Hiya guys!

So I'm really soaking in the benefits of living alone. I just got done baking dinner rolls because they sounded good at 10 in the evening, I've been rocking out to Pandora for the past couple hours and dancing barefoot on my love seat, reading a book cover to cover without being forced to socialize. Pretty much a perfect evening.

But I won't be living by myself much longer.

Because I'm engaged!

*Insert spastic dancing with jazz hands, high kicks and excessive amounts of wiggling*

I'm extremely excited.

And that unfortunately means my attention span is like a kitten. Small cute and fluffy. And easily distracted. So shorter chapter tonight. Sorry about that!

~Renee

Tim paced the hallway, twisting his phone between his hands.

Abby had been…unpleased. Once the shrieking had died down she promised she and Palmer would be there as soon as she could leave without the director noticing.

Oh damn.

The director.

Tim groaned and leaned his head against the wall.

The director was going to be furious. However, not as angry as Gibbs was going to be once she showed her face.

He knew from experience that until Tony opened his eyes and made some snarky comment, Gibbs was going to be a royal terror. No amount of memory loss would stop that, he could already tell Tony being injured had jolted something back in Gibbs. And that something was pissed.

And Tim was going to be right behind him, supporting him all the way. The director crossed a line. Hell she drew the line, threw Tony over it and then summersaulted over it herself waving sparklers.

McGee blinked. That train of thought got a bit away from him.

Tim chewed carefully on the inside of cheek and peaked into the window of the private waiting room.

He wasn't sure how exactly it was supposed to be private if there was a giant window framing it's contents, but whatever, it was working to his advantage.

But he was staying out of sight. He did not want the two men in the room to direct a single bit of their attention towards him. They didn't need two agents in the hospital. Although, if something didn't diffuse the situation in there, it looked like that was going to happen regardless.

Gibbs and Fornell were facing each other, each standing on opposite sides of the room, like boxers warming their corners.

Gibbs looked angry but Tobias, Tobias looked like a man standing on the edge of a cliff.

Careful.

Desperate.

Angry.

And facing an impossible choice.

Tim swallowed tightly and turned away.

He didn't know what was being said, but he did know, that while Tony's friends were odd and sporadic, they were also dangerous.

xxx

"What are you doing?"

Gibbs crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Excuse me?"

Tobias narrowed his eyes and felt his shoulders twitch as he studied the other man.

"What are you doing. To Tony. To the team. What are you doing here?"

"I told you, the team-"

Tobias waved his hand in front of his face, as if to brush the words away.

"Yes I know, the team called you, 'Daddy, Tony's being mean, wah wah wah'. That's not what I mean. They're adults and they can can handle themselves. That's not why you're here. If they weren't enough to make you stay, they wouldn't be enough to bring you back. What dragged you out of Mexico? Get sick of tequila?"

Gibbs growled in the back of his throat. "Rum actually. And does it matter why I'm here? I'm back, that's what matters. Things will get straightened now."

Tobias pushed off the wall he was leaning on, his back straightening as he spoke.

"Straightened out? Really? You think you can just walk back in the bullpen and snap your fingers and they will all fall to heal and apologize to each other like good little children? Your team is broken Gibbs. Ziva has committed treason, selling information to foreign operatives and having a hand in attempted murder is not something easily forgotten. McGee is flopping like a fish out of water, he has no idea who he's loyal to anymore. Or who would even accept his loyalty. You hurt them when you left. Some of them more than others. What did you think would happen? This wasn't a normal team and they aren't normal people. They're something more than that, something better. And you left them. How did you expect they would react? Nothing is going to be same. You can't gather them all up to you and force things back to normal. There is no normal anymore. You gave up this team, these people, and they're moving on. You have to deal with the consequences. You've lost something, Jethro."

Gibbs felt something in his gut react to this, something primal and instinctive. He already lost something. He had lost years, years, of his life. Lost stories and scars and reasons. Laughter and triumph and people he had once loved but now couldn't remember.

He knew he had lost.

But that didn't mean he had to give up on finding them again.

Tobias looked at him and felt his eyes soften.

"Gibbs. You can't expect them to be the same people. They've changed. He's changed. He's tired Gibbs, he's tired and he's hurting and he's done looking for people to be on his side. Either you are or you're not. I don't think he cares anymore." Tobias took a half step towards him, his stature stiff and unforgiving. "But I do. If you think you're going to be here for him, then you better damn well be here because if you leave him again, you won't get another chance. You're either here with him, with all the shit he's right in the middle of, or you're not. There's no middle road. You have to decide what you're doing, and who you're going to be to him. You're not the only one on his six anymore. You're not the only one who cares about him. And whether or not he'd be willing to forgive you again, I'm not. Figure out where you're standing."

