50 Words in 30 Days: #50 Nervous
A/N: This is a continuation of "Bet", "Cupid" and "Obvious"
Pairing: Santana/Rachel
Santana would never in her life admit that she was nervous about lunch with Berry. It simply wasn't something she could vocalize, because who the hell got nervous over lunch? Seriously, it was a time to eat food, with people around, or whatever. Nothing special or anything, yet she sat there on the risers, her knee bobbing uncontrollably as she tried to calm herself down. It was just lunch. It was lunch with Rachel Berry, one of her all time favourite people to pick on. No reason to be nervous.
But she was, and Santana didn't know how to handle that. In fact, when she woke up that morning, she hadn't expected that her day would have progressed as it had.
Santana hadn't expected much from the diva when she approached her. She'd hoped that Berry would have seen her approaching, but it was still nice to surprise the brunette. At the time, she'd braced herself for a response; the girl's initial freeze-up was what she expected, but everything after it had been beyond anything she'd thought up. Santana had thought Berry would have gone full tilt into a rant about reciprocal affection and the importance of it during intimate conduct, or perhaps for the girl to simply run off in a blind panic, thinking she was about to be roped into some horrible prank.
Instead, Rachel had relaxed and eased into her touch, allowing Santana's hands free reign during the embrace. On top of that, the tiny, weirdly dressed diva teased the shit out of her and made innuendo and everything; it had become quite clear that Berry wasn't the prude or strictly straight girl Santana thought she was, and that changed a lot in the cheerleader's mind, leaving a lot of unanswered questions.
The primary one was more or less what the reward Rachel talked about was. Hey, she liked prizes, and rewards were like prizes, they were just won in a different way; it wasn't a competition, but more like an aptitude test. It was still a prize, and she couldn't keep that off of her mind all morning. Especially that Santana receiving it was on the condition that she was a 'good girl', which only made things more interesting, because she rarely had the excuse to be sweet.
Santana had played the role of the 'good girl' all morning long, carrying the diva's books on the way to chemistry, English and geography, running her hand up the diva's arms affectionately, and giving her parting hugs and chaste kisses on the nose or cheek. She'd even called the diva by her first name, waved to her each time they parted ways, and let the damn girl get away with smacking her ass once! It'd taken all she could to not explode on the diva, even if Berry had been right and Santana had been late to her next class. But still, no one ever had the gall to slap her ass, and she was kind of pissed about it! Well, that is, if she hadn't been so shocked and kind of intrigued at Rachel's brazen actions. Santana had been nice, and let her off with a warning wag of the finger, but by the wink she received, it was clear that Berry wasn't the least bit frightened by her. In short, she'd been a damn good girl, and she was looking forward to her reward, especially since she'd totally clinched the bet with Puck and Quinn. Santana honestly kind of hoped it lead to a macking session with the diva, because she'd always been a bit curious to see if Rachel's mouth could work some magic outside of singing. She kind of liked the idea of putting Berry's breath control to the test.
But after all of that, her other question was how Berry knew that she liked being teased, that she liked that sort of playful, flirtatious dynamic. Sure, Santana wasn't about to complain about it, because the whole morning was a hell of a lot of fun, but it still registered pretty high on her confusion chart. Santana had always been curious and a bit of a snoop, so she liked having answers. She liked knowing things, which is why she was usually really perceptive, but she'd never seen Rachel act that way around anyone before in her life, so it was just kind of mind-boggling. Santana wasn't sure if Berry was just acting and playing along with her, having assumed she was put up to teasing the diva, or if Rachel was just reacting naturally to her flirting and teasing, which no one had ever treated the singer to, from her memory at least.
Ultimately, she knew her questions would eventually be answered in full, so she'd gone home during her free period before lunch to prepare. After all, Santana went hard after her bets, and she didn't half ass shit when she was interested in something. Under normal circumstances, she would have just had one of Sue's shakes for lunch, but she figured that some homemade salads and some fresh vegan cookies would work to her favour. Santana only had time to make a dozen before returning to school, but she was pretty sure they'd be awesome either way. Yet another sacrifice, as she refused to dip into her batch before Rachel did. Fuck, was she going to win the goddamn 'good girl' prize of the day! Honestly, it was the only thing keeping her remotely focused as she sat waiting in the choir room. Santana knew that all she'd have to do was be patient as hell for Berry to show up, and everything could be cool. Because Rachel Berry wasn't anyone to be nervous about, but she was damn curious nonetheless. She was worked up, she was tempted, and even though Santana felt unnerved by it all, she was excited.
