"The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."~ Anais Nin
"I didn't know you could cook." Craig said uneasily.
"I didn't know you gave a fuck. Oh well, I guess it's just one more thing we can add to the list of things we don't know about each other." Justin answered acidly as he slammed the plate of egg's Benedict down in front of his father.
Craig tactfully refrained from commenting on the food, or the service. Since Justin walked in the kitchen this morning he'd been short and rude to him. Craig shuddered to think what was going through his sons' head.
They had left things pretty tense last night. After his confession about his affair, Justin stormed out of the house without saying a word, leaving him to fend for himself. The man they called Howes told him he could spend the night. Craig took him up on his offer. He had hoped a nights' sleep would bring calmer heads come daybreak. That hope was dashed once he saw his sons' face this morning.
Craig knew Justin was very angry with him, had been for a long time. He had no illusions that his son would just forgive him and accept him back into his life with open arms. No, that ship had sailed. The trust was gone. It would take time and hard work for Craig to regain that trust. And he was prepared to do whatever it took to make that happen. But he couldn't do anything unless Justin was willing to at least give him a chance. So far Justin had given him no indication that he would. When he wasn't throwing scanting barbs at him, he was ignoring him.
Craig believed that if he took the first step and flew to France to come clean with his son it would open up the lines of communications between them. However he underestimated his son's staunch stubbornness. A trait he was sure he picked up from him, he thought wryly. And he underestimated the amount of deep-rooted anger his son was harboring against him. Though he tried to hide it, Craig wasn't fooled. His son was carrying around a lot of bitterness and resentment towards him. He could see it in his eyes, feel it in his words. Though Justin would vehemently deny it, they had a special bond, one that time may have diminished, but could not destroy. They were extremely close when Justin was younger. Justin always looked for his fathers' approval, and Craig always gave it. He was very proud of his son. He loved him deeply, and was deeply hurt when another man took him away. An older man, who stepped in and took over his role. That pain was still there for him and now, after seeing his son again after all this time, Craig realized it was a pain they both shared. He had always assumed that Justin stopped caring about him once Brian stepped into the picture. Apparently that wasn't the case.
It was a revelation Craig wasn't prepared for and it opened his eyes to many things starting with how wrong he'd been. He had believed that Brian stole Justin's love from him but that wasn't true. Justin still loved him. If he didn't, he wouldn't be so embittered. The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference and Justin was anything but indifferent to him. He was Justin's father, but he stopped acting like one when Brian walked into his life. It was a mistake that cost them their relationship. Instead of understanding, if not accepting, Brian's role in his sons' life, he rejected them both because he selfishly believed Brian was trying to steal his son. What he forgot was that a parent's job was to prepare their children for life… then let them go…Even if that meant standing by and watching them make their own mistakes. As it turned out, Justin's relationship with Brian was no mistake. It was destiny, and Craig came to this understanding late. He just hoped it wasn't too late.
Craig had his work cut out for him. He needed Justin to acknowledge his feelings for him, all of them. The anger, the resentment, the sadness and he hoped eventually the love. Getting him to acknowledge those feelings however was the challenge. His son was shutting him out, along with the pain he's caused him over the years. Craig had to find a way to get through to him. Even if it meant risking losing him for good. Craig couldn't let his son go on living with pain and regret he had caused. Justin needed to let it all out and Craig had to take it. He owed him at least that much.
Brian watched the exchange between Craig and Justin from his seat at the end of the dinning room table. His blond was over the top pissed at his father this morning. He had hoped a night of fucking would have mellowed his tiger but apparently that was not the case. He woke early and starting baking biscuits. One hour later he laid a breakfast feast before them that was fit for royalty. Justin only cooked like this when he was upset, or confused. It was very therapeutic for him.
"Settle down Krypton and come enjoy this wonderful meal you've made for us! I haven't had food like this since….well I can't ever remember having a meal like this! You're a very lucky man Superman to have someone who's this skilled in the kitchen. I have a mind, and a stomach to steal him from you!" Howes teased in an attempt to bring some levity to the table. One didn't have to be a psychic to sense the tension between father and son.
"I'm not a houseboy, and you're not my type." Justin retorted waspishly.
Brian cringed. It was one thing for his blond to be mad a Craig but he was being uncharacteristically rude to everyone this morning.
"Justin, enough," he communicated telepathically to his partner.
Justin shot him a look and then lowered his eyes as color rose up in his cheeks.
"Sorry Howes. That was uncalled for. I'm glad you like my cooking," he said then sat down next to Brian.
Brian leaned over and kissed him soundly on the mouth. The kiss was possessive and comforting at the same time and just what his blond needed.
