A/N – FYI, I'm going to be on a month long vacation starting next Thursday so updates will most likely not be weekly but I'll try to edge in a few here and there. Hope y'all enjoy this new installment; it's quite long unfortunately but I couldn't find a way to cut it down. Sorry! Thanks to everyone who took the time to leave a review, btw. Happy reading!
Chapter 14 – Where Words Fail, Letters Triumph
"Flowers make mama sneeze," Shannon announced around an unsuspecting yawn. She clapped a small hand over her traitorous mouth, hoping to shield the act from her grandmamma.
"I saw that," Rachel teased. She ruffled her granddaughter's blonde locks. "Are we needing a break?"
Shannon shook her head stubbornly. "No." That infamous pout appeared on her cherubic face once again and she glanced up at Rachel with it, adding on the puppy dog eyes. "Don't stop, grandmamma."
Rachel bussed the top of the little girl's head then reached around her to turn the page. A small sheaf of letters bulged from inside an envelope that was glued to the middle of the page. The elderly woman smiled tenderly, memories from this item already swimming in her mind. She fished them out, carefully unfolding them before laying them down on the page. Her own handwriting reflected back to her and she traced her finger over where she had penned Quinn's name.
"Letters?" Shannon's voice cut through Rachel's musings and the woman answered with a note.
"Letters," she confirmed. She sifted through the pile; all six letters she had written to Quinn during their separation on Christmas break. One for every each day they had been apart. "I mailed one every day when your Grandma Quinn and I had to spend Christmas with our respective families."
"Letters you had to send to the post office?" Shannon's voice held a tinge of incredulousness; mailing letters were a rarity these days for technology had evolved to such a point where the simple act of writing had become almost redundant. "Grandmamma, you are old!"
Rachel squeaked in indignation. "I'm not that old, you little minx!" She jabbed her granddaughter in the ribs, causing the girl to shriek in surprise. "I was trying to be romantic; think of them as love letters," she said.
"Love letters." Shannon swished the phrase around in her mouth, as if she were savoring a fine wine. "Because you love her?"
Rachel nodded. "Because I love her."
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Quinn stamped her feet to generate warmth, her boots crunching through the thin layer of snow and ice that had covered the ground. Winter had befallen upon Lima, turning it into a virtual winter wonderland with the aid of a cold front that had swept into town two days ago. Now every rooftop, street and lamppost was glittering white. It was all rather picturesque but Quinn couldn't even fathom the thought of enjoying the scenery when Rachel was standing in front of her, looking rather solemn and worried. She reached out with a gloved hand and cupped Rachel's flushed cheek. "What's the matter, baby?"
Rachel tucked her lower lip between her teeth, unsure of how to proceed. She leaned into the warmth of Quinn's hand, hating that the thin barrier of the glove restricted her from feeling the softness of the taller girl's palm. She sighed and attempted to corral her thoughts into a cohesive sentence. "I'm going away for Christmas," she finally breathed out, her voice echoing the unhappiness she felt.
Quinn's hand dropped from its perch on Rachel's cheek. "Away?" she echoed. Hazel eyes, burning with befuddlement and more than a little disappointment, sought pensive and gloomy chocolate orbs. "Away where?"
"My grandmother's in Chicago," was the quiet reply.
The words stung and Quinn had to draw in a shuddering breath. "I thought we agreed to spend Christmas together," the blonde countered, her voice barely above a whisper. "What changed?"
Rachel tugged at the beanie on her head, flattening the warm apparel more firmly over her ears. "My gran's health took a turn for the worse and dad doesn't think it wise for her and gramps to travel all the way down here." She looked up at her girlfriend whose face was crestfallen. "So my fathers decided that we would spend Christmas in Chicago instead."
Quinn blew out a disappointed breath that appeared as tendrils of white smoke in the frozen air. She shoved her hands into her jeans pocket. "I wanted us to spend our first Christmas together, Rachel."
The diminutive girl nodded, her own disappointment apparent by her slumped shoulders and dull eyes. "I do too, Quinn. So badly." She scooted forward a little and was relieved when Quinn hauled her to her side, immediately slinging an arm over her shoulders. Rachel burrowed into Quinn, seeking reassurance and warmth. "I imagined us cuddling by a roaring fire and sipping hot chocolate with gently bobbing marshmallows."
"And sneaking kisses under the mistletoe," Quinn mused dreamily. She hugged Rachel tighter, feeling the girl snake her own arms around her waist, squeezing subtly. "This sucks."
Rachel nodded. "I concur." She tucked her head under the blonde's chin. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I'll make it up to you."
