Their chest was going up and down too quickly and they were having difficulty breathing as they landed forcefully on their knees and the final white bone struck them. They seemed unable to lift themself up off of the ground and they were quickly sobbing openly.

Sans felt his magic twisting uncomfortably in his ribcage. He didn't know what to do... He didn't know what he could do. What he hadn't before and what was the same. All he had were all of these useless feelings, all these things that he just knew and yet couldn't remember. Like how he knew they hadn't always been like this and yet it wasn't new either. How he knew that they could talk, that he had once heard it, even though they hadn't said a thing to him this entire timeline. To anyone that he could tell. But he knew they could. He knew they had a voice.

He knew they could laugh...

He knew that he wanted to hear it.

But right then all he had was their sobs, half buried in the snow as they crumbled. As if something other than bone had crashed down upon them.

"H-HUMAN?" Papyrus called out, sounding concerned. Sounding very scared. Sans felt scared too, but he wasn't one hundred percent sure why.

Scared for them? Or scared of them? It seemed to be a little bit of both.

They had been Resetting... But when he had woken up the day before to a new Reset he had known that they hadn't gotten all the way through. And now he was getting why. They looked so broken kneeling there. They looked too much like a little kid... The anomaly really was a little kid. A sad little kid...

What was he supposed to do? What could he do?

It didn't... It didn't matter, did it? It really didn't matter. If they were unhappy they were just going to Reset again. But... it just didn't seem to be working for them.

It definitely wasn't working for Sans.

Maybe he was just projecting. Maybe he was reading too much into this.

But they were falling down onto their hands and lowering their head closer and closer to the snow beneath them. Their small back shaking as sobs ripped through them. They suddenly fell entirely into the snow, their limbs giving out beneath them. Papyrus was immediately rushing towards them now and holding them up, out of the cold snow that was soaking through their sweater. They couldn't stop crying as Papyrus held them by the shoulders.

"HUMAN?!" They didn't move, they were only sitting up because Papyrus had made them. When he relaxed his grip they were resting against him, taking in deep, broken breaths. Sans couldn't see their face from where he was and he strained to hear if they were trying to say anything. They weren't. And it sounded as if their crying was fading again as their Soul returned to its vibrant red and then disappeared back into their chest.

His brother was picking them up, asking them if they were alright, but now Sans could see their face. It was blank again, their eyes were losing any light they had gained. They looked like they weren't even there, that they couldn't hear a word Papyrus was saying...

Sans felt heavy... Useless. Absolutely useless.

Sans watched nervously from his room, the door cracked open just enough that he could see. They were resting on the brothers' couch just the same as they had been in Papyrus' arm. They were completely motionless as they stared at the cushions, so their back was facing the rest of the house; alone even as Papyrus fretted over them.

Papyrus just didn't know what he could do. If he could do anything... And neither did Sans. It was pointless, after all.. He just...

Sans shut the door and sighed, resolving not to care anymore. It would just Reset again if they were unhappy... He'd take a nap. And when he woke up he would either be two days in the past without a single memory of this, or they would be gone, on their way to their next battle and Sans would follow.

He would wake up from his nap, not feeling at all refreshed, maybe even heavier. Because he would remember and that meant a Reset hadn't happened and he still had work that didn't matter to do. Because his couch would be empty and he'd have to go find them again...

He was right, of course. When he woke up they were gone from the couch, from the house, off to Waterfall, running away from their own thoughts. Unable to accept them. Unable to give up. Then they had been on the surface, fighting against themself. Fighting against the vicious voice in their head, only to fail. Only to come back determined to be free. Somehow. Someway.

But if they hadn't...

If they just hadn't left!

If they just hadn't picked themself off of the couch like any other normal person who had lost everything. If they had just... given up.

Sans would have awoken from his nap, not feeling at all refreshed, maybe even heavier. Because he could remember. And that meant a Reset hadn't happened and he had work to do. Because his couch would be empty and- and his couch would be...

Sans would have paused in surprise. Sans would have stood there a moment staring at them.. At their back still be turned towards the rest of the house, unmoving, like a corpse...