They were both still recovering from the shock of Craig's confession last night.
For Brian, Craig's revelation provided a very important piece to the puzzle of their current dilemma. It made perfect sense now why Andy matched him and Richie up together. He was Justin's half brother, or so they believed. James was the only one who could confirm their suspicions and he was due to arrive at the house at any minute. Brian had called him last night and told him to go straight to Jaggers for the night and meet them here at the compound this morning. Neither he nor Justin was up to any more revelations last night.
When Craig told them who he had the affair with, Justin had freaked. He couldn't tell his father that the child was his and that he did survive that car crash only to die a horrible death years later at some strangers' hands, because he had no proof; not yet, anyway. Instead he stormed out of the room, silently cursing and blaming his father for not doing the right thing when he had the chance. As far as Justin was concerned, Craig was responsible for his brothers' death.
Brian didn't make matters any better when they returned to their bedroom. He told Justin he wasn't being fair to Craig. Yes, he was a piece of shit for turning his back on his mistress and her child, but he was not responsible for his brother's death. That sin, Brian was convinced, lay on Emilian's head. He also reminded Justin that Maude was not innocent in all of this. She too was married, and according to Craig, neither spoke of leaving their spouses. When evidence of their affair popped up, Craig wanted no part of the child so Maude passed him off as her husbands. She could have come forward and demand Craig take responsibility, but she didn't. She disappeared. The only innocent party in that whole mess was Richie.
At first, Justin refuted Brian's reasoning. He was too caught up in his emotions to think rationally. Brian let him fume for a while before taking him to their bed and fucking him senseless. He knew his blond thought more clearly after a good fuck session. And it worked, up to the point where Justin entered the main house and came face to face with his father. Then all reason left him once again and he started cooking. Next to fucking, cooking was his greatest form of therapy. Brian resigned himself to sitting at the table and letting Justin work this one out in his own way. He figured he'd give him until the end of breakfast and if he weren't more rational by then, he'd take him back to their room and fuck him some more.
Brian sighed deeply into his boys' mouth.
Ohhh the sacrifices I make for you…. he teased.
Justin laughed breaking the kiss.
Craig cleared his throat from the other end of the table.
Brian turned his head and raised a brow at him.
"Something wrong Dad?" Brian asked mockingly.
He knew there was much that needed to be resolved between father and son, but Brian couldn't stem the malice he was feeling towards Craig. The man turned his back on his son and Justin was still feeling the sting of it, though Brian felt it was a blessing in disguise.
'What I wouldn't have given to have Jack turn his back on me', he thought to himself, but he wasn't that fortunate. Jack stayed in Brian's life up till the end, a constant reminder that he wasn't good enough, wasn't worthy of loving and that he was the cause of Jacks plight in life…... 'never should have been a family man..'… those were his words, and he spoke them often insinuating that having Brian ruined his life. They had a fucked up relationship that continued till this day, and the man was dead. As far as Brian was concerned, Justin was lucky. Craig left him the fuck alone. But Justin didn't feel that way, never did. Even when it was really bad in the beginning, and Craig was making his life miserable, Justin maintained that not having a father was worse. They often fought about the merits of that theory.
"I would think your father wouldn't approve of you calling another man Dad… and in such a derisive tone no less." Craig said stiffly.
"My father's dead, thank you very much." Brian responded.
"Lucky fuck." Craig muttered under his breath.
"Excuse me?" Brian asked.
"I said that sucks." Craig answered.
Brian eyed him suspiciously.
"Justin this really is delicious! You must give me the recipe." Bambi interjected breaking the tension.
She was dressed this morning in a skintight blue satin dress that looked like she had slept in.
Howes snorted derisively.
"What for? The only place you cook is between the sheets," he said, though his tone was light, teasing even.
Bambi huffed, but sent Howes a seductive glance that was not lost on anyone at the table.
"Those two should just fuck and get it over with" Brian sent the thought out to Justin.
"I think they already have. They both look as if they just tumbled out of bed. I could have sworn I heard moans coming from across the hall last night." Justin said.
"Um Sunshine, I doubt that's possible. The only moans anyone could hear last night were yours. God you were fucking hot." Brian said nipping at his ear.
Justin blushed and gently pushed Brian away. Brian pulled him back and kissed him again, only more intimately this time. He let his tongue explore his blonds' mouth, tasting him, remembering how that luscious mouth was wrapped around his cock last night.
"For Christ sake do you two have to do that at the table!?" Craig said knowing that would provoke a response from his son.
Justin pulled away from Brian.
