Rating: T

Spoilers: Season 5

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or Stargate: Atlantis

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Chapter 13- First Glimpses

Rodney looked around the room as he entered but nothing was familiar to him. An uncomfortable feeling started to creep up as Rodney started to think that this was not a good idea. He felt as if he voyeur looking into a life that was not his own. "Which is mine?" he asked pointing between the two sets of drawers.

"That one." Jennifer pointed to drawers on the left. Even a blind man could see he felt out of place here. "The towels are on the door in the bathroom."

Rodney nodded and went to get a clean pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. If he was going to spend the day relaxing he should be comfortable. "Are you staying?"

Jennifer shook her head. "I have a shift to finish. If you need anything call me on the radio and Arthur is with Teyla. Make sure you don't get your stitches wet." She did not want him to think she was leaving him alone with the son he could not remember.

"See you later." Rodney headed to the bathroom.

"Later." Jennifer said with disappointment. She knew she should not have gotten her hopes up too high that his memories would just come flooding back. Jennifer left the room feeling a little sad and hoped that work would take her mind temporarily off her problems.

Rodney winced as he looked at himself in the mirror. One thing was for sure; he really needed a shave. McKay let the tub fill as he shaved the stubble from his face. He stepped into the tub, hoping that the hot water would wash away some of confusion that clouded him. The bath only cleared away the physical discomfort, but his mind was still a jumble of panic and confusion. He was trying to make sense of everything now that he was alone. This was supposed to be his quarters, but nothing seemed familiar to him.

The Canadian looked around for his tablet and he could not locate it. "Must have left it somewhere." he said aloud. There was hardly anything in the room that would give Rodney the answers he was looking for. He had no choice to but to get the rest the doctor ordered. Rodney got into the bed and pulled the covers over his head. He found the bed quite comfortable as it had to be if this is where he had been sleeping for some time. As he drifted into a deeper sleep Rodney started to dream:

Jennifer rested her head on Rodney's chest as both laid on a blanket watching the stars. "This night has been perfect." she ran a few fingers up and down along the length of his torso.

"Glad you enjoyed it." Rodney was busy playing with her hair. "I've had this evening planned for a month."

"I know. It has all you been talking about for the past two days." Jennifer eyed the white box next to her lover's head. "What's in there?"

Rodney grinned. "Some dessert for later. I have a few things to do first." He laughed when Jennifer pouted at his vagueness.

"Like what?" She asked.

"A little of this." Rodney started to kiss Jennifer's neck. "And a little of that." He traced small circles on her stomach just under her shirt.

"You are enjoying teasing me aren't you?" she asked.

"Just a little." Rodney admitted.

Jennifer pouted again. "You are not being fair."

"I know, but you still love me." Rodney sat up, moving to place Jennifer head in his lap. "Can I ask you a question?"

Jennifer turned her head to look up at him. "Sure. What is it?" she was trying to read his expression, but was having a difficult time. "Loving you is questionable right now." She squirmed in his lap to return the favor of teasing.

"I'll only ask if you promise to say yes." he said with a mischievous grin.

"That would depend on the question." He really had Jennifer curious as to what he was up to. "What could you possibly want to ask me?" She searched his eyes for an answer.

"Um...well... I kind of had this idea that we could make this thing between us you know...permanent." Rodney was stumbling slightly over his words.

"Permanent? How permanent?" Jennifer felt her heart skip a beat. Was he really suggesting what she thought he was. They had never discussed the topic of marriage before. She knew his experience with Katie had left him uncertain on the topic of marriage.

"By marrying me?" Rodney asked, holding the ring above Jennifer. He had it carefully hidden in the pocket of his shirt.

Jennifer stared at the ring for a good twenty seconds before sitting upright. She looked between the ring and Rodney. This explained all his secret calls the past two weeks. It did not take long for an answer. "Yes. Of course I will." She wrapped her arms around Rodney and pulled his mouth to hers. There were not words to describe how happy she was. The ring was gorgeous. It was just like the one she had always wanted growing up and most importantly the man of her dreams was the one giving it to her.

