Sweet Surrender: Confession

Xena had spent the week sitting diligently by Gabrielle's side, nursing her friend back to health. In their waking hours, she'd filled Gabrielle in on Ares' involvement with the Widowmaker and Arkadios. The revelation hadn't shocked the bard in the least. Gabrielle had figured that one of the gods would eventually make a play for Athens with Athena out of the picture. Ares was a likely candidate. Her wound stung a little more when she realized that it had been received in a needless, senseless battle. Still, Gabrielle thought it was going to take Xena's psyche longer to heal than it would her own body. There was no doubt that the bard would make a full recovery but Xena's guilt wouldn't let her leave her friend's bedside. Her hovering and doting was beginning to get on Gabrielle's nerves.

"Why don't you go for a walk, Xena? I am sure some fresh air would do you some good," the bard suggested as she sipped at a mug of hot cider.

"I'm fine. Got all I need right here," the warrior smiled. "Would you like me to fluff your pillow?"

"No, no, my pillow is just fine," annoyance crept into Gabrielle's voice.

"What? What is wrong with you?" Xena asked.

"Xena, look, you haven't left my side since I woke up! Maybe I need a little fresh air."

"Well, why didn't you say so? I'm sure Virgil and I can lift your cot outside for some afternoon sun. In fact, that's a great idea, a little sunshine should perk you right up. You've been a bit crabby today."

Great, Gabrielle thought, Xena hadn't taken the hint. "Xena, I meant a little fresh air, without you in it!"

"Oh," Xena looked down, her feelings clearly hurt.

"Xena, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like it sounded. It's just that you are smothering me. You know none of this is your fault, right? You don't have to be at my beck and call."

"Gabrielle, it is my fault. It's all my fault. If I'd been. .."

"Stop it, You were checking the perimeter and then you were at Piraeus awaiting the navy to land, there's no way you could have know what was going on in the city."

"That's not true, Gabrielle."

"What do you mean?"
"I mean, if I'd checked the perimeter like I said I was going to, I might have found the Widowmaker's men there at the underground entrance, and if I'd been at Piraeus as I'd told you, I would have seen the flames and heard the clamor of the battle."

"You've lost me, Xena. You lied to me?"

"Yes," Xena admitted and looked down again, this time in shame.

"You lied to me? But why? Where were you?"

"I was with him." Xena couldn't bring herself to deliver the full confession. Somehow, she knew if she uttered his name that something inside of her would break.

"Him?" Gabrielle shook her head. The news didn't surprise her at all. She wasn't even sure if it disappointed her. She'd known something had been going on between them, but every time she'd brought it up to Xena, the warrior had shut the conversation down. "So, that's why you blame yourself? You were with him while he was launching an attack on Athens and then sending a "rescue" squad to make it appear as if he'd actually saved the city instead of orchestrating the whole thing to begin with?"

"Yes," Xena confirmed.

"Can I ask you a sincere question, Xena?"

"Always."

"Are you madder at yourself because I got hurt, or because he finally bested you?"

"Bested me? What? Of course, I am more concerned about you than his little games. How can you even ask me such a question? And, for the record he didn't "best" me." Xena crooked her fingers in mocking air quotes.

"Sure he did. He waited until he had you away from Athens, didn't he? He knew if you were here that his plans would come undone."

"Yes, okay. He used our intimate time to his military advantage. It hurt, on a personal level, but he didn't best me. He cheated me, there's a difference."

"He cheated you? What did he cheat you of? The satisfaction of beating him again?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I don't want to talk about him."

"You never do." The bard shook her head.

"It's a waste of time, anyway. I'm done with him."

"How long have you been sleeping with him?" Gabrielle asked.

Xena stood up, crossed the room, poured herself a mug of cider, sloshed it around in the tankard, and tossed another log onto the fire.

"It's warm enough in here already, Xena. Are you trying to sweat me out of here?"

"Sorry, how about that afternoon sun?" Xena tried desperately to change the subject.

"I don't want to go outside. I want you to answer the damn question. I have a lot of them, in fact." Gabrielle persisted.

