Buck's POV

We had been riding in silence for nearly an hour, I would catch Lou looking over at me often and she would catch me doing the same. I could tell something was on her mind; I just didn't have a clue as to what. I know what was on mine, I had to tell her. I didn't really want to but I did want to. I was terrified that she would be offended and I would lose one of the best friends I had ever had other than Ike. I was excited that just maybe she would be flattered, maybe even return those feelings. I know I needed to tell her because she was bound to find out sooner or later and I would much rather she hear it from me.

The silence was just dragging on, neither one of us wanted to be the one to break it. When we finally stopped to rest the horses and eat lunch I was just about ready to go crazy. I guess Lou was too because as I was taking care of the horses she finally spoke.

"Buck is there a reason why you have been quiet all morning?" Lou asked.

"Is there a reason why you have?" I countered.

Lou blushed and looked down. I grinned slightly. "I know you didn't really want to come on this run with me Buck … I'm sorry Ike talked you into it."

"Lou … I … that's not it … are you sorry I came with you?"

"No … I enjoy your company Buck … I just rather you talk to me every now and then instead of giving me the silent treatment." Lou said her blush darkening.

"Like it wouldn't have been a silent ride if Ike had gone with you!" I teased back, Lou laughed, "You know you haven't been that talkative yourself Louise."

Lou smiled at the use of her given name, "It's nice to be called that."

"I'd call you that all the time if I could but I think it might give away your secret."

"Only one of them." Lou muttered.

I cocked my head to the side in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Just that I have more than one secret." Lou stated her face turning completely scarlet.

"Like the real reason you pretend to be a boy … somebody hurt you like my mother was hurt by the man that fathered me didn't they?" I asked really hoping that I was wrong. I didn't want Lou to have been through that.

Lou closed her eyes and looked down, a tear escaping her lids. That was all the conformation I needed, she had been used. She had started pretending to be a boy in an attempt to protect herself to keep it from happening again. I moved to her side and drew her into my arms, just holding her as she gave into the tears.

"I was thirteen. It was right after I left the mission. A man named Wicks gave me a job doing laundry. It took me a few days to realize just what kind of establishment I was working in, but I thought I was safe; I was just a kid after all. I wasn't, by the time I realized that Wicks wanted me for more than washing clothes it was too late. He forced himself into my room one night and … and … and he took me. One of the other girls helped me escape after he left. So I ran, I cut off my hair, put on boy clothing and a pair of glasses I didn't need, it's worked so far. At least it did until I came to work with you boys. This is the first time since it happened that people know I'm not a boy … but I feel safe here, I know you guys wouldn't hurt me." Lou told me quietly. The tears streaming down her face, tears streaming down mine as well.

"We would never hurt you Lou … I'll never let anybody hurt you again if I can. If I could have I would have protected you from Wicks." I whispered hoarsely.

"I know Buck … I know you and the others would never let something like that happen to me again." Lou said as she pulled away from me. "No one else knows about this Buck, please don't tell them."

"I swear I won't tell a soul but if I ever meet Wicks, I will kill him." I declared.

"I didn't tell you this for you to take it upon yourself to kill him." Lou said softly.

"I know Louise … but I won't let him hurt you or anybody else again, if I ever meet him, he's a dead man."

"I probably disgust you now, knowing what that man did to me." Lou stated, tears forming in her eyes again.

I put one arm around her shoulder, with the other hand I tilted her chin up to look at me. "Louise how can you think me of all people would be disgusted by you? You know what happened to my mother, you know I'm the result of that. What happened to her was not her fault, just like what happened to you wasn't your fault. I hate that it happened to you. Men like Wicks and my father, that's what disgusts me. I don't understand it at all … women are supposed to be loved and treated with respect."

"Not all men are like you and the boys Buck." Lou pointed out.

"I know that … doesn't mean I understand it. Come on we better eat so we can get going again. I'd like to get there before dark."

Lou just smiled sadly and got the food Emma had packed out of her saddle bag. We ate in silence both lost in thought. I had known that Lou had been used but I still had held out hope that I was wrong, now she had confirmed it. She had barely been more than a child when it happened. Yes I was disgusted by the whole thing, but I wasn't disgusted with Lou. I was disgusted with men like Wicks. I meant it when I said I would kill that man if I ever met him.

We got back on the trail and were on our way. The ride was still fairly quiet but now it was a comfortable silence. We didn't need to talk to just fill time and now that Lou knew I wasn't mad about having to go on this run with her, she was just as comfortable with the silence as I was. I would occasionally point something out to Lou or she would point something out to me and ask what it was if she didn't know. We arrived at our destination just before sunset.

"You want to make camp outside of town or see if the hotel has rooms?" Lou asked after we delivered the package.

"Better just make camp, I'm not welcome at the hotel here, if you want to stay I'll be fine." I said.

"No … I'll make camp with you. What about getting some supper?" Lou asked pointing to the small restaurant.

The owners of this particular restaurant were friends of Teaspoon's so I knew I would be welcome there. "Yeah that sounds good … my treat." I said added the last part with a small smile at Lou.

"Well I ain't going turn down a free meal." Lou teased.

"Now you're starting to sound like Cody." I teased back with a lopsided grin.

"Bite your tongue Buck Cross or you'll have to sleep with your eyes open tonight." Lou stated.

We laughed as we made our way into the restaurant. The hostess took one look at me and took a step back. Lou cut a glare at the woman. I could tell the hostess was just about to refuse to seat me when the owner appeared, Mr. Jack Carter.