Quinn suppressed a sniffle and simply held the girl to her. "I understand. I'm disappointed but I understand." She looked down at the smaller girl. "So two weeks then."
"Two weeks," Rachel repeated. "Would like you gift now?" It was a small consolation that Rachel was offering but she hoped it would ease the frustration that she could feel emanating from Quinn like heat from a radiator.
Quinn shook her head. "No. Let's have our own Christmas celebration when you get back."
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The first letter arrived along with a flurry of fresh snow. It bore a Chicago stamp and the otherwise plain white envelope was decorated with a border of multicolored Christmas lights. Quinn smiled at the personalized envelope, knowing exactly who had sent her the letter. She wandered into the living room where a fire was gently swaying in its grate and fell onto the couch. Carefully easing open the flap, she fished out the one page folded letter.
Quinn,
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder but I feel as though your absence is a test of my self-restraint. My dads practically had to drag me off the plane and out of the airport lest I try to hop onto the next flight back to Ohio.
The weather in Chicago is bitterly cold and it has only made me miss your warmth even more. The warmth that generates in the pit of my stomach when you smile at me. The warmth of your hugs as you arms wrap itself around me in a cocoon of safety and love. The blazing heat of your kiss that never fails to make me see stars.
It's barely been a day, Quinn and I miss you more than words can ever say. I'm sorry that our first Christmas has to be spent apart but I promise you that we'll have plenty more.
Hoping you are well and that the weather in Lima is treating you far better than it is treating Chicago.
Forever yours,
Rachel
Quinn smiled, a soft sweet smile that only a certain petite diva could ever bring out. She hugged the letter to her chest and stared at the merrily crackling fire, imagining Rachel's face in the flickering flames.
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The second letter arrived with breakfast. Quinn had stumbled down the stairs, nearly tripping over her own socked feet as she fought to clear her mind of the cobwebs of sleep. Wandering into the kitchen, she found her mom bustling about in front of the stove, evidently making breakfast. The smell of bacon and coffee was enough to entice Quinn into a more wakeful state but it was the sight of a lone letter on the breakfast counter that spurred the blonde into action. Hopping daintily onto the barstool, she mumbled thanks to her mom when the older woman pushed a cup of coffee toward her and took a tentative sip before opening the letter.
Quinn,
Last night I dreamt of you
Of the moonlight in your hair
You looked so beautiful it broke my heart
But it was impossible not to stare
Your hazel eyes bewitched me
With its flecks of green and gold
With a smile to light up a room
You're truly a sight to behold
I miss you, Quinn
So much that it hurts
I know I'm no poet
But I hope I made you smile with my words
Love,
Rachel
"Honey, what's wrong?" Judy had become alarmed when she turned around to find Quinn sniffling into her mug of coffee. She looked at the letter in her daughter's hand and immediately began to panic. "What is it? Is Rachel ok?"
Quinn waved away her mother's concerns. "Fine…Rachel's fine," she managed to choke out.
Judy nodded and set a plate of bacon and eggs in front of Quinn. "Then why are you crying, honey?"
Quinn swiped a hand across her eyes. "She…she wrote me a poem, mom." The admittance brought about a furious blush that painted a violent red over the blonde's cheeks.
Judy smiled and edged around the table to engulf her daughter in a quick hug. "That's nice dear. Maybe Christmas won't be so bad after all huh?"
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The third letter came with the fourth due to delays at the post office. The weather was getting trickier and heavy flurries of snow had been sweeping across the east coast with a vindictive fury only Mother Nature could evoke. Quinn almost bowled the mailman over as he came ambling over with his shoulder bag teeming with various letters and packages. He smiled at the eager blonde and handed over the two letters she had eagerly been waiting for.
"Here you go young Miss. 'Fraid there was some delay due to the weather."
"Thanks," Quinn breathed out, her fingers already flickering at the edge of the flap.
"You have a nice day now," the mailman said before continuing down to the next house.
Quinn didn't even make into the house to read the letters, choosing instead to take refuge on the front porch as she pulled out the long awaited third letter.
Quinn!
There is sooo much snow that it is borderline ridiculous! Daddy had to wrestle open the front door, which proved rather futile because the more he tried to burrow through the snow, the more, fell into the hallway. Dad was not impressed by the mess.
Quinn giggled knowing that Hiram was borderline OCD when it came to cleanliness. She could just picture the shorter man yelling at his husband for letting snow melt into the hallway carpets.