At least, until the lunch bell rang and time slowed to a crawl. And then a minute passed. And then five minutes had passed. And then when it hit the seven minute mark, Santana decided that patience could go fuck itself, she'd make up for it by finding Rachel and walking her to the choir room.
She quickly packed everything back up and left the glee club's home, paying close attention to the lightly populated halls as she made her way toward the diva's locker. It was basically a direct path from the choir room, so there was no way that the brunette would have gone another route. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest as she turned the corner into the hall were both of their lockers resided, but it felt like it had fallen from her chest when she noticed the utter lack of Rachel Berry in her sights. And as she neared the diva's locker and spotted fallen splotches of blue raspberry slushie, Santana felt like she was about to burst into flames.
The first thing she did was set a mental reminder to kick someone's ass for getting in the way of her goals. Santana knew it was either Quinn for being upset that she won the bet, a random Cheerio for being so obtuse that she didn't realize Santana was practically sheltering Berry from trouble all morning, and that fucking MEANT something, or the stupid fucking jocks.
But that only took a millisecond to do, which left her to only have a minimally delayed reaction in finding the nearest washroom, which happened to be a few yards away, small drips of slushie guiding the way.
When Santana entered the area, quietly and cautiously as to not startle the diva, she found the washroom visibly empty. It was only the light hiccupping sobs coming from one of the stalls that let her know that someone was inside. She knelt down, seeing only one familiar pair of feet, before locking the door from the inside, jamming the hinge with one of the steel rods she kept around in her bag strictly for such instances. It was just that usually, they were instances of happiness, pranks, and all sorts of fun things, not sad times.
She slowly stepped further into the room, her gaze locked onto the door to the stall that Rachel was inside. "Rachel?" Santana called out nervously, not really all that sure of what to do. She'd never been incredible at comforting people. That was Britt's area of expertise, though the blonde had more or less helped her be capable by example. Santana just hoped that would be good enough. "Are you okay?"
"Go away, you…you've made y…your point, Santana. I d…don't wish to take part in…in your victory celebr...brations." the girl sobbed out quietly, but not without that trademark firm tone that Berry used when she was upset, that kind of made everyone else feel like crap. And really, even though she hadn't been at fault at all, she still did, knowing her past had made the girl think she'd tricked her. Santana knew that even if she had ordered it, she certainly never would have celebrated. She'd never done that after giving Rachel a slushie facial.
Santana walked up to the stall door, resting her hand on it, finding it predictably locked. She sighed, knowing it'd make it that much harder, not being able to see or touch the girl. "Rachel, tell me who did this to you, and I promise we can think of a fun way to get back at them, okay?" she asked, waiting a few moments for an answer, only to be met by silence, aside from the odd stifled sob. "Why would I slushie you when I was having an awesome time this morning? When we had lunch set up?"
"Because you wanted to hurt me, and…and congratulations San…Santana . You did." Rachel bit back, the diva's sadness palpable though her voice alone. Admittedly, Santana's first instinct was selfish, that she'd probably lose out on her reward, as well as learning why Rachel had flirted back, and that fucking sucked. It really, really did, and those thoughts held her mind for the first few seconds. It was then that she allowed herself to really take responsibility, because even if she hadn't slushied Rachel that day, she had in the past a number of times, and she hadn't won the girl's trust at all. That maybe Rachel was upset because of the idea that Santana had done it, which was weird, because if she'd worked Berry up like she had all morning, and wanted to tear her down, she would have done something far more creative than a slushie.
But she understood that Rachel didn't know that. She understood that the mere thought of her considering ways to hurt the diva only meant that she had a damn long ways to go until the pint-sized singer felt fully comfortable around her. Or, until she felt like she was trustworthy enough for the girl. And Santana wasn't sure why that was suddenly important to her, but she at least wanted to get them back to neutral ground, and in the privacy of the washroom, she was willing to put herself out there. Because fuck if she ever let herself lose a bet, dare or challenge when it was definitely within her reach. And really, she didn't want Rachel to be upset. Mopey Rachel was pretty much the most depressing thing in glee's history aside from Britt and Artie's relationship.
