Author's note: Hey guys, I managed to finish this update today, even though I am suffering from a stinking cold and I've been at work all day. I'll be away for the next five days and I am not sure I'll be able to update so please forgive me if nothing gets done. I hope that by the time I get back, I'll feel better and my cold/sickness thing will be over. Also, by next week we'll have a new episode of SVU to feed our Rolivia desires. Enjoy this chapter. Your comments are very much appreciated and never fail to make me smile.

Chapter 14

Piece by piece I take apart
This complicated heart
And I hope to find
Something I can prove is real
I can feel is truth
I can say is mine
~Melissa Etheridge – The Letting Go

Olivia stared at her cell phone. Amanda's message had come through and she'd read it several times. Somewhere behind her Morales said that he'd picked up her GPS signal and Fin called for the others. She overheard Amaro saying that they needed to call in the SWAT team and it wasn't until she observed Cragen reach for his phone that she looked up and shook her head.

"NO!" she called and everybody looked up in surprise. "Hold off with the SWAT team."

"What? Why?" Fin asked and furrowed his brow. "Liv?"

"She sent me a text," Olivia breathed and showed her phone. Alex, who had been looking over Morales' shoulder, turned around in surprise. "She doesn't want to be found just yet." Her big brown eyes looked around the group and she knew they wouldn't understand. She took a deep breath. "She switched her phone on because she wanted me to get this message."

"What did she say?" Alex breathed.

Olivia glanced down at her screen and read the message out loud. "I'm sorry for everything. I never meant for any of this to happen. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I just need to tie up some lose ends. I know you've tracked my cell and you know where I am right now. Don't come looking for me. Not yet. When I want to be found, you'll know where to go." She avoided mentioning the last words. The 'I love you' was meant for her eyes only.

Fin took a step towards Olivia and narrowed his eyes as he went over the message in his head. "Say that again? About wanting to be found?"

"When I want to be found, you'll know where to go." Olivia looked up from her cell phone screen and her eyes found Fin. "Does that mean something to you?"

"When Rollins' first asked for me to meet her outside the job, we met in this bar," Fin explained. "It was the night things went down with her bookie." He looked at Olivia and she remembered the situation well. She'd been worried about Amanda back then but hadn't allowed herself to admit to her feelings. She'd been too preoccupied with David Haden to really realise. "Then, a few months ago, when you guys were working things out…"

"You met up at the same bar again?" Olivia asked and Fin nodded.

"She used those words, Liv. She asked if I was lookin' for her and I answered that I was only looking if she wanted to be found." Fin jerked his head. "That's gotta be the place she's talking about."

Cragen looked from Fin to Olivia. "You think she's sending a message?"

"She's telling us that she's no longer doing this for the Gang Unit. She's doing this for herself," Olivia said. She started pacing the squad room, her hands pushed deeply into the pockets of her jeans. She allowed herself to slip into Amanda's mind. She knew where she was right now. She'd been there herself, undercover inside the prison. It required a certain mind-set to understand an undercover cop, especially one that had been forced into a violent and dangerous situation without preparation. Amanda was trapped in a circle of violence and she had broken protocol to go it alone. She had no backup, no one to have her ass when things went wrong. Olivia's eyes snapped up.

"She's gained their trust. You heard some of the stuff Malcolm played. The recordings clearly show that she made contact and even became friendly with the targets. They're all women and they clearly believed Amanda's story."

It had been horrible to hear Amanda describe how she'd been cheated and hurt by this fake girlfriend. Olivia felt like a traitor, like she was somehow responsible for all of this even though she knew she wasn't. Malcolm had been reluctant to let them hear the recorded conversations but Cragen had insisted, considering Malcolm had lost one of his best detectives. They knew Amanda better than anyone and they hoped to find something in her conversations that would tell her where she was.

To their horror they even heard the recording that was made when Amanda was forced to watch the beating and rape of the latest victim. Even with the screaming in the background Olivia still heard Amanda's breath catch in the back of her throat. She could only imagine the fear, the anger and the rage she felt. Her hand had slipped to her throat, caressing the bruises that hid underneath her collar. She'd seen Alex look at her and she avoided making eye contact, knowing that the blonde disagreed with what had happened. She didn't blame Amanda, even if she had hurt her. After hearing the tape and hearing what she had to do, she understood.