Tobias turned and left, letting the door swing shut firmly behind him.

Gibbs stared at the empty room in front of him, his thoughts skipping and slipping and pulsing.

His hands squeezed into fists as he remember Tony curled on his legs, his eyes flickering beneath their lids, breath gasping and fingers tightening around his hand. Looking for something to grasp a hold of, looking for something, anything, to ground himself to.

Gibbs looked down at his own shaking hands.

Where did he stand?

xxx

The steady staccato beeping of the monitor was comforting. Edging on familiar and so utterly dreaded. But comforting. As long as the beeping was there, so was Tony.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. He was too old for this. He reached out a hand and gently took Tony's into his own.

"What a mess we're in DiNozzo."

Silence answered him and he pursed his lips. As much as he enjoyed the quiet, there were sometimes when it was suffocating. He gently tapped Tony's cheek.

"Come on smart ass, don't you have something to say? Complaint about the food? Lack of hot nurses? How much you 'absolutely don't need to be here'? Anything?"

He sighed, feeling the air pull from his toes. "Come on Tony. Help me out here."

The wind buffeted the windows, echoing eerily around the hospital.

"It's getting colder out. Italian bones don't like the cold. Sunshine people."

He glanced down at the face that used to be tanned no matter what the season, and dark hair that would lighten in sun, and wondered when it got so pale. He closed his eyes tightly before turning and staring blankly at the window.

"I should have seen this. I should have noticed it was that bad. I should have done something. But I didn't. I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought I was… never mind."

He sighed and dropped his head.

"Wake up. Wake up and tell me it's okay. Tell me we're okay."

"Just wake up."

xxx

"Timmy?"

McGee turned wearily and smiled at Abby.

"Hey Abs. Palmer."

The Medical Assistant nodded and brushed past him, presumably after a doctor to update him.

"How's-"

"Mr. Palmer wait for me!"

Ducky hurried past, a file folder clutched in his hand and his hat sitting crooked on his head.

"You brought Ducky?"

Abby nodded as she watched the doctors disappear down the hall.

"Once he heard what had happened, he refused to be left behind. Said he has some medical history of Tony's he had to make sure they got. Personally I think he just wants to give Gibbs a piece of his mind. He hasn't gotten a real chance to see him yet. He's pretty cranky."

Tim raised an eyebrow and grabbed Abby's hand, pulling her down the hall and into the waiting room they had set up camp in.

His laptop was open, all the files they had on Benoit spread across a short coffee table, and three mugs of coffee in various states of warmth scattered on the side tables. Abby wrinkled her nose, grabbed one and gulped the contents, grimacing at the bitter taste.

McGee waved a hand expansively and reached out for his own cup. "Agent Fornell and Gibbs are…somewhere. They had a moment earlier and I haven't really seen them in the same room for more than a few seconds since it happened. They keep trading shifts with Tony. They don't want him to be alone and the nurses have given up arguing policy with them."

Abby sank down next to the table and picked up a piece of paper.

"Good. I don't want Tony to wake up alone. We need to be here with him." She stared at the floor, rubbing the corner of the paper carefully between her fingertips. "Things are so messy Tim. What are we going to do? Ziva. The Director. Tony. What's going to happen?"

Tim took a deep breath and dropped down by Abby. He lifted a piece of paper and frowned at it.

"I don't know. But we're going to start with this son of a bitch."

xxx

The older man tapped his fingers on Tony's blanket.

"Hey DiNozzo."

Nurses chatted down the hall, accompanied by the squeaky wheels of rusted medical carts.

"I'm sorry Tony. It wasn't supposed to go like this."

He reached up and brushed the hair out of Tony's face.

"I thought I could sweep in and save the day. White horse and everything. That's what you're supposed to do, that's why I got into this job. To help people. Bang up job I'm doing huh? I show up and you all but leap into a hospital bed."

He dropped his head against the back of the chair.

"I'm tired. So tired of seeing people like you get hurt when you're just trying to do the right thing. I don't even know what the right thing is anymore."

It was never silent in a hospital. Not really. There was always something rustling and creaking in the background. Tony always hated it. There was never any peace.

"I wanted to save everyone. But I can't even help you."

He sighed and the air escaped him in burst.

"Wake up Tony. I need you to be here. I need... Wake up."