"I…I was really looking forward to lunch. I'm sorry I wasn't here to help, I went home and made some stuff, and…" she started, stumbling over her words, unsure what to even say at that point. She knew what damage she'd caused, but she just didn't know how to fix it. A fresh sense of desperation filled her, feeling her pride slipping out of reach. "I've been a good girl. Let me help you, I know you're probably hungry."
A few seconds passed in silence before the light rustling of material filled the room, and small footsteps made their way over to the stall door, a dainty hand opening it. Rachel stood there, her hair soaking wet and her eyes red and puffy, fresh tear streaks still marking the girl's cheeks. Santana was just happy that she'd brought her duffle bag to hold their lunch stuff, because her Cheerios stuff was inside too. Slowly, she knelt down to it and pulled it open, grabbing a fresh towel and a warm, baggy sweater Santana liked wearing after practices. Rachel cautiously watched every move, both hands still firmly on the stall door as Santana stood and offered the diva her sweater. "Let me dry your hair?" She asked softly, hoping the simplicity of the request would work in her favour.
The girl nodded silently and moved out of the stall and over to the mirrors. Immediately, Santana got to work, making sure to not be too rough, knowing her towel could cause split ends and breakage that Berry definitely wouldn't have enjoyed. As she gently worked the water out of Rachel's hair, she occasionally glanced at the mirror seeing the diva's attention intently on her. Beyond anything, the girl looked confused and uncertain, which was a little heartbreaking. Hey, she may have been a bitch, but she wasn't soulless. Santana was aware that nearly every time she'd slushied Berry, the diva had bounced back instantly without shedding a tear. She understood that after a morning of kindness and playful flirting, that she may have brought the girl's defenses down unintentionally, and that was on her. She knew Rachel was a walking, talking target, and Santana knew she should have been there to show the girl she was being consistent, that she wasn't a threat.
Even if she'd been put up to the whole thing by Quinn, she'd enjoyed herself. Santana wanted to keep going, and she didn't want to sacrifice all of that just for the chance to upset Berry. Seeing the girl so sad and with her torso legitimately drenched, she couldn't find pleasure in it if she tried. And Santana really didn't care to. She cared more about Rachel getting back to showing off that exciting, playful side again; and after that, the reward, of course.
As soon as she felt confident that she'd done as much as she could, Santana leaned down and planted a soft, simple kiss on the diva's exposed shoulder, hoping that Rachel would take it much like Britt used to, back when she couldn't say what she meant, back when her actions were the only way she'd speak. It was Santana's experience that simple affection spoke all the right words to set the heart at ease, and she hoped it had helped.
The small, brief smile that flickered on the girl's face felt like a victory, and she couldn't help but pull Berry in for another hug, finding themselves in the same position they'd been in earlier that morning. Still, it felt different there in the washroom, without an audience, with the air not charged with sexual tension. "We still have fifteen minutes left for lunch. To the choir room, or do you want to stay here?" she asked, resting her head on top of the diva's shoulder. Britt used to do that, and it'd always made her feel a little more connected. She hoped Rachel felt the same way.
"I'd prefer to get out of here." Rachel mumbled quietly, leaning ever so slightly into the embrace. Santana knew that flirty behavior just wasn't in the cards until the diva's mood rebounded, so she merely gave the girl another squeeze before unlocking the door, quickly leading Berry out of the washroom by the hand. Her face was stony and serious, challenging anyone to try anything, because she kind of really wanted to let out her anger on a willing party. Still, Santana was happy enough when they reached and entered the choir room doors without incident.
Rachel promptly made her way over to her usual seat in the front, her head bowed slightly, with dainty, obviously feminine hands resting in her lap. Santana followed suit, sitting on the floor in front of the weary girl, so that she could look up into her face more easily. Knowing they didn't have a lot of time to do much of anything, Santana laid out both lunches she'd prepared, as well as a small opaque container that she placed off to the side. Rachel watched on curiously, and looked at the lunch Santana offered with suspicion.
"It's just a kale salad…you know, with avocado, cucumber, red pepper, radish, celery, pomegranate, that sort of stuff. I didn't have much time, so it's not fancy, but it's vegan." She explained, and after another suspicious glance at the container, Rachel took it and a fork from Santana's hands, offering her a small smile yet again. That time, though, it lasted. Which was kind of awesome.
