Yo readers! Thanks for being patient for this one, two of my best friends have had birthdays lately so I've been busily partying and such. Actually one of them is kind of the basis for Lauren, only fortunately we don't fight about girls seeing as she's married to a dude. Although we do pull one another's hair.

A special thanks to TheRainbowFrite for taking the time to write all of those reviews! And thanks for mentioning the page breaks, I think I stopped forgetting to fix them a long time ago so I appreciate that, must have been driving you all nuts.

Chapter Fourteen

Jane walked to the bus stop with the sun beating down on her shoulders. She'd never been one to care about the great outdoors, but she had to admit there was something uplifting about the smell of the grass and the sounds of kids playing. She was in a weird mood. She felt blissfully happy - her skin still singing from the touch of Maura's lips on her - but she felt reflective and kind of melancholy too.

I already miss her.

Jane began compiling a mental list of her most pressing needs, the things that she had to work on to get herself out of this mess. At the top sat 'TALK TO LAUREN' in big neon lights. It was a given that Jane wanted to move forward and be with Maura with or without Lauren's blessing. But she knew that she needed to man up and do something about the sick feeling that had settled over her since they'd stopped talking. Even if Lauren never forgave her, she couldn't look herself in the mirror again until she'd at least tried to sort things out. She'd be no good to Maura if she wasn't good with herself.

Second on the list sat talking to Coach Foster. Jane hadn't formally quit the team. Alhough it had frustrated her at the time that Foster had been dismissive, it could really work in her favor. To her knowledge no paperwork about her scholarship had been put in motion, so she was pretty sure that if she squared things up with Coach Foster it would be okay. She was going to have to eat a lot of humble pie over the next few days; maybe she deserved it. She cringed to think about what a self-pitying jerk she'd been.

Another thing struck her while she was looking out the window at the passing houses; that this wasn't just about Maura. Maybe Maura was the catalyst she needed to get herself sorted out. She didn't like to think that she needed anyone to tell her how to be or give her advice; maybe it was that kind of defensive thinking that had helped her let things get so bad. It was funny that someone who supposedly barely knew her had her pegged so well – she had been spineless and it wasn't like her. She hated to think about the possibility that things might not work out, but these were all things she needed to do regardless.

Jane stepped off the bus feeling like she'd achieved something. She had a plan. It had only been a couple of weeks since she'd been to Lauren's room but it felt like a lifetime had passed. Her mouth was dry with anxiety by the time she reached her door. It would be so easy to run away from all of this – but where had that gotten her before? She didn't dare to even go home and change, because she was worried she'd curl up on her bed again and hide from the world.

Lauren answered the door still in her tank top and pajama pants. She had last night's eyeliner under her eyes and her red hair was messed up. She appeared to be considering slamming the door in Jane's face for a moment, but instead she motioned for her to come in with a fierce frown on her face.

"If you're here to apologize again, I don't really want to hear about it," Lauren said, crossing her arms and hugging them against herself.

"I'm actually not," Jane started. "I know it wouldn't help." She pushed her hair back from her face and shoved her hands in her pockets.

"Then what are you doing here?" Lauren asked.

Jane chewed on the edge of her thumb. Pity all her mental list-making hadn't gotten her any further than the task itself. Just as with the night before with Maura, she realized she'd gone in with guns blazing and no plan of what to actually say. Well, it had worked last night. Maybe she should just throw down and see what happened.

"Um. I'm doing what I should have done weeks ago. I'm asking you to step aside," Jane said, tilting her chin up defiantly.

Lauren looked at her in disbelief. "Step aside from what? I stopped seeing Maura as a friend a couple of weeks ago, and you know we were never more than that."

"Yeah, I know. I am sorry that I lied to you. But the other stuff – I don't really know how to say this without . . ."

"What? Just say it," Lauren said warily.

"I know you're going to think I'm full of shit for saying this, but I need both of you in my life, cos I love you, but I think I'm falling in love with her," Jane explained, exhaling after she said the words.

She'd dismissed the notion for a while, believing that she were being melodramatic and that it wasn't possible for her to be falling in love with someone she wasn't even in a relationship with. But then, somehow it had become a fact that she'd accepted within herself the night before. When Maura was looking into her eyes, and they were connected in soul and in flesh, she'd been sure. The feeling hadn't worn off after the rush of release – it had only gotten stronger. It had hit her all over again when she'd seen Maura cleaning of all things.

Jane missed Maura every second that she wasn't by her side, in her arms. She wanted to know everything that there was to know about her; she was fascinated by the smallest detail she found. Jane felt her blood run faster every time she saw Maura or even heard her name. She wanted to take care of her and make her happy, protect her from being hurt ever again. This was what it was supposed to feel like. Nobody else had ever even come close.

"Oh really, you're falling in love? Well I guess we can call off that duel at dawn you were just about to propose then," Lauren replied, sighing. She moved to sit on her bed and Jane followed her, figuring that if Lauren hadn't thrown her out by now then she probably wasn't going to. Lauren was gazing down at her feet as though they held the answers to the universe.

"You know I don't say that lightly, right?" Jane said. She'd been stung by Lauren's sarcasm but not as much as she would have been if Lauren didn't look so sad.

"I know, I know. Sorry. I don't really mean that," Lauren said tiredly. She was staring off into space, in another time. "Remember that night we got really blasted on that awful red wine we found in your dad's stash? And we got up on the roof of your garage?"