"She took off her wire after the attack in Harlem," Olivia said and looked around the squad room. She had to tell them that she'd seen Amanda the previous night. "She arrived at my place without it. There is no recording of her reaching my apartment." Her eyes found Cragen. If he judged her for what had happened, he didn't show it. She hadn't asked Amanda to come to her. "She didn't stay long but we know that at least at some point last night she was allright. After that… we got nothing."

"The signal was centred around Sixth Avenue," Morales said and he pressed a few keys on his computer. The angle changed and the programme began to zoom in. Olivia recognised the almost typical street layout of New York and squinted. "I can't locate it to the nearest point but when she switched on her phone Amanda was somewhere on this block."

"You want us to check it out, cap?" Munch asked.

"Keep it low profile," Cragen said and pointed at Amaro. "Sit on it if you have to. See if anyone comes or goes matching the description of the women on the recording. With a little luck Malcolm should have photos within the hour. I can't believe that ass still refuses us access to his investigation."

"Fin and I will take the bar," Olivia said before Cragen could tell her to back off. Their gazes locked but she shook her head. "You can't tell me to sit this one out, Cap. I know she's out there and if something's wrong I know that I can reach her."

Cragen caved and nodded. "Any sign of her and you call me, understood?"

Olivia nodded. "Thanks, Cap."

She grabbed her jacket and she and Fin walked out of the squad room. Once they were out of hearing range Fin turned to the brunette detective. She leant against the elevator door. "You allright?"

Olivia heaved a sigh. She didn't feel allright. She was tired, she was scared and her body started to protest against the lack of sleep. She kept thinking about Amanda, somewhere out there, surrounded by these idiots. She ran her hand across her face and rubbed her eyes before looking at Fin. Her voice was flat. "I'm not sure."

"We'll find her," Fin reassured her. "Rollins' a fighter."

Olivia sighed. "You said that when she got shot." The memory was painful but it also brought hope. "She pulled through then so I must hold on to the thought that she'll do the same again."

They got into the elevator and five minutes later they were walking across the parking lot to Fin's car. Olivia climbed into the passenger side and Fin started the engine. He reversed and they left the precinct behind them as Fin began making his way to the bar where he had first met Amanda outside of work nearly two years ago. He remembered it well. The call had been unexpected but the minute he walked into the bar and saw her take a large gulp from her bottle of beer, he knew something was up. When she confessed she had a problem he connected the dots straight away.

"I'm glad she had you that day," Olivia said unexpectedly and Fin looked up long enough to meet her eyes. "When we had the fight and she left the precinct, I mean. I know you were worried she was going to do something stupid. I didn't know about her addiction back then. I'm happy you were there for her when she needed a friend. I never said thanks for that."

"We're good," Fin reassured her. "She needed someone to listen' to her and that's what I did. I was about ready to kick her ass but she decided to get herself shot." He grinned. "Didn't seem fair after that."

They pulled up outside the bar after about fifteen minutes and Fin found a spot right across from the entrance. With it being early in the day, the bar was closed and the car park abandoned. It wasn't the first time they'd spend hours watching a place and he offered to get them some coffee. Olivia welcomed the sudden loneliness. She liked Fin and she respected him a lot but it was easier to be alone with her thoughts than it was to share them with someone. She couldn't tell anyone what really happened last night. Only Alex knew the true extend of things and even that wasn't exactly the truth.

She leant back in her seat and folded her hands behind her head. It was going to be a long day and an even longer night if they were going to wait for Amanda, hoping she would show. There was no guarantee. Olivia's eyes were peeled on the bar's entrance and the flickering Budweiser sign behind the window. She'd never been to this place before. She heaved a sigh as the unexpected late summer rain began to rattle down onto the roof of the car. August was coming to its end and September was almost here. Soon the trees in Central Park would change into shades of red, brown and yellow, ready for fall. The rain would become more frequently but Olivia doubted the water would ever be able to wash away the stains this case would leave behind.