"Fine, whaddya wanna know?" Xena grabbed a chair from the corner, flipped it around and straddled it.

"First, how long have you been screwing him?"

"Oh, I don't know, all in all, thirty years."

"Oh, so now you wanna try being funny." Gabrielle wasn't having it." You know what I mean, Xena."

"I ran in to him that night in the BDSM club, that first week we were in Athens. We've been meeting weekly, ever since." The confession, Xena realized, hadn't released any weight from her shoulders.

"Weekly, really?" The judgement booming in Gabrielle's voice did little to help Xena's shame.

"Yes, really."

"Where?"

"Doesn't matter." Xena was not about to discuss the lurid details with Gabrielle.

'Does to me." Gabrielle wasn't giving up that easy.

"First at the BDSM club, but then at another place. A place he created for us to go."

"Wait, at the BDSM club, so have you been playing sex games with him? Xena, you haven't been letting him tie you up and shit have you?"

Xena knew she was busted. She never wanted Gabrielle to see that side of her. To know that she had that need.

"By the gods, you have. So you trusted him. Gave him your body and trusted him not to hurt you, not to betray you and he betrayed you in the worst way. He waited until you were indisposed and launched a military campaign, cheating you of the chance to beat him. Xena, you don't blame him for hurting me, you blame him for outsmarting you!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!

"You weren't there, you don't know what happened." Xena charged. She closed her eyes willing away the memory of him on top of her, their souls dancing together in eternal rhythm. Whispered words of love, tender caresses of truth.

"Then tell me."

Xena looked at Gabrielle but sat silent with her arms draped over the back of the chair. She took a couple of drinks from her mug. Gabrielle watched her. She wasn't sure if the conversation was over yet or not. She waited, giving Xena the time she needed.

"It started off as a game, something sexual I needed, just a release. But everytime, he was so caring, so thoughtful, I think I started falling for him."

"Xena, you started falling for him a long time ago."

"Point taken. Anyway. Last night, I . . after we finished the sex game. . .I felt so bad for him. . . felt bad for using him. . . for using his weakness for me to get sexual gratification. . . I felt like I owed him more. . . I don't know. . . maybe even felt like I owed myself more. . . so I let him have an hour. . .his hour to make love to me. . .to touch me the way he'd been wanting to for years. And, it was amazing. Beautiful. Fulfilling. I just wish that after that, he'd come clean about what he was doing in Athens. Instead, he let me lay there vulnerable and sated in his arms and never said a word."

"What are you going to do now?" Gabrielle asked.

"Nothing. It's over. I can't trust him. He's a lying, cheating, manipulative bastard. What's more, I saw him murder Arkadios in cold blood, just to keep the truth from surfacing."

"Xena, you've always known he's a murderer. Sure, maybe he doesn't tend to get his own hands dirty but he pulls the strings. Why does it bother you now?"
Xena's knew that answer but she wasn't about to give it voice, to give it substance. She was in love with him, pure and simple. She wanted to be with him but as long as he continued to have complete disregard for the lives of mortals, she'd never be able to justify giving herself to him wholly.

AXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXA

As sunset approached, Xena decided to take a walk. She found herself winding her way up to the Acropolis. When she finally reached the apex, she noticed Ares' general from Boeotia was giving orders to his men to clear a space on the hill for the erection of a temple to Ares. The God of War, no doubt, had told him to build a monument to rival the Parthenon. Xena rolled her eyes and headed over to the agora. Most of the market stalls had already pulled up for the day but she found a vendor who was still open and bought falafel for dinner. Ares hadn't shown his face all week, which told her all she needed to know. He was well aware that she was on to him and he feared what her reaction might be. Frankly, she was surprised that he hadn't shown up just to gloat .

