His eyes were blue.That was the first thing she noticed about him.That and the fact that he was one of the most gorgeous men she'd ever laid eyes on; tall, with a sophisticated air about him, and eyes that held a depth beyond her sight. So many emotions ran through them, colliding frequently with each other and causing the man to ramble incoherently. But as the man desperately grabbed Linda's arm—shaking uncontrollably—she finally saw one emotion clearly, above all the rest. It became even more clear as he began talking, his mouth moving rapidly, probably as rapid as his heart.And strangely enough; it was heartbreak.And so many times during his story, he looked like he really wanted to break down and cry, maybe even scream at the unfairness of the world that had been made for him. When he finally did break down, it was as if something that had long ago shattered in him exploded, and Linda grabbed him a napkin before helping him calm down. For a while, it worked. He slowly began talking again, his voice rising and falling along with his mood.And when he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a photo, Linda's mouth dropped in shock. And as he began crying again, that one emotion revealed itself again. And Linda could feel it radiating right off him, begging her tears to fall as well. And they did.Probably harder than his.
Linda pulled up the sleeves of her sweatshirt before stuffing the dirty dishes into Luke's dishwasher. With a sigh, she slowly opened the blinds, looking out into the night.
Snow was gently falling from the cloudless sky, and for a moment she stood marveling in its serenity; it's absolute beauty. It almost seemed like each snowflake was moving to its own music, with its own intricate dance. They fell to the ground silently, piling on each other until the grass strands were nearly all covered. And as always, Linda found herself feeling happy that the arrival of snow meant Christmas was coming, yet disappointed that it would be months before the grass could shine again in all its glory. The only ways the grass could be seen now was through some form of heat, melting away each frozen raindrop.
But just what has that kind of strength?
She placed her hands on the kitchen sink, bending over it as her eyes filled with water.
What the hell has that kind of strength?
Her tears fell, breaking into splats of water as they hit the sink. She began shaking, and placed her palm over her mouth in a vain attempt to quiet her sobs.
In her mind, she kept picturing a broken Luke, a broken Noah, and all the unsaid words left between them. It had all caused a wound that was deep; a wound that had deepened over the years, and was now maybe too deep for even Linda to fix. And all her life, she'd been the one who set her friends on dates, helped them through their rough patches, and held them when everything was over. She was the problem solver, the go-to-girl with all the answers and a brazen attitude to match. But this…she didn't understand this; she couldn't.
Things like this weren't supposed to happen to good people; especially not people like Luke. Luke was someone who went out of his way to make others happy, sometimes even sacrificing his own time and emotions. And that had always made Linda's heart thump with disbelief that she'd met him. She still remembered the first time she'd seen him, about three years ago. He'd been sitting in an empty classroom, just staring out into space. His eyes had had a glassy look to them, as if his mind was somewhere else, and what he was seeing was even farther away.
And at that instant…Linda had fallen for him.
And every year, with every tidbit she learned about Luke—whether it was about his family or any old friends— she found herself falling even harder for him. When Luke finally admitted he was gay, after countless attempts to flirt with him, she realized nothing would ever happen between them, but she still decided that she would do everything in her power to prevent Luke from getting that glassy look in his eyes again.
No matter what…
With a shaky breath, she finally wiped her face and walked back towards the living room. From a distance, she could see Luke curled on the couch, and she slowly walked towards him.
In his spot, he seemed so innocent, with eyes that kept fluttering with dreams and lips that were slightly moving. She knelt down, and with shaking fingers, stroked the side of Luke's face. He murmured and turned his face. And then, he quietly whispered a single word that broke Linda in every way possible.
"Noah…"
She watched as his eyes squeezed together even tighter, and his fingers grasped at the blanket under his head. "Noah…"
She tenderly touched his face again, and he whimpered. "Noah, please…"
She gulped thickly, and withdrew her fingers. Slowly, Luke's eyes opened and he blinked the sleep away before meeting Linda's gaze. For a long time, they simply stared at each other. The only sound in the quiet of the room was distinct heavy breathing. Finally, Luke's mouth opened and he struggled to get his words out.
"Linda…? I-I can't forgive him." He slowly sat up and sat cross legged. "I want to, I really do, but I…I just dreamt about him. I didn't even want to dream; I just wanted to sleep and see nothing. Absolutely nothing. But instead, I saw him. And for a moment, I was really happy. I was Linda, I really was. But then, my heart started hurting so bad, and I started bleeding everywhere, and it all just felt so real…" he paused and took a deep, gasping breath. "And Linda, I can't forgive him if I bleed every time I think about him. I just can't…"
Tears gathered at the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall against his wishes.
"I'm sorry, Linda…"
"Don't be Luke." She shook her head and gently rubbed Luke's knee.
She sat next to him on the couch; let him lay his head on her shoulder. "Don't be…"
As minutes faded into an hour and Luke was lulled back to sleep, Linda gradually found herself thinking about bits and pieces of her day; Noah and the picture he'd shown her; how pained he'd looked at the time. She thought of Luke now, still broken, still waiting for that moment when he'd realize that he was whole again. And then, she wondered what could fix this. What could possibly fix them; all of them and make them whole again.
Were any of us ever whole to begin with? Because I know I wasn't…
And for some reason, in the quiet of the room, she found herself thinking of the snow outside, still growing in size with every passing second. And like a smack in the face, she realized what the snow needed. What Luke and Noah, and maybe even she needed. And it was something that was stronger than all of them, something that had the strength to repair all this preconceived irreparable damage.
The sun…We all need some sort of sun…To melt away this snow…Melt away this pain…And save us…