"Yeah, I know when you mean," Jane confirmed. They'd had too many good times to mention over the years, but that night had been an especially memorable one.

"I got the feeling you didn't want to talk about it so I just pretended I was too hazy to remember, but you were saying that you didn't think you were ever going to find someone, that you didn't know why you were so cold. I wanted to tell you that I didn't think you were cold, that you just needed to let someone in, but then your mom heard us talking up there and yelled at us to get down," she was covering her eyes, which Jane recognised as a telltale sign that she was starting to cry. Jane moved to put her arm around her and Lauren let her, huddling into her like she had through so many break-ups and losses and disappointments.

"Hey, don't cry, it's okay," Jane said soothingly.

"I should be happy that this is happening for you, and it pisses me off that I can't be. I don't think you understand how much of an idiot you made me feel like," Lauren said, balling her hands up into fists in her lap and then releasing them.

"I never meant to make you feel that way. I was trying to protect you," Jane said, the familiar shame seeping into her gut, making her feel sick.

"I could have gotten over you being with her, but I just feel like this person that's been in the way . . . like you two have been talking about me the whole time, wishing I wasn't around," Lauren said.

Jane held her tight. "That's not how it is, really it's not. I love you, and I know Maura cares about you too."

"I miss you," Lauren said. "You know that cliché about how the one person you're used to telling your problems to is the one who hurt you, so you have nobody to talk to? That's totally what it's been like." They sat in a silence that was starting to gather comfort.

Jane wondered why on earth it had taken her so long to just come and talk; Lauren could never be cruel enough to just not listen to her. No matter what happened between them she should have always known that somewhere in Lauren there was a desire to forgive her. She grabbed onto it now, feeling like their friendship was starting to come back into her reach.

"Does she think I'm a total loser, mooning around after her like I did?" Lauren asked in a self-deprecating tone.

"Honestly? I don't think she even noticed hon," Jane said drily.

"Hah," Lauren said, and then her genuine laughter sounded like the best thing Jane had ever heard. "I suppose she was too busy chasing your skinny ass around."

"I really tried Lauren. I messed up, but I'll make it up to you if you let me."

Lauren took stock of her, reading her face, testing her sincerity. Apparently she was okay with what she saw. "Alright. Fuck this, we can be friends again."

Jane smiled. It came upon her in a wave, gratitude breaking over her. "Really?"

"Sure," Lauren said, shrugging as if it were no big deal, and Jane could see the embarrassment still clouding her face. She wished it wasn't there, but she knew that she would have to give it some time. "I don't understand what's going on though. You're falling for her but you said you guys weren't even together, or were you bullshitting me about that too?"

Jane shook her head and looked down at her hands, suddenly finding an urgent need to clean her fingernails. They couldn't just talk about girl problems like they always had, not about Maura, not so soon. She wouldn't know where to begin.

"Start from the start, and skip the dirty parts for now please. I'm not ready for that," Lauren instructed her gently. "And I'll act happy for you about the good parts until I really am."

Jane went to see Coach Foster the next day. It was much easier than approaching Lauren, although she did have to endure a lecture about her bad attitude and about learning to "manage her anger". Jane gladly let herself be dressed down, flushed with relief about how well everything was going. Lauren had even come with her for moral support and waited outside the office. Jane could almost feel them rebuilding what they'd had - block by block. She felt like she'd been able to convey to Lauren how she'd been thinking and feeling, and like Lauren had started to see it at least a little bit through her eyes.

They decided to go for a walk around the campus, in step close to one another. Jane kept finding herself staring at the side of Lauren's face, trying to figure out if they were really going to be okay.

"Stop staring at me," Lauren said with a groan, "I'm going to be fine. Seriously, I was way more upset about losing you than losing the idea of being with her, and now I got you back."

"Sorry," Jane said guiltily. "I don't mean to make you self-conscious."

"So what are you going to do now?" Lauren asked. "What's next on your list? It's like you're in AA or something, doing all this atoning."

"I know right? Only I'd be in Assholes Anonymous," Jane joked. "Actually I really don't know what to do now. How does one improve oneself? Do I need to take some kind of course?"

Lauren was thoughtful for a moment. "You've gotta come out to your mom."

"Huh? What's that got to do with anything?" Jane said.

"I know you don't like being psycho-analysed Jane, but it holds you back. That's the number one reason you've never really wanted to commit to a girl," Lauren said.

Jane scoffed. "But I'm ready now. I just hadn't met the right one is all. Like you said, I had to let someone in," she said with her voice dripping sarcasm.

"Can you really see Maura playing straight girls with your mom for too long? She's not great at lying. Plus it's holding you back, you have to admit. You have to do it sometime, might as well be while you're all gung-ho for personal improvement," Lauren pointed out.

Jane stopped walking for a second and turned to Lauren. It only took a moment to imagine a crushing weight lifted, what it would be like to be free of the ever-present fear. "You know what? You're right. I'm going to do it. I'm going to go home, and write her a letter telling her everything, so she can't talk back." She started to walk away.

"Great, and tell her I don't enjoy dick either while you're at it, I haven't enjoyed that little charade!" Lauren called out.

Jane turned around and glared at her, but it quickly gave way to a big smile. She stopped to wait for Lauren to catch up, and they walked arm-in-arm.