Zhar woke with a jolt, but he wasn't in bed with Tali. He was being shaken awake by another quarian, one he recognised as Jan'Loe – the corporal of the team he took to Gaven. Around him, bullets chipped off grey stone beneath an overcast sky. His heart filled with dread.

"Zhar, you have to get out of here," she shouted, pulling him to his feet. "Take the kid and go!"

"I'm not leaving you!" Zhar didn't want to say it, but it was drawn out of his mouth anyway. Like every time before. He had grown up on the Hanha, his birth ship, with Jan. Her parents had taken Zhar and Veetor under their wing when Zhar's father hadn't been there, which – now he thought about it – was a lot of the time.

"The mission is all that matters now!" Jan pulled him down as an explosion rocked their position. They were holed up in an old ruin, a cathedral-like building, and the Cerberus troopers were beginning to make their way through the collapsed pillars and broken doorways.

"Right flank!" A voice shouted. Kirran'Rai, Zhar's best friend on the Hanha. He was a bear of a quarian, thickly bound with muscle and head and shoulders above the rest of the squad. He moved to engage the troopers with a heavy machine gun blazing in his hands, his massive frame able to contain the gun's recoil with ease. "Zhar, get out of here, we'll hold them off."

"We're at bingo fuel, Gunny. You've got three minutes to get back here," the pilot of their transporter informed him.

Time seemed to slow for a moment as Zhar tore off towards the only escape route left for them – a small back door to the cathedral. As he ran, he saw a bullet pass by directly in front of him. It was so close he could see the air rippling around it. Following its path, he saw it carry on straight into the head of another quarian.

Roen'Vhar, the youngest member of the squad and Jan's cousin, collapsed against the wall. Blood poured from his shattered visor onto the black Revenant armour. Zhar had loved Roen like a second brother, and had been a role model to the younger quarian in the years before his Pilgrimage. It had been Zhar who had seconded Roen's application to the Revenants.

Zhar slowed and slid down beside Roen's body, desperately trying to convince himself that the boy had survived. After seeing Roen's mangled face however, Zhar carried on, adrenaline pumping through his veins as bullets chipped at the stone around him. He entered a back room and pressed himself against the wall.

"We're falling back with you, Zhar," Kirran said. Zhar saw him riddling a pair of troopers with bullets after they exposed themselves for a fraction too long. "Just get the kid out."

"Back entrance, it's now or never Zhar," a calm voice told him. That was Mayya'Eran, the group's sniper. Relaxed, easy-going, and a deadly shot at any range, she had taught Zhar everything he knew about sniping. Mayya's parents had also been named as Zhar's godparents, though this had never come to fruit. Several weeks after he was born, Mayya's father had died on an operation with the Marines and her mother had been unable to cope with the loss. She killed herself not long afterwards. Mayya's aunt and uncle had brought her up after this, who lived in the room across from Zhar and naturally knew his parents well.

Zhar grabbed the Pilgrim they had come to extract by the scruff of her neck and pulled him along. He was a thin boy by the name of Hiron'Jasan, and he was costing Zhar men at an unacceptable rate. They hurdled a low wall, sprinting for the shuttle that was landing in a clearing of the heavily forested area at the back of the cathedral. He looked back just in time to see Mayya staggering away from the door, her visor cracked and blood pouring from a dozen bullet holes. A human – Rosencratz – emerged from the cathedral, a pistol smoking in his hand.

As Zhar watched, the Cerberus troopers dragged out Jan's body and dumped it on the ground next to Mayya. Next came Kirran, and to Zhar's dismay he was still alive. Three troopers were dragging him out, barely alive but a point could still be made. Rosencratz locked eyes with Zhar across the space in between them as Kirran was forced to his knees. Kirran grew still as the pistol was placed against his head.

Zhar started running as soon as the shot rang out in the empty space.

