Alrighty then! I'm back! And Sasuke will be to in the next chapter; there no use making it a surprise it's all leading in that direction anyways. I have the next two chapters of this story also written, I just don't know when ill find the time to re-write them and then to get on the stupid computer and type them—I hope by next week I can get then next one up and stop being such a loser but I have no friggin idea! School is a bitch, parents are ridding my ass about wanting to read something of mine and being the homophobes that they are I cant exactly hand them this—or any—of my fanfictions, kiss their cheeks, and say enjoy in a totally fake French accent! No it just wouldn't work like that! Not that any of you care…but really…life is terrible.

—Blah!

Sai was everywhere. He had to be. He was now a part of the team but he was not considered a part of them. Granted he was an overwhelmingly good fighter, and he was exceptionally strong, they could give him that much. He showed them the expertise that he had in battle that they did not, more then willing to teach them and because of him they eventually got to go on C and even B ranked missions. His personality was clouded but also cocky, and he liked to use penis several times as a long string of words that have absolutely no point what's so ever in being created. And all of that was okay too, really it was; the only time it wasn't okay was when Hajime was with them because Naruto hadn't been able to find a sitter, but that was very rare. The closest Sai ever got to Naruto's daughter in the first month since his arrival were pictures and stories he bared proudly about her adventures tottering around the house and mastering the furniture, but even that was restricted territory for him.

Naruto had avoided the man at all costs. At first he hated him for taking Sasuke's place on the teams even though Sasuke's shoes hadn't the need to be filled. As if they expected a member on the team to fill the empty space in their hearts.

The blonde had been foolish (he could openly admit that now) keeping Hajime from the rest of her family just to spite them. Hating them with every fiber of his being for doing this to him, but doing what exactly, he blamed them as if it had always been their fault. They had put him through so much agony because the blonde boy had once profoundly believed that maybe the team was the only reason Sasuke would come back to them, and his adopted family had taken that away.

But, really, he didn't hate them; he didn't hate anyone. Not Iruka, not Kakashi, or Tsunade. After all they were family and had only wanted the very best for their son or grandson in some cases. He needed to train his body to go on missions if it was still his life long dream the Hokage one day, and they had seen that when he hadn't. Naruto had come to realize that, aside from his immediate dislike for the guy, he didn't even really hate Sai. He had been so very angry with them and far too quick at jumping the extra leap and calling that anger hate. So much bad had happen because of that little mistake although it was just the anger talking.

He just loathed that he had been in such haste to find anything to make himself honestly believe that he could hate them or Sai. Sai really hadn't done a thing to Naruto; he was just following his orders. The blonde had come to understand this after a long period of thought (which really didn't suit him at all) that who he was actually furious with wasn't Sai it was the boy who had cut him the deepest with that sharp knife of lies. He was angry at Sasuke, like he had been from the beginning, for leaving him for a snake. The raven had gone to chase after a bad man who could give him forbidden knowledge to make him strong enough to kill his brother; he would trade away his soul for this. That was who he hated and also who he loved. That was who he wanted to stay away, but also that he wished had never left.

The blonde had just been plain disappointed. He had been let down that it was Sai and not Sasuke who had come to fill the empty spot on their team. Because he knew that Sai couldn't protect him like he had felt that Sasuke could, no one but the raven made him feel completely safe. He didn't trust Sai. He didn't trust Sai to stay with the team and he had hoped that soon enough that spot would be empty again. The place would be abandoned once more for when Sasuke came back to them; came back to Naruto maybe out of love and maybe out of hate. Maybe he wanted to kill the blonde or have a fight until the death, but maybe his actions would be ones of love.

Though Sai, Naruto concluded after being around the man for a month or so, wasn't all bad. In a way it was nice having another team member even if that person wasn't Sasuke. The boy liked going on missions again. However, even after spending hours and hours together Sai was still a mystery to Naruto, and him to Sai.

The black haired man also claimed quite often that he had drawn a thousand pictures but Naruto hadn't seen any besides the ones that he brought to life. Naruto was intrigued but also confused by this for he had never seen or heard about anything remotely similar to Sai's trade before. Especially confused because Sai had the ability to bring non-living things to life…but he had the qualities of a corpse.

He eventually shook his chilly exterior though, and they, both of them, warmed up to each other. Both started giving off almost real smiles and considered the other a friend; not best friends, mind you, Naruto did not compare this bond to the one that he had once shared with Sasuke. But they were team mates.

A day or so past his realization that Sai wasn't all that bad and that they had only done what they thought was best and that they would never want to purposely hurt him he showed up at his parents door step one night with baby Hajime on his hip—who hadn't had anyone there for her first birthday—and begged them for forgiveness. He explained that he was the most selfish person on the planet, and the rudest, and how he had acted like a spoiled rotten child, and he repeatedly told them how sorry he was for turning his back on them. But Iruka would hear none of it. The brunette had just shaken his head, his eyes burning with un-shed tears and he opened his arms to his son and whispered, "Welcome home," And then they never spoke of it again.