They ate in silence, though Rachel was clearly hungry as she finished her salad quickly, her eyes looking questioningly at the other container Santana had laid out. "What's in there?" Berry asked quietly, her lips forming into this tiny, curious pout. Santana had always noticed that Rachel's facial expressions tended to be really animated, but it was the first time she'd ever really instinctively thought of the girl as cute. And she wasn't entirely sure that it felt at all unfitting, or that it was wrong, because at that moment, with the diva clearly antsy over a potential surprise, she really did look cute.
"I made some cookies…ginger snaps. I think you made some for glee last March or something, so I figured you'd like them." Santana clarified, and Rachel seemed entirely taken aback for a moment, before a wide, baffled smile spread across her face.
"You did all this for me?" Rachel asked, sounding uncertain, though hope was glimmering in the girl's soft, brown eyes. Honestly, Santana wished she had a temporary third arm strictly for the purpose of patting herself on the back, because she'd salvaged the lunch break, and done a damn fine job.
She popped open the cookie container and lifted up a ginger snap, proud of her baking efforts. "You said that if I filled my pretty head with knowledge…" she started, slowly sliding toward Rachel, only leaving a few inches between them. "And if I was a good girl…" she continued, bringing the cookie up within a millimeter of the girl's lips, her other hand taking to gently stroking up and down the diva's left thigh. "That I might be rewarded." She finished, moving to a kneeling position between Rachel's legs, the girl spreading them slightly to allow her room. Not for a moment did Santana lose eye contact with the girl, relishing when Rachel leaned forward and took a bite; the diva clearly savoured the taste, chewing slowly and letting out a contented moan.
Santana intently watched Rachel finish off the cookie, bite by agonizing bite. She was certain that Rachel hadn't heard the bell ring, but she supposed the brunette likely was used to ignoring it, seeing as she had her free period after lunch. Santana honestly didn't care about attending Spanish, anyway. It was a waste of her time, and she had much more important matters to attend to.
"Come up here." Rachel stated softly, and Santana was up in an instant, her body on auto-pilot as she sat on the girl's lap, her legs supporting as much weight as she could comfortably bear in order to not make the diva uncomfortable. Santana watched Berry bring a hand up, much like she had earlier that morning, the girl's digits grazing her cheek with a tenderness she'd honestly never been shown before. Santana really hoped that she wasn't about to be let down gently. Rachel seemed the type to take that road when it came to rejection. "You've been…such a good girl, Santana." The diva breathed out, her brown eyes fluttering closed midway through the sentence.
And just like that, her worries were dashed, and Santana felt like she was on top of the world. Winning was fucking amazing, and she'd been awesome all day. Fuck the haters, she knew that if Quinn saw her right there, she'd have accused her of going soft, but Santana knew the way things worked. Competitions and prizes for shit like trophies, medals, booze and everything were done with fierce determination and relentless willpower, all wrapped up in a no-holds-barred mentality. That was how to win material prizes, by getting the best things, the most things. But with people, it all came down to affection and attention, and Santana wasn't a pushover in that either. It was why she'd gotten breast implants, to boost the amount of time people paid attention to her, and to increase the kinds of attention paid to her.
Much like that, she took being a 'good girl' seriously, because she figured that being awesome would at least get her a sweet macking session. It'd been a common part of her and Britt's relationship a few months back, and she was very familiar with the way that game was played, and that those sorts of situations were only victories if both had a freaking awesome time of it. It was the one thing she had that put herself ahead of Puck, in her mind. Puck knew how to have sex, but he didn't know how to lead into it, or how to care for anyone afterward, and even though she felt comfortable as hell saying she was a star between the sheets, her specialty in general was making people feel good. And at that moment, with Rachel's hair shiny and damp, the diva looking like some sort of tiny-yet-mature sex kitten, that was all she wanted to do. She just needed for Rachel to give her consent.
Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck, letting one work a simple massage while the other slipped into the girl's luscious, damp hair. She let her smile slip into a shy one as a sober thought formed in her mind, knowing that she'd never be able to be as open and free with the girl as she'd been earlier without taking a certain step. After singing and dancing, Santana was well aware that Berry enjoyed a little bit of acting. "Have I made the grade, Miss Berry?" she asked, peering up at the diva through her eyelashes, trying her best to look shy an innocent, playing the hopeful 'good girl' role she'd halfway slipped into throughout the morning.