Sans walked down the steps and found Papyrus in the kitchen, cooking furiously at the stove, the spaghetti burnt beyond recognition, but made with a very frantic love.

"sup?" He asked, as if he hadn't seen the human slumbering nearly lifelessly on their couch, as if he wasn't scared out of his wits. Because he had seen this before. He had seen them slumped down against something, unable to really move, looking so defeated. He'd seen it.

"SANS!" Papyrus cried in as much of a whisper as he could manage as he turned to his brother. "HELP ME, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!" His brother's eyes were glancing over towards the couch and Sans felt like he was being stabbed through the sternum at the terror in his brother's eyes. "I THINK THE HUMAN IS SICK." Sans followed Papyrus' eyes.

Y-Yeah...

The panic was beginning to build underneath his ribcage. If he had an actually heart it would have been pounding against his chest. Because until his brother had said it, the word hadn't entered his mind. Or at the very least he hadn't let it. Sad was one thing, sad he could fix, maybe, with some jokes. But sick... But...

"SANS..." Papyrus began again nervously and Sans was cringing as he turned back towards him. "CAN HUMANS... FALL DOWN?"

The lights in Sans' eyes involuntarily shut off and he saw Papyrus' panic rising. Sans had to work fast, to put his face back together, but... That was definitely a better way to describe it, wasn't it?

"n-not... not exactly, bro." Sans told him, the lights in his eyes returning even if it was forced for Papyrus' sake. But Papyrus was not relieved in any way.

"SANS WHAT DO I DO?! THIS IS MY FAULT! I HAVE BROKEN THEM!

No.

"no." Sans jumped in quickly, adamant. "no, you didn't, they-" They... This wasn't new. Not new at all.

The timeline... That last Reset, it had Reset before they had finished, Sans was sure of it. Sans had seen them slumped down, weight crushing them, before. Sans had... Had seen... Had...

He'd just been willing to sit back. To watch them move through The Underground. To keep quiet, feeling hopeless, just hoping it would all eventually stop. But... Now they weren't moving at all. Sans didn't think they could.

Because something had been building up, growing, over the Resets. Because it hadn't always been this way. Something was wrong. And Sans had let it get wrong. Because now Papyrus was looking at them the same way he had looked at Sans Resets and Resets ago. Back before the kid had even shown up. This face that killed Sans. This face that haunted him even when he shouldn't remember it. But he did. He knew this face. It was in his nightmares. Papyrus' utter terror. The main reason Sans always kept a smile despite not feeling it. The reason he kept going, kept getting out of bed and following the kid despite it not mattering. Because something still mattered, one thing: Papyrus.

But suddenly...

"p-pap." Papyrus' eyes were wide and glued to him, needing Sans to tell him what to do because he had nothing left. There was a sickening sensation in Sans' not-stomach, something rising up in his chest as he continued to feel light and nervous.

What could he say? What could Sans say to explain this to his brother? All the other times he had said something it hadn't mattered because Papyrus would forget and it didn't- It hit him like a ton of bricks and Sans gritted his teeth together as he tensed, trying not to let it show on his face, but his not-stomach flipped and he felt incredibly sick.

Sleeping, walking like the world was about to crush them, worrying his brother even as tried to just keep moving forward in anyway... That description. It could fit either them or Sans. And as Sans refocused on his brother, Sans felt lighter, his magic racing through him as he tried to think through what he was going to say, but it was impossible.

And it hurt because Sans knew he was about to scare Papyrus even further. It scared Sans because what he was going to say was new, and he could feel it. And there was a sickening prick of guilt. Because he felt as if it shouldn't be new. He'd messed up. He'd really messed up hadn't he? It just hadn't occurred to him.

It hadn't occurred to him that he had seen this situation before, just never from the outside. He'd been so caught up in his own mess that he hadn't seen what was right in front of him. The similar mess the kid was in.

He hadn't realized before that he couldn't afford not to care anymore.

"paps, there's somethin' i have to ask you."

"WHAT?" Papyrus pounced, desperate for anything.

"i need... you to leave me alone with the kid." Papyrus' face fell; shocked and horrified and almost betrayed.