~()~

Amanda stared at herself in the mirror. She had a split lip and her nose was swollen and red. She could just about stand to touch it and she was convinced it was broken. Dried blood clung to the cut across her lip and large, dark purple bruises had formed across her left cheek and just below her right eye. Her hair was wet and stuck to her face. She'd washed most of the blood off her face earlier but the pain was burning beneath her skin and she kept trying to cool herself but it was useless.

She couldn't describe how she felt. Fired up, like the adrenaline continued to pump around her blood. It was as if someone had slipped her a drug and she couldn't stop the thoughts from running through her head. Her pupils had dilated so much that they almost completely swallowed up the blue of her eyes. Her sweater was covered in blood. She'd kicked off her sneakers as soon as she got back to Gina's apartment. The bathroom tiles felt cold beneath her feet.

"Diana?"

She recognised Lori's voice on the other side of the door and Amanda switched off the taps. "Just a minute!"

"You ok?"

"Nose is still bleeding. I hope Gina's got another towel because she'll want to throw this one away," Amanda answered as she unlocked the door to let Lori in. She pulled a face when their gazes locked.

"You impressed me today," Lori said as she leant against the sink and watched how Amanda carefully touched her swollen lip. The way her eyes trailed over Amanda's slender frame hinted that she was seeing a product, not a human being. "If you didn't have a score to settle outside, I'd be more inclined to let you fight for Julia then send you out onto the streets."

"How many girls you got fightin'?" Amanda asked as she dropped the wet towel to the floor and brushed her hair out of her face. She wasn't able to do anything about her injuries anyway; there was no point in trying. She met Lori's eyes in the mirror and managed to smile. "Maybe after I get my payback, I'll consider it."

"Julia will be glad," Lori answered. "I have four girls fighting with her and two more in a different place Julia doesn't know about. I make sure my girls don't ever fight each other. Sisters can't fight sisters." She cocked her head. "You serious about wanting to fight? I saw how you held yourself out there. Sam is Julia's best fighter. You knocked her about a bit."

She had to potential of bringing down the racist gang as well as two illegal fight clubs the Gang Unit didn't even know about. Amanda nodded. "After tonight, I'll do whatever you want. I wouldn't have had this opportunity if it weren't for you." The southern lilt in her voice grew stronger as the anger coiled in her stomach. "I want to nail that bitch."

"You will," Lori smiled. "You text your ex yet, saying you wanna meet her and that new whore of hers?"

Amanda grinned. "Can't believe she was stupid enough to fall for it. Like I would actually want to talk to either one of them."

Lori let her eyes trail over Amanda's injuries. She'd seen worse on her girls but to see the marks on Amanda's face was like a silent promise that she would be there, that she was going to be one of her fighters. This girl was going to make her a lot of money.

~()~

Olivia's cell phone vibrated in her lap and Amaro's name flashed across the screen. Fin had just gotten back in the car and she had accepted the coffee with a smile. Now she picked her cell, slid her finger across the screen and answered. She heard traffic in the background and guessed he had left his car. "What's up, Nick?"

"Three women went into the building Morales said the GPS signal came from about fifteen minutes ago. All blonde. One had her face covered with a towel, looked like she was bleeding. I couldn't see her face but the physical description matches Rollins."

Olivia sat up with a jolt. "You sure?"

"Not completely but the women look like the ones Malcolm described. Has he sent you the pictures yet?"

"Ass is probably dragging his feet. Doesn't want us butting in on his case," Olivia groaned. "Stay outside the building. If it is Amanda, I don't want her seeing you. She knows we got her message and she knows we'll be watching. We need to make sure we don't move until she's ready for us to move."

"They pulled up in this SUV," Nick said. "Munch is watching the building. I'm checking out the car. Licence plate check should be easy enough. Camera phones are a great invention. I'll call you back."

"Thanks Nick," Olivia replied and hung up. She turned to look at Fin who was watching her in expectation. "Three women went into the apartment building. One of them could be Amanda. Amaro said he couldn't see because she was covering her face with a towel. Reckons she's bleeding. He's checking out the car. Should give us a hit on the owner."

She had barely said it when her phone vibrated again, this time with a text message. It was from Amaro. He'd attached a picture of the licence plate as well as the information that went with it. She glanced at it and looked back up at Fin. "SUV belongs to a Lori McKenzie, aged 34. Address puts her somewhere on the Upper East Side. Clearly this isn't her apartment."