"Yes, we do. It's what gay men do Dad. If it bothers you, leave,"he said.
Craig threw his napkin on the table. Justin was dismissing him. Time to ratchet up the ante.
"I know what gay men do Justin, I also know what 'respectable' gay and straight men do, and they don't make out at the fucking dinning room table! You weren't raised like this! Jesus Christ! I can't believe what a bad influence he's been on you all these years! You could have done so much better. You could have married a doctor, or lawyer, you had your pick, there were plenty of respectable gay men at our club. But no you had to go and marry this…this…." Craig said.
Justin slammed his hands on the table stopping Craig from uttering whatever insult he was searching for.
Craig actually smiled. 'Good', he thought. At least now I have his attention.
Brian caught that thought.
"What makes you think we're married?" Brian asked, shaking his head denying the accusation, and wondering why Craig would assume such a thing.
Craig ignored him and continued to stare at his son.
Brian sensed what Craig was up to and pitied the man. He was provoking his son, trying to get him to deal with him. But what Craig didn't know was that Justin could be extremely vicious when provoked, and Brian wasn't about to stop him. In fact he was more than willing to let Craig put himself out there as the sacrificial lamb. Justin needed to let loose on his father. There was years of pent up anger and bitterness in him that needed exorcising.
"Where the fuck do you get off?!" Justin went to rise from the table but Brian pulled him down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist. He wasn't about to let this get physical.
Justin turned his head to glare at Brian for a minute but then returned his icy gaze to his father.
"Just because you hob-knobbed with some rich perverted socialites, and yes Dad, they were perverted, I learned a lot hanging around the pool mixing drinks for them, doesn't mean you know shit about being 'respectable'. I believe your actions over the years have proven that! Brian has been there for me since the first day I met him! He saved my life on more than one occasion, cared for me, sacrificed for me, and loved me unconditionally through all of it. What did you do? YOU walked out on me the minute things got a little rough! But that's your thing, isn't it Dad?" Justin spit out the name as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. He leaned over the table as far as Brian would let him and bore daggers into his father with his glare as he continued.
"You toss people away like so many used tissues when you're done with them! You walked out on mom, Molly, your mistress, your ex wife, and God knows who else! Now you come here looking for what exactly? Redemption? Forgiveness? What I want to know is why? Are you dying or something? Is that it? You need me to forgive you so you can die in peace? Well guess what!? I …. Don't…Give…A… Fuck! I'll never forgive you! Do you hear me? NEVER!" Justin's voice broke and his body shook.
Brian rubbed his back soothingly, knowing this was not over yet. He looked up and was shocked to see Craig's eyes glossed over with unshed tears.
"Justin…" Craig choked out.
Justin shook his head violently as he tried to rein his emotions in.
"NO…Don't, I can't…" He said raising his hand. Already he was feeling guilty for his harsh words, but not ready or willing to take them back. He wanted his father to feel some of the pain he felt all those years at his rejection.
"It's ok.. Let it go.." Brian's soothing voice echoed in his head.
"Yes you can. Go on…finish it." Craig said.
Justin shot him an incredulous look.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Justin asked. He pretty much said it all, what more did Craig think he had to say?
"I'm talking about you coming clean with me. You're mad at me for walking out on you and your mother. I know that. And you're disappointed in me for the affair, but it's not what's really eating at you. It's not why you can't forgive me." Craig boldly stated.
Justin laughed a bit hysterically.
"You're some fucking piece of work. You don't think that being a dead beat dad, and unfaithful husband isn't enough reason for me not to forgive you?" Justin asked.
Everyone sitting around the table held their breath as they watched the dramatic scene unfold before them.
"It's more than enough reason, but it isn't the reason why you can't forgive me. But if you're too cowardly to own up to the real reason, then I'll accept those as reason enough. But we both know its bullshit." Craig said.
Justin stared at him for a moment with a look that could only be described as hatred.
"You killed my brother." Justin accused.
An audible gasp could be heard around the table.
Craig didn't flinch.
"We don't know that he was your brother, but in either case, his death was not my fault. Maude left me after I made it clear that I didn't want the child and believe me, there is not a day that goes by that I don't regret that. But I didn't force her to do anything. Whatever choice she made she made on her own. She never contacted me again. As far as I know, it was her husband's child that died in that car accident. And it was just that, an accident. I know how angry you are at me for handling the situation as poorly as I did, but again, it's not why you can't forgive me. So, I'll ask you one more time…. What is it really you can't forgive me for?" Craig challenged.
"It's a fair enough question Sunshine. Do you have an answer?" Brian asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Justin asked.