"B-BUT! THEY NEED ME-"

"yes." Sans said, and the realization was blooming fully in his chest. "yes, pap they need you." He said earnestly. Needed him like Sans needed him, oh god they- "th-they need you. they need us. b-but for right now... i need to talk to them, paps. i need to talk to them alone. it's... it's important." Sans' expression was pleading. There was so much Papyrus couldn't understand. So much that Sans wanted to protect him from. So much that even if Sans were to talk to him about things, he wouldn't fully feel comfortable doing so. Papyrus just couldn't understand. Couldn't be told everything. "please, paps, please go for a walk." Sans begged again. "i'll text you when i'm done."

God! It was killing him seeing Papyrus give him that face. Hurt and worried and betrayed as the two of them stood there together in the kitchen, surrounded by the smell of irredeemably burnt spaghetti, and a sick tension.

"S-SANS..." Papyrus' hurt expression deepened. "WHY DOES NOBODY EVER TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG?" Sans' expression fell again in surprise and then he was cringing deeply. "YOU, UNDYNE... YOU BOTH ALWAYS LIE TO ME, OR AT LEAST DON'T TELL ME THINGS... I... I JUST WANT TO HELP. WHY CAN'T I EVER HELP?" Sans really was going to be sick...

"y-you do help, paps. you do." Sans said, meaning all of it. "but for right now..." What could he say? Sans could only keep cringing and look at his brother. "please paps, i... i promise to tell you later, i promise. but for now... i just don't know what is going on fully but... please." Sans repeated again. Papyrus' shoulders slacked in defeat and he was looking past Sans and towards the human on the couch. The one he so wanted to call his friend. To help. Then he was looking back at his brother, and Sans could see the decision to trust, though being left out still hurt him deeply.

"O-OKAY." Papyrus said reluctantly and Sans felt relieved, sort of. No, not really. "I WILL GO BUY NEW INGREDIENTS FOR THEIR SPAGEHTTI. SOMETHING HAPPENED WITH OUR OVEN THIS TIME." Sans could see the several wasted attempts. "THE LAST FEW TIMES." Papyrus remedied.

"thank you, paps." Sans said weakly. Papyrus began to leave, but he hesitated, his gaze lingering on the human weighed down on the couch. Papyrus took a deep breath and left without another word. A scary detail that alarmed Sans, but he closed his eyes and rolled his shoulders as if that could help him ignore it. Sans' eyes opened and he watched the kid from the kitchen for another few moments.

"If a human ever comes through this door... could you please, please promise something? Watch over them, and protect them, will you not?"

Sans felt shaky as he moved closer, his cringe still there as he stood over them. The kid's eyes were closed and even in their sleep they looked broken. They looked motionless, the only sign of movement the slight up and down of their chest, so slight, almost as if it wanted to stop.

"k-kid..." Sans lifted a hand out and grasped their arm. He shook lightly. "kid?" There was a sudden tense jerk, their shoulders hiking upwards and their eyes opening wide as a flash of panic filled them. Sans released them and held out his hands. "woah. woah, there... just me." He said urgently. "it's just sans." The panic was seeping out of them and left nothing in its place. Their brown eyes shifted upwards and Sans froze in place, not breathing. Their gaze was so dead... so heavy and defeated as they stared up at him blankly. As if they couldn't feel a thing...

Sans' not-stomach dropped and so did his expression. Because he had seen this exact look before. And he had seen it from them, from a similar angle with him looking down at them. And them turning their head back away from him, as if what he had said didn't even matter. Because it was just Sans. Just Sans and it didn't matter.

None of this was new.

Sans breathed in to speak but then hesitated, his mind racing. To find something new. To find something. This mattered. This actually mattered. He had to say something. But what could he do? Everything he did was pointless. He was just Sans. Everything he did would never stop the Re...

With that new weight and new direct hit Sans turned around and slid down, so his back was against the couch, staring out towards the kitchen.

He didn't know what to do. He still didn't know what to do. But there was one thing he could try. One thing he had never allowed himself to try before because he couldn't afford to give up all his cards. But perhaps... He was already helpless anyways. Already useless. He had no cards left. This was all he had. And maybe... maybe by giving it up, he was finally actually keeping his promise.

