Mario and Bowser's New Frenemy Adventure - SEASON TWO -

Friends Family and 'Associates' (Chapter Fourteen)

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.

Author note: Kind of longish. See bottom notes.

April 4, 2016 Southern Mushroom Kingdom Hospital report: Howdy. This is a formal (well not really) letter to the Mushroom Kingdom service board. Another nurse was attacked and this time his arm was permanently twisted out of it's socket. I currently go to high school with him as a junior and the poor guy played sports. Ten our of patients we can't keep stable, but at least they aren't 'coma walking' and attacking everything that moves. As for the aggros like the ones that took my friend out, we're going to have to restrain them like MK East. We're used to Yoshi wrangling so this should work. I'm so glad I only gave the Special World Hospital ten patients. No telling how those other lunatics would handle this, especially Dr. Toad. Guy has skeletons in his closet. Fresh ones.

-Jr 'Can't write formally if his life depended on it' Troopa, the best nurse around.

Jelectro Bond was on the roof of a diner in East Toad Town. Standing near the streets and entering the building were people wearing blue denim jackets, blue vintage dresses, and blue shoes. It was wear a certain color day, and he'd had missed the memo. The beaming sun was already hot and put a glare on the radio's screen, constantly blaring the reports of the local law enforcement, some mundane others not. While only seeing one up close he'd learned that there were eleven victims of the 'Railway Killer', as one more was found after the goomba. He had a theory in mind: Since half of them did have some slight but nonfatal physical trauma before dying by internal damage, the perpetrator could have use that 'death ray' as a last resort. Combined with the common theme of mass transport someone or something wanted to get out of the Kingdom fast and without too much attention. Bond closed the laptop and was preparing to climb off the building's roof to join society again as a so called civilian. He'd just report this to his agency and they were surely-

Don't do that, his heart said. A sinking feeling deep within said that this was actually part of something bigger than he could ever imagine. Instead of stopping at the portal to Super Spy HQ hidden in Toad Town, his next stop was instead...

Class and sophistication met blue collar.

After arranging for Toad to be sent to Peach's castle by Captain Toad picking him up (Daisy insisted she stay at the clinic), it was back to business. The sparkling gold Parade Kart driven by Ludwig attracted much attention while cruising down the streets of Toad Town where the average person could barely afford to not use public transportation, let alone an older gas guzzler. Girls even took pictures while they were at red lights, gushing over Ludwig, (Luigi guessed they saw his blue jacket and got confused since they were still on the East side of Toad Town with all the denim jacket greasers), but also Luigi (so it wasn't all bad).

The car stopped right before the entrance of Forever Forest. Already the 'locals' were rustling in the thick green foliage. Luigi suppressed a shiver.

"May I remind you that time is not an infinite resource, plumber." Ludwig checked his old looking wristwatch.

Luigi hopped out. "I have one like that too." Luigi rolled up his sleeve to show off his own vintage time keeping piece.

Ludwig raised one eyebrow. "Oh? That looks good."

"Thanks, but I'm sure yours gets the most praise, especially from the ladies with you being a prince and all."

Ludwig only mumbled in reply as Luigi began to lean on a sign post warning visitors to not get lost.

"We should mark our trail. I know mushrooms and you can get spun around hunting for them."

Ludwig scoffed and continued through the forest gates without Luigi. "Reiterating your credentials is superfluous. I even have credits in Koopilius Kesler's Florilegium: The Book of Plants!" The koopaling's voice grew faint.

Luigi entered the forest where the thick canopy made everything dim, belying the fact that it was only late noon. "That was not nice!"

"Well you caught up, did you not? Look at this."

But Luigi could not find where "this" was. As he called Ludwig's name he could feel the various creatures in the bushes watching his every move, just waiting for him to make a misstep and become another victim of the forest. Luigi strained his eyes to find any sign of Ludwig on or off the path. Then, some distance into the forest, leaves crunched and right after his ears rung when a bang went off to his left. Woodland animals shrieked, cooed, and howled in reply, the noises collectively coming from all around.

Luigi braced himself and ran through a large shrub to investigate. On the other side was Ludwig aiming his zapper at a horde of green fuzzies, with a scorched black mark on the ground between them. At the sight of Luigi the hoard scurried back into the greenery, apparently finding the fight not worth it anymore.