"Buck Cross it's good to see you again. How's that old boss of yours doing?" Mr. Carter asked as he shook my hand.

"Just fine Mr. Carter. This here is Lou McCloud; he's another one of our riders." I said introducing Lou.

"Nice to meet ya Mr. Carter, I take it you know Teaspoon." Lou said as she shook the man's hand.

"Know him? Hell you could say that, we've been friends near 'bout thirty years! Well don't just stand there Julie get these two a table!" Mr. Carter said to the hostess who nodded meekly and led us to a table in the back corner.

We spent our entire meal talking to Jack Carter. The stories he told us about Teaspoon had Lou's ears turning pink. And if I admitted it, I found myself blushing on occasion. After our meal was over we excused ourselves and made our way out of town to set up camp.

I quickly got a fire going and took care of the horses while Lou set up the bedrolls. "I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Teaspoon the same again." Lou said suddenly.

I just started laughing, "you and me both! I could have gone my whole life without ever finding out how Teaspoon got his nickname."

Lou blushed and looked down. "Yeah … though I figured it was something along those lines."

I moved back to the fire and sat on my bedroll across from Lou. I sighed and took a deep breath, "Lou I've got to tell you something."

"I've got to tell you something too Buck." Lou said softly.

"You want to go first?" I asked.

Lou looked nervous, "Ah … I think I'd rather you went first."

"Alright." I said and looked into the fire. I couldn't look at her as I told her; I didn't want to see the disgust on her face once she found out the breed was in love with her. "You know back when we were in the mission and I used to pull your braids."

"Yeah I remember." Lou laughed.

"I did it cause I thought you were pretty. I still do … I think you're beautiful. I've tried to ignore it, I've tried to forget. I've done everything I could to distract myself from the fact …" I paused to gather my courage.

"What fact Buck?" Lou asked, her voice sounding strange.

I didn't dare look at her. If I had I would have seen the hope shinning in her eyes. "The fact that I'm in love with you. I know I'm not good enough for you and that you couldn't possibly feel the same about me, but Ike told me it was obvious to everybody else, so I knew you were bound to figure it out sooner or later and I'd rather you heard it from me. If you want me to leave the express I will. I'll do whatever you want me to do." I said as quickly as I could still not looking at her.

I felt Lou get up and move to sit next to me. Her hand reaching out and touching my arm where it rested on top of my knees, "Buck look at me."

I closed my eyes and steeled myself for whatever she was about to say. I refused to let her see any hurt that she might cause. I raised my eyes to her face. The look in her eyes took me by complete surprise. "Are you ready to hear my confession now?"

I just nodded confused by what I was seeing. "I'm in love with you too. Ike told me it was obvious to everybody else except you. I was determined you found out from me. When Ike told me that you were in love with a woman you said was worth ten of Kathleen Delvin I never imagined it was me. I can only guess how frustrated we've made Ike. I think he's been trying to get us to figure this out for a while."

I just stared at her. I couldn't believe my ears. Lou loved me too. Lou just stared right back at me, I could finally see the love in her eyes; the love she had for me. I put my hands on either side of her face. "I love you Louise McCloud." I whispered just before I touched my lips to hers in our first kiss.

Nothing I had ever experienced had prepared me for that kiss. It was unlike anything I had ever known. It had started out as gentle and timid on both sides but it quickly turned into a heated and passionate kiss on both sides. Lou's arms snaked around my neck, her hands playing in my hair. My own hands left her face and went around her back pulling her against me. I ran my tongue along her lip; she opened her mouth to receive it. I was in paradise.

I felt Lou's hands leave my hair and come around to my front. I could feel her fingers start working on the buttons of my shirt. I knew if I didn't put a stop to this we might do something we might regret come morning. I pulled away, my hands stopping her. She looked confused.

"Louise … we need to take things slowly." I said my voice husky, my body arguing with my mind.

Lou pulled her hands away, "you don't want me? Is it because of what happened to me?"

I ran the back of my hand along her cheek. "No I want you very badly. I've wanted you from the very first day."

"Then why are you stopping this?" Lou asked confused.

"Because I don't want you to do something you'll regret later. I don't know how much you know of such things but if we are together in that way you could become with child. Do you really want people to find out you're a girl by getting pregnant with a half breed's bastard?" I asked.

"Buck I know that's how babies are made. And anything that we share together I will never regret. And if we were to be together and a child resulted in that I would never think of it as a bastard child." Lou stated with a blush.

I grinned slightly, "I know you wouldn't Lou but there are some narrow minded people in Sweetwater. I just don't want you to suffer because of me."

"I don't care about what the 'good' people of Sweetwater think. But I think we would disappoint Emma … I would never want to do that." Lou admitted.

"Me neither." I replied.

"Will you at least hold me tonight?" Lou asked.

"I'd hold you every night for the rest of our lives if ya let me." I admitted grinning.

Lou blushed and looked down, "Let's just start with tonight."

I nodded as I got up to pull her bedroll around to lie next to mine. We got settled under the blankets, Lou nestled against my side. It felt prefect. I thought I had to be dreaming, this couldn't possibly be real. The woman I loved; loved me back. She wanted to be with me. I had to grin as I thought about what Lou had said; Ike had known all along that Lou loved me. We had to have driven him about insane with our refusal to tell each other how we felt. I'd had to remember to thank him for making me take this run with Lou. I drifted to sleep perfectly content for the first time in years.

A/N: Yay! They finally told each other! Thank you voices in my head for listening to me. Okay I'm really not as crazy as I sound ... I swear!