Chapter 14

When they got into the apartment, JJ became a little hesitant, because she remembered the woman upstairs.

"You have a guest." JJ said not sure if she should be there. "Maybe I should just go."

"You are not going anywhere." Emily squeezed JJ's hand harder. "My guest will be fine upstairs, and we will have the downstairs all to ourselves." She smiled gently as she led JJ to the couch in the living room. They both sat and for a moment they just sat there holding hands. They were trying to wrap their heads around what had just happened and what it really meant for them.

"So what do we do now?" JJ was the first one to speak, her voice weak, her heart racing.

"Honestly," Emily looked at JJ who nodded lightly, "I have no idea. All I know is that I can't not have you in my life. And I hate you for leaving me for him." Emily spoke slowly and she felt JJ squeeze her hand tight. "But I love you with the very same passion. My feelings for you are so damn strong that I can't even remember the time that I didn't love you." Emily felt JJ's grip on her hand tighten even more and as she looked at the blonde, she saw a couple of tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"But you should want to make me cry." JJ almost cried. "You should wanna hurt me, just like I hurt you."

"It doesn't work that way, JJ." Emily simply said. "And God knows when you left me, I thought about hurting you back. And even tonight, when you thought… whatever you thought about that woman upstairs, I thought about letting you think that." Emily sighed deeply. "But it wouldn't have mattered. It wouldn't have mattered, because I would still love you and it would still hurt like hell to think about you leaving me for him."

"I wish you could know how I hate myself for doing that." JJ looked at Emily with her still teary, tired eyes. "And it didn't really take me long to realize that I had made a mistake. Although mistake seems like a small word for what I did… I think I spent about a month trying to convince myself that I could be happy with Will, but I couldn't. And ever since... ever since I realized who my heart really belonged to and broke up with him, I spent every minute of every day wishing that I could undo what I had done. Not that it matters now, really." She added and for a moment there was silence, until JJ spoke again. "Every day I wondered If I begged Emily for forgiveness today, would she forgive me? Does she still love me? Does she ever think about me? But somehow I could never find the strength to ask you those questions." JJ took a deep breath and looked at Emily intently. "Do you think… Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

JJ's pleading eyes made Emily weak. For a moment she studied the blonde's face, until she finally spoke, "I thought about you every freakin' second of every freakin' day. I tried so hard not to, I tried to forget, to erase you from my mind, but I just couldn't… And I hated myself for not being able to hate you, because believe me, I tried. But no matter how much your leaving me for Will hurt, I couldn't stop loving you." Emily finally admitted and JJ's eyes filled with tears again, as she tried to imagine what Emily must have gone through after their break-up. A part of her wanted to say something, but she decided to let Emily continue. "I wanna forgive you, JJ, I really do." Emily told her. "But it's gonna take a lot more than just a declaration of love and…"

"I know." JJ interjected and she really did know. She knew she was gonna have to work really hard to prove herself to Emily, but she was willing to do whatever it took. "And I know it's not going to happen overnight. But I swear to you… I swear that I will spend every single day of my life trying to prove to you that I am worthy of your love. And I promise that I will never get scared and run away from you again. Never." She finished and when Emily looked into her eyes, she knew that the fears JJ used to have were gone and JJ was ready to finally be happy. Really happy. And even after everything that had happened, Emily wanted more than anything to be the one to make JJ happy.

"We'll take things slow this time." Emily whispered.

"OK." JJ agreed and she knew she was going to do anything in her power to make Emily happy.

Another minute or so passed and things finally started to become a little more comfortable. The tension got smaller and the tears had almost dried. For a moment it felt like they were Emily and JJ again, without the drama, without Will, without leaving for Tuscany… Just JJ and Emily, the way it was always supposed to be.

Emily felt JJ tremble, so she gently put her arm around the blonde and pulled her closer. It was then when they finally realized that were both soaking wet. Their clothes were sticking to their bodies and if circumstances were different, they would probably feel it was kind of sexy. But they were scared to admit how much they wanted each other. Months of separation, of missing each other, of desire they only felt for each other. But it was too soon, that's what they kept telling themselves in their minds.

"Can I use the bathroom?" JJ asked as she kept checking how wet her clothes really were.

"Of course." Emily smiled. "I'll get you some towels. And some dry clothes." She added with a small laugh and disappeared into her bedroom. JJ went into the bathroom and she had to sit down on the bath for a moment, because she almost couldn't handle everything that she was feeling for Emily right now. And she wanted Emily so badly and needed her even more, but she knew this wasn't the right time for them. Not to mention the fact that there was someone else in the apartment.

When Emily walked into the bathroom, she had to hold her breath when she saw JJ with half of her blouse buttons undone and her wet hair falling onto her shoulders. And it was then that Emily Prentiss knew that her brain would no longer cooperate with the rest of her body. She wanted JJ and she wanted her now.

The kiss almost scared JJ, Emily's hungry lips on hers were making JJ lose whatever self-control she still had left. When she felt Emily's hands on her bare stomach, undoing the rest of her blouse buttons, her mind got cloudy and she knew that there was nothing that she could do to stop what was inevitably coming. No matter how much she tried to tell herself that this shouldn't be happening, she knew she didn't have enough strength to stop this. Emily had always been able to make her lose control, which was part of the reason she had run, but now all she wanted was to lose control and let the passion overpower her completely.

Emily knew this was a bad idea, she knew it and she knew JJ knew it too. There were still things they needed to talk about, things that needed to be explained. But right now Emily just needed to feel. She longed for JJ's touch, she longed to see that look in the blonde's eyes that Emily knew only she was allowed to see. And yes, JJ had left her for Will, for reasons that were now a little clearer to the brunette, but she was here now and at that moment it's all that matter. JJ was in her bathroom looking more beautiful than ever and Emily couldn't help herself, she just couldn't.

"I thought you wanted to take things slow?" JJ asked in between kisses that Emily was planting on her face, her neck, her arms… For a moment Emily thought that JJ was going to say something, to somehow stop her, but when she felt JJ's hands on her back and heard the blonde's moans of pleasure, Emily knew that JJ wanted this as much as she did.

"It's been six fucking months, I don't think we could be taking it any slower." Emily managed to utter in between her shallow breaths, as JJ's blouse landed on the floor. JJ shivered and her heart started racing as she realized that she was becoming more and more exposed in front of Emily. And even though Emily had seen it all before and JJ wasn't even completely naked, seeing the blonde like this completely took Emily's breath away. She could see the burning desire on every inch of JJ's exposed body and it made her weak in the knees to see how badly JJ wanted her. When she looked into her eyes, Emily realized that she had never seen JJ look at her like this. Yes, she had seen passion, lust and desire and something that might have even been interpreted as love, but she had never seen JJ so ready to give in to her passion with no reservations. And not just her body, because that had never been the problem, but Emily could see that JJ was finally ready to give her that last part of herself that she had kept guarded before. And Emily could see love. Pure and simple. Love that she thought she had lost, love that she thought could never be again, yet there it was in the bluest of eyes.

"I love you." JJ whispered, letting a couple of tears roll on her cheek and almost coming undone the very second she uttered the words. She pressed her almost naked and still wet body onto Emily's and kissed her hard until she was completely out of breath. God she needed this. She needed this so badly. She needed Emily to make her feel the way only Emily could, the way she hadn't felt in such a long time.