"Luigi?! Thank goodness!" Ludwig returned the zapper to it's holder.

Luigi grabbed him tightly. "I was so worried! You could have gotten lost and never found again, or those things could have eaten you alive!"

Ludwig stared back blankly. "...I misjudged. I thought I saw- I'm sorry.."

Luigi let go and sighed heavily. "Just stick with me, okay?"

"Very well. I will do so." Ludwig's expression remained flat as they marched back to the path, but he kept close to Luigi's heels and every twig snap made his hand hover over the zapper holster.

There were many atypical plants to be found in the forest, but none had the peculiar yellow and black color palette of a boom shroom. Luigi knew of a residential clearing up ahead where they could inquire of locals and even safely split up for a moment. After all, he had the faintest idea that maybe Ludwig wasn't used to working with others, but it was just a hunch...

"People call me stupid koopa,

They just jealous of my chains

I got the sickest beats in Dark Land,

Haters get hanged!"

Larry's fist knocked against the subway windows in beat with his 'rap.' He and his siblings were heading to the harbor to catch a ride to Yoshi's Island for some authentic Yoshi berries (and for Wendy to take some exotic Instaham photos).

"Knock it off!"

"Yo, chill out. What else we gonna do? King Dad took our cellphones, remember?"

Roy crossed his arms. He sat across from Larry with Wendy beside him, their sister being engrossed with her cellphone that wasn't taken away because she was daddy's girl. "Fair point. Huh. Hey, I hear Junior got a girlfriend."

"He do?! Why, that little brat..." Talk about embarrassing he thought, but it could be worse. Larry was only 15. At least he wasn't like Ludwig who was 23 and had never had a girlfriend.

"Yeah. Boy's a player already. He might even rival me when he grows up!"

"That's so cruddy…" Larry mumbled. "Earth to ugly hag over there, wake up!"

Wendy threw a small tantrum. "NOOO! Raven sided with the 'Chucksters' and that's totes traitorous," she thought out loud.

Roy turned to her. "You mean those wimps we saw walking around with the denim jackets?!"

"Uh huh, and yes I heard everything you two MANsplainers were saying..."

Everyone felt the subway slowing down. Outside the window was completely dark like all of the lights in the subway tunnel were out.

"Why is it so black out there all of a sudden?"

Wendy had her nose in the air. "Maybe it wants to be black, Larry. Is anything wrong with that?"

"Subway 101, Toad Town to Surfshine Harbor, attention," the automated intercom said. "There will be delays in departing. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Aww shell!" Roy said. "We sit in this stupid train all day and now we gotta wait to get off?"

"Like, my gosh. We're royalty and we don't have to stand for this. I'm complaining to the staff." Wendy got up after dusting the crumbs from her lap, (they briefly got something to eat before boarding the subway at a diner that happened to be controlled by the 'Chucksters', so they had to endure denim jackets, rockabilly music, and tall hair for about thirty minutes), and head for the door heading to the next car.

"But, Wendy-"

She waved a hand sassily at Larry. "We don't have all day, sugar. I'm sure if I offered them some of this bling-" Wendy flashed a gold chain hidden in her purse. "Get what I'm saying?"

Larry couldn't believe he was now being outdone by his big sister who actually owned chains as opposed to just rapping about them.

"Alright sis. I'll knock some heads together if they get fresh." Roy got up and joined her. They were leaving when Larry jumped up.

"Hey wait for meeeeee!"

The koopalings passed a few cars to get to the front of this particularly short and mostly unoccupied subway, so they only got stared at oddly once or twice. Roy would always shake a fist and they'd knock it off real quick.

"Halt," said the orange Yoshi attendant guarding the next door. "You're not allowed past here."

Roy used the fist shake technique, but the attendant flashed a sharp looking katana and Roy was the one who knocked it off real quick.

Larry stepped up. "We just want to speak to the conductor or whatever!"

The yoshi held the blade steady. "Well, he's busy back there so-"

"Aaaaahhhh they're breaking the glass!" screamed someone inside the doors behind him.

The attendant whipped around and pushed open the next door only to let a few black creatures who were pressing against it spill out. They were flat and fuzzy with yellow oval eyes in the center. The attendant realized his error and shut the door just a moment too late, so everyone dodged back.

Roy slid the sunglasses down again for a better look. "What the shell are those freaks?"