How are things over there? I know we text and call everyday but I feel it prudent to ask this in the letter for it would seem rather rude not to. Gran is feeling better though she scowls whenever anyone reminds her to take her medication. Honestly, I think she's being rather difficult; the medication is suppose to help!
Quinn paused in her reading to let loose another giggle. She now knew where Rachel got her cranky patient routine from; the diva was about as pleasant as Santana at six o'clock in the morning when she was sick. Rebutting everything from gentle words to her prescribed medicine, Rachel was frankly a nightmare when she was sick. Hazel eyes fell back to the letter.
I miss you, Quinn. I never knew it was possible to miss someone so much but I do. My dads have started circulating the joke that I need a "Quinn detoxification" for apparently, I do nothing but bemoan the fact that I'm separated from you for a good fortnight. Well it's their fault for putting all this distance between us.
I'm counting down the days 'til we meet again.
Hugs and kisses,
Rachel
Quinn laughed quietly as she tucked the letter back into its envelope. "I miss you too, Rach." Turning her attention to the next letter, she took a moment to admire the strategically stenciled Christmas trees that had been placed in the shape of the letter Q at the front of the envelope. Gold glitter twinkled from the borders of the trees that had been colored an emerald green. The blonde traced her initial before flipping the envelope over and opening it.
Quinn,
It's three o'clock in the morning and I find that insomnia has descended upon my miserable soul because you're not lying next to me. It's hard to sleep without you, Quinn. Without your arms cradling me, the sound of breath lulling me to a delicious state of drowsiness and the smell of you ensnaring my senses, sleep has become a distant memory.
As I lay here writing by a small sliver of moonlight, I imagine you curled up under the covers, one hand tucked under your chin as it fists the top of the duvet. Your golden blonde hair splayed out in a beautiful mess over the pillow and your mouth gently releasing soft puffs of air. You're beautiful always, Quinn but when you sleep you radiate an ethereal exquisiteness that steals my breath away.
You're my angel, Quinn. Loving you is as natural as breathing. I'm beyond honored and humbled that I get to call you mine.
Forever yours,
Rachel
Tears blotted her vision as Quinn clutched the letter in her hand. "I love you too, Rachel," she whispered into the early morning air.
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The fifth letter came in the evening when stars were already peeking through the inky midnight blue sky. Quinn had taken the letter to the backyard where she proceeded to shake snow from the hammock before settling her slime frame down onto it. She glanced absentmindedly up at the stars, cherishing the knowledge that there were two stars up there that were reserved for her and Rachel alone. The night was crisp and cold but the skies were clear and Quinn was grateful for that. It was bordering a week of Rachel being away and the blonde was feeling like an addict without her daily fix. Only the diva's letters were keeping her sanity at bay and she had quickly come to treasure each one that arrived.
Fingering the envelope that was of a dark gold color with a border of green mistletoes, Quinn bent and kissed it almost reverently before sliding a fingernail under the flap and easing out the letter.
My sweet Quinn,
I'm on the back porch of my grandparents house, looking up at the stars. There are so many up there, Quinn, all twinkling down at me like glittering diamonds. I'm reminded of the ones you named for us and it makes me miss you all that much more. So as I write you this letter, I pretend that the star in your name is looking down at me, bathing me with its silver-white glow and infusing me with your warmth.
Christmas is creeping up far quicker than I anticipated but every child's laughter and brightly twinkling Christmas light only serves as a reminder that you are there and I am here. Maybe you and I are being far too melodramatic about this separation but Quinn, it was suppose to be our first every Christmas together and we are spending it apart. The fates can be inexcusably cruel at times.
How is your mother? Tell her I miss those cookies of hers. She promised me star shaped ones when I get back and I intend to make sure she makes good on her promise. Gran and daddy have procured the kitchen and are whipping up quite a storm. The smells emanating from the kitchen are mouth-watering and I fight hard not drool every time a new aroma wafts up to entice and tease my sense of smell.
I miss you, baby. I'm blowing you a kiss via your star. I hope it sends you my message.
Forever yours,
Rachel
Quinn looked up at the stars. Reaching up with a hand, she opened her fist and closed it around the kiss that Rachel had sent from Chicago via her star. She brought her closed fist to her heart and held it there. "I'm looking up at the stars too, Rachel." She kissed her closed fist and stretched out her hand, opening her fingers to let her own kiss fly back into the night sky. "May my kiss find you too."
