Chapter 15: Te Amo

Rachel was as good as her word, and Quinn checked into a 90 day program for recovering alcoholics. Santana went with her to get her checked in. Rachel met them there with a packed bag filled with things Quinn would need for her stay.

Quinn was terrified and sick as she hadn't had a drink in two days now. She was shaking uncontrollably. She was desperately trying to keep her condition from Santana and Rachel. It was so humiliating, but her unscheduled trip to Youngstown had convinced her that her drinking was out of control.

She didn't think that Santana would ever forgive her and she wasn't sure that Shannon should ever forgive her, but she desperately wanted to be the wife and mother Judy Fabray had never been able to be. Quinn was willing to do anything if she could just set things right again somehow.

The treatment center made her give up her cell phone, and told them that she would not have contact with her family for at least the first week. Santana could call for updates but they could not speak to each other until Quinn had a chance to really settle in.

Rachel true to her nature hugged Quinn fiercely and assured the blonde of her love and support and tried not to cry. Quinn and Santana stood there awkwardly unsure of how to say goodbye properly.

"Well, just take care of yourself and concentrate on getting well, ok? Don't worry about Shannon; I will make sure she understands how much you love her and that you are not abandoning her. She loves you Quinn and she always will. She has all kinds of people around to give her attention and when it's ok, we will come visit you. I promise!"

Quinn looked so lost and afraid that Santana couldn't help herself; she couldn't let the woman she had loved for her entire adult life leave feeling that alone.

She reached over and pulled the blonde into a hug and patted her back comfortingly, "This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do Quinn, even harder than handing over Beth, but I know you better than anyone. You are strong and brave and you can do this. When you get finished here, we will sit down and talk and figure things out then, ok? I don't want you to worry about anything but getting well. All decisions are off the table until you get out of here. I want you to know that and trust that. I won't be contacting lawyers or emptying the bank accounts or seeking custody of Shannon behind your back. I swear on my Abuela's grave. Nothing will be decided until you have a clear head and can help make decisions."

Quinn clung to her wife crying great heaving sobs of regret and shame and gratitude to the woman who had saved her once and for all the pain she had caused was willing to help save her again. She knew she didn't deserve Santana, Rachel and Puck and was lucky she had them.

When she got control of herself she pulled away from Santana gently, "Thank you Santana, I don't deserve that but I am very grateful for it. Please hug and kiss Shannon and tell her I am so sorry but I will be the mother she deserves again, I swear it."

"I will let Shannon know how much you love her and miss her and that you need to be here to get well. You can tell her the rest yourself when you feel better. Take care of yourself Quinn; I'll talk to you soon." Santana turned abruptly and walked out the door.

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Santana had tried to sleep in their bed but she just kept seeing Quinn and feeling her next to her every time she closed her eyes so she took her pillow and blanket and headed out to sleep on the couch.

Rachel had gone home and Shannon was asleep in her own bed. Santana lie there in the dark remembering happier times and missing the blonde more than she thought possible. Then she would see Matt and remember Youngstown and she would be angrier than she thought possible. She was being torn apart. Against her will, she started to cry softly and finally letting go she let go of all pain and sorrow and sobbed into her pillow.

Shannon had been asleep when Santana had arrived home and after Puck took his leave, the Latina sat at her daughter's bedside watching her sleep. For everything that had happened lately she was still a beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted little girl and Santana knew how lucky they all were. She saw so much of Quinn in Shannon and cursed Russell and Judy Fabray with all her might. If they had only been there for Quinn she might not have fallen so far, but then she knew that Quinn had made so many bad decisions that were all her own. Santana also felt guilty about her part in Quinn's loneliness and insecurity this past year and wished she could take it all back and redo the last year.

Santana had adjusted moose back under Shannon's arm and put her little legs back under the covers and gently kissed her daughter's forehead and swore to protect her from all the evil of the world.

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Santana had cried herself to sleep on the couch but just could not stay asleep to save her life. Finally at 4 am she got up and started the coffee pot. She was leaning on the counter staring off into space when she heard a tiny voice, "Mamí ?"

She turned and saw Shannon standing there in her nightgown, clutching moose around the neck under one arm and dragging her blankie with the other hand. She looked as lost as Santana felt and her heart ripped in two at the look on her baby's face.