"They're all jittery and, eww!" shrieked Wendy.

Larry thought for a split second. "Are these.. smorgs?"

The yoshi sliced at them to little avail as the paper thin monsters continued to slide through the gap in the door.

"Save yourself, kids!"

The attendant pushed everyone out to lock himself in with the smorgs. While his siblings scrambled away Larry tripped on his toes, feeling something brush against them at the same time. In his panic, firecrackers he had in his pockets that he used to pelt the vehicles of people he didn't like in high school fell to the ground and exploded, making purple, green, and blue flash in the car like a strobe light at a party. By the time the smoke cleared, the smorgs that had gotten through were reduced to black piles of ash on the floor. Small successes, except more of them were coming and they didn't seem happy. With a squeal he hoped no one heard, Larry finally joined everyone else in the farthest car back. When he got in, Roy and a Thwomp passenger in a business suit leaned against the door right away.

"Where were you? They can slip through the gaps any moment!" Wendy stood on her seat like one would to avoid a little mouser in the kitchen.

Larry frantically dug into his backpack."Guys, we can roast these losers. I got… exactly one more... Dang! Now I remember that I cleaned out this backpack to make room for Iggy's womanizing spray prototype- I mean my own manly musk!"

"You idiot!" Wendy said. "We're screwed then!"

Larry beat a fist to his chest. "Not just yet. Let a real Koopa man handle this like- Ahhhh watch out!"

Some of the smorg slid under the door, piling up at the feet of Roy and the thwomp before flipping themselves upward to attack. Larry tossed the last firecracker like a grenade and heroically saved both his brother and a random passenger. No, actually the firecracker slipped from his claws while he screamed like a girl and the entire fireworks show went off at his own feet, disorienting everyone in the car. The first thing Larry saw as the world faded back into view were ashes everywhere and a big open window to his right that someone pried open. Roy broke him out of his daze by reaching in and yanking him out onto the hard concrete outside. They were at the harbor.

"We told you to move instead of standing there when I opened that window, stupid!"

Larry would have had some choice words for his brother was he not struck by the sight of the entire Toad Town 101 subway train being covered in smorgs.

"Let's get out of here before this commotion delays our ship," Wendy said, checking her phone for the time.

...

"I'm sorry to inform you that it has. The Sarasaland government has restricted all import and export with the Mushroom Kingdom," the officer told them once they'd entered the registration office that was a short walk away.

"They can't do that!" Larry said. "Uh, is what I WOULD say if I paid attention in government class…. Which I don't!"

Wendy winked at her brothers and pulled out the gold chain again. The bandit officer then showed them his chain, which was bigger, more gold, and fancier than Wendy's.

Larry pound his fist in his hand. "We need to group up, yo. Wish I had my scepter."

"Yeah, sugar. Or we should sent him to the dungeons."

"I think I can take this punk. I have a spiked brass glove and-"

The officer interrupted Roy by clearing his throat loudly. "You realize that I'm still here, right?..."

"Hey, lay off! I deserve to get a call don't I?" a green dinosaur named T. Yoshisaur, also known as Yoshi, said around the corner as a doogan and toad officer escorted him. Yoshi was left at a payphone where he dropped his bag to the ground with a sour look.

Larry left his brother and sister with the officer at the desk, and stood around where Yoshi was.

"..Yeah Birdo, I might be away for a little while. Love you, bye." Yoshi hung up and jumped a little. "Larry? What are you doing here?"

"Don't you know about that truce with my homies and your homies? You missed the show."

He laughed bitterly. "I sure did, you know, hiding myself on a cheep cheep fishing boat because they won't let anyone from Yoshi's island, or any other country visit the Mushroom Kingdom!"

Larry started. "So they really did do that?"

"And I would have gotten away with it, had those alien things not attacked and made all of the sailors check their ships."

Larry almost showed some sympathy before he caught himself. "I got a plan," he said as cool as he could. He saw his brother and sister and everyone else not in the office anymore."Why don't you escape with us and we head to the castle? You got the berries we need for the Mushroom Flu cure in your backpack and I'll explain the rest on the way."

Yoshi smiled. "You'd really help me out? Umm.. how did you know I brought berries?"

"I rummaged through your stuff while you wasn't- I mean, just a guess! Here, wear this."