Welcome home, who knew such simple words could make him feel so at ease after doing what he had done to them. He had expected them to turn him away at the door because he had already had all the chances that they would give him but they still welcomed him home. They welcomed him home, and Naruto finally felt like this was his home even without Sasuke, he belonged here with his family. And they truly did love him.

The only person who wasn't at ease was Sai who knew that slowly but surely he was falling for the blonde, and he was falling hard. It was difficult growing to love someone who had already promised their whole self to another. Sai didn't know how he had managed these past six months having first hand knowledge that Naruto was now stitched away in his heart, threaded by the new emotions tugging on the vital organ chugging away in his chest. He had even let Naruto see how much he cared for the boy, how much he loved him. The blonde had visibly stiffened when he told him. "Take it back," He had said, "Take it back. I won't accept it." How many times had the boy repeated that he was a wasted effort when he was so in love with someone else?

And still Sai tried again.

And again…

And again…

Increasing his chances with the blonde but continuing to break his heart.

1—1

Sai had entered the house with a much practiced stealth, taking off his sandals at the door. It was a common courtesy and he didn't want them to squelch against the floor, being traitors and giving his presence away. After doing this he followed the shadows into a dark living room.

The blonde was breathtakingly beautiful when bathed in the moonlight. The light from the stars made him glow and illuminated his crystal eyes especially when washed with his tears. Sai stood still in the doorway and took in the midnight light pooling around Naruto's whole being in a friend-like manor but at the same time setting the mood for his heart broken state. His blue eyes gazed hungrily out his window, his wanton eyes searching for one soul in particular, the one on the whole earth that he had just found out that he didn't know as well as he thought.

Anger; anger befell Sai's whole driving force as he cleaned at the doorway in an absolute but silent furry. How could this Sasuke ever have left such an angel behind for a devil? Oh yes, Sai knew clearly of the younger ravens betrayal. One night when Naruto's nightmares haunted him, with the life that he could have had and other gruesome images of his daughter's death, to the point where he wasn't able to take it anymore, he called up Sai and told him everything; even a very vague statement about how Hajime had come to be. If that raven hadn't left him Naruto wouldn't have to go through all of this…this pain that stuck to the fragments of his heart worse than bitter taffy.

Sai had to admit thought how grateful he was to the raven for leaving; if he hadn't Sai and Naruto wouldn't have ever met. And Sai couldn't picture his life without the blonde's cheerful mood (the one that only came in on good days) or the helpful hand he used to push Sai to become who he was today; for he was only who he was because Naruto had believed in him. He believed that Sai could move past his text book training and live with human emotions. Living with a beating heart was heavy but at least it was real.

"Sai, go away…" Naruto sighed. He knew Sai's chakra signature so well by now that he knew it was him the moment upon entering his house. The blonde didn't want Sai to see him like this; all withering and broken. He didn't want him to look at him in a period where he gave his true emotions away to these four walls and to nothing and no one else. He didn't want to seem weak in front of his friends; in front of anyone.

"Naruto, I…" Sai took a step forward from the shadows his arm extending toward the blonde.

"Sai, please, I can't talk to you right now." Naruto turned back to the window away from his friend hoping and praying that Sai would listen to him just this once and go home. Just leave him be and let him cry, he would be smiley for everyone tomorrow. Right now though he needed to seep into the darkness, though it wouldn't really matter now he had strayed so far from the light…he just never wanted Sai to pity him for being this way even if they were friends.

"Naruto, what's the matter?" The blonde hung his head, his shoulders shaking from the small sobs he was giving off. "I want to help you!" He was yelling now. Yelling because he was fucking frustrated seeing as he couldn't get it through the boys think skull that the blonde would be so much better off forgetting about someone who clearly had forgotten about him; someone who made him cry. Naruto deserved a person who would take care of him and would be a father figure to Hajime. Sai could be both of those things and more if that was what Naruto wanted. He knew that he could love the blonde more then anyone else in this world, much more then that bastard Sasuke could. Sai would and had already made Naruto smile in an almost happy way.

"You can't!" Naruto's bottom lip quivered so the blonde boy bit down on it and began to chew it nervously. He looked over at Sai through his bangs and look of pity and sadness in his own eyes. "You're not Sasuke. You can't help me."

Sai took a step back in shook at his loves words; he remembered that he had forgotten. How in the hell could he have forgotten? It was on this day two years ago that Naruto had had his heart broken into millions of little bits and pieces. It was the one thing that duck tape couldn't even fix. Today Naruto's face had lost its ability to genuinely smile, and Naruto had been put through a shredder to appear before him in beautiful strips of ribbon. It was this day that Naruto's true self had grown legs and tagged along with the boy that the blonde loved so dearly leaving this shell of a person behind in its wake. In this solitary night two years ago Hajime and Sasuke Jr. had been conceived. Today…

Naruto brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in the folds of his pajama pants. "Just go Sai, just go." He sobbed his words racked with emotion.

