I awoke to a furry muzzle licking me in the face.

It was apparent that I had been unconscious. For how long, I couldn't tell.

Groaning, I turned on my side just in time to catch an amusing sight.

It seemed Harvey was in the habit of blindly groping people in his sleep.

Somewhere during our unscheduled trip through slumberland, he had rolled over, throwing his arm and leg over Joe's sleeping form, drooling on his shoulder.

The striped scarf, I noticed, hung loose around Joe's face, indicating that it wasn't a good gas mask.

For a moment, the two coexisted peacefully this way, but then Joe's eyes snapped open, and he let out a cry of disgust, pushing the big kid off of him.

"Ugh! Gross! Go drool on someone else's shoulder, you pervert!"

Still not quite awake, Harvey just mumbled incoherently.

"Harv. I am not that kind of guy!"

"Man, it's not my fault! I was asleep!"

"Sure! Likely story!"

"Dude, shut up!"

For a moment, my eyes traveled the curve of Jenny's outfit, but I quickly looked away when she started moving.

"Did someone get the ID of that Brougham that hit me?" I heard her moan as she pulled herself into a sitting position against a wall.

Riversong staggered to her feet. "Something's not right."

"You mean other than how the TARDIS didn't lock itself up before those boys sneaked onboard?" Jenny said.

"No, I'm beginning to think that part was all right. He did include a Boy Scout in his will, after all. I think the TARDIS sensed that. Either that, or it was the fact the Time Lord was dying at the time." She sighed. "No, this is something else entirely. Something off."

She pulled out the little socket wrench looking thing. The top part glowed green and it made a sound like a dentist's drill as she waved it around, pointing at various portions of paneling and a fire extinguisher case.

She sighed. "Nothing."

"What were you expecting?" I asked.

"I don't know. Hostile alien technology. A tear in the universe. Something. Anything."

She frowned at the device. "I wish I knew more about how to adjust the settings on this thing."

"How about gas?" I said. "Can it detect gas? What was that stuff? And who put it there?"

"I don't know. But I certainly intend to find out!"

Near the entrance to the pub, I noticed a statue of a strange looking robot with a stocky child-like body and an enormous head with crystals poking out in all cardinal directions.

I pointed to it. "What's that?"

"That's a Quark," Riversong said. "They're a kind of robot that used to menace the galaxy, like Daleks."

"Nine quarks for Master Mark," Joe grinned.

"What?" I said.

"The word `quark' comes from a book. I can't remember which one, I just remember the quote."

"Finnegan's Wake," Riversong muttered.

"Oh. Right."

"Is anyone in need of medical assistance?" the robot said.

"We're fine."

Jenny wobbled to her feet. "I'm starved. Judging by the smells, I'd say that this pub serves food."

"We just passed a banquet hall," I said.

"I also want a drink."

"None for me, thank you," Riversong muttered. "I feel like I've been drinking Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters all night." And she walked off.

"What time is it?" I asked Joe.

Joe glanced at his watch. "Seven P.M."

I frowned. If it had only been an hour, I wouldn't have been nearly as hungry as I was at the moment. "Are you sure that's the correct time?"

"Time is relative to one's position in space," Joe smirked. "Plus somebody could have messed with it when we were all unconscious."

"I shouldn't be hungry," I said. "I just ate."

"The tour was kind of long. And before that we were hanging out in that engine room for who knows how long..."

The `pub' actually was sort of a bar and grill. The interior resembled a Captain D's, its walls plastered with all kinds of nautical bric-a-brac, old steering wheels from boats, paintings of men in antique scuba gear battling Kraken, and a real old fashioned metal diving suit stood near the door like a medieval knight in armor.

It smelled of alcohol and fried food. Seafood. Barbecue. Burgers. Fries. My favorite kind of smells.

As for the patrons, well, I guess even the creatures from Star Wars had to unwind at some point. I saw a humanoid fruit bat thing, an ugly snail creature, and a purple woman with ear flaps like a dog, among other strange beasts.

"See?" Joe said, pointing in the doorway. "Drake's Equation! There are actual space aliens in there!"

Harvey shook his head. "Man, I don't know. This is just some screwed up dream I'm having. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten them M&M's before bed."

"C'mon Harv! You didn't dream about camp, did you?"

"I...don't know."

Joe shook his head in frustration.

