Sorry about the delay guys. AP tests coming up. Anyone who's taken AP classes should understand.
Chapter 14
After what Dr. Chen told me a week ago, I hadn't wanted to chaperone that dance anymore. I'd wanted to stay home with Grace. Shawn would have understood. We could have done something here. It was all Grace, really, she hadn't let me cancel, so here I am pulling on a long, deep blue dress while checking the time on my cell phone. Shawn is supposed to be picking me up in a little over half an hour.
"Mom, relax," Grace says from outside the bathroom. She's laying on the bed. She can't walk very far without getting tired anymore. "It's going to go fine."
"I am relaxed," I call back, stifling a yell as I brush my hand against the heated curling iron.
"Yeah right," Grace replies, causing me to wonder if she heard the curling iron sizzle when I hit it.
"I don't see why you won't let me stay home," I say.
"You're already staying home from work for me," Grace answers. "You have to have some life. It can't all be me." Because I might not be around for you much longer. We both hear the last part of the phrase, even though she doesn't say it.
I exit the bathroom. "Well, someday, this will be you," I say, looking her in the eye, as if I can will it to happen. "And you'll have a boy coming to pick you up, and I'll be zipping up your dress instead of the other way around." I turn my back towards the bed. Grace pushes herself up and crawls towards me until she can reach my zipper to pull it up my back.
"Maybe," she answers shortly.
"You will," I say, determined. The implications of that phrase fall between us like a wall, and we're both silent for the next couple of minutes. Finally, Grace breaks the silence.
"I like Shawn," she says quietly, an approval, a blessing.
"Good," I say, and I am thoroughly relieved, because no matter how long Grace is planning on being around, I would never date someone she had a problem with. "I like him too."
"I should hope," Grace comments. "Hey Mom?"
"Hmm?" I ask, applying lipstick.
"Did you love Dad?" she asks. It is a question I am not expecting.
"Of course," I answer, turning to look at her. "Why do you ask?"
She doesn't answer, merely shrugs. "Do you love Shawn?" she asks.
This is a question whose answer I face months ago, during Shawn's kidnap, but I've never said it out loud, at least not all the way. "I think so," I answer, after some hesitation.
"More or less than Dad?" Grace asks.
"Grace, what's with all these questions all of a sudden?" I ask. "What's all this about?" Grace shrugs again, refusing to meet my eyes. "Honey," I say. "I like Shawn, but no matter where that goes, he's never going to replace your dad. That doesn't mean that I don't love him just as much, and it doesn't mean that you can't like him too. It just means that no matter how much we love Shawn, we're never going to stop missing your dad," I sigh. "That kind of pain never goes away."
Grace nods and looks back up at me. "You have more mascara on one eye than the other," she says.
"Do I?" I move back to the mirror. "Thanks."
"I think he's here," Grace says, peering out the window, down to the parking lot. I look.
"Oh good," I breath a sigh of relief. "He borrowed Gus' car." I just can't see myself riding down the street on his motorcycle in my long, blue dress.
"Have fun," Grace says. "Don't stay out too late. Remember to keep a foot between you at all times." I laugh. In all the time Grace spends at home, she watches way to many preteen movies.
There's a knock at the door. "Do you want to get it?" I ask.
"Yes," Grace answers, slowly pushing herself off the bed and making her way to the door. I hear Shawn's voice in the living room after a minute. I finish piling my supplies, anything I could possibly need, including a pocket calculator and a my library card, into my bag before entering the living room.
"Jules," I hear Shawn breath. I look up. He is wearing a black suit with a blue shirt. We just happen to match.
"It's Gus'," he says, as if having read my mind, which he very well might have. I doesn't take his eyes off me.
"Shawn, what is it?" I ask, starting feel a little insecure. I reach back to touch my hair, grabbing at nothing. I am not used to up-do's.
"Nothing," Shawn answers, shaking himself out of it. "Just the way you look tonight."