His shoulders were already coming closer together as he cringed, his magic tight uncomfortably. He brought his gaze closer, to the floor ahead of him.

"kid..." He started slowly, his voice a whisper. "why?" He asked, and he lifted his head a bit, staring at the wall just above the television. "why won't you just stop the resets?" He heard them tense behind him, become rigid on the couch. Sans had to let out a breathy chuckle.

There is was. He couldn't take it back. They knew for sure that he knew and they would always know. He was officially powerless. His hand was empty. But it was suddenly a relief. It was almost freeing. A weight was slipping off of him. But he was suddenly scared for what they would answer. If they even did. Because what if there wasn't a point to all of this? What if there was?

They were silent on the couch with their back facing his. He let out another breathy chuckle.

This still didn't matter did it? Can it?

But... It did this time. It had for a long time. Because when he looked at them, when he saw them.. He could finally see how much they look like him. How they looked like how he felt beneath his mask.

"i'm so sorry, kid..." Sans said suddenly, the words slipping out of him, hushed and genuine. There was another tense pause, but then.. They were twisting and Sans looked over his shoulder to see them looking over their shoulder, their eyes impossibly wide with shock. Sans' cringe widened and he glanced away, unable to keep their gaze, and he looked down at his legs. The lights in his eyes were gone. "i don't know what to do. why you're doing this. why you're destroying yourself like this. i don't... i just don't understand." He continued, and now the words were just pouring out of him. If he was saying all of this, he had better say it all. "i don't understand what you want!" He lifted his hands against the sides of his skull as he leaned forward. "you're killing me, and i just... you can't understand how all of this feels." He breathed. "to not be in control of your own life. your own memories. to not be able to talk to anyone." He paused, knowing as he said it... that that can't be true. "when i look at you right now... you really hate the resets just as much as i do." He admitted. "but i don't understand. i don't! but if..." The guilt was eating away at him, gnawing at his bones, and when he continued to talk, his voice was thin and he sounded like he was on the verge of crying. Maybe he was. "but if i've been leaving you alone to deal with shit i can barely handle with papyrus, then... i'm sorry, kid. i'm sorry. i just don't know what to do. i don't... please, kid..."He forced himself to lift his head up but couldn't force the lights in his eyes to refocus. The despair was consuming him, he really didn't know what to do. "if you hate it, why won't you just stop! what is so important-"

Their arms were around his neck and Sans froze solid. Their face was buried against his shoulder and hood and he could just barely see the top of their head in his peripheral vision. Their frame shook. Their arms were tight and their fingers clutching desperately into the fabric against his chest. A loud sob escaped against his hoodie from behind... Sans' eyes closed as he lifted his arms and brushed his fingers gently against theirs. Their fingers opened and closed, gathering more fabric, as if he would somehow vanish beneath them if they didn't. Sans' fingers moved up along their arms and grasped at their sleeves, suddenly just as tightly, just as desperately as they continued to sob heavily behind him. As they realized that they weren't fully alone.

Papyrus slipped in nearly a half hour later, groceries in hand, his gaze immediately on the couch in concern. The kid was asleep again, Sans having shifted to make it slightly more comfortable. Sans hadn't gotten any answers, but he was content to not move. Their sleep was less broken and weighted down. One arm was still draped around him and the other was tucked beneath their neck as they breathed in shakily but strongly, their lips parted. But despite the stuffed up nose, they looked so much better.

Sans had his head tilted back, his eyes half lidded as he stared up at the ceiling.

A tension had somehow released. Whatever had been growing had suddenly deflated. Sans felt so much relief and even a tad hopeful. It felt as if he had defused a bomb. Somehow, something had changed. He felt like the weight that had slipped off of his chest wouldn't be coming back...

He would have turned his head towards Papyrus and known that he would never be able to get another chance to talk to the kid alone. He would have known he would have had to spill everything, but suddenly... it felt okay. Everything ahead felt new and twinged with lingering hope. His call for help having been heard as he had finally seen through theirs.

All they had needed was somebody to talk to. To be listened to.

But in the end...

None of that had happened.

Woulda. Couldla. Shoulda.

It hadn't happened.