When I stepped through the doorway, Joe and Harvey tried to follow me in, but they were stopped by the robot.

"Children under eighteen are not permitted in Captain Salty's without parental guardian consent."

The two frowned at me for a moment.

"However, nourishment can still be derived from the dinner buffet in the banquet hall. I will happily guide you in the proper direction."

The two shrugged and followed it down the hallway.

I led my dog into the pub, nervously waiting for someone to say pets weren't allowed there, but nobody said anything. Setting the leash handle on the bar, I seated myself on a stool, thumbing through a menu.

Zanie let out a pitiful whine. When I looked down, I noticed she had this expression like I were holding the leash too high in the air. I sighed.

"You can adjust the length," Jenny said as she flicked a lever on the handle a bit.

Zanie relaxed.

"There." And she petted my dog on her head.

Hearing the end of a Beatle's song playing on the music system, I gave Jenny a suspicious glance. "If we're in space, and these are aliens, why do they listen to oldies?"

"Why not?" Jenny smirked.

Before I could utter a protest, she said, "A few thousand years have passed. Maybe they've picked up a few things from Earth, for novelty's sake."

"Long Island iced tea," she called to a green four armed lady behind the bar. "I'm not sure what that is, but it sounds good."

"Your wish is my command."

Jenny smirked at this comment, but said nothing.

The bartender had no lips, and a pair of curving tusks framing the sides of her face. I gawked at her until she gave me an annoyed roll of the eyes.

I'd already met a bunch of squid people, some mouthless ogres and a whole slew of other bizarre lifeforms, so I soon thought nothing of it.

"Anything to eat?" she asked us.

Jenny opened her menu. "I'm looking."

"You sir?"

I stared at the menu for a moment and found they served all kinds of food, not just seafood. "There's no prices."

"Yes sir. It's part of the cruise expense."

"Right," I grinned. "Riblets, please."

She frowned at my bracelet. "We don't serve pets."

Jenny laughed.

I crossed my arms indignantly. "Do I look like a pet?"

She nodded. "I've seen your kind classified as pets before. The Nuserju, for example, have such pets. I get in trouble if I don't have owner consent."

I shook my head in frustration. "Where did you even get the idea that I was a pet?"

"The symbol designation on your band," she said, gesturing to the bracelet. "I'm sorry, sir. Owner consent required."

I glanced at Jenny. "A little help?"

She grinned. "Beg."

I shook my head. "Seriously?"

I got off my stool, intending to seek out Riversong or someone else who could do something about the bracelet.

"Oh fine," Jenny sighed. Looking up at the server, she said, "Madam, I give full consent for...this dog to get anything it wants."

The green lady leaned over the counter. "Which one? The one on the floor or the one standing?"

"Both of them," Jenny laughed.

The green lady muttered something to a five foot eyeless yellow lizard, who nodded and scampered off into the kitchen behind the bar.

With a sigh, I climbed back on the stool.

"Thanks," I muttered.

She just giggled and sipped her drink.

Jenny called to the green lady, asking for quesadillas before returning her attention to me.

"Is it true what they say about Boy Scouts?"

I narrowed my eyes. I could guess where this was leading, but I didn't want to assume anything.

"And, pray tell, what do they say about Boy Scouts?"

"Oh come off it. You know what I mean. About all of them being homosexual, of course."

I stared at her in disbelief. "You...think I'm gay. That's why you're asking, isn't it?"

She gave me this look like she agreed. "You were in a great big crowd of naked women and you deliberately avoided looking at any of them."

"I have religious reasons not to. I actually like women."

"You sure had me fooled."

"Yeah?" I said. "Then why did you chide me for staring at you?"

She paused. "You stared at me more when you saw me wearing this."

She tugged on the collar of her cat suit.

"I think you just wanted to try it on."

I shook my head, shocked to the point of speechlessness about what I was hearing.

The yellow creature came out with Jenny's quesadillas and a dog dish full of riblets for me. I was too shocked to even think about eating at the moment.

"It's okay," Jenny smiled, patting me on the back. "I'm not prejudiced. Your lifestyle is your choice."

I pointed out another hole in her argument. "At the funeral you complained that my eyes kept going downwards."

That didn't phase her. "Maybe you're a little bi. But not very much. Mostly gay, I think."

"I'm not gay!" I cried. "You're crazy!"

I thought about saying something flattering to her about her body, you know, because I was thinking about it, but I wasn't sure how that would be taken, so I bit my tongue.