The blush that filled Rachel's cheeks was glorious, but not nearly as much as the excited flash of recognition in the girl's eyes. "You have been a rather impressive young lady, Miss Lopez." Rachel spoke, the strange, fresh maturity in her voice startling Santana a little. She'd known Berry could act, and that she had a wide vocal range for singing, but hadn't expected for the girl's voice to take on a different tone and shape. It was honestly really enticing, and only had her more worked up as she felt Rachel's hands caress the outside of her thighs. Fuck if Quinn wasn't a blind idiot, because those small, deft hands teased her flesh in all the right ways. Usually, she didn't really care for the cheer uniform, but in that moment, she was thankful for it. "But tell me…do you think you're deserving of reward over the others?"
Santana gulped at the intensity of Rachel's stare and easily slipped further into her role of the nervous girl, eager to please. "I…I hope I am, Miss Berry." She stammered out, lightly dragging her massaging hand down Rachel's arm, hesitantly interweaving her fingers with the diva's own. She squeezed, while Rachel's hand flinched slightly, an intriguingly astute reaction. "I've worked terribly hard in my studies, securing a 4.0 GPA in hopes you'd be proud of me." She continued, adding a shy smile as one of Rachel's hands lifted her chin and forced her gaze to return to Rachel's eyes, now appearing a tiny bit softer despite her expression being firm and pointed. "I think only of you between classes, doing my best to ensure your comfort and safety, Miss Berry. I'm so sorry for earlier, I was…I just…" she let her words trail off, getting further into the act. Role-play had been a secret love of hers, and while Britt had always been a willing companion, the girl's range was limited, as was her commitment to the role. In Rachel, she trusted that the diva would follow through and just take in the experience and what she wanted to convey. It wasn't as if all of Santana's role-playing had to be sexual, it's just that she couldn't always express herself normally like other people, and it was easier for her through a filter. It was a lot easier to apologize playing a character than being 'herself'; the persona she'd created for her school life would never be caught apologizing. She figured both were acting anyway, it wouldn't hurt or anything.
"Just what, sweetness?" Rachel asked with a bit of softness lingering in her tone; the sheer aching worry in the girl's voice was amazing, especially with how utterly veiled it was by a fake, vague expression of concern with a flash of regret after using the pet name. Had she not been perceptive, Santana likely would have just taken the tone as Berry being uninterested in her welfare, which wouldn't have set the right tone. It was sort of stunning that Rachel knew to be so reluctantly detached so quickly.
"I just wanted…I wanted to be y…your good girl." She answered in a pained whisper, willing her eyes to water for effect, her voice choking up slightly in response. "A…and I really t…tried. I didn't think th…they'd hurt you."
"Shhh…" Rachel forced out quietly, removing Santana's other hand from her hair and placing it in the cheerleader's lap, he diva's hands holding both of theirs in place. "Good girls know when to control themselves, Miss Lopez." Rachel stated, a flicker of a frown against her lips, the diva's eyebrows turning up ever so slightly from worry. Santana watched the other girl's emotions battling underneath a thin veneer of impassivity.
Santana let out a sob; it wasn't a rare occurrence, she cried all the time when she was drunk, but it was a lot harder to do sober unless she was really into something. Thankfully, Rachel was playing along admirably, coaxing her into reacting, into spiraling out. "I try so hard, Miss Berry…I want to be good for you…" she spoke quietly, her lower lip trembling. Santana paused for a moment to see how Rachel would react, if she'd want to stretch it out for a bit longer. Seeing that Rachel was enjoying it, she decided to keep it going. "But it's so hard." Santana added with a slow shake of her head, sounding entirely defeated as she lowered her gaze again, wishing she'd let her hair out of her pony so that it could curtain her face. But good girls are supposed to be neat, proper, and well kept, so she supposed it was fitting.
"Miss Lopez, good girls are polite enough to make eye contact when appropriate." Rachel chided her, so she stifled a sob, letting her body shake forward ever so slightly. She wasn't that emotional quite yet, and she wasn't certain she wanted to be or that it was necessary, but Santana knew she could fake it well if she needed to. And second by second, that need was reduced by entirely real emotions welling up to the surface, long hidden away. "Why is it so hard, sweetness?"