Rodney was ecstatic that she had said yes. "I hope you like it." He slid the ring onto her finger. He was not expecting an answer because the way she looked at the ring and the smile on her face said it all.

The newly engaged woman was finding it hard to speak. She really loved this man so much that it scared her at times . She carefully eyed the white box. "Dessert time?" she said with a naughty smirk. "I love you." Jennifer pulled him in for another passionate kiss.

"Anything you want," Rodney reached over for the box and handed it to Jennifer. He could not stop smiling.

"What I really want I cannot have without us both getting arrested." Jennifer opened the box to find her favorite dessert from a local bakery a chocolate cupcake with extra vanilla-strawberry frosting.

"Wickedness." Rodney shook his head. He scooped up a bit of the frosting on his finger and offered some to his now fiancée.

Jennifer happily licked the frosting from Rodney's finger, making sure she took extra time to make sure it was clean. "Here your turn." she did the same with the frosting.

Rodney gladly returned the favor to make sure her finger was cleaned. It did not take long for him to realize something was terribly wrong. He could feel is throat start to close and breathing became difficult. He saw the terror in Jennifer's eyes. He reached for his pockets for his Epi-pen but it was not there. In the excitement of preparing for the evening he must have forgotten to take it before leaving the apartment.

Jennifer dumped out her purse in panic to see if she had one in there, but there was none to be found. Panicking Jennifer grabbed her cell phone to call 911.

Rodney bolted upright gasping for air as he was in the dream. It took almost a full minute to get his breathing under control and it was only then that he realized that a very worried Jennifer was next to him. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his shirt.

After her shift Jennifer had brought Arthur back to the room and put him to sleep after bathing and feeding him. It was a good thing Rodney was a heavy sleeper so she did not need to worry about waking him up. She was a little surprised to see him still sleeping, but she thought the rest could do him good. Jennifer had only just fallen asleep when the man next to her woke up gasping for air. "Rodney...Rodney." she tried to get his attention, but he was in some sort of daze. She was about to call for a medical team when his breathing finally returned to normal. Jennifer had only witnessed Rodney go into anaphylactic shock once and it scared her more than anything.

Rodney looked all around the room and saw that it was dark. He must have taken quite a long nap. The physicist nodded. "I'm fine. Just a dream." He was still sweating and his heart was racing.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" the doctor asked. She was curious what kind of dream could make him wake up gasping for breath.

"Did you ever have one of those dreams where you were gasping for air and woke up doing just that?" he asked.

Jennifer shook her head. "Not exactly. What was a dream about?" she pressed, but did not want to press too hard.

Rodney nodded and began to explain the dream from beginning to end and became puzzled when Jennifer started to smile. "I don't find that very funny." he was offended.

Jennifer knew it was not funny. It had been a very terrifying evening for both of them. "You left your Epi-Pen on the kitchen counter and we found out the next day that the bakery had put orange juice in the frosting."

Rodney looked at her confused. "I've had this dream before?" he asked.

Jennifer shook her head. "No. It wasn't just a dream. We spent the rest of the night in the emergency room." She wondered if his memory was starting to come back.

That explains the smile. He had a dream that was really a memory. He hoped this was only the beginning of them returning. Rodney had enjoyed the feelings he felt. They were amazing and intense. "Some night that must have been." Rodney turned his head to look at Jennifer.

Of all the things for him to remember first; Jennifer was happy that it was the night they got engaged. "It was." she smiled. "The night was far from dull."

Rodney was confused. "What else could have happened?" He thought by her tone that there was something else.

Jennifer pondered if she should go forward. "After fussing over you in the ER I almost passed out. The doctor wanted to run some tests. That's when they told us I was pregnant." There was a hint of sadness in her smile.

"Engaged and we learned that we were going to be parents in the same day. Things haven't been dull haven't they? Then again life here is never dull." Rodney was finding everything really amusing.

