A/N: Thank you so much for your kind feedback on the last chapter! I realize that I stopped at a pretty cruel point, so I really did try to get this chapter ready and posted quickly – and it's a pretty long chapter. :) I hope you like it and, as always, thank you for reading!
Derek Shepherd remembered nothing and everything about that drive to the hospital. He couldn't remember the basics – how he had gotten Addison to his car; how he had managed to make the fifteen minute drive from Addison's house to Seattle Grace Hospital in seven minutes flat; where he parked his car once they had arrived at the hospital. But the little things – the smaller, more painful details – were forever etched into his memory. He remembered the look of panic on Addison's face when she told him she was having contractions. He remembered the way she took his hand in hers, when they were stopped at a red light, and told him that even though she didn't think she was in danger, if something were to happen and it came down to either saving her or saving the baby, that she wanted her doctors to ignore protocol and save their daughter. He remembered her passing out (from the blood or the pain or something completely different) only two minutes after she had told him that she didn't think that she was in any danger. And he remembered pulling Alex Karev aside, in a panicked frenzy, because he was the intern who would be scrubbing in, and making Alex promise to make sure that nothing happened to Addison or his daughter.
Richard had tried to distract Derek by offering to have a cup of coffee with him in the hospital cafeteria. But Derek wouldn't hear of it. If he couldn't be in the O.R., he wanted to do the next best thing – sit in the waiting area directly outside of the O.R.
He hadn't been out there very long, when Alex walked out of the O.R. And Derek knew that couldn't be a good sign. It was way too soon for Alex to be leaving the O.R. This couldn't be good news.
"Karev," Derek choked out, standing slightly. "Wh-what happened?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion.
Alex met Derek's eyes. "I pulled myself out of the surgery," he confessed.
Derek looked at Alex in confusion. The interns at Seattle Grace were like bloodhounds when it came to surgeries; he couldn't imagine one of them willingly pulling themselves out of one. "Why'd you do that?" he asked.
Alex sighed. "I, it's just, Addison and I have become friends over the past few months, and you and I have become…considerably less hostile towards each other. And I know how much Baby Shep means to both of you, and I just, I couldn't be in there. So I told Bailey I couldn't do it, and she looked at me kind of funny, but then she saw how badly my hands were shaking, and she made me leave…she said I was making her nervous."
Derek nodded. He and Addison didn't have many friends at Seattle Grace, but Alex Karev had just proven that he was their friend. And although he never in a million years imagined himself being friends with his ex-wife's cocky intern, Alex clearly cared about the people closet to him – Addison and Baby Shep – and Derek couldn't ask for much more than that.
"I, uh, I can leave, if you want to be alone," Alex stuttered, cutting into Derek's thoughts.
But Derek shook his head. "Stay," he said quietly. "I could use a friend right now."
The two men sat there quietly for a few minutes before Derek finally turned to Alex. "They're going to be okay, right?" he asked. "I mean, you were only in there for a few minutes, but they're going to be okay?"
Alex did his best to give his boss a comforting smile. He had no idea whether Addison and Baby Shep would be okay, so he did the only thing he could do – he echoed the words that he and Derek had heard Addison say so many times in the past. "Addison's a fighter, Dr. Shepherd. They both are."
xxxxx
"Is she okay?" Mark asked, sitting down beside Derek.
Derek looked at the man who, up until a little while ago, he considered his best friend, and shrugged sadly. "I don't know," he admitted.
"I, uh, here," Mark said, handing Derek the Styrofoam cup in his hand. "It's hot chocolate," he said quietly, as Derek took a sip. Mark knew that coffee was probably the better choice – that his friend could probably use some caffeine, right now. But hot chocolate was so completely Addison and Derek that Mark couldn't resist buying it.
"Thank you," Derek said gratefully.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mark asked gently.
Derek looked from Mark to Alex, and then back to Mark. "You don't have to do this, Mark. After everything that's happened between us…between you and Addison…you, you don't have to do this."
