Some birds chirp outside.

Children shout to each other, and then start running.

My fridge is extremely loud, now that I come to think of it.

Wow, silence is really loud.

"I'll take that as a yes. Awkward silence is always a yes".

I'm about to hide my face behind my hands and try to calm down, when Otabek jumps on his spot and makes me glare at him.

"Of course we are not! No, we aren't, right, Yura?".

Grandpa sits back down on the couch, I'm standing by his side and Beka is still at the door, so the old man has quite a great view of the miserable play that my love life has become.

I squint at the Kazakh, imagining how his head could explode in goo, blood and tiny brain pieces if I manage to stare for enough time.

"We… are not".

I pronounce every word through gritted teeth, so I guess he notices that I am not playing along. I am being serious. Perhaps that is why he gulps and brushes his hair back before lowering his gaze to the floor.

Here it comes.

I'm about to start shouting again; my reason has been turned off and I can only feel anger pulsing against my temples.

So… HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME?

Grandpa's hand's on my arm, and I haven't registered when he's gotten up.

"A word, Mr Altin".

He beckons to the kitchen, and Otabek follows, rather wobbling.

Good.

I hope he hits himself against the door before entering. If it's in the head, all the better.

He doesn't meet my eyes, so he can't feel my most fiery glare. That's why I stand there, waiting for him to come back without moving an inch or changing my expression. So he wouldn't miss it.

Those two men in the kitchen are equally quiet. Nobody shouts, nobody sounds pissed, nobody begs for mercy.

But when Otabek comes out he is looking so miserable that I forget about the nice glare I was saving for him. My arms drop at both sides of my body.

"W-what's going on…?"

He simply gives a single nod and makes a beeline for the door. I almost jump over the coffee table to get to him before he leaves. He can't leave me again. Not like this. He can't. I won't let him. I'd rather die this time.

I grab his arm and yank him back.

Why am I not mad, as I should be? Why do I even feel like I could start crying at any time?

This is not the last time I see him, right? I mean… He has to go to training tomorrow. He's not gonna ditch Mila. Is he?

"Beka… Don't… Don't leave…" I manage to breathe out, although I feel my throat closing. I gasp for air and close my eyes when I start seeing dots. His arms are somehow around me, but I can't fully feel them, it is s if my whole body had gone numb.

"I'm not" I hear someone tell me, and I guess it is his voice, because who else would be answering me. "I haven't been waiting for so long to give up just yet. Don't worry"

I try to reply but all I can manage is a strangled breath that sounds a lot like a groan.

"But what did he say?" I finally managed to utter human sounds, right when I feel his arms retreating.

"Nothing that I didn't expect, Yura. He cares about you".

"He does. He does? Wait!"

The door has closed in front of me and I haven't even noticed he's gone.

Why?

And why am I even slamming my fist on the door as if he was the one with the power to open it and let me in?

The hand that is rubbing my back soothingly is none other's than Nikolai Plisetsky's. Someone I could kill right now.

But I can't can I? I mean… Do I really want him to know? Does he already know?

Only because of those questions I don't snap at him, but I turn around calmly. But out of everyone in the world, he is the person who knows me the best.

"Spit it out, Yuratchka. I'm not dumb, but I want to hear it from you".

I let out all the air in my lungs and look down. My heart is beating fast in my ears and I feel my cheeks burn. There are words in my head and I know that at some point I was able to pronounce them and even form sentences. Where that ability is gone to, remains a mystery. So I just breathe; in and out, so I don't die. I'm even surprised that I'm able to stand. His roaring laughter makes me look back at him.

"Come on. A bit of vodka will clear out your mind".

He would have never let me do something like that when I was a child.

I was 16 when I came home heartbroken and feeling like the most miserable human being in the world, and it was only then when he allowed me to have a shot of vodka all for myself. I didn't gulp it down, of course, but I sipped on it while he could down one after the other. But like he told me, I was officially a man right then and for ever.