Santana lifted her gaze, sending Rachel a pained look that actually seemed to startle the diva, whose eyes went wide with concern, starting to brim with emotion. "Because good girls don't feel like I do. Good girls don't think like I do." She forced out, letting all the worry from earlier in the lunch room and the washroom out of her system. Santana knew it wasn't necessarily the healthiest outlet for her stress and pent-up emotion, but it worked, and it was always cathartic in the end. It was kind of nice to let out the last scraps of her gay panic into their act, too.
She felt Rachel's hands start to shake, loosening their grip on her own ever so slightly. She witnessed Rachel swallow back her emotions, letting her final set of walls up as she worked to compose herself. "And…what do you mean by that, Miss Lopez?"
Santana took advantage of Rachel's shaking hands and pried one free, waiting a comfortable second or two to see if Berry would stop her before she placed a hand on the diva's cheek. "Good girls aren't supposed to desire you, Miss Berry. I just…I simply can't help myself." Santana cried out quietly, letting herself feel what anguish she could muster as she bit back her tears. "Perhaps I'm too wretched." She choked out, collapsing forward in the diva's lap, both of her hands shooting up to cover her face as she wept. Sure, she knew it was a bit odd, but she knew Rachel had so rarely ever been someone that others felt the need to impress and be worthy of, and even if it was just role-play, she'd wanted that for the diva. She wanted Berry to feel wanted for once, hoping that the girl would understand that it was her offering of trust, of affection. That it was her hoping for some shred of forgiveness. An olive branch of sorts, but with a bunch more emotion, and touchy-feely stuff of course. The good stuff.
She waited as Rachel went from pulling her into a frantic hug, her hands uncertain; the brunette was hesitant initially, and promptly changed her mind, moving to put a little distance in between them. This just had Santana reacting with even more anguish. She freed up one hand to tremble against the diva's shoulder, trying for some sort of contact. "Sweetness…" she heard whispered soothingly, Rachel's hands forcing Santana to clear her face fully so they could meet each other's gaze. "You are not fit to be one of the good girls you seek to emulate." Rachel spoke with quiet confidence, her gaze absolutely intense with determination and fire. Despite Santana's thankfulness for Berry's large vocabulary, the words hurt. She didn't understand if Berry was twisting the game on her, and it hurt to think she wasn't understanding what Santana had been trying to build the whole time, what she was trying to say through it all. She was trying so hard. She tried so, so hard.
"Miss…" Santana started, but a small shake of the diva's head still her words in her throat, letting them decay over the following silent seconds.
"You, my sweetness, will never be one of the good girls because you're my good girl. My precious, wonderful girl." Rachel spoke so sweetly and reverently that Santana couldn't help but let herself just believe. Even though it was just a role-play, she'd never heard such words spoken to her, especially not with such conviction. Santana didn't care about the tears streaming down her face or the magnificently wide smile she was sporting, or how hard her heart was beating, as if it was so full it could explode. The only thing she could focus on was that Rachel was looking at her with such adoration that she couldn't help but lean forward and tenderly press their lips together, smiling into the kiss as the diva pulled her closer, her arms wrapped around Santana's body possessively. It was almost as wonderful a feeling as when Rachel kissed back.
Santana had entertained some stray thoughts on Rachel's kissing prowess, assuming that the girl's breath control, skilled tongue and nicely-sized soft lips would make for a pretty nice time, but she'd had no idea. The last bit of nerves within her shattered as Rachel responded fervently and passionately, Santana feeling overwhelmed as the pendulum swung, Berry absolutely dominating her through the kiss. She supposed it fit character, but when their lips had touched, it had been the absolute last thing on her mind. Still, she was happy to oblige and be ravished, so long as she was able to return the favour in other ways afterward.
Her hands teased their way down Rachel's back, clutching her ass hard as soon as she'd gotten them in position, earning a surprised squeak from the diva, who ludicrously just rolled her hips back into her hands. Santana seriously had no idea what else Rachel Berry had hid away about herself from society, honestly, but she was really, really happy to be learning.