"I know I don't have to do this," Mark said quietly. "But you're my best friend, Derek. And Addison…she means a lot to me. So, if you want to talk, I'm here to listen."
Derek nodded. "She just, she just started bleeding," he choked out. "Everything was fine…we were discussing baby names, and she just, she started bleeding."
"Pre-term labor," Alex said quietly.
"I just, I don't know how something like this happens," Derek continued sadly. "I mean, everything was fine. We had a doctor's appointment, yesterday, and everything was perfect. And everything was normal this morning. Addison and I went shopping for things for Baby Shep's nursery, and Addison seemed fine. And Baby Shep," he said, a slight smile coming to his face, "she was kicking like crazy. And not just slight movements, but really strong, hard kicks. Everything was fine…everything was great. And now, they're both in there fighting for their lives, and I, I don't know what I'm going to do if they don't make it."
"They're gonna make it," Alex insisted, trying to sound confident. "Addison has Bailey in there with her, and there's no way that Bailey's going to let anything happen to Addison or Baby Shep under her watch."
"Karev's got a point," Mark agreed.
Derek nodded half-heartedly. He appreciated his friends' optimism, but it wasn't doing much to calm his nerves.
"Hey," Izzie said, as she approached Derek, Mark, and Alex. "Does anyone know why the nurses are acting so…" But she cut herself off mid-sentence when she took in the pained expressions on the three men's faces. "Uh, is everything okay?" she asked worriedly.
Alex looked over at Derek, and Derek nodded slightly. "Hey, Iz, why don't you and I see if we can keep the nurses away from this area," Alex offered. "I'll explain things to you on the way."
"Okay," Izzie agreed, as she and Alex walked away.
"I've really grown to hate the nurses here," Derek muttered.
Mark chuckled. "Yeah, I heard you had quite the showdown with them the other day."
Derek shrugged. "I guess." He turned to face his friend. "Look, Mark, you really don't have to sit here with me. I mean, this can't be easy for you with your and Addison's history."
"She told you about the abortion?" Mark asked.
Derek nodded.
Mark ran a hand through his hair. "It was the right decision for her at the time," he sighed. "She didn't do it to hurt me."
"That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt," Derek said softly.
"Yeah," Mark agreed.
"And these past few months couldn't have been easy for you," Derek continued. "You know, watching her walk around the hospital carrying my baby."
Mark met Derek's eyes. "You know what won't be easy on me? If Addison doesn't make it…if the baby doesn't make it. That'll be hell on earth, because even though Addison and I have been avoiding each other lately, I know how much she wants this baby with you. I've always known how much she's wanted a baby with you. I can handle Addison walking around the hospital carrying your baby. Sure, sometimes it hurts, but I can handle it. What I can't handle is not seeing Addison at the hospital every day. I can't handle the idea of her losing a baby that she wants so much…that you both want so much. Because, despite everything that's happened between you and me and Addison, you two are still the closest thing I have to family."
"Mark, I'm so sorry that Addison and I spent the last few months avoiding you. We just, we didn't want to be hurtful."
"Well, I have been shooting you guys some pretty serious glares," Mark smirked. "You know, just to make you uncomfortable. But you and Addison can stop avoiding me now. I'm okay, and I've missed you guys."
"I've missed you too, Mark," Derek smiled, extending his hand to Mark.
"Please," Mark grinned. "We're family. Family doesn't shake hands," he insisted, pulling Derek in for a hug, gulping when he realized how much his friend's body was trembling in fear. "Hey, it's okay, Derek," Mark said, trying to be comforting. "It's gonna be okay."
"Am I interrupting something?" a voice rang out behind them.
The two men quickly separated, embarrassed looks on both of their faces.
"Dr. Bailey," Derek managed to choke out. "How is she? How are they?"
"She's fine," Bailey smiled. "They're both fine. We were able to stop the contractions. The baby's fine. And Addison's conscious again. She's just-"
But she was cut off by Derek hugging her tightly.