"Ladybug? Are you ok, honey?"

"I had a really bad dream, Mamí ." She said softly her bottom lip quivering. Santana knelt down in front of her daughter and picked her up gently.

"I had one too, what was yours about?" She leaned against the kitchen counter and cradled her mini-Quinn in her arms and gently rocked her back and forth.

"You went away and you never came back, I looked everywhere but I couldn't find you and then I couldn't find Mama either but Aunt Rachel was in my closet and she said everyone left because I was such a bad girl." She rested her head on her Mamí 's shoulder and shivered in fear.

"That sounds awful but that could never ever happen, you know why?"

Santana could feel Shannnon shake her head no against her shoulder. She smirked as she said softly, "That could never happen because Aunt Rachel is afraid of closets and would never go in one. Secondly, I would never ever leave you no matter what. Thirdly, your Mama would never ever leave you no matter what. Fourthly, you are not a bad girl you are a beautiful special wonderful girl."

Shannon lifted her head and looked at her Mamí , "Honest?"

"Oh baby, I swear you are the most wonderful, special thing that ever happened to me and to your Mama and one day soon all this will be over and we will find a way to be happy again."

"Can I sleep with you Mamí ?" Shannon asked pitifully.

"I have a better idea, why don't I make you some hot cocoa and we make a blanket bed on the couch and we put in the Little Mermaid and we hang out all day and be lazy. Would you like that baby?"

Shannon shook her head yes and smiled a shaky little tearful smile that tugged at Santana's heart strings.

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The Little Mermaid was over and Santana was surprised her little girl was still awake. She was tucked up against her Mamí and under her arm.

"Mamí ?"

"Yes baby?"

"You said Mama would never ever leave me but she did, she's not here, why did she leave me?"

Santana took a deep calming breath and picked Shannon up and sat her in her lap facing her. She gently smoothed the rambunctious blonde curls off her forehead and started gently, "Mama is very sick sweetie and has to be in the hospital. Remember that blue bottle that she used to take to bed with her?" Shannon nodded her head. "Remember how it made Mama act differently than we were used to?" Shannon nodded again, her big brown eyes holding Santana's gaze and trying to understand what her Mamí was telling her.

"Well the stuff in that bottle made Mama sick and she wants to stop drinking that stuff so she has to stay at the hospital for a long time to get better. She has to be away from us even though she loves us and misses us very very much. She loves you so much that she is working very hard to come back home and be your Mama again. She told me that!"

"She's not mad at me anymore?" Shannon asked softly her tears starting to pour from her beautiful eyes.

Santana wiped the tears away as gently as she could, "She absolutely is not mad at you, she is mad at herself though and wants to see you as soon as the doctors and nurses at the hospital will let her. Would you like that baby, would you like to go see Mama when the doctors say we can go see her?"

Shannon nodded her head vigorously and said, "Can we call her Mamí and tell her goodnight, like you used to call me and tell me goodnight?"

"Not for a little while ladybug, not for a few days, but I promise as soon as the doctors say she can talk to us, we will call and say goodnight every single night until she comes home."

"Ok, Mamí . Can we go sleep in my bed now, I am really tired?"

"Of course baby, I will sleep with you now and when we wake up we can draw Mama a picture and write her a letter. We will write her a letter everyday so she doesn't miss anything that happens here and we go visit we will take all the letters and pictures to her so she won't miss us too much and will think about us every day. Would you like that Shannon?"

"Oh Mamí , I would like that very much, can we start right now?"

Santana picked up her sleepy little angel and carried her to the bedroom, "No Corazon, we will start when we wake up, ok"

"Mamí , can I leave moose with Mama when we see her and we will kiss him and hug him every day and fill him up with love so Mama will know we love her and she won't be scared or lonely without us?"

"That's a wonderful idea why don't we start kissing and hugging moose tonight so he'll be all filled with love for when we go see Mama?"

They both filled moose with love and Shannon rolled over and kissed her Mamí on the cheek and whispered sleepily, "Te amo Mamí !"

"Te amo mi Corazon." And the two Fabray-Lopez girls drifted off to the first decent sleep they had in weeks.