But of course Sai would never be the same as that trickster raven, he would be the same as that Sasuke who had left Naruto alone all this time without even the decency to give him a goodbye; if this was the Uchiha's pride then he would gladly spit upon it and grind it into dust. He could be Naruto's knight in shinning armor if he could.

Sai came over and sat beside his love that hid his face from view. Sai cupped his cheek and forced the blondes blue eyes to meet his black ones. Sai traced his whiskered cheeks with the pad of his thumb meaning the action to be soothing and heart felt. "Don't you know how I feel about you?" He spoke softly with as much passion and love as he could manage, the harshness of his breath bleeding through the sincerity of his emotions. Consciously he leaned forward to capture those plush lips; one kiss, just one, that's all that it would take to make Naruto his. One kiss to have him, keep him, love him, and more importantly to take away all of this…

"It's not yours to take ways." The blonde whispered. He hadn't moved, he hadn't turned away from what he knew was coming, but still Sai stopped in his tracks and leaned away letting his hand drop into his lap like a dead thing that he was no longer in control of. "I love Sasuke. When he returns to me I want him to pick up the pieces. I want to know of his love for me. Your not him Sai, and you can't take his place."

Naruto was right Sai couldn't be whatever Naruto wanted because Sasuke was all that he wanted. Sai could easily mimic Sasuke actions; he would be able to make himself close enough to the younger raven in such a way that he could be layered on top of the original and match up down to the last hair on his chinny chin chin. Although, to Naruto that wouldn't matter at all. They would never be the same. He knew that.

"How can you still believe that he is going to return to you? He left you after having sex with you and abandoned you on a cold matrices naked as the day you were born, and this is the tanks that he gets; your unyielding love. He doesn't fucking deserve it! How can you believe that he's coming back, but you can't believe me when I say that I love you? Why do you insist on holding onto someone who didn't even have the guts to tell you goodbye after stealing away your virginity and your h-heart? He didn't even leave you something as simple as a note!" Sai's head was very heavy all of a sudden and fell into his hands. Was this the first time he felt like weeping? He couldn't remember.

Naruto's hand was on Sai's shoulder as if he was the one in need of comfort. "That's not a proven truth Sai."

"What isn't?" He looked up from his hands where he had rested his pounding head in exasperation; being in love with Naruto was so exasperating sometimes.

"Well," The blonde boy looked sheepish drawing back to his side of the window seat, "I never actually looked for a note or anything. After Iruka carried me home that day I couldn't bring myself to go back and look for a goodbye note because it would hurt too much to. It was easier to face that he stole my heart then into the night than to go back and relive…what happened between us there." Naruto slumped over, but when Sai tried to reach out to hold him Naruto just sat right back up shaking his head at the action.

"Then lets go look," Sai whispered as if anything louder then that would break the blonde. "If it will prove to you that he didn't even care enough about you to even leave a note."

"It'll prove nothing, and even if it did it wouldn't matter. I will still love him Sai, you have no idea how I wish that I could just for give him and forget; you make it sound so simple. But I love him and this quest won't change that." Naruto said. He shook despite the fact that his house was comfortably warm.

"You're…scared? Sai's eye brows furrowed together; he had never felt the emotion himself but he had heard quite a bit about it over his life time.

"Yes," he admitted feeling absolutely pathetic. "I'm scared. I'm scared that you're right. I'm scared to go back there…alone." Thunder shook from his small body, clouds hazed over his eyes, and his once sky blue eyes produced rains; buckets and buckets of rain.

"You won't be alone," Sai said profoundly confused. "I'll be there." He went forward once again cupping the boy's cheek but he turned his head away.

"No," Naruto shook his head. "I mean, I'm scared to go back there without him.

"Please," Sai begged. "What id there is a note?" What if he did leave you something?" Sai was whispering again with what he considered to be a caressing tone to his voice. If Sasuke had left something for Naruto then his love and hope for the ravens return would only grow, but, assuming they found nothing, only his hate and wish that Sasuke would never come home would enlarge until it shoved that feeling the blonde had mistaken as love out of the way. Sai wouldn't ever even think of leaving Naruto behind after making love to him the way that Sasuke had.

"Why are you trying to help him?"

"Because I love you, and I'm not helping him. I wont you to see how much he doesn't care about you and how much that I do!" He said putting emphasis on every single word.

"No matter what we do or don't find I'll still love him Sai. I'll still love him."

"I know," but I want you to love me.