Yoshi put on Larry's large blingy gangster ball cap and tilted it down to cover his eyes. For the first time Larry could notice how nice Surfshine Harbor was outside, with it's deep blue ocean, sandy shore, old school beach houses, and absolute tranquility, save for an odd low rumble in the background.

Yoshi froze in this tracks and Larry bumped into him before seeing what he was seeing. Back near the subway station, Toad Town 101 had transformed into a half machine half organic 'thing' that stood upright. The five subway cars where joined together by a center mass of smorg and entrapped people. Among the monsters where the a passengers, officers, sailors, Roy, and Wendy. The five subway cars, now black instead of the silver color they previously were, stuck out to make a five pointed shape, ostensibly like a star. A dark star.

"We went outside and they spread everywhere!" Wendy screamed. "Could you totes help us right now?!"

The middle portion then pulled its victims inside of it where they were no longer in view. Yoshi looked from side to side, but saw no other soul anywhere, not on sidewalks or on the streets. Surfshine harbor had become ghost town harbor.

Yoshi faced Larry. "I don't know what this thing is but let's 'totes' help them, to quote your sister."

The curtains fell and the battle began Paper Mario style.

Yoshi looked at his attacks: flutter, stampede, and egg. His special attack was 'wisdom'.

Larry had: Rap, shank, wand (greyed out), and 'closeted book nerd' as a special attack.

Yoshi tossed some eggs at the smorg, but didn't even put a dent on the subway cars the 100 foot monster was made up..

He squinted at he looked upwards at the behemoth. "Use your tattle thing."

Larry pulled out his smartphone and flicked through a few web pages until he found the info he needed. He paraphrased: "That's a 'Smorg' and they all gather up and junk to make a bigger monster like a gang bang or something. Max Hp ? Huh, this one must be special like the Armored Harriers. Attack is 500 though, wtf? Defense 1 like normal. Attacks with tentacles like Iggy's weird cartoons. Yeah, we should probably kill this thing quick…"

Now it was the smorg's turn. It fell on top of Yoshi and Larry with the center part hitting them directly. Immediately Larry felt like he was drowning in some kind of slick papery material and flailed, feeling nothing at all, until his hand brushed something smooth like a necklace.

Or Wendy's gold chain!

"Wendy?" Larry called.

"I'm over here!"

"Over where? Are we moving?"

Roy had to slide his sunglasses up his face. "Well I'm here I think and I'm upside down!"

"Guys? This is Yoshi. Now we aren't really inside this freakshow are we?

"What?!" Wendy gasped. "So we're dead already?"

"Oh noooo. I want my mommy- I mean MONEY.. because I loaned some out and uh-"

"Larry, quit it punk!"

"Okay, ma'am."

"Who was that?"

"Yeah, who just answered for me?"

"Me, ladies and gentilement."

"You're Larry too?"

"This is totes confusing."

"I'm an attendant," the Toad attendant, also called 'Larry' said, "and these things appeared out of nowhere and burst through the glass."

Yoshi ate a bulb berry from the bag he had on him, recognizing the fruit he wanted by smell. The dragon's green skin turned yellow and his entire body emitted a bright warm color that revealed the koopalings, the attendant, and others off in the distance. They were all floating in a dark void while a distant roar could be heard from somewhere near yet far. Roy was floating and spinning around in place. Wendy was stationary while upside down, which is how the golden chain fell out of her bag. Larry was upright and still had the chain and Yoshi and the attendant were on their side. People in the distance were in random orientations.

"Whatever this is, we need to burn it. Too bad we just happen to be some of the non fire breathers," Larry the koopaling said.

Yoshi pinched between his eyes before facing everyone. "Listen up. Give me that flashlight, something reflective, something that can chain things together, and something protective you can put on your hand."

Everyone blinked.

"I know what I'm doing, trust me," Yoshi assured.

Larry the attendant tossed his flashlight to discover that the void had moon-like physics. Wendy tossed one of her million mirrors. Roy gave up some super large brass knuckles, while resisting the urge to hurl. Larry Koopa gave up the gold chain after one more longing glance and the last thing floated over to the glowing dinosaur. He combined those items with a zapper mini that was in his bag. This surprised everyone but Larry Koopa, who'd been through his nap sack anyway (and snatched twenty coins while at it.) The extra batteries from the flashlight added power to the zapper and the chain held the mirror right in front of the barrel. Lastly he put on the brass glove and aimed the modified weapon in a direction that wasn't pointing at anyone.