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The sixth letter arrived on Christmas Eve. Quinn was moping around the house, feeling rather depressed and lonely. Despite being raised in a Christian household, Christmas had never been that big of a celebration in her house. This was mostly because her father believed that the true spirit of Christmas had been tainted by the contemporary concepts that circulated around the birth of Jesus. However, now that Russell was out of the picture, though he recently reentered to make amends, Judy and Quinn were trying to turn Christmas into something a little more cheery.
It was still just the two of them, but there was a glowing tree in the living room by the fire and presents littered its base. Judy was in the kitchen making the necessary gourmet Christmas treats and Quinn intermittently helped though her skills in the kitchen were rather dismal. She was just about glaze some cookies when the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," Quinn offered, setting down the brush. She walked leisurely over to the front door and opened it to find a basket of flowers. Behind it was a gangly delivery boy that looked rather lost in his oversized parka and baggy jeans.
"Delivery for a Ms. Quinn?"
"That's me." Quinn stared in awe at the flower arrangement. There was the usual assortment of Christmas flowers; the poinsettias, the holly, mistletoe and fake pinecones. Nestled between those however were cinnamon sticks, candy canes and berries.
"Sign here please." The boy handed Quinn the basket who set on the table before signing the tablet with trembling fingers. "Thank you. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Quinn replied robotically, her eyes never leaving the basket. She closed the door and leaned against, simply staring at the arrangement, her eyes prickling with tears.
"Honey, who was at the door?" Judy came out of the kitchen only to find her daughter slumped against the door, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Quinn?" She followed her daughter's line of sight and gasped at the basket on the table. "From Rachel?"
Quinn nodded mutely and watched as her mother made her way over to the flowers, gingerly fingering the various plants and decorations.
"This is beautiful, Quinn." Judy leaned down and took a sniff. "It smells almost good enough to eat!" Her eye caught something and she reached forward to pluck the hidden letter from the basket. "Here, honey."
Quinn latched onto it greedily but didn't open it until her mother got a clue to retreat back to the kitchen. Satisfied that she was alone, she opened the envelope. A small CD slipped out along with a note.
Merry Christmas Eve Quinn,
I believe the CD holds the message I wish for you to hear.
I love you,
Rachel
Quinn nearly tripped over the carpet as she made her way to the living room. Turning on the stereo set, she slipped the CD in and pressed, "play."
Here it is, Christmas eve and you're many miles away
And I wonder if you feel the way I do
In the air there is happiness,
But in me there's loneliness
For all I want for Christmas, dear, is you
Quinn sank onto the couch, her legs wobbling too much to support her. Rachel's voice oozing out from the speakers was both a balm to her soul and a splash of cold water to the face. Being deprived of Rachel's singing for over a week, Quinn had never realized just how beautiful the girl sounded when she sang.
Presents wrapped in green and gold
Have no arms for me to hold
No lips to whisper softly "I love you"
Oh how happy I would be to find you underneath my tree
For all I want for Christmas, dear, is you
All I want for Christmas, dear, is you
Tears meandered lazily down pale cheeks. Quinn held the letter between her thumb and forefinger, staring at the stereo that was now deathly silent. Unbeknownst to the blonde, Judy was watching her daughter silently from the doorway. When Quinn finally sensed the older woman's presence twin sets of similar hazel eyes met and Judy smiled and nodded.
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When the doorbell rang, Rachel's forehead creased in puzzlement. One visual sweep of the room told the girl that everyone who was supposed to be here was.
"Why don't you get that, baby girl?" Leroy's eyes were twinkling in a manner that meant he was up to something but Rachel ignored it and acquiesced to her father's wishes.
When the petite girl pulled open the door to reveal a sheepish looking Quinn and a happily grinning Judy, Rachel could only stare in shock.
"Judy! Just in time." Leroy had appeared from the dining room and was pulling the older blonde inside, helping her with her scarf and coat. "We were just about to carve into this deliciously golden turkey," he rambled animatedly as he shepherded the woman into the dining room, leaving the two teenagers alone.
"How…you…why…" For once, words failed Rachel and she gaped wordlessly at the blonde who lingered on her grandparents' porch.
Quinn slipped a hand into her jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope. She silently handed it to Rachel who took it, her hands shaking so badly that she feared she would drop it. Fishing out the letter, she unfolded it.
Rachel,
Merry Christmas. I love you.
Quinn
Quinn didn't allow Rachel time to react as she closed the distance between them and pulled the smaller girl into a hug. Small hands frantically wound itself around Quinn's waist and squeezed tightly, fingers clutching at the material of the blonde's coat.
"Merry Christmas, Rachel."
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A/N 2 - Song used is "All I Want For Christmas, Dear, Is You " By Travis Tritt.