Naruto sighed and stood up, "If it will get you off of my back…" his voice crackled exampling how torn he was between actually going and staying here in the comfort of his house. Because of his expression Sai almost changed his mind and told him to sit back down but heart break aside; if that's what it would take for the boy to open his god damn eyes, then heart break is what Sai would give him.

"Alright, lead the way."

1—1

They walked to Sasuke's old apartment in silence for there was barley any breathing room between the two. Then they were outside of Sasuke's front door as if waiting for him to come and let them in. Sai listened attentively to Naruto's breathing pattern, it was heavy and constricted like there was coarse rope being knotted around his small neck. It was also broken somehow, split into discontinued gasps as he exhaled and inhaled but there was barley any difference between them as if his lungs were collapsing on the spot. Anyone could tell that he was frightened, Sai wouldn't have been surprised if suddenly the side of Naruto's pant leg was soaked; but he did nothing but stand back at a respectable distance and watch the show. It wasn't like the blonde boy would allow him to help anyway.

"I-I can't do this, Sai, I-I can't-I can't go in there." A shiver passed over the boy ignoring the mid-summer weather.

Sai did step closer but only so that Naruto could hear him. "It's just a room Naruto; this room hasn't haunted your every waking thought has it?" Sai said moving forward onto the ravens threshold and Wa La! with a good jerk of the knob the door opened easily enough and he stepped inside. Even if Naruto couldn't bare to step inside here he, at least, was going to find out if Sasuke said goodbye to the blonde after taking so many different things from him.

He flipped the light switch on and off. "Electricity works," he smirked back at the boy.

"Sai don't" Naruto scowled, but the older boy paid him no mind and continued to intrude. "Fine I'm coming." And he was at the black haired mans side in a second who look down at him triumphantly.

It looked like nothing had been touched in these past two years. Dust coated every surface, there even seemed to be small particles of it floating in the air that only the trained eye could see. Sai got the vibe that even though it was an inanimate object this place, too, was mourning for its master to come back home because what it a home without inhabitance. It was a pitifully sad sight to Sai who was actually quite a cleanly person and believed firmly in the teaching of personal hygiene at a young age. After all, that had been his job for a very long time; his missions consisted of cleaning up the messes that were made, sometimes, that included wiping them like a stain from planet earth.

They stopped walking in front of the open bedroom door. There Naruto's face paled in milliseconds.

"Hey," Sai put his hand on Naruto's shoulder and squeezed it lightly, "I'll look in the bedroom, and you take the living room and the kitchen alright?" Naruto made no noise but he nodded and then was gone.

Sai advanced on the room clearly avoiding the bed pushed up against one wall where he could now complete the image in his mind of Sasuke pounding into the blonde, them both tangled in the blue linen on Naruto's mattress back home. The picture made him sick to his stomach with jealousy.

Personal problems with this specific part of the apartment aside he began searching for something, anything that could have been from the raven as a goodbye to the boy rummaging through the rest of his flat. Finding nothing but an increasing appetite to scrub away all the filth surrounding the bed he dejectedly went to its blanket less mattress and continued his search.

And Eureka! After a moment or two of useless scrounging there was a folded up piece of paper on the floor a little ways under the bed frame. Sai snatched it up, think first and foremost of his love who would be greatly overjoyed upon seeing this note. So much hope this one measly sheet of paper would bring him.

He ran to the door in his own euphoria at actually having a chance to see the blonde real true smile aimed at him. About to call Naruto's name aloud and proclaim the good news…but the words got stuck in his throat. Sai brought up his hand to his face and opened it feeling positively torn in between his choices. This note would make the boy he claimed to love so happy, and he could be passing up his chance to see that smile displayed on his beautiful face instead of the ones he plastered on in the morning to disguise his broken heart. It would resurrect his sprit from the grave and he would laminate it and tuck it away in that dumb picture book he had been given last Christmas.

That happiness would be directed at Sai but it would not be for him; it would be for Sasuke and this note would make Naruto even more hard pressed to turn to Sai for love and affection despite all that Sai knew that he could offer him. The blonde love for his enemy would stand firm on the foundation of this note and he really would wait for ever just to be the first to welcome the raven haired boy home. That would leave Sai no room to wriggle his way inside the boy's heart. And he just couldn't have that.

So making up his mind he put the note away n his pants pocket making sure that none of it showed, that way it couldn't give him away so easily.

He walked coolly to the living room only to find it in complete disarray. And upon entering Naruto lifted head from where he sat isolated in his mess his eyes brimming with so many twinkles of hope in his eyes. And Sai's hand almost reached into his pocket to fork over the note, the thought of him smiling was almost to tantalizing for his own good.

Almost.

"Nothing Naruto. I'm sorry." He said putting on the show of his life and went to comfort the blonde who didn't hesitate this time to let Sai hold him.

1—1

My dearest Naruto,

Wait for me

Love always

Sasuke

Review please!