"To me, but not to him, and not to you. You're too afraid to answer the question because you feel it will be giving too much of yourself away to him. But you're wrong. You can't give anything away to him that he doesn't already have. You just have to admit it to yourself." Brian said.
"You know you really should stay the fuck out of my subconscious." Justin said tersely.
"And you really should revisit it from time to time. You have the ability." Brian retorted unaffected by Justin's ire.
Justin sighed dejectedly.
"I don't want to do this Bri.." he said.
Brian leaned forward and whispered in his ear.
"I know Sunshine, but trust me, you need to," he said softly.
Justin closed his eyes briefly, accepting the truth in Brian's words then reopened them and looked at his father intently. Brian was right, this wasn't about giving Craig what he wanted; it was about giving himself what he needed. He needed to say the words out loud. To speak the source of the pain he'd been harboring for so long now…
"You stopped being my father." Justin said in a choked whisper.
This was not news to anyone, least of all him, but by keeping that knowledge buried deep in his subconscious he didn't have to face the truth that his father didn't love him. No child wanted to acknowledge that fact, especially when said child believed in that love for so long, as Justin did; only to find out it was all a lie.
Justin never spoke those words out loud, ever. Not even to Brian. He simply moved on when he realized he'd been abandoned by the one person who was suppose to love him, no matter what.
Craig's chest constricted painfully at the anguish he heard in his son's voice.
God what have I done to my son… he thought.
Craig looked at his son, really looked at him and saw the hurt little boy residing inside the confident young man. It was his responsibility to release that boy from the man, freeing him from the pain he had caused, and it was one responsibility he wasn't going to walk away from.
"I never stopped being your father, I just stopped acting like one." Craig said.
Justin huffed out a derisive laugh.
"And there's a difference?" He asked.
"No…not any that you could understand. I'm sure it felt the same to you. It hurt you not having a farther around when you needed me the most and that's the reason you can't forgive me." Craig said.
Justin swallowed a lump in his throat as the truth of Craig's words hit him. He was hurt, extremely hurt that his father abandoned him and he doubted he could ever forgive him for that.
"But the fact is, I am your father. And though I've been a lousy…no, not lousy, that would have been preferable to what I was, which was an absent father, I've never stopped loving you. Justin…I can't erase the last ten years, but I can change things moving forward. It's time I started acting like your father again." Craig avowed in a shaky voice.
Justin practically snarled at him.
"Don't you think it's a little too late for that?" He asked sarcastically.
Craig sat back in his chair and held Justin's gaze.
"No, I don't believe so. But only time will tell. And whatever time I have left, I'm going to spend being a father to you. Hopefully a better father then I was, but a father, good or bad, nonetheless. I made a big mistake letting our relationship deteriorate to where it's barely existing now. I won't ever make that mistake again. I'm not going anywhere this time. I'm determined to be a part of your life again." Craig said.
"Fuck me! You don't need to do anything that drastic now, do you?! Justin just tell him you forgive him and let him be on his way. Last thing I need is another fucking meddlesome in-law." Brian said.
"I thought you said you weren't married?" Craig countered giving Brian a knowing look.
"We're not, but it still doesn't stop certain family members from interfering in our lives. The key word here being 'family'. Which you're not. You're fucking crazy if you think you're just going to waltz back into our lives and call yourself 'family'. You've lost that privilege a long time ago." Brian said. He wasn't going to make this easy for Craig. He had a lot of sins to atone for.
"Oh I know how much this must gall you Kinney but the fact is, I am Justin's father! A shitty one, yes, but still his father! I've made mistakes granted, but I have never stopped loving him! He can throw me out on my ass right now and it won't change a fucking thing! I'll be back, again and again. You better get use to me Kinney because I'm not going anywhere!" Craig said with a certainty that astonished both Brian and Justin.
"I think he means it Sunshine. And if he's anything like you, the fuckers going to stalk us until he worms himself back into your life." Brian said.
"Brian I…"
"It's your call Sunshine. Do what's in your heart." Brian said understanding his boys' confusion.
"What do you want from me?" Justin asked his father cautiously.
Craig turned his attention back to him.
"Well first, I want us to talk. Really talk. You were right; we know nothing about each other. You're not the same little boy I raised, and I'm not the same father. We're different men now, I'd like for us to get to know each other." Craig said.
Justin held his gaze for what seemed like an eternity, and then slowly nodded his head.
Craig sighed in relief. He hadn't realized he'd be holding his breath waiting for Justin to respond. When he finally agreed, he pushed for more.
"I want to be part of your children's lives too," he added.