Two more quarians were covering Zhar and Hiron from the transport – Cas'Ulan and Verran'Kuhn, both friends of Zhar from birth. Cas nodded to Zhar as he entered the ship, and banged on the door to let the pilot know he was inside. Zhar could only watch, helpless to intervene, as Cas and Verran were cut down by Rosencratz and his men moments later.

This was where the nightmare stopped. But as Zhar turned back from the window, he saw the five quarians sitting in the transport with him and Hiron. They were uninjured, and talking jovially. For the first time, Zhar felt in control of his own body.

"Zhar, good to see you made it," Kirran stood up and clapped him on the shoulder.

"You… you died," Zhar said incredulously. "All of you, I saw it."

The transport went quiet.

"Yes we did," Cas said quietly. "We died for you Zhar."

"We knew our duty," Jan shook her head, staring at the floor. "The mission was all that mattered."

"But at this cost?" Zhar asked, looking at each of them.

"At any cost," Mayya looked up at him from the corner. She pointed at Hiron. "Ask him."

"Ask him what?"

"I was extracted because I discovered Cerberus were planning to infiltrate the Migrant Fleet," Hiron explained to him. "You didn't just save my life, you saved half the Fleet."

"But the slavers…"

"Cerberus operatives," Hiron answered him bluntly.

"The sacrifice was worth it, Zhar," Verran spoke for the first time. "And don't you forget it."

"You carried on our memory, Zhar," Kirran said from beside him. "We never needed to be remembered by anyone else. Just you."

Zhar looked down, and saw his combat knife cradled in his hand. Kirran nodded. Kirran had given it to him when he had been promoted to Gunnery Sergeant.

"Don't forget us," he said, sitting down next to Jan and Verran. "Just don't mourn us."

"Death…" Cas said slowly. "It's just another part of life. I understand how you felt after this, we all did."

"But we never wanted you to remember us like that," Verran said quietly. There was a note of accusation in his voice.

"Just remember Zhar," Mayya said, standing up and opening the door of the transport. Although they were still flying, the air outside seemed silent and calm. "We're always with you, no matter what."

"No, Mayya!" Zhar tried to stop her, but Kirran blocked him.

She turned to look at Zhar, then leapt out of the ship. One by one, the others did the same, until it was only Zhar, Hiron and Kirran left.

"You can't go with us Zhar," his friend said sadly. "It's not your time. Maybe one day though."

Kirran walked to the door, looked over his shoulder at Zhar, then tipped forwards into nothingness.

"You're not the only one who has nightmares, Zhar," Hiron said. He picked up a pistol from the seat next to him and walked to the door. "But you're stronger than I was."

Zhar woke with a start, accidentally waking up Tali as well.

"Nightmares?" Tali asked, watching Zhar sit on the edge of the bed. He nodded. "It's okay, Zhar. I'm here for you."

"It was different this time," he said as Tali extricated herself from the sheets and sat next to him, laying her head on his shoulder and a comforting arm around his waist. "I spoke to them – all of them. Or something like that anyway."

He sighed and tried to slow his breathing. His heart was racing, his blood pounding in his ears. His ribs were still aching from the day before. "I'll be fine, I just need a minute."

"You see them every night don't you?" Tali asked him. "I feel you shaking sometimes. Like you're there again."

"I never let them go," Zhar said, placing an arm around Tali. "I should have, but I didn't."

"I understand. A lot of people died for me on Haestrom. I don't even know if it was worth the cost."

"Surviving is the worst thing after dying," Zhar stroked her raven hair a moment, watching it shine deep and black on her pale skin.

"Who said that?"

"I did," Zhar smiled. "I'm not sure I'll be seeing them anymore though."

"You mean one kick from a geth Prime and you're all better?"

"I got better before that Tali," Zhar held her tighter. "I got you."

"I love it when you sweet-talk me," Tali grinned, and kissed him. Zhar winced as she pressed against his ribs. "Hmm, you should go see Chakwas. I'll be here when you get back."

She threw him his suit underlayer and slid into hers before helping him with the suit seals down his back and shooing him out the door.