"Sir, what are you doing?!" Larry the attendant questioned.

"The mirror will cause the laser to rebound in the barrel like a freaking bomb. Don't worry, I'm a professional crazy dinosaur. Ready?"

"No!" Everyone, even those floating around a distance away collectively shouted.

"Geronimo!"

In a blinding flash the small flame from the zapper spread everywhere, like the air inside the void was flammable. As the creature collapsed on itself, Larry thought his skin was going to melt off, but that didn't even compare to the deafening cry of agony from the monster. The rumbling shook him to the bones as the rift between the regular world and their dimensional imprisonment was shattered. As if that was all a bad dream, the next thing he remembered was twenty or so people including his siblings and Yoshi right back at the Surfshine Harbor subway station amid piles and piles of black ashes. The pieces of the subway were tossed about like a toddler playing rough with toys.

Yoshi was shaking and blowing on his right hand with the metal glove off to the side glowing red. He moved his mouth but no words came out. Larry for a moment feared he was deaf before he heard the regular sounds of the city behind him. Cars driving. People walking. All of it had appeared out of nowhere and the harbor was back to life.

The four stumbled away from the scene and jumped into the closest Mushroom Bus on route to Royal Raceway, white as a Boo. Their narcosis disposition matched everyone else involved, so much so that the evening news report would be unable to cover the incident properly, especially with there being mysteriously, improbably, no outside eye witnesses. Channel 64, somewhat annoyed, had to put yet another curious incident down as an 'Act of Eldstar'. The overhead shot of the ashes shaped like a star were a conversation starter however.

So everyone on the task of getting cure ingredients were long gone except for Iggy, because he needed bathroom breaks inside. And snacks. And he goofed for a while. But eventually he was back in front of the castle just in time for a yellow toad to show up.

"Whoa, you're Iggy!" Alagold said, not alarmed in the slightest.

"I am! Are you my secret rival?"

"Umm, no he's just late for his shift," Toadette said, not paying any attention to the fact that Alagold looked pale and sickly. "You missed a ton of stuff. Basically..." Toadette explained things not so basically but somehow Alagold got the point.

"So can I work wit him? It'll be AWESOME to work with you!" Iggy towered over the yellow toad beside him. "I remember the time you invaded my fortress like how Koru wiped out the Super Plumbers in Koopa Ball Z!"

"Thanks?"

Iggy wheeled a bike from the Airship. It was lime green with two thwimps tied to it by rope about ten feet behind. The thwimps wore headbands with wires and blinking led lights attached to him.

"-So we'll ride around and the seismic activity recorded every time the thwimps hit the ground will tell us if stardust is in the vicinity! Wanna ride? I'll let you drive because I need to pay attention to this soundtrack so I can learn the lyrics for when I perform 'Super Plumber Sonata' at this upcoming comic-con. Also whenever I drive, someone always manages to get hit by a car, even if it makes no sense. But it's okay, last time it happened the guy didn't have any friends or family anyway. No biggie..."

Before Alagold could respond, Captain Toad pulled up to them in Toadworth's fake wood grain adorned station wagon. He rolled down the window. "Greetings Mr. Ala-Gold and Iggy Koopa."

"Hey, is that Mr. Toad back there?"

Toad raised down his window in the backseat. "(Hey, Gold. You don't gotta be proper. How's the castle?)"

Alagold leaned into the window. "I wouldn't know!"

"It's terrible!" Toadette shouted from the distance.

"Be careful, man."

"I agree.." Captain Toad said, eyeing Alagold from the rear view in a slightly vexing way, but no one really noticed.

Captain Toad left to park around back as Alagold examined Iggy's bike closely. He didn't see any rockets or anything else illegal about it, so it was all good. He also wasn't deathly sick from overdosing, so that was better. "Neat. I'll drive it."

The thwimps tethered to the bike pounded the ground in rhythm as they made it from Royal Raceway to downtown. When coming up on the first busy street Alagold realized that there were no brakes!

"Whoa dude, what's wrong with your bike?!"

Iggy took out an earbud. "It's this a fixed gear bike. Aren't all of your bikes like this?"

"Noooooooo!"