"Don't push your luck old man." Brian chimed in.
Craig held his son's gaze.
"I think you know I would never hurt them. I just want to get to know them, and for them to know me. That's all," he beseeched his son.
"We can't stop you from talking to the older children, they have a right to decide on their own if they want you in their lives or not, but as far as Gus, the twins and Elliot are concerned, that's not going to happen. Not in the immediate future anyway. Like you said, only time will tell if you earn that privilege." Justin said.
Craig nodded his head in consent. It was more than he expected.
"I hope one day you'll trust me enough to grant me that honor." Craig said, his voice sounding suspiciously hoarse with emotion.
Justin just stared at him wordlessly.
Silence ensued. Everyone at the table remained frozen waiting to see where the exchange would go next. It was Craig who broke the silence. He cleared his throat, then picked up his fork and proceeded to eat his now cold, breakfast. Everyone at the table took their cues and started eating and chatting as if the intense discussion between father and son never happened.
Justin remained on Brian's lap, studying his father.
"Now that you've gotten what you want, there's something I want from you," he blurted out.
Everyone put their forks down and stopped talking. Apparently the drama wasn't over yet. Craig pushed his plate aside and gave his son his full attention.
"Anything. All you need to do is ask." Craig said resolutely.
"I want you to apologize to Brian."
"Ah Sunshine, there's no need for that. Sorry's bullshit as you well know." Brian said.
"Yes, I know, but he needs to say the words, then he needs to prove he means them. This isn't about me, it's about us. He won't just be coming back into my life, he'll be coming back into 'our' life. He has to understand, and respect that. If he can't, I can't do this. He is my father, but you are my life." Justin explained.
Brian affectionately squeezed Justin's waist and kissed the back of his neck. His blond was always so protective of his feelings. Personally he could give a shit whether or not Craig liked him, but Justin cared. And that was all that mattered.
The muscles in Craig's jaws twitched. He should have expected as much. There would be no relationship with his son if he didn't accept his lover, but apologizing to the man left a bad taste in his mouth. Still, he'd swallow nails if his son asked him to at this point, and what he was about to say was the equivalent of that.
Craig turned his gaze to Brian.
"I'm sorry," he simply said.
"For what?" Justin pushed.
Craig's jaw tightened a fraction more.
"For attacking him on the streets… for ramming my car into his." Craig confessed.
"And?" Justin pushed.
Craig narrowed his eyes in confusion.
"And what? Other then those two shameful acts, I've never done him any harm." Craig said.
"Haven't you? Do you think he has no feelings Dad? Do you think he was fine with your constant objections to me seeing him, claiming that he was unsuitable, calling him a pervert amongst other things I won't mention? Maybe it hasn't occurred to you that you owe him an apology for that because you still feel the same way. Is that the case Dad?" Justin asked.
There was steel in his voice that was unmistakable. This was a moment of truth between father and son. Craig wasn't going to lie to Justin, he'd see right through him, yet if he answered honestly, it could eradicate any hope of them rebuilding their relationship. Craig had to answer this question as truthfully, and as tactfully as he could.
"Do I think he has feelings? Yes. I know he does. I know he loves you very much. I've seen that love. Do I feel the same way about him as I did ten years ago? For the most part yes." Craig said.
'I've seen that love.' What the fuck was he talking about…? Brian thought to himself.
Justin however only heard that he father still hated Brian. His heart sank. He had hoped there was a chance of them reconciling, but that was impossible if Craig still despised Brian. Justin couldn't live with that.
"But…" Craig interjected quickly seeing the despondent look fall over his son's face.
"I no longer feel that he is unsuitable, or...well or any of the other names I called him. Which I do apologize for. However I still carry around a great deal of resentment towards him. The name-calling was only a product of that resentment. Listen Justin, I admit I made a terrible mistake in handling the situation the way I did back when you were first dating him, but he never attempted to talk to me about your relationship. In truth, he made it clear you two had no relationship. He insisted you were just….fucking." Craig spat out the word distastefully before continuing.
"You were only seventeen, I understood your infatuation, but I blamed him for encouraging it. On one hand he proclaimed, very loudly and to all that would listen actually, that you were nothing more than a fuck to him, but on the other hand, he wouldn't let you go! It was like he was getting some sick thrill out of pulling you away from me. And yes, I know now that he does love you, but he never made any attempt to let me know it! At the very least he could have granted me the courtesy of letting me know that although I lost my son to him, I could rest in the knowledge that you were loved. But he never gave me that consideration. So yes, I'm still resentful. But I will get over it. Like I said, I know he loves you. I just wish…." Craig ended his little speech with that. He was getting too emotional as memories of losing his son in the way he did surfaced.