So perhaps she wasn't as surprised as she would have otherwise been when Rachel swiftly stood from the chair, Santana's legs instinctively wrapping around the diva's waist in what must have looked kind of hilarious, given their heights, before Berry laid them both onto the floor, Santana's back making contact first. However, while she certainly enjoyed the position, Rachel had interrupted their lips going at it, and she was going to make sure that Berry wouldn't be earning any more air miles unless she had the girl flying high on an orgasm or something. It didn't seem likely, given Rachel was still a virgin, but she decided she wouldn't rule out the possibility until Rachel did. And so, she kept her legs where they were, locking the diva in place on top of her.
Rachel didn't seem to mind one bit, breathlessly crashing their lips together again, Berry's hands embedding themselves in her hair, undoing her ponytail and letting her hair splay out freely. It only made Santana feel more vulnerable, losing part of her uniform, of her power, especially when Rachel pulled back for air. She used the opportunity to graze her hands up and down the back of Rachel's thighs, coming dangerously close to what Puck often called the 'Red Zone'. Once again, their eyes met, and Santana had a really difficult holding back the first thing that came to her mind, so she let the second slip out. "You're incredible." She breathed out, panting hard as her lungs fought to gather oxygen for another round. She could taste the remnants of Rachel's cherry lip gloss on her own, and it only made her want to kiss the girl until their lips were raw. However, the diva stilled her wishes with a melodic, carefree laugh, the singer smiling widely as she looked adoringly at her once again. It was then that Santana just couldn't help herself. "Did you mean what you said?"
Her words slowed Rachel's laugh until the diva looked down on her with a soft smile curling at her lips. "Are we still role-playing?" Rachel asked quietly, before letting out a giggle. "I suppose I broke character there, anyway."
"It's alright, I broke too." She replied, hoping to reassure the girl from the fresh flash of uncertainty spreading across her face.
That only earned her a puzzled look from the diva. "You did? But…when?" Rachel asked, curious, and appearing more than a little concerned. "Your words…they all seemed proper."
"I broke through my actions, not my words, I guess. When you said I wouldn't be like the rest…it was too much." She whispered, turning her head to the side so she wouldn't have to look at the diva, who was probably just looking on with full-on confusion. "I tried so hard, Rachel."
After a brief moment, she felt the full weight of Rachel's body on top of her own again, the diva's head resting in the crook of her neck. "You have nothing to apologize for, Santana. I know that now. You're forgiven." Rachel answered, as if she was some weird mind-reader or something. Which, actually, wasn't all that weird, Santana supposed, seeing as she had her own psychic Mexican third eye. "And to answer your question, at the risk of sounding utterly foolish and maybe desperately and hopefully pathetic…yes, I did."
Santana let herself breathe in that very confusing moment, processing her thoughts. Honestly, she'd spoken her mind, asking Berry that question because she'd felt something in that moment, on the diva's lap. It wasn't like anything else she'd felt before, and she knew that either Berry was an amazing actress, or some of her reactions were sincere, so she'd let the question spill out. She'd needed clarification, because it had all been too confusing and new for her, and now that she had an answer, a confirmation, she wasn't sure how to feel.
Apparently, inexplicably, Rachel felt something for her. Deciding to put aside her history, and focus just on the day at hand, it made the morning's flirty embrace make a lot more sense. It made every glance, every touch, every playful remark make sense, especially with how the diva had seemed to get more confident as time passed, at least until the washroom encounter. And that made more sense, because if she'd spent the whole morning flirting back and forth with a girl that had a crush on her, only to be rejected in a painful way, it made sense to be upset. Hell, she'd have been upset if it had happened to her. Britt rejecting her without a slushie had been hard enough, so it made her empathize with Rachel over that much. And the role-play was done so exquisitely, Rachel guiding the right responses out of her, helping her let go and release her guilt, her sorrow, and so much else. Every moment of that exchange had been guided with the care of a girl who hadn't ever done that sort of thing with her before, yet knew perfectly well how to react in each instance. It was baffling. It was amazing, and she'd loved every second of it, despite how emotionally charged it had been. Perhaps because of it.
