""In the dark, we're all the same
We only seem alone
There's a place where we all must hide
There's a place that we lock from the inside
When it's over everything we ever were
And everything we are
We will heal as the days roll by
Cause in the end it's you and I." - "Threadbare" : Stone Sour.
Christian
I felt her hand squeeze mine. I didn't respond. I couldn't.
Voices. I heard voices. My mom and someone else.
"They said he's going to be okay..he just needs torest."My mom told her quietly.
Her hand squeezed mine again. "Good. I was soworried."
Elena. Why the fuck was she here? I wanted to rip my hand from hers. But I couldn't.
"Where's Ana?"She had the nerve to ask.
"She was here...she's back at her parents. I told her to go and enjoy Ray's party."
Shit. Ray's party. Ana must hate me. I promised her. I never showed. I was too careless.
My father. He'd be disappointed. Very disappointed. I had to make some changes. I had to make them if I wanted to be with Ana.
"Christian? Please..open your eyes."Her again. I didn't want her. I wanted my girl. My sweet Ana.
I remembered. She was carrying my child. I didn't want it. I didn't want her.
She kissed my hand and I felt the strength come back to me. I fucking felt it.
I moved my finger slightly and my eyelids flickered.
"Grace!"She stood up, her hand still in mine and looked behind her for my mother.
My mother came into view. She blurred. They blurred into one and other and I shut my eyes again. I turned my head and dropped my hand from hers. I didn't want her. I didn't.
"Christian? Open your eyes again..." My mother asked. I obeyed. She kissed my forehead and breathed a sigh of relief.
"We were so worried about you." Elena told me. I turned. I glared. Her mouth closed.
"Ana." I whispered. My voice was hoarse. My throat was sore.
"She's..." My mom stopped, "I'll call her." She kissed my forehead again and left. Leaving me with the bitch.
I tried to speak. To tell her to fuck off. But I couldn't form the words.
She smiled at me and kissed my hand. My stomach turned.
"What kind of a girlfriend leaves you when you're suffering like this?" She whispered, "Ana...she's..." She shook her head, "You don't deserve her."
I looked away from her and slowly shook my head, "Fuck...off." I croaked.
I opened my eyes and everyone was there.
My mom. My dad. Elliot. Mia. Kate.
And Ana.
She sat beside my, holding my hand. The same hand Elena had held earlier.
"You're such an idiot." Ana mumbled. She had been crying. My heart twisted in anguish. I felt like an idiot. I hated myself for this. I hated myself for most things I had done to her.
"You have to stay in the hospital for a few more days." My mom told me. She arranged flowers on the table by the bed and smiled at her work.
I nodded. My head felt light. Empty. I felt drugged up. I glanced at the IV in my arm and sighed.
Mia stared at me. Well, rather, she glared at me.
"Get it out." I whispered.
"How could you be so stupid? How could drink and then get in a car? Did you think you were invinsible or some shit? You could have died, Christian!" She fell quiet. We all did. Ana stared down at the floor. She felt the same. They all did.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. What else could I say?
-
I lay on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. I hated this. I hated being looked after. I wasn't a child.
Ana walked over, a mug of hot chocolate in her hands. She kneeled by the couch and smiled, "Mrs Jones is making dinner for you." She whispered.
She hadn't been able to properly look at me since the accident.
I nodded and looked back to the ceiling. "You should go." I told her.
She sat the mug of hot chocolate on the table and frowned, "Um...okay."
I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt useless. I hated 'taking it easy'. I was fine. I felt fine.
I sat up and titled her head up so I could look at her properly. "I'll call you." I told her. I kissed her once and then stood, making my way to the kitchen for food.
Things were different between Ana and I.
We didn't act like a couple behind closed doors.
Two weeks since the accident. Two fucking weeks.
I was at her house. Kate was home. For once. We were sitting in the lounge watching some shitty film.
My arm was around her, but I didn't feel content. Everything was eating me up inside. The affair. Elena. The baby.
I fidgeted yet again and ignored her frustrated sigh.
"What is wrong with you?" She demanded. She muted the tv and moved away from me.
"What the fuck do you think is wrong with me?" I snapped. She closed her mouth and leaned back from my icy tone. I scared her.
"You don't have to shout.." She whispered. She got up and walked into her room. I followed.
"Now look who's got the problem." I seethed.
She turned to me and narrowed her eyes, "Don't start, Christian."
I ignored her pathetic plea and moved closer to her, she backed away. "Stop fucking moving away from me!" I shouted. Her back hit the wall.
Her breathing was heavier. I could taste the fear from her in the air. She didn't look at me. Her eyes were cast down, toward the floor.
My fist hit the wall by her head and she screamed. "Look at me!" I grabbed her chin and ignored the tears falling from her blue eyes.
The door swung open, "Get the fuck away from her." Kate growled.
Ana tried to shake her head, "Kate...it's okay." She choked out.
I didn't loosen my grip. Not even when Ana stared back at me, matching my anger.
"Ana..." Kate tried to talk sense but Ana wouldn't listen.
Eventually she left. I released her and turned my back on her.
I heard her slump to the floor in breathless tears.
I was a dick. Such a fucking dick.
I threw the crystal vase at the wall, breathing deeply as it smashed and crumbled to the floor.
I couldn't explain the anger bubbling inside me. Maybe it was because I finally released how much of a fucker I was. Maybe it was because of Elena. Maybe it was because I loved Ana so much it fucking hurt. Maybe it was all three.
"Shit." I hissed, gripping my hair.
Mrs Jones rushed out and gasped when she saw what I had done. "Mr Grey...?" She was looking for answers.
I waved her off, "It's nothing.." I muttered. I turned on my heel and walked away, retreating to my bedroom.
I shut the door behind me and exhaled deeply. My eyes fell on Ana's dress laying on my bed. I closed my eyes and cursed.
I pushed myself from the door and walked over to it. Kneeling, I took it in my hands and held it up to my nose. It smelled just like her.
Looking up, my eyes fell on more things belonging to Ana. I choked back a broken sob and dropped the dress to the floor.
Maybe it was time to let her go.