"That's NOT how it was…" Justin protested.
"Justin…Don't. He's right. It was exactly how it was. I'm not dismissing what a shit he was, but the truth is, I was a shit too. We both know this. I never did give him any indication to trust me, in fact I gave him every reason not to. Just think how we would feel if one of our children ran off with someone we truly believed was hurting them? I'd like to think we wouldn't act as irrational as he did, but I don't think we'd just give our blessing and step aside either. Craig was just trying to protect you and himself from losing you. Part of it was selfish and demented, but part of it was a fathers' genuine fear for his son." Brian said.
Craig's eyes widened at Brian's admission. He couldn't believe the man was actually taking his side!
Justin turned his head to look at Brian, also stunned by his defense of his father. He was even more surprised by the fact that he never considered Craig's point of view before. He was usually more empathetic than that. But then again, he was still seeing things through the eyes of a coming-of-age teenager who felt rejected by his parent and not through the eyes of the man he's become. A man who has children of his own. Though Craig proved to be a bad father, Justin could now see that his actions were spawned out of his desire to protect his son. He simply didn't know how to at the time. No one understood his and Brian's relationship back then. Hell they hardly understood it themselves. How could he expect his father to understand? Yet that's exactly what he did expect. For his father to not only understand, but accept unconditionally. As it turned out Craig couldn't do that, but not because he didn't love him, but because he did and couldn't stand by and watch his only son get hurt. Being a parent himself now put a whole new perspective on the events of his youth.
Justin sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck.
"How did I ever get along without you?" He asked as he placed tiny kisses on and around his mouth.
"Hmmm….As you so often tell me, you didn't." Brian answered nuzzling his nose against the side of his face and neck in between kisses.
Justin laughed softly.
Craig watched the intimate exchange between his son and Brian with a very sad heart. Sad because he had wasted so many years being angry at something he had no control over. Though he had learned years ago that their relationship was real, and filled with love, his stubborn pride had stopped him from admitting he was wrong. What a fool he'd been. Well that was the past. He was now more determined then ever not to waste another moment dealing in past resentments and regrets. All that mattered was that his son was happy, and by some miracle, was willing to let him back into his life so he could witness that happiness close up.
"Oh my God! Someone, quick, go check Craig's pulse! He's watching Brian maul his son and he hasn't attacked him yet!"
Emmett's shrill voice, which was laced with mirth, startled everyone at the table. No one heard him enter. No one knew he was coming. But everyone appreciated the interruption. The tension in the room dissipated the moment the tall, vivacious man entered.
Justin pulled away from Brian and jumped up, nearly knocking Brian off of his chair, to greet him.
"Em! What are you doing here?!" He exclaimed pulling the taller man in for a hug.
"Oh baby you didn't think I'd let my Jamesy come all the way to France without me did you? French men are just too hot to let my man loose around…Hmmm…speaking of hot French men, who's the little hottie?" Emmet said breaking away from Justin to stare at Chino.
Chino started coughing uncontrollably.
"Fuck, here we go again." Brian, who was sitting closest to Chino, reached over and rubbed his back.
"Easy boy. He won't give your secret away." Brian sent the telepathic assurance out to him then threw Emmett a warning glance.
Emmett, being no fool, immediately caught on. His gay-dar was off the charts where that cutie was concerned, but apparently not everyone in the room was privy to that bit of information
"Where's James?" Justin asked in an attempt to distract Emmett.
"He's paying the cab driver. Who, by the way, was beyond rude! He propositioned James right in front of me! Arrogant man didn't think I could speak French." Emmett huffed haughtily.
"But you don't speak French." Justin said.
"No, but I do speak the language of love, and trust me, I understood every lascivious word that man was saying to my Jamesy!" Emmett declared dramatically.
"Wow Honeycutt, such a big word for such a small town boy. What'd you recently fuck an English Professor or something?" Brian taunted good-naturedly.
"Ha ha…very funny Brian. I happen to be a very well educated southern boy. Just because I'm compelled to use simple language around you, considering you've the same mentality as your children, and I am speaking of those under the age of ten, doesn't mean I'm an idiot, I'm just being solicitous. Oh wait, is that word too big for you too sweetie?" Emmett asked with a wry smile.
Brian curled his lip childishly and stuck his tongue out at him.
"Hmmmm….my point exactly. And don't call me Honeycutt." Emmett said.
Justin laughed, and then catching his manners, introduced Emmett to everyone there. When he came to his father, Emmett stopped him.