Fin called Cragen and gave him the details. A patrol car would be sent to sit outside Lori McKenzie's home, in case she came back. The officers were instructed to not approach her, in whatever situation, and to contact at SVU the second Lori was sighted. Olivia somehow suspected the patrol officers were not going to see Lori at all that day. Her gut instinct told her that whatever was going to happen, didn't involve her going home.

Olivia looked at Fin. "Call Cragen again. Ask him to run all the names of the people living in this building. Look out for single, white females, most likely blonde." She cocked her head when Fin looked at her but he seemed to understand what she was trying to do. "By the time we've got a possible match, Malcolm should have brought us the pictures. We can compare them then."

"You think she's allright?" Fin asked as he picked his cell phone back up.

"Amaro said it looked like she was bleeding," Olivia sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "We can only hope she's fine."

The hours passed without anything happening. Olivia and Fin talked about the case for a while but after a couple of hours the conversation between them died down and Olivia fell prisoner to her own thoughts. She could still feel Amanda's hands on her. She'd struggled to separate the lust and desire last night's events had provoked in her from the torment and pain it had caused. She wanted to talk to Amanda, understand what she'd felt but at the same time she knew she could only do that if she admitted that Amanda had done the one thing Olivia had never believed her capable off: she'd hurt her.

Her fingers subconsciously brushed along the turtle neck hiding her bruises and she looked down at the long sleeves covering her wrists. Every so often the fabric had slid back, revealing the dark purple finger marks, and she'd pulled them back down, embarrassed and frightened Fin would see them. If he had, he had been understanding enough not to ask. She wondered if he had, if he knew. She didn't dare ask. She didn't want him to think of Amanda any differently than he had until now.

She jumped when she felt her cell phone vibrate and glanced at the caller ID screen only to realise that it was the estate agent, Catherine. She apologetically looked at Fin before answering. "Hello?"

"Olivia?" Catherine asked and Olivia confirmed her name. "Is this a bad time?"

Any moment right now was a bad time but she knew it wasn't right to dump that on Catherine. Olivia composed herself. "No, it's quite allright. Is something wrong?"

"Actually, things have moved a lot quicker than I expected them to," Catherine said. "You called me last night with an offer for the house." She left a pause and Olivia's mind snapped back to the events of the previous night. She'd made the call several hours before Amanda arrived at her apartment. "I had a call from the owner fifteen minutes ago. They accepted your offer."

"What?" Olivia breathed and her heart missed a beat. "They accepted?"

"Yes," Catherine answered and Olivia could hear the smile in her voice. "I got an email from their lawyer and they are ready to start the paperwork. I called to see when you're available?"

Olivia rubbed the back of her head. She hadn't expected things to move this fast. In fact, she had not accepted her first offer to be accepted. She'd offered nearly twenty thousand dollars below the asking price, after discussing the details with Alex. It had been her idea to go in low and allow herself some space to play with. The fact that the current owner had accepted her offer was surprising.

"I am afraid I am completely unavailable for the next two days but I could meet you on Friday?"

"Friday's fine. We can meet at my office at one pm, if that's allright with you?" Catherine asked. "I'll text you the address. If anything comes up, just let me know and we'll rearrange it for a more convenient time."

Olivia hung up and looked at Fin.

"What was that?" he asked.

"That was Catherine, the estate agent I saw a few days ago," she answered and glanced out of the window at the wet, shiny streets outside.

It had stopped raining but the skies were grey and dreary, It was as if the world shared her sadness and hear fear and the weather reflected it. This was supposed to be a happy and exciting moment but she didn't feel it. Not now that she didn't have Amanda to share it with. She looked down into her lap. The absence of the golden ring around her finger reminded her of the promise she had made to Amanda a little over eight months ago. She had no intentions of breaking that promise, no matter what came onto their paths. She just wanted Amanda to come home.

"What did she want?" Fin asked, sensing the change in Olivia's behaviour.

Olivia heaved a sigh. "She told me that the offer I put in was accepted. Amanda and I just bought a house."

She only hoped they were going to get a chance to be living the life she had dreamt for them to start.