"What the hell are you doing, Shepherd?" Bailey asked uncomfortably, as Derek continued to hug her.
"Thank you," Derek whispered. "Thank you so much."
"Uh, you're welcome. But this really isn't necessary," the resident insisted.
"Can I see her?" Derek asked, pulling away from Bailey. "Can I see Addison?"
"You can," Bailey nodded. "I'll have one of the scrub nurses bring you to her room."
Derek turned to Mark. "Do you want come?" he asked his friend.
"You go," Mark said. "Tell Addie I'll be up to see her a little later."
"Okay," Derek nodded, as he turned to follow the scrub nurse up to Addison's room.
"Hey Dr. Bailey, are you okay?" Mark asked his coworker, when he noticed that she was still staring after Derek.
Bailey turned to face Mark, and swallowed hard. "Yeah," she nodded. "It's just…he saved my husband, and she delivered my son. You have no idea how stressful it was in that O.R. today…how much I needed to make sure that both Addison and the baby made it, and-"
"And I can't tell you how grateful I am for everything you did in there, Dr. Bailey," Mark interrupted, wrapping his arms around her. "I can't thank you enough."
"Uh, yeah, you're welcome," Bailey stammered, doing her best to remove herself from Mark's strong arms, and shooting him a 'what the hell do you think you're doing' look when she finally succeeded.
Mark was prepared to explain himself, but before he had the chance, Alex and Izzie came rushing towards them.
"Is everything okay?" Alex asked in concern. "Is she okay?"
"She is," Mark smiled. "They both are. Dr. Bailey and the rest of the team were able to stop the contractions, and Addison and the baby are both doing well. Derek's up there with her right now."
Alex breathed a sigh of relief before pulling Bailey into a tight hug. "Thank you," he grinned.
"Okay, this has got to stop," Bailey insisted uncomfortably.
"Oh, uh, sorry," Alex stammered, moving away from his boss. "I, uh, I should probably go see how the babies in the NICU are doing."
"Yeah, I should really check up on my patients too," Mark agreed, as he and Alex walked down the hall together.
"You okay, Dr Bailey?" Izzie asked, turning to her boss, who still had a perplexed expression on her face.
"Yeah," Bailey nodded. "It's just been a weird day. And the men in this hospital…when did they all become such huggers?"
"Huggers?" Izzie asked in surprise.
"Yes, huggers," Bailey affirmed. "In a matter of five minutes, I was hugged by Shepherd, Sloan, and Karev."
Izzie nodded approvingly. "So you're saying that you not only saved Addison and her baby, but you also got hugged by Shepherd, Sloan, and Alex? Dr. Bailey, I'd say you're having a pretty good day."
xxxxx
Derek's heart was beating so hard, he literally thought it was going to explode, as he made his way to Addison's room. Bailey had assured him that Addison and their daughter were okay, but he knew he wouldn't be able to relax until he saw this with his own eyes. Many times on the walk over to Addison's room, he was tempted to either ask the scrub nurse, who was walking over there with him, to kindly pick up her pace, or to just run ahead of the scrub nurse, all together. But he somehow managed to keep these urges in check and, after what felt like an eternity, he finally arrived at Addison's room.
"I take it you can handle it from here," the nurse said to him.
"I can," Derek nodded, looking through the glass window into his ex-wife's hospital room, trying to get a glimpse of Addison. She was sitting up in bed, and she looked perfectly healthy; and Derek felt the knots in his stomach begin to loosen.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you," Derek breathed, his eyes misting over with tears, as he entered Addison's room. He immediately rushed over to her, and gently wrapped his arms around her. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Okay," Addison smiled. "Dr. Bailey and the rest of the team were able to stop the contractions. Baby Shep's out of the woods, and I should be able to carry her to term...so I'm good."
"Do they know what caused the bleeding or the contractions?" Derek asked, picking up Addison's chart from the side of the bed, and studying it carefully.