Jennifer nodded. She did not miss his use of the words we learned. Something was still off even though she could tell that Rodney was much more relaxed than he had been in weeks.

Rodney drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them tight to his chest. Fear was setting in again, but it was different from earlier. He was now scared that he wouldn't get the rest of his memories back. He turned his head away. "What if they never come back?"

Keller sighed and rubbed Rodney's back. "They will." If she believed it maybe he would do.

"How can you be sure?" Rodney asked felling very vulnerable. "What if they are lost forever?"

Jennifer scooted closer to Rodney pulling him into a half-hug. She hoped he was not scared off by her actions. "Your memories aren't lost. They are just locked away somewhere." She put her head on his shoulder.

There was something comforting about being in her embrace. Rodney rested his head against Jennifer's. He sighed softly. "It's odd, you know. I cannot remember loving you but somehow I know I love you. It is an odd thing to say, probably not the smartest thing I can say. I want to know why I feel this way. It's a pretty amazing feeling. One I don't want to let go of."

Jennifer had mixed feelings about his comment. It stung that he said he could not remember loving her, but it gave her hope to hear Rodney say that he knew he loved her. "The heart cannot forget what the mind might forget." She recalled John's words from the previous day.

"So it may seem." Rodney said with a slight chuckle. "It's a good thing, right?"

"It is." Jennifer agreed. She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers into his. It was nice to sit like this with him. It was a small symbol of normalcy even if there was nothing normal about this.

"Did we ever set a date?" Having done some math he had figured it was a little over a year that they had been engaged. "Oh we did, didn't we?" he felt Jennifer stiffen next to him.

The question had taken Jennifer by surprise."Yes."

Rodney felt bad for asking the question, "Sorry."

"It's okay." It really wasn't okay. She did not want Rodney to feel worse than he all ready did. "We hadn't really discussed what we were going to do since the funeral." Not that he had said much of anything to her since that day.

It did not take a genius to figure out that he was treading into painful territory. "What happened to her? What happened with Elizabeth?" Something told Rodney that whatever had happened had something to do with why he was repressing his memories.

Jennifer took a deep breath and felt tears well up. It was the one memory he needed to remember on his own. She loved him too much to have to put him through that kind of pain. "She died in her sleep." Jennifer whispered, tightening her grip on him.

That was not the answer Rodney had wanted to hear as he wanted to know more. He sighed, wondering if her reluctance to tell him meant he had something to do with his daughter's death. Any thoughts of that were interrupted by a rumble from his stomach.

The noise from Rodney's stomach made Jennifer laugh. Leave it to his stomach to break the tension. "When's the last time you ate?"

"The breakfast you left me this morning." Rodney had spent the better part of the day sleeping so he did not have a chance to eat. "I guess I could use something to eat."

"Me too." Jennifer admitted. "Want me to order something?"

"Sure." Rodney pulled away so he could get out of bed. He stretched to get out the stiffness from his nap. "They have Salisbury steak?" he asked.

"I think they do." Jennifer reached for her earwig and placed a call to the mess and placed an order for two salisbury steaks. She noticed Rodney fidgeting and rubbing his lower back. "Back still hurting?"

McKay nodded "A little. How did I manage to fall of the pier?"

Jennifer got up, standing behind him and started to massage Rodney's back. "You hadn't been eating and your hypoglycemia caused you to pass out. You were with John and Ronan so they jumped in and pulled you out."

Rodney closed his eyes as the massage felt really nice. "That's nice," he said with a slight sigh. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

Jennifer smiled at his reaction. At least he was allowing her to do this for him, "You. Used..."

"Do it almost every night the last four months of your pregnancy." McKay did not know where that came from.

"That you did." Her hands stopped on his shoulders. "It was very sweet of you to take those classes. You knew how much my back was bothering me the bigger I got."

Rodney smirked. "This is a start, right?"

Jennifer nodded. "And I will be here to help you through it." She wished she would have spoken those words to him after the funeral, but she took it for granted that it did not need to be said.