"Oh honey, we don't need any introductions! I remember your father well! Last time I saw him was at yours and Brian's Wedd..um I mean Celebration ceremony." Emmett said.
Justin's eyes snapped to his father.
"You were there? How?" He asked disbelievingly.
Brian leaned forward, resting his arms on the table as he studied Craig's reaction with a raised eyebrow.
Craig's face turned beet red. He lowered his head, refusing to answer. Emmett answered for him.
"Well he wasn't actually 'at' the reception, he was outside looking in. I had snuck out with one of the waiters for some….well you know, and spotted him crouched down by the big bay window peering in." Emmett said then shot Craig a look that dared him to deny it.
'…so that's why he thought we were married…' Brian thought to himself.
"You promised you wouldn't tell them." Craig said through gritted teeth.
"Ooops…Sorry. My bad. I just thought that now you were here, and all, it wasn't a secret anymore." Emmett replied.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell us Em?" Brian said, the ire in his voice unmistakable.
Emmett put his hands on his hips and faced Brian.
"Because it was your Wedd….um, Celebration day! I didn't want to cause a scene, and neither did Father Taylor here! He told me he just wanted to catch a glimpse of his son's face, that's all. He asked me not to mention he was there, he didn't want to ruin his party. He made me promise not to tell. And SOME asshole friend of mine once told me a man's only as good as his word." Emmett said glaring at Brian.
Brian cursed under his breath.
"Dad?" Justin's voice held so many questions in it.
Craig sighed and stood up from his seat and walked over to his son.
"Molly told me about the surprise birthday Brian had planned for you. She wanted me to come, but I insisted I would not be welcomed." Craig said.
"She got that right." Brian muttered under his breath.
Craig ignored him.
"I decided to go anyway. I just wanted to see you, that's all. See for myself how you were faring instead of relying on reports from you sister. Once I got there however I realized it was much more than a birthday party. I wanted to leave but I just couldn't. I was still convinced at the time that he was using you. At first for sex, but then, because he realized what a good catch you were. Well bred, handsome, intelligent, sophisticated… A man like him would do well in business with someone like you at his side. You had the background, he had the street smarts. He had his own business at the time that was just taking off. I needed to know that, well, even if he was using you, that at least he was making you happy. The only way I could truly know that was if I saw your face. You were never one to hide your emotions well. In the beginning, I saw lots of pain in your face Justin, lust, yes, but a lot of pain as well. I hadn't seen you for almost two years at that point. I had to see your face again." Craig tried to explain.
"And? What did you see?" Justin asked, overwhelmed with that knowledge that his father was there at his Celebration ceremony!
"I saw something I thought I'd never see. I kind of expected, well at least hoped, that I would see love in your face. And I did. So much so you literally glowed from it. But what surprised me was his face.." Craig said looking up and straight into Brian's eyes.
"I saw total unbridled adoration in his face as he gazed at you. As if he couldn't believe how lucky he was, but not because he got himself a good catch, but because of the way you were looking at him. As if he couldn't believe you loved him…It was then I realized what a fool I've been. Since that day, I've been hiding away, sulking in my bitterness and resentment for having been so wrong, yet too stubborn to admit it." Craig said, the whole time his eyes never left Brian's.
"Oh…oh…" Emmett flustered dramatically, tears welling up in his eyes at the sentimentality of the moment.
Brian rolled his eyes.
"For Christ sakes Honeycutt, give us a break." Brian said rising from his chair.
Emmett fanned himself frantically.
"Brian Kinney if that admission doesn't affect you, then you've no heart at all! And don't call me Honeycutt." Emmett said.
Brian ignored him and walked up to Craig. He looked down at the man, who was only an inch or two shorter than him, and pulled his bottom lip in, contemplating him.
"Well, at least we have that cleared up," he said finally.
Craig nodded in agreement. Both men stood there facing each other, Justin stood in the middle.
"Group hug?" Emmett asked.
All three men shot him a death glare. Emmett backed up clutching his throat and bumped up against his partner.
"James!" Brian greeted the man and stepped around Craig, effectively avoiding a lesbianic moment he was NOT ready for, and approached James.
The two men hugged briefly and once again introductions were made. After a few minutes, they all found themselves back at the kitchen table, eating the now very cold breakfast Justin had prepared. He had offered to heat it up for them, but his offer was met with a resounding chorus of "NO's" as everyone by that time was starving.
Craig sat at the other end of the table chatting idly with Betty, Howes and Bambi while Emmett and James sat by Justin, Brian and Chino talking about their trip. Once breakfast was over, Justin and Brian excused themselves, saying they had business to discuss in private with James. Craig rose as they were leaving.