Addison nodded. "Pre-term labor," she answered, moving over in the bed so that Derek could sit down. "We were really lucky that my doctors were able to stop the contractions. Being born at twenty-four weeks would have put Baby Shep in a lot of danger. We're really, really lucky."
Addison was prepared to go on, and ramble off some bleak, off-hand statistics about the mortality rate of babies born at twenty-four weeks, and the complications that babies born so prematurely often face, but one look at Derek's face made her think better of it. She saw the worry and exhaustion in his eyes, and decided that he could live without the statistics; that they'd had enough stress for one day.
"You know," she began, with a slight smile, "everyone seems to think that everything's going to be okay. Baby Shep got a clean bill of health. And I haven't been put on bed rest. I can still work. I just have to stay here overnight for observation."
"I'll stay overnight too," Derek said quickly.
"Derek, you don't need to do that. Baby Shep's fine. They're mainly keeping me overnight to make sure that there wasn't any serious underlying reason to why I passed out earlier today. I mean, we all pretty much agreed that it was probably caused by massive blood loss, but we also agreed that it couldn't hurt to run some tests and keep me overnight, just in case. It's what I would have advised if I were the doctor, and not the patient. But, seriously, Derek, Baby Shep is in the clear. There's no reason for you to stay."
"What if I want to stay for you?" Derek asked softly.
"Derek."
"No, Addison. I can't even begin to tell you how worried I was about you today. I just kept thinking that if something, if something were to happen to you…I-I don't know what I'd do."
"Derek," Addison said, swallowing hard, "I'm fine. And I think you might be conflating your feelings for our daughter with your feelings for me, and that won't end well for anyone."
"I'm not," Derek insisted. "Believe me, I'm not. Addison, I love our daughter, but I love you too…in a way that's completely separate from the way I love Baby Shep. I loved you before we even found out we were having a baby."
"Derek."
"No, it's true," Derek persisted. "Do you remember that night when we went to the same restaurant for dinner, and I got your bill by mistake…the night you went on a date with that neuro fellow, Jason Dickerson?"
"Dickenson," Addison corrected him.
"Whatever," Derek chuckled. "The point is," he continued, his voice softening, "I was jealous. Addison, I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. And not just because we're having a baby together. Because you're the love of my life. After all that we've been through together, you're still the love of my life. And I know we've been flirting with the idea of getting back together, and I know we've had some setbacks, but almost losing you today, Addison…it made me realize, more than ever, how much I want to be with you…how I can't imagine my life without you in it. I love you, Addison."
"I love you too, Derek," Addison smiled, doing her best to keep the tears that were stinging her eyes at bay. "And not just because we're having a baby together. Because you're you, and I'm me, and I can't imagine myself ending up with anyone else."
"We're Derek and Addison," he said quietly, before leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips. She responded in kind, wrapping her arms around his neck and running her hands through his wavy hair, pulling back when she felt his lips tremble against hers.
"Der?" she said softly, still gently running her fingers through his hair.
Derek gave her a weak smile. There was something about kissing Addison…something about the way that she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer that caused the stress and the emotions of the day to catch up with him. He realized that, as happy as he was right now, things today could have easily gone very differently – and that thought overwhelmed him.
"If you wouldn't have made it, Addie," he choked out, holding her close. "If you wouldn't have made it, today," he repeated, tears pricking his eyes. He swallowed hard and met her eyes. "You know how much you mean to me, right?"
"I think I do," she smiled, gently caressing his cheek with her hand.
Derek smiled and brought his hand to her stomach, grinning widely when he felt their daughter kick against his hand.
"I think she feels a little left out," Addison chuckled. "She had rough day too."