Sighing heavily, I just shook my head and stared at the table. "Unbelievable."

From somewhere, I heard the strains of Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here, but the words were different, sung in some foreign language I couldn't decipher. Music had been playing continuously since I'd entered, but I only now noticed it.

I frowned at my dog dish full of riblets and steak fries. The riblets were plain, devoid of barbecue sauce, you know, because I am the dog. The steak fries also had no seasoning. I actually had to ask for sauce and coat them myself. This all seemed to be a source of endless amusement for my dining companion.

I gave Zanie a handful of fries and a couple riblets. Jenny in turn tossed my dog one of her quesadillas.

"I just gave her a pizza," I muttered. "She's going to get so fat."

She just shrugged indifferently. "You're the one that's feeding her riblets."

"Looks like she's going to be going on a lot of walks."

She smirked. "So. Back to the original topic. You're a closet gay."

"No," I said. "I'm not any kind of gay. I like women, okay? Not men."

"Sure, sure," she teased.

"Homosexuality is against my religion," I added.

"Well mine doesn't," she said.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing. I'm just saying you have some repressed sexuality issues, and maybe if you got some of them resolved, you'd be a better person."

"More like a worse person," I muttered.

Before I could argue further, or ask what brand of religion she had, I noticed a woman with an exposed brain and tentacles coming out of her head seating herself next to Jenny.

The woman had only one eye, and she wore a pink party dress and heels. She seemed to be missing part of her skull, and glistening tentacles dangled from the sides of her exposed brain, flowing like willow fronds with each graceful movement.

Jenny cocked a thumb at her. "There's a girl for you," she mocked.

Ironically, as we made eye contact, the sound system just happened to be playing the part in the song that goes, `We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year...'

I shuddered.

Was this the face from my vision? I didn't even want to think about it.

"That freak? Ugh! No way!"

The woman turned toward me, looking depressed, her ruby lips shaped in a pout. Moisture appeared to be gathering around the corners of her cyclops eye.

She hopped off her chair suddenly, stomping out of the room.

"That was mean," Jenny said, sipping her drink.

I figured she was just an ugly mutant, so I didn't care. I didn't say this aloud because I thought I was already getting a lot of negative brownie points as it was.

Of course, I still ended up saying the wrong thing at the wrong moment.

As I watched her eat the last quesadilla and dig into a bow of tortilla chips, I asked her, "Aren't you afraid your outfit is going to rupture?"

"It stretches," she frowned. "Believe me, letting you see it rupture would be the last thing I'd do."

She paused. "Are you saying I'm getting fat?"

"No," I blurted. "I'm not that judgmental about that sort of thing anyway."

Jenny laughed. "As if I cared what you thought."

I glanced at the gold band on her finger. "Is that a wedding ring?"

"It might be."

She didn't elaborate.

"So where's the husband?"

"None of your business."

I sighed. "Fine." And I looked away.

The bartender just chuckled at me.

I finished eating at got up, leading Zanie to the exit.

When I neared the ancient scuba suit, Zanie suddenly went nuts, growling and barking and scratching the polished oak floor.

As I stepped through the doorway, I found out what she'd been barking at.

I collided with the black space suit of a surly looking creature with the face of a box turtle.

The accidental bump knocked the leash handle out of my hand, and, to my surprise, my dog was able to drag it around by her collar like it were a real leash. I guess it was also a telekinetic leash.

She ran off down the corridor before I could stop her. For a fat dog, she was quick.

I tried to go around Turtle Face, but before I could escape, the guy grabs me by the scruff of my neck and yells, "Watch where you're going, you ugly piece of slag!"

I thought about saying something smart, but my dog was getting away.

"Sorry!" I yelled. "It won't happen again!"

Glancing back, I noticed that Jenny wasn't going to run to my aid anytime soon. I sighed.

"Really, sir. It was an accident."

"Do it again, and it'll be the last accident you'll ever make."

He let go, shoving me to the floor.

I quickly got back up, brushing myself off, and hurried out into the hallway.

I just barely caught the sight of a fluffy gray tail as it disappeared up a staircase at the end.

Not wanting to lose her, I forced myself to run as quickly as I possibly could, trying to ignore the indigestion that came from exercising so soon after eating.

To my chagrin, it was not Zanie at all, but a woman with a long gray tail.