They shot through an intersection, making cars swerve to avoid collision. On the next sidewalk they ran over YoshiMobile phone stands in front of a business and almost hit someone dressed as the Statue of Mushroom in front of a tax company building. Finally the bike ran out of momentum right before a red cross light.

Alagold was still hyperventilating when he realized that he'd held on so tight his little fingers wore grooves in the handlebar's grips. "That was awesome- I mean, AHHHGH!"

"Why did we stop, Alagold-san?"

"Do you know how to stop this thing? Yes? Then have at it, bro. Just don't run people down again."

"Have it your way!" Iggy sang. They rode once more through Toad Town at breakneck (possibly literally) speed, only Iggy had complete control with the fixed gear bike. The thwimps continued to work behind them and alarm noises came from their headbands right as they passed the Mushroom Junkyard.

Iggy skid to a stop and then slid his glasses up on his nose. "I should have known because this place does glow green at night occasionally."

"What are we looking for again?"

"Stardust is going to look like an ugly odd shaped rock. Luddy probably would have hidden it with others like it." Iggy pulled out a flashy ray gun in rainbow neon colors. "Awesome-sauce, I remembered to bring my limited edition 'Cowboy Boom Boom' ray gun with real vaporizing action!"

After Iggy whistled and got the thwimps to calm down, they parked the bike behind a broken down car and quietly tiptoed through the junk yard. They bypassed stuff from old mushroom buses, to kitchen appliances, to billboards advertising long past events like Mario Parties and other sports. Curiously, Alagold noticed a lot of discarded Fungus Up signs and memorabilia looking really fresh and newly dumped. Soon he saw a pile of orange bricks. The kind that Mario might frequently break on an adventure.

"What about those, bro?"

"Hmm. No no no. We're talking more like meteor rocks, remember? Nothing square or rectangular or any normal polygon shape." Iggy jumped up and down and started pointing. "There's a rock pile that would be perfect~"

Alagold turned to where Iggy was talking about and recoiled. "What in the home-for-infinite-losers are you thinking?!"

The area ahead of them with lots of broken green, red, and yellow pipes laying either on their sides or upright with a huge black chain chomp snored right in the middle of it all. Black rocks were scattered about everywhere.

Alagold muttered things under his breath. "Weird, are junkyard chomps usually red? Alright, just cover me."

"Sure. Can I use my ray gun now?"

"Not yet." Alagold was sneaking around pipes with the caution of a Fire Snake when the chain-chomp stirred, freezing both toad and koopa. Alagold wiped the sweat from his forehead when it only turned over a slept once more. He shoveled out one last mound of dirt from the pipe and gasped at what he saw. "This might be it. Catch!"

Iggy caught the dull grey rock. "Yup. 100% unrefined stardust! Here, take a close look."

After Alagold climbed out and dusted himself off he held it. "Umm, why is it glowing like this?"

"It's mildly radioactive, duh! Cool right?"

Alagold glanced down at the mineral in his hands with some worry before smiling. "Totally cool, bro."

They retraced their steps with the rock. Alagold stared at the sky when he noticed a star up there, but it didn't twinkle like normal, rather it was dark like someone poked a pin-sized hole in the sky with a needle. Seeing stars in the daytime was always kind of weird, so his mind drifted off thinking about the cosmos when his phone started to vibrate, coming from Mario. By the time he picked it up, it was already sent to voicemail.

"Hey Gold," Luigi said. "Mario and I grabbed each other's phones this morning by mistake. Anyway, I was just checking on everyone. Larry's group won't answer nor Buckenberry's. I sent a text to Mario but no reply yet. If you hear anything let me know. Stay safe."

"Lame. I blame YoshiMobile for the dropped calls," Alagold said to himself.

There was silence in the junkyard…

Then the chain-chomp's eyes snapped open, revealing starry shaped pupils. "BARK BARK BARK!" echoed through the entire five acre dump. Ground and various junk around them rattled as the chomp bounced their way so Alagold and Iggy screamed and ran as fast as they could. As they followed the winding path back to the start, the chomp plow through the junk walls straight to them like a heat seeking missile.

"Over here! Trust me!" Iggy said. The tall koopaling hopped inside of a barrel, one of many piled up next to discarded Mario party 2 posters.

