Only In The Movies

Chapter 14: Too Many Trees, Not Enough Coconuts

Rica's POV

Just my bloody luck. All I do is stand there, maybe shoot one of the pirates in the arm – or maybe it was the head… but that doesn't matter – and Barbossa's crew just has to make Bridget and I go with Jack. I mean, what the hell? What did it matter if we shot any of them; they're undead anyway! It's not like they can die.

Ok, let's rewind a bit… I can just see your minds going, 'What the frak?'

An Hour or So Ago:

"So I'll be having that dress back before you go."

Stupid Barbossa and his stupid dress. Jack muttered something to the pirate beside me, but I wasn't quite paying attention. Understandable, given the circumstances. However, one thing that I didnotice was that Elizabeth undressed at an inhuman speed. And she was teetering on a plank. If that was me, I'd definitely accidentally fall into the sea before I'd get the dress off. How awkward would that be, your dress half off and treading water, trying to avoid sharks?

"It goes with your black heart," said Elizabeth venomously, throwing it back to Barbossa, who chucked it to the other pirates, chuckling.

"Off you go, come on!" said a random pirate. I had seen him before, but I'm sure he wasn't in the movie… I bet he's called 'Pirate 3' or something like that on set.

"Too long!" With that, the Bo'sun stamped on the plank, and Elizabeth fell in.

After a bit of talk and whatnot, Jack dove in not long after, when Barbossa threw his effects into the sea. Minus the hat, I think. What did happen to his hat?

"Your turn," said the pirates surrounding me, pushing Bridget and I forward.

What the...

I could see Barbossa looking a little surprised (if he was surprised, Jen was gulping at the air like a fish out of water), but recovered himself and grinned maliciously. The little bugger.

Bridget looked like she was thinking hard; I hope she had a plan to get us out of it. No such luck, though.

He pushed both of us onto the plank.

"Um," started Bridget. Whatever she had to say better be better than that. "We're pirates! You have to give us a pistol… each!"

That was what was up her sleeve? Kill me now.

Then again, a pistol's better than nothing.

Barbossa looked annoyed, but chucked our pistols into the sea anyway. The pirates started howling for blood, or whatever. Either way, they wanted us to go overboard.

I shrugged and dove in; I'd rather go in by myself than let them push me. I surfaced from the water after retrieving my pistol, treading water carefully. Curse these clothes that weigh a tonne. And these boots – were they made of lead or something?

"Uh… Do you want to be rid of me, too?" That was Jen. I could just imagine her sheepish face.

Bridget motioned for me to swim to the island, but I shushed her, listening hard.

However, no one said anything more, as all I could hear was footsteps and murmurs. "Hey! Don't ignore me!"

Then her shouts got fainter… They were probably dragged down to the brig.

I wanted to help her, but there was nothing I could do, really. I followed Bridget and swam to the island.

-

"Why did we have to walk the bloody plank?" I asked incredulously, waking up a bit to the situation at hand.

"I don't know ask stupid Barbossa. Now that he's gone I can mock his first name. HEAR THAT BARBOSSA? I MOCK YOUR FIRST NAME!! HA! Who would name their child Hector anyway?" exclaimed Bridget to no one in particular.

So here we were, swimming joyfully in the Spanish Main. Well, maybe not joyfully, and maybe not swimming either, but at least we were treading water... rather... miserably?

"This is your entire fault."

"Excuse me?!" asked Bridget with a note of incredulousness.

"...Nothing."

"I still don't get why we had to walk the bloody plank though," I said miserably.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" shouted Bridget to no one in particular.

I moaned. "I'm too tired to tread water... These stupid clothes!" It was true; the clothes, especially the boots, were dragging the both of us down below the water. It was a fight to stay buoyant.

"I agree – Hey! A convenient piece of random wood!" shouted Bridget, pointing. A coincidental piece of wood was drifting a few metres away from us.

I grinned as a thought hit me, shaking my head at the irony. "Only in the movies." We swam as fast as we could towards the wood and finally, after a 5 minute struggle, we got there, wrapping our arms around the piece of wood and holding on for dear life.

We floated on the water for a couple of minutes, not knowing that we had actually been drifting as we did this, until-

"Ok, let's swim over to the island, before we float away from it. Remember our swimming lesson last week – it doesn't feel like last week, does it? – 'don't use all of your energy otherwise you'll be too tired to swim the last bit'," stated Bridget in a know-it-all voice.

"Yes mother," I replied sarcastically.

"No, but seriously, who knew that that lesson would come in handy? Remarkable," said Bridget. They started their long journey to the island.

FLASHBACK

"Get in the water, girls, and swim 300 metres without stopping. No touching the sides of the pools or the ends to push off," instructed the sports/swimming teacher.

