It's official: I suck at updating and everyone whos following this deserves a big cookie-cake with rainbows and smiles because I haven't updated in awhile thanks to my college class. Only two classes left though including the exam and I'm freeeeeee and more chapters will be posted. I'm hoping to get this entire thing finished by summer but we'll see how that goes. Wednesday everyone in class had to read their group projects outloud to everyone else in the class and let me tell you, that's a good way to torture someone for two hours. At least the original fanfic of this is somewhat humorous!
By the way, if you haven't seen the new Harry Potter movie yet, do so. NOW. I loved it and am actually going to see it again this Sunday. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried in the first 3 seconds when the sad music ("Lily's Theme") started playing. I am going to miss Harry Potter badly.
AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! (Now what fun would that be? I think she actually just told herself to fuck herself which is a very disturbing thought.) Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. (Hahahahahaha, oh wow... I'm sorry this is a rly sris issu, I shouldn't be laughing.) PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! (I have no clue why she says this, nobody gave her 10 god revoiws and she would just keep updating the story anyways.)
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. (SCRAY? SCRAY! Perhaps new word for stray as in a stray cat? If she was going for scary I can only assume that this chapter is so scary that it's hilarious. Kind of like bad scary movies where the kids go into the haunted house alone and do stupid things to get themselves decapitated and what not. ) VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. (And I refuse to believe that a person could only spell two two lettered words right after WARNING.)
We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. (Hold up just a damn second, at the end of the last moronic chapter you stated, and I quote: "We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra"
It was... Voldemort!" But now it isn't Voldemort in your peripheral vision, it's the fat guy who killed Cedric? Which brings me to another point, his name is Voldemort, not Volcemort you name twisting bitch and the fat guy is named Peter Pettigrew, who only has the most coolest name in the entire books.) Draco was there crying tears of blood. (Voldemort doesn't talk to, let alone want anything to do with wussies. He gets right to the point and kills them. Same goes for his death eater party.) Snaketail was torturing him. (Snaketail? Who's that, the fat guy who killed Cedric aka WORMTAIL. I mean, improvision is great, just not in this the way has no right to torture! That is not his job!) Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. (How does that help?)
"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" (#6 on the insult list! Weren't they despicable snobs last chapter? At least he understands that they are really preps. Way to go Wormtail!) he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun (So to rid his sight of you, you must shoot him in the eye. With the gun. That was intended to kill Vampire Potter that motherfucker. And you are shooting at Voldemort's subordinate with the gun he gave you? Have fun with that before he sends you to your coffin.) he Then (Whoah, random capital letter for no reason!) suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. (Or they are just glassy because you just shot him and he's about to die. Not everybody loves you Ebony or whoever you are supposed to be right now.) "." he said. (He said double-quote, period, double quote as he's dying? Yes, I'm sure he said just that Tara, those would be my final words too.) (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) (Does it really matter at this point who's a pedophile and who's not? About 99% of the characters in this story are manly pedophiles or idiotic beyond reason so the age isn't relevant either.)
"Huh?" I asked. (He said double-quote, period, double quote Ebony! If it was Alan Rickman you'd be listening!)
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. (...8X I'm concerned for his well being and state of mind at the moment. ) I started laughing crudely.(I'm laughing too, not crudely, because I don't know how to laugh like that,but that last sentence was hilarious.) "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." (Not just fucked up, he's a fucked up fucking bastard! lol. However that is a bit messed up I must admit. Oh God I'm going to the dark side.) I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. (With what? We already clarified that you are too stupid to use a wand, where'd the dagger or knife come from?) Blood pored out of it like a fountain. (For some reason "The Circle of Life" was playing in my head as I read that.)
"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. (As opposed to YEAHHHHHHHH! I JUST GOT STABBED BY A SHE WITCH!) He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. (Just like that huh? Not sure about Snaketail, but Wormtail still has a life debt to pay to Harry Potter.) I brust into tears sadly. (Even though he wanted to have sex with you were the one that killed him. That's your own fault. Now we will never know if he gets his index finger on his right hand back. Thanks Ebony.)
"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. (I will never tire of Voldemort's old Shakespearian language in this. I think Tara's intentions were to make him sound more threatening by making him talk like that. IT'S TOTALLY WORKING! =P) Then... he started coming! (Voldemort get's off on dead corpses of people lesser than him? How very strange.) We could hear his high heels clacking to us. (Voldemort is a transvestite in this? Why am I not in shock right now? Whatever, he's the Sark Lord, he can be into drag if he wants.) So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. (And Voldemort and his death eaters didn't chase you? You just killed The Dark Lord's helper, he's not going to let you get away that easily. And since there are apparently no boundaries at Hogwart's anymore you're screwed! Set up your own trap there didn't you Tara? By the way, disapparating would have been quicker for all those out there who seem to care.) We went to my room. Vampire went away. (Then why was he there is the first place?) There I started crying.
"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco (Did they save him off screen? I could have sworn they just left him there.) taking off his clothes so we could screw. (Wasn't he just being tortured? The first thing he wants to do afterwards is have sex? I do not understand this logic Tara. Plus she just killed a person to save you! That's not very sensitive Draco!) He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) (That's a knee slapper right there!) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. (A really huge candy bar! His good friend Snaketail bought it for him when he was dead!)
"Its so unfair!" I yielded. (Yielded means to give up or pause so this reply is way out of context.) "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here(This is the sentence that begins her Mary Sue rant! You have been warned.) except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." (B'loody Mary is a Japanese language ruining loser! Emma Watson, the girl who played Hermione in the movies, is pretty I must admit, B'loody Mary just sounds like a weeabo.)
"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. (You would know Draco, you probably slept with all of them.)
"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! (How can anyone be in love with you Ebony? They lust after you, that is not love.) Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. (Why are you worried about them? They are in the fruit hospital because Dumblydore was tired of putting up with their OCCness.) Hargrid says he's in love with me. (Leave Hargrid out of this. He's just a Hogwart's student in a grown mans body. He has a reasonable excuse to be mentally messed up in the head.) Vampire likes me (Nah, he just wanted to screw you.) and now even Snaketail is in love with me! (No, you killed Snaketail, meaning he can have no emotions now considering he's dead! You literally 'broke his heart' when he WAS in love with you.) I just wanna be with you ok Draco! (Even though I shagged your ex boyfriend, you are the love of my life! What. the. hell.) Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (You just insulted Satan. Way to go, I hope he takes you to the lowest pits of hell and burns you for eternity.) (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing (We can tell by her pleasing personality and sunny disposition!) but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) (I think whoever told her this were getting paid by the local mafia or on drugs.) "Im good at too many things! (Would you mind clarifying for us what you're good at? From what I can tell all you do is cry, have sex with people, say idiotic and pointless things, state MCR RULEZZ! and does not take much talent to do any of the above things.) WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" (This entire chapter is a fucking curse!) I shouted and then I ran away.
So there you have it, chapter 14. This was painful to read but it did have me laughing by the end. Oh Ebony, why must you be so stupid?