"See you later?" He asked his son.
Justin turned back to look at him.
"The garden's here are beautiful. Maybe we can take a walk through them this afternoon." Justin offered.
Craig nodded his head.
"I'd like that," he said.
Justin smiled at him and turned to leave.
It was a good start. A very good start, both men thought.
PART 2
James sat in the big leather armchair in Howe's library looking at the two men across from him. His face was stoic, had been since he arrived. Brian knew whatever information he had, it wasn't good.
"Just spit it out James, you know it's the easiest way." Brian urged.
James sat forward and clasped his hands together in front of him as he met Brian's eyes with his own.
"Craig told you about the affair?" He asked.
"Yes, he told us about the pregnancy too. He told us that once he made it clear he didn't want the child, Maude disappeared. " Justin answered.
James nodded his head.
"Yes, she did. And she had the baby. At a hospital just outside of Pittsburgh. She had her husbands surname placed on the birth certificate, but there's no mistake. The child was Craig's." James said.
"How can you be sure?" Justin asked.
"Because Harold, her husband, suspected his wife's infidelities so he had a DNA test done. I found those tests. Justin, Richie was your half brother." James said.
Justin eyes teared up. He suspected as much, but actually having proof of it was overwhelming. He had a brother, a brother who he never got the chance to meet.
"Should we tell Craig?" Justin directed the question to Brian.
"That's your call. He had a son he never knew about, but he always suspected he might be his. He's come to terms with it, he's also accepted the fact that Maude choose to pass the child off as her husbands. He probably thought it was for the best. He couldn't have foreseen the child's future. No one could have. What difference would it make if he knew it was his son who died in that car accident?" Brian reasoned.
"The child did not die in that car accident." James said.
"Fuck." Brian said as he stood up.
"I fucking knew it!" He turned to James and held his gaze.
"How did you find out?" He asked, knowing if what he believed was true, this would be affecting James greatly.
"The accident occurred two miles from where I found Emilian. I followed a hunch and asked around. Just around the time of the accident, a young boy came to live with Armand. He'd changed his name by then. I was lucky to find anyone who could verify this, his cabin was located on a very remote road, but there was this one old man who had been to the cabin a few times at Armand's request. He fixed things. Cars, roofs, whatever. He was a raging alcoholic who traded his services for booze. He was still alive when I found him, and still willing to trade services for booze. After a few bottles of Rum he was singing like a canary. He knew things, awful things were happening to that boy in that cabin, but kept his mouth shut. Emilian was supplying him with a steady stream of alcohol… he wasn't going to risk losing his supply." James said with disgust in his voice.
Justin put his face in his hands.
"Oh my God," he whispered.
"Brian, I swear to God if I'd known…" James said.
Brian could hear the deep guilt in the man's voice.
"Would it have made any difference? You ended that miserable evil fucks life, what more could you have done?" Brian asked coldly.
"I would have saved the boy, but I swear, when I got there, there was no evidence of anyone else living there. I saw no child, nor any indications that anyone other than Emilian resided there. I killed him and disposed of his body. I actually stayed at his cabin two days going through his stuff. I'm telling you, there was no child there and no evidence there ever was." James said.
Both Justin and Brian looked at him confused.
"How can that be?" Brian asked.
James shook his head.
"I don't know, it doesn't make any sense. Yet the old drunk, Charlie, swore there was a boy there. He described him, just as you described Richie to me." James said.
"Maybe Richie had taken his life by then." Justin suggested.
Brian turned to James.
"When did you kill Emilian?" Brian asked James.
"Thirteen years ago tomorrow." James answered.
"The day of my fathers funeral." Brian said out loud.
"When did Richie take his life?" Justin telepathically asked the question.
""Hold on, let me ask him." Brian said.
Justin watched as Brian closed his eyes attempting to contact his spirit guide.
"What's he doing?" James asked.
Justin turned to look at James. He forgotten they hadn't told anyone yet of their psychic abilities, or of their extraterrestrial troubles. He decided to keep that bit of information for another time.
"He's thinking, that's all." Justin lied.
James gave him a dubious look.
Brian finally opened his eyes and looked at Justin.
"Richie took his life the same day James killed Emilian. Which means…."
"Which means that it would be impossible for James not to know of his existence." Justin said.
"That doesn't make any sense. There was NO child there! Believe me, I would have known!" James protested.
"We believe you James. The fact that you found no evidence of Richie can only mean one thing." Justin said.
"What?" James asked.
"It means that our job is to change destiny. Regardless of what the guru psychic says." Brian answered.