"Say, WHAT?" exclaimed Rica. "Man, you've got to be kidding me."

"No kidding around Rica. Now get in the pool," said the teacher strictly.

"…Damnit."

Half an hour later...

"I can't breathe... I don't see how we're going... to use this in later life," gasped Bridget after finishing the 300 metres. The three friends were on the side of the pool, gasping for air.

"I agree..." started Jen. "When are we going to be abandoned 300 metres from some island?"

"I...have no idea..." said Rica with a hint of annoyance.

END OF FLASHBACK

...How ironic.

-

General POV

"Help," said Rica feebly. Rica and Bridget collapsed onto the beach in exhaustion after the battle with the tide. They were happy enough to just lay there and soak up the sun a bit, and possibly dry out a little.

After about thirty minutes of just lying there, Bridget spoke up. "Roll onto your front, then that side will get dry as well. Not to mention we'll get sunburn on this side if we keep it up," she said. They simultaneously rolled onto their front.

Half an hour later they decided that they had dried relatively enough and got up from their collapsed position by the beach.

"Ew, my boots are still wet," complained Rica.

"Then take them off," supplied Bridget immediately, taking her own shoes off.

Rica grumbled, but took them off anyway. Bad mistake.

Thousands of tiny shells littered the beach, and whenever you stepped on one a sharp shell would poke into your skin. Some of the ridiculously small ones even stayed in your skin like irritating splinters until you plucked them out.

"Oh great, what's your plan now, Mrs 'I-know-everything'?" asked Rica irritably once they had dragged their exhausted selves up from the beach. They had the sneaking suspicion that they were on the same island that Jack and Elizabeth had been marooned on, but they had no idea and had no intention of exploring the island until they had gotten some food.

"Find some food," replied Bridget, oblivious to Rica's irritatingly irritated-ness, walking up to the line of palm trees. Then a thought occurred to her. "If I'm a Mrs, then who's the husband?" she asked, frowning.

"No idea," said Rica. As soon as they reached the palm trees she looked up hopefully, but found nothing. "Why doesn't this ever happen to people in the movies? We're supposed to find the coconuts 'round about now!" said Rica loudly, as if a crazy director would suddenly shout 'CUT!' and point to where they were supposed to find the coconuts.

Bridget sighed. "Well we're not exactly in a movie, are we?" As soon as she said the words, she tried to take them back. "Well we are-"

"Yeah, hell we are!! Except there are no bloody coconuts!! We're definitely not on Pippy-Long-Stocking island!!" said Rica, getting hysterical. If one thing bugged her, it was lack of food. "AND I need to pee. You know how disgusting peeing in that brig was? Just because you have a bloody huge bladder doesn't mean that everyone does!" She stormed off behind the nearest bush and a muffled voice could be heard behind it. "You don't want to come behind here, I think I found where Jack did his business all those years ago."

Bridget tried to block her ears from the sound of Rica doing her business behind that bush, but to no avail. "Can't you be more quiet, or something?"

"NO I BLOODY WELL CAN'T, you stereotypical little princess that you read in books that never needs to pee!" retorted Rica loudly. "You don't have to stand there listening to me, why don't you go find those coconuts? Since you're the stereotypical princess here, you'll have no trouble finding it."

"Well someone's got their period today!" shouted Bridget to the bush. It felt weird, shouting to a bush. Hang on, was that just Bridget or was the bush quivering in anger?

Out of nowhere, well the bush really but nowhere sounds better, Rica tackled Bridget to the ground then immediately ran off as fast as she could, swerving around the trees.

"Come back here!!" said Bridget angrily. After a few minutes of running, the pair slowed down to a walk out of tiredness. "Come on Rica, stop being such a child!"

"I'm not being a child," whined Rica, glancing back at her.

Bridget sighed. It was time to use her last weapon. "I have food," she said half-heartedly.

Rica was next to her in a flash. "Where? I'm starving!" Then her enthusiasm ebbed away as she realised Bridget was as empty-handed as she was. "Oh I see your trick now. No coconuts after all, eh?"

"Rica," started Bridget. "Have you ever tasted rum before?"

-

"So you're saying we should find the rum cellar that Jack found ages ago?" asked Rica. No coconuts after all?

"Yep, that's exactly what I'm saying," replied Bridget. This is assuming that we're on the same island.

Rica contemplated the idea. "Fine, I'm in."

Bridget looked surprised at Rica giving in so quickly. She then shrugged. "Ok. Then let's head back to shore. We'll have to get to that tree that Jack knocked on, take a few weird steps and jump on the spot a couple of times," she said, counting them off on her fingers. "Is that it?"

"I have no idea."

"Good, now-"

"But I have one question, stereotypical princess," interrupted Rica. She looked despairingly at the thousands of trees surrounding her. "Which tree is it?"