Alagold prayed and jumped in one next to Iggy's. His heart was pounding when the chomp reached them, complete with is loud barking and the earthquake like bouncing. After what felt like forever, the noise moved away until everything became silent. Alagold had no idea how long he'd held his breath when Iggy nearly made him wet himself by violently shaking his barrel.

"Come on, Alagold-san! The coast is clear."

Alagold slowly got up and looked around. "I owe you one, bro. How'd you know?"

"Well, I saw that Mario Party stuff and there's this mini-game called Sneak 'n' Snore," Iggy explained. "I figured if barrels worked in that game, it might here."

They reached bike, never hearing the chain chomp again. Iggy whistled and the thwimps returned to life, hopping along as Iggy wheeled it out of the junk yard to terrorize Toad Town traffic once more.

...That is, until they stopped in front of a McGoombas.

So they parked the bike, subdued the thwimps, tied the stardust rock to the bike, then walked into the fast food restaurant like nothing had happened. Alagold ordered a small combo and Iggy the happy meal. They were setting down near the window and eating for a while.

"You know, you're okay for a pesky Mario fiend," Iggy spoke as he played with the toy.

Alagold chuckled. "I guess you're alright too. Go with the flow, as Mr. Toad would always tell me."

"Why did you show up late? That pink toad chick made it a big deal."

"I had this bad dream last light where this star was attacking us and junk. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and in the dark took a few too many of my anxiety pills. I'm still alive, so whatever."

They finished their meals and went outside where a bandit was snooping around the bike.

"Hey, dude. That's ours!" Alagold told him.

The bandit brought out a knife which made Alagold back up, but Iggy shot his 'toy' gun and the laser made the bandits robe catch on fire.

"AHHHH!" the bandit screamed running away from the restaurant and into a street where he got hit by a car and created a huge scene. It was okay though, because he had no friends or family.

Iggy turned to Alagold with an 'I told you so' look. "See? This is what happens when I drive..."

Buckenberry, Lemmy, and Morton went to the Mushroom Mall where in the Adidams (All Day I Dream About Mario Sports) store, Morton talked the clerk into letting him get some five hundred coin Air Koopa sneakers on a credit card that definitely wasn't in his name. Lemmy took a quick look through the toy store. Buckenberry tried the vitamin shop, but they didn't have the kind Ludwig specified, so the hidden object must have been somewhere else.

"Does your brother shop around?" Buckenberry asked. He then ripped of the paper on his back that said 'Kick Me', one of Lemmy's many pranks against him. Morton hadn't done anything yet other than laugh annoyingly whenever Lemmy did and put things on Bowser's credit card.

"The book store!" Lemmy said, bouncing along on his ball and nearly knocking people over.

"Or the cafe! The Starmanbucks. The overpriced coffee shop," Morton added, sweaty from the normal walking pace.

"I think those are in the same building. Here Lemmy, take my hand," Buckenberry said, noting how crowded the mall was and for good reason. Police inside warded off gangs, so it quickly became a sanctuary for the normal people left in Toad Town.

Lemmy took Buckenberry's hand, shocking the toad. "Got you!" Lemmy giggled. "Besides, I'm like, twenty-two. I'll be okay."

"Whaaaaaaat?" Buckenberry was so distracted he walked smack into the glass window of the bookstore. This really wasn't his day.

Inside the three split again. Lemmy went to the children's coloring section, Morton went to the celeb news magazines, and Buckenberry searched for the college text books. There were many on all subjects that he couldn't pronounce and they were heavy as well. Buckenberry scooted a pile over too roughly and the entire thing toppled like an avalanche. The book keepers gave him the dreaded 'be quiet' look but he couldn't stop yet. He got the idea to look in between and under the shelves. After crawling around long enough to get more displeasing looks and pain in his back, he'd found a little white pill bottle right under the shelf where the 'ancient texts' section was, only his arm stopped a little short to reach. He'd need someone smaller and acrobatic for that…

"Lemmy, check this out," he said, coming up behind the rainbow haired koopaling who was currently invested in a jumbo sized color by number book.

Lemmy put the book down. "What?"

"I found it, just help me reach."

"That's it? Okay!"

Buckenberry turned to follow but tripped on his face because someone had tied his shoelaces together. He rolled his eyes.

Later, the three left the mall with the special vitamins in hand. They were on the sidewalk and Buckenberry didn't see Lemmy's polka-dot painted B-Dasher anywhere.