They hadn't called for help. Frisk hadn't. Sans hadn't... Instead, it all went to hell. Instead... They had held on just a little too long. Instead they faced it all alone. Instead...

They had escaped the mountain alone and hadn't Loaded. Instead they had knelt in the dust, sobbing as the sun set and they knew, just knew they couldn't go back this time, not yet.

They had climbed down the mountain nobody was said to come back from... Physically. Alone.

But in their mind they were still there in a grave of flowers, choking.

In their mind they were still stuck.

In their mind they were still fighting. Trying to come up with a solution.

They had climbed down the mountain... but in doing so they had just begun to bury themself even deeper.

Sans' eyes opened, his arms wrapped around them on his bed on the surface in the darkness. The dream he had just had was slipping away from him, whatever it was. Only the regret lingered.

Frisk whimpered in their sleep and he adjusted himself, shushing them lightly and they tried to relax.

If Sans had just opened up... Offered to listen earlier. If Sans had just realized what he was looking at. Hadn't been such an idiot. If he had just called out to the one person who could understand and who needed him to understand in return. If they had just been that much less determined. Asriel had been right. That determination had been their downfall.

But even in his half asleep mind, Sans knew that wasn't right...

If they had been less determined, but just determined enough to get themself off of the couch. If they had been less determined, but just determined enough to make it to Judgment Hall and face off against him... He would have stayed dead. Everything would have ended. So in the end, it was good that they were determined... That they had been determined enough to keep caring even though it had been seemingly impossible.

It was their downfall. But it was also their salvation.

God he really was lucky. He was just so, so lucky... Because if it had been left up to him...

They're there. They're there. Both of them are there. Sans reclosed his eyes and rested his chin against the top of their head. Dear god they're both there...

The room was suddenly bright and Sans groaned, thankful he didn't have muscles to feel stiffer than he already did. He had no clue what time it was, but the sun was clearly high in the sky. Frisk's eyes opened a bit at his movement and then flinched, their hand rising up to their head as they reclosed their eyes. Sans had to chuckle a bit softly.

"that's what happens when you stay up crying all night and then sleep." He told them. Their eyes opened and they still looked absolutely miserable. He groaned again as he turned over. The sun was really high in the sky. Maybe it was past noon. He nudged his arm. "gotta get up, frisk." He heard them huff and he wondered if they had lost their voice.

The two of them made their way to the kitchen, clearly past noon, and Sans got them another glass of water. They sat at the new kitchen table kicking their feet as they took steady sips and he began to crack some eggs. French toast, easy enough as long as he didn't burn anything.

"SANS!" Papyrus said loudly, kicking the front door open. "YOU'RE COOKING?!" Frisk jumped, flinching in pain. "FRISK!" Papyrus cried noticing them. "I WAS UNAWARE YOU WERE HERE!" He said excitedly. Then he began to notice the state they were in. In their PJs with a blanket wrapped around their shoulders as Sans made what looked too much like breakfast. Papyrus' face was wide in horror. "OH NO!" He declared. "SANS' HABITS HAVE INFECTED YOU!" Despite the pain in their expression, Frisk breathed out a soft laugh.

It was the best sound Sans had ever heard.

Sans slid the pieces of bread onto a plate for them and got out the syrup as Papyrus asked if they were sick, and they tried to croak out their answer to no avail, their voice really was lost from last night's endeavor.

"they're just a little worn out, bro." Sans said for them, but the truth was... They looked so much better. And in the light of day, it was easier to breath. To move forward and set the plate in front of them without much extra effort on his part... Though the guilt was still there. But... You can't change what you did or didn't do. You can only focus on the now, the present... Cuz in the end... you can't really go back. Not even Frisk could do that.

And as he later joined Papyrus and Frisk on the couch to enjoy some mindless entertainment, Frisk wrapped up in the same blanket and Papyrus' arms, Sans was resolved, determined even... If he couldn't change the past, he would at least give it his all to make sure the future was different.

He'd keep his promise this time.

They would feel loved no matter what. No matter how bad it got.

Another author's note:

Oh and to the guest who reviewed last chapter: Asadhfjkhsdf. Thank you. I'm still smiling like an idiot.

Actually all the guests who have reviewed, thank you, since I can't do that individually.