And then the kiss. Santana had kissed a great many people, but she'd never been kissed with such unrelenting passion. Where she had skill and technique, Berry had some weird emotional thing. She'd never felt so many slight mood shifts as she had with Rachel where every motion of her lips, every tilt of her head, every flick of her tongue all taught her exactly what the diva had been feeling at the moment. And it had been like experiencing the Sistine chapel in all its glory, having only ever witnessed the scrawling work of seven year olds before. It had been entirely new and ridiculous, and Santana only wanted more. Not just for her, but for Rachel too. Because as much as she wanted Berry's lips on her own, she wanted hers on Rachel; she wanted to explore the girl and truly understand the diva. Santana was a curious person, after all. And while her reward had been more than she had hoped for, it didn't hurt to set her sights on someone much more valuable than a reward or prize.
"And I might just sound like some sappy marshmallow or something but…look, this started as a bet that I wouldn't touch you, okay? But that all changed the moment you leaned back into me, alright? Because that made me curious, and I need to know things. It's how I am. So I flirted, and you flirted back, and that just got me kind of excited, because almost no one keeps up in flirting with me, and you really got me off balance, and I was really looking forward to lunch, not just because of the reward, but because you were suddenly really interesting. And when I saw you in the washroom breaking down because you thought…you thought I had made someone hurt you…I really wanted to keep flirting with you, but I needed to apologize more and you were so awesome. No one's ever made me feel like…that." She rambled, taking a deep breath, because apparently Berry's motor-mouth and paragraph-speech disease were contagious. "Especially when you looked at me like that and said those words, so that's why I asked you. Because I kind of really wouldn't mind being your girl and stuff, I think." She finished quietly, her words trailing off at the end as her nerves took over her mind once again, her hands wringing with each other anxiously. Santana had never been in that sort of situation before, and she didn't know how to react or even just be normal, so she fiddled with her hands and closed her eyes, trying to just think about what to do, but nothing was coming up. It was as if she'd had word vomit, and it threw out her ability to think.
"Santana…" she heard Rachel speak reverently, the diva's light hand turned her head by her chin, forcing her gaze open once more. She'd sort of expected Berry to pull away so that she wouldn't just see hair, but apparently that wasn't in the cards. After all she said, Santana kind of wanted to see the girl's eyes to gauge how she felt, but it was denied her. So she sulked a little. "I believe my exact words were that you are my good girl. My precious, wonderful girl." The diva continued, and Santana wasn't sure how Rachel could even think to describe her like that, but she really wanted to believe she could be that to someone. She'd tried with Britt, but it didn't end up working out. She hadn't been good enough, but Rachel was good. Rachel was also contagious in nearly everything she was, and maybe that was what Santana needed. Maybe she just needed someone to help bring herself out, because Rachel's words didn't just make her feel like a better person. They made her remember who she was underneath it all, something Santana often forgot while at school, as well as when Quinn and Britt couldn't make time for her.
And maybe that was a reason to not be nervous about Rachel Berry. Maybe the girl could help her win back the only prize she'd ever thrown away. Herself.
Santana wasn't quite sure what she could give in return that could possibly be of equal value, but she let Rachel worry about that. She'd just give her all until she figured out if it was a good idea or a bad idea, but she'd always been impulsive. And Rachel was making her feel twenty kinds of good, so she'd take the offer. She'd be awesome enough for them both.
And in a moment of peace surrounding it all, she realized she didn't need any bets or dares shackling her to that goal. And fuck, was that a freeing feeling.
"So Rachel, there's still twenty minutes left in your free period. You gonna ogle my lips the whole time, or are you gonna come and get up on this and get you some sugar?" she asked, her trademark smirk falling into place as she waited for her girl's response.
She didn't have to wait long. Rachel was nothing if not punctual.
A/N: Wow. This kind of just exploded on me. To give you an idea of how much, I had up until "…Santana felt unnerved by it all, she was excited." outlined. The rest was just stream of consciousness the rest of the way, and I really, desperately hope I did it justice. I really wanted for Santana to be in this position of semi-understanding the whole time, searching for answers, and battling what she both received, and what she knew from before. I just hope that the confusion that I wanted the character to feel didn't slip too far into the writing style to muddy things up too much. I needed her thoughts to be scrambled, to continue past thoughts paragraphs later in a different situation as she put the pieces together. I hope it worked for you all. I'm not sure I'm completely satisfied, but I don't have it in me to re-write such a long streaming work like this. Not now, with me out of the mindset that crafted all of this.
Anywho, thanks so much for reading and for the reviews saying you've enjoyed this little arc. It's been a productive, enjoyable evening, and it's been wonderful hearing from you all. :)