Lemmy looked guilty all of a sudden. "I just remembered something. I was parked in the sixty minute limit zone and I think we probably took about... a million minutes."

"Aww man!"

So the trio had to walk (or rolled) several blocks in the hot sun, occasionally crossing the street to avoid shady looking groups of people wearing denim jackets. Buckenberry really wanted to make a phone call, but his cell phone was out of minutes as usual, Lemmy's phone was a play phone, and Morton didn't even have that. Eventually a blue pianta with the leaves on his head styled in a pompadour kept staring at Morton's shoes as they passed. He grabbed Morton by the arm, while his co-horts, rough but burly looking noki, pianta, and strollin stu men and women stood back.

"Eh, Buddy. Why don't you lend me those nice blue shoes!"

Morton got a glimpse at the switchblade in the pianta's other hand and froze up.

Lemmy rolled near cautiously. "Umm, King Dad will get mad if-"

The pianta noticed Buckenberry and let go of Morton. "Hey, even better idea. I want those vitamins too, or I'll toss ya so high in the air you'll squash like bugs!"

"Who are you guys anyway?" Buckenberry asked.

"The Chucksters. My brother's in the hospital now so I've vowed that people like us, the working class, the blue collar, ain't gonna be taken for a fool ever again, especially by 'baddies'," The Chuckster said, eyeing the Koopalings in particular.

Buckenberry didn't grasp the significance of any of that he just wanted a fight. He lunged for the pianta, knocking him flat on the pavement. Buckenberry delivered a swift right hook before he was 'chucked' away into the grass. Right when Buckenberry got up, a random car sped down the street towards them. Lemmy and Morton dodged away from the street as the car ran over the sidewalk edge and hit the pianta that was just getting up in broad daylight. Now his body was 'chucked' into the grass right next to Buckenberry, complete with his neck twisted at an angle.

"They just pounced THE Chuck!" one gangster, a girl Noki in a blue dress screamed. She and the others ran away.

Lemmy gasped. "I-is that guy?-"

Morton covered his eyes. "Yep. He is gone, perished, splattered on the ground, literally."

Buckenberry whipped from the pianta's body to the car, recognizing it as the old station wagon Toadsworth would drive around before he retired. The window rolled down to reveal Captain Toad, beaming with a bright white smile.

"Hello everyone. Why don't you jolly fellows hop in before the cops arrive? I insist!"

Buckenberry reached in the car and grabbed Captain Toad's collar, shaking him. "What have you done?!"

Captain Toad grabbed his arm and twisted it painfully with little effort. "I was only saving your life since that fellow had a blade ready for you. Now, get in."

"Never, you little freak- Ahhh! Frig, your breaking my- Let go!" Buckenberry heard a distant siren and between the compromising situation he was in and memories of skirting the law yesterday, he made a decision he hoped was right. "Okay, we'll leave with you!"

Captain Toad finally released his arm, with pain shooting through it like a dagger. He almost wondered if getting stabbed by the Chuckster would have been less painful.

"W-we gotta ride with him?" Lemmy asked.

Buckenberry could only moan in reply. They all got into the backseat and Captain Toad drove off leisurely. His passengers speechless, Captain Toad broke the silence.

"-So did you all succeed? Mrs. Toadette told me all about the mission. I had just dropped off Mr. Toad at the castle and went back for a stroll around town, my self. My, there so many baddies around, aren't there?... Have you tuned in to WMUSH recently? They think someone has a death ray and about a dozen are dead from internal injuries. One Goomba engineer's liver fell out, would you know that? Another Toad lady was bludgeoned then her right and central arteries burst. I know that had to hurt. My favorite is the guy who's brain liquefied and leaked out of his nose. But don't worry about that, I baked cookies back at the castle for all of us, with sprinkles!"

Captain Toad briefly glanced at his passengers in the rear view, the smile never leaving his face.

To be continued.

Author note: Did you go O_o at the end? Good! There might be a more of that coming up.

Originally created: 4/27/18- 5/8

Rewritten version: 5/21/18, 5/24, 5/29, 6/20, 7/18, 7/23, 24, 29, 30, 8/5, 8/8

Revamp: 8/23/18, 8/29, 31, 9/2

References:

-Title Named after song by 'Philip H. Anselmo & the illegals'.