Derek smiled at this. As much as he didn't want his daughter to feel neglected, he also knew that it was important to make sure that this moment – that him and Addison getting back together – was about him and Addison. Sure, their daughter had helped bring them together, but he wanted Addison to know that he wanted to be with her; that he cared about her; that he wasn't getting back together with her out of some sort of obligation or to fill this need he had to be a good guy. He had done that once, and it had nearly destroyed them. He wouldn't do that again.
Grinning, he turned his attention to his daughter, who was still moving and kicking against his hand. "I'm really glad you're okay, Baby Shep," he said softly. "I was really worried about you. And your mom and I…we love you very much, and it would break our hearts if…" he trailed off, unable and unwilling to finish the unbearable thought. "We can't wait to meet you," he smiled, as he continued to rub circles over his daughter.
"Which isn't an invitation to come today, tomorrow, or any time too soon," Addison cut in, her hands joining Derek's on her stomach. She could tell already that she was going to be the disciplinarian when it came to their daughter; Baby Shep wasn't even born yet, and she already had Derek wrapped around her little finger. But Addison was okay with that. Because she couldn't imagine her family any other way.
xxxxx
The interns' shifts had drawn to a close, and Cristina and George had already left for the evening. Alex and Izzie would be leaving soon too, but they had planned on stopping by Addison's room to check on the Shepherds, before heading home for the night. He wanted to check on Addison; she wanted to check on Derek. Both were surprised when Meredith asked to join them, but neither could think of a reason to deny her request, so the three interns made their way towards Addison's room together.
They had reached the nurses' station, but an intimate moment between the Shepherds stopped them from going any further. Someone had carelessly (or purposefully) forgotten to draw the blinds to the large window in Addison's room and, from the nurses' station, the interns could see into the room perfectly.
Addison was laying in the hospital bed, her head turned towards Derek, who was sitting in a chair beside her, looking at her adoringly, as he rubbed her stomach with one hand and ran his other hand through her hair. She was saying something to him and, although the interns couldn't make out what it was, it didn't matter. The look on Derek's face said it all – he was looking at her as though whatever she was saying was the most important thing in the world.
"So, she's okay?" Mark asked, as he joined the interns by the nurses' station.
Izzie tore her eyes away from the scene in front of her and turned her attention to the plastic surgeon standing next to her. "Yeah," she breathed, a small smile coming to her face.
"We could never have that," Meredith said quietly, still not turning her attention away from the Shepherds. "He could never love me like that."
Alex, Mark, and Izzie turned to look at her, and Meredith sighed. "I always thought that he'd come back to me," she admitted. "That he and Addison were only spending time together because of the baby. But even if he did come back to me, he could never love me like that…we could never have what they have."
Izzie nodded, and sympathetically patted her friend's shoulder, as Meredith continued to process what she, Alex, and Mark had already known for several months. She turned her attention to Alex and Mark, who were watching the Shepherds, genuine smiles on both men's faces. "It kind of makes you want that, doesn't it?" she asked.
"Yeah," Alex said softly, as Mark nodded along in agreement. "It kind of does."
xxxxx
"Derek, you really don't need to stay the night," Addison insisted, as Derek changed into a pair of scrubs in favor of the jeans and button down shirt he was wearing earlier.
"Do you remember that time, during our residency?" Derek began, completely ignoring Addison's previous statement. "I had tonsillitis, and had to spend the night in the hospital. And you spent the night with me. You spent the night, even though you were performing your first solo surgery the next morning, and you probably would have been a lot more comfortable sleeping in your own bed, instead of sharing an uncomfortable hospital bed with me…but you spent the night anyway."
Addison smiled at the memory. "I always slept better when you were there," she admitted.
"So let me be there," Derek whispered, climbing into bed next to her, and turning off the light. "I want to be there."
He wrapped his arms around her, and she rested her head on his chest, just like she had so many times when they were dating and married. He waited for her breathing to slow and even out before pulling her in closer, and finally closing his eyes to get some much-needed rest after what had easily been the longest, most stressful day of his life. He smiled contently, as Addison snuggled closer to him. She wouldn't be the only one sleeping better tonight.