Xena could see the full moon making it's way over the eastern horizon. Nightfall crept closer and closer. She wondered if he'd show up? She hoped he would, so she'd have the satisfaction of telling him to get lost. When she exited the other side of the agora, she noticed the newly erected statue of Ares that peered down over the northern end of the Acropolis. Supplicants had already left offerings at the base of the statue. "Pathetic fools," Xena spat. She resisted the urge to destroy the gifts to the devious god. Xena walked to the edge of the cliff and took in the statue's view. Standing beside the statue, she looked up at it's marbled visage. It wasn't even a realistic likeness. Oh, all the right symbols were there but the face was all wrong. It was too soft, and lacked the lines that gave his face distinction. She wasn't sure why she gave a damn!
As the sun sunk below the western horizon, she felt his presence over her left shoulder. At last, her moment had arrived. She rounded on him with a sneer that she only reserved for him. "You have a lot of nerve, showing up here."

"What? Here in Athens? It's my city after all," he grinned sadistically.

There was no doubt that he knew that she knew. He must have opened up one of his portals to check in on her this week. Miserable fucker! "We'll see how long that lasts. The people of Athens are good and honest. They believe in a little something called democracy. You are a tyrant through and through. You don't have an honest bone in your immortal body."

"Everyone's corruptible, Xena. Even your precious Athenians."

"But why would you want to?"

"Are you kidding me? The Spartans, the most powerful land force already bow to me, if I add the Athenians, I have the most powerful naval force in all of Greece! United they will bring me ultimate glory."

"Unite the Spartans and the Athenians? Ares they despise each other! The only time they've ever worked together is to expel invaders."

"Well, if they won't work together then they can go to war, for all I care. as long as they both worship me for success!"

"You disgust me!"

"No, I make you hot! Admit it, you're turned on by what I've accomplished."

"You betrayed me!"

"Look, if this is about Blondie, I'm sorry okay. But you two are always putting your noses in where they don't belong."

"Our noses belong anywhere there is injustice!"

"Xena, I didn't come here to fight. We are wasting time." He extended his hand.

"You don't seriously think that I am going anywhere with you, do you?"

"Of course you are. It's our date night, sugar!" He winked at her.

"You betrayed me, you miserable bastard. All of that is over."

"I betrayed you? If you wanna talk about betrayal, we can talk about you walking away from me to begin with."

"You let me open myself to you last week, knowing full well what you'd done! You created that little fuck nest to get me out of Athens, didn't you. You couldn't risk us being in Athens when your little plan unfolded. You've had this in the works for weeks."

"I had this in the works long before I ever found you in the underground. I was meeting Arkadios there when I found you fellating that son-of-a-bitch councilman. What was I supposed to do, Xena?"

"So you admit it? You built that place as a diversion to get me out of Athens?"

"Yes, but it doesn't change the sentiment behind the place. I really wanted somewhere that was ours. Someplace special."
"Well, I hope you enjoy it for eternity! I hope you rot in it! I'm done with you!"

Ares grabbed her forearms forcefully. "You'll never be done with me, Xena. I am part of you! I own your soul, remember!"

"You may own my soul, my you'll never possess my heart!" She spat.

"Fuck you, Xena." He growled.

"That, Ares, is a pleasure you'll never have again."

"We'll see about that!" He encircled her waist with his strong arm and whisked her through the aether.

When they re-materialized in the bedroom of their island hideaway, Ares threw her on the bed and imprisoned her with the wrist and ankle cuffs.

"What do you think you are doing?" Xena screamed.

"What I should've done a long time ago. Showing you to whom you belong!" He threw off his vest and undid his belt.

Xena fought against her shackles. He roared at her helplessness.

"Ares I'm warning you!"

He dropped his pants, revealing his raging cock!

Xena closed her eyes. The sight of his proudness in all it's godly glory was too much to bear. Gods she hated herself. Hated how much she ached for him.

"No, Xena. I am warning you. You've defied me and denied me too many times." He marched toward the bed.

"Ares!"

He crawled between her legs, took his swollen cock in his hands. He looked down into her fiery eyes. He slid his head along her folds and sucked in a deep breath, "By the gods, Xena. you are so fucking wet."

"Ares," she warned again.

"Xena, you do have a safe word!" He taunted.

"Fuck you!" She yelled and pulled so hard against the chains that the headboards and footboards shook.

"As you wish," he breathed as he slid inside her.