Chapter 14

England-2009

"Alright everyone in the car, I want to get this trip started. Bill you sure that you and Babe don't want to go?"

Bill shook his head, "nope we're good here, going to laze about I think, send some emails to my grandson and well I think the four of you could use some time together if you know what I mean." He gave Buck a sly wink. He was a romantic at heart and saw no reason why Kris and Buck shouldn't spend some time together after all these years.

Kris's slap upside his head brought him out of his daydreaming smirk, "you're still a dirty old man. I want to show Jay and Sam some of the surrounding areas, not put the moves on Buck and I'm more than sure he feels the same." Turning she climbed into the car missing the wince on Buck's face.

Driving through Aldbourne both Buck and Kris spent their time pointing out areas where things were during the war and pausing to relay some interesting stories to their grandchildren, the kind that wouldn't be told in history books. Heading off to Uppottery they passed through a small town that no one even noticed the name of when suddenly Kris was screaming for them to stop and pounding on the back of the driver's seat.

The minute the car came to a stop she was crawling across Sam to get out the door and rushed across the street without looking to stop in front of a small bed and breakfast. The sign boasted that it had been in the same family for over six generations but Kris could care less, she knew this place and the pain in her heart knew it too.

"Ron I know we have to go but I have to tell you something, well actually two something's."

He'd pulled her close brushing his lips across her hair, "you know you can tell me anything baby, what is it?"

She pulled free from his arms and wrapped hers around her waist. She had no idea how he was going to react to either secret, but they were leaving in thirty minutes, it was now or never. Glancing over at the bed she smiled, they'd only left to eat and use the bathroom and her body was sore in a good way, she'd always remember this moment no matter what happened.

"Kris what's wrong, you white as a sheet, come on Jay help me get her inside." Buck and Jay each wrapped their arms around her and helped her inside, a young girl rushing to the door to meet them.

"Oh dear, she looks worse for wear, come inside I'll get a spot of tea with a shot of whiskey, that should put her right." She led the two men into a beautifully decorated room indicating the small settee they could put Kris on.

The minute she sat down, she dropped her head into her hands. The blood was rushing through her veins, so many memories, so much pain. How could she have forgotten all that? She could hear her granddaughter calling her name, but it seemed so far away, all she could see was the look on his face when she told him…

"Well the hell do you mean you only seventeen? How the hell are you a nurse in the Army that young?" He'd dropped into the chair and was staring at her like she'd become the enemy.

"Ron please, I lied to escape my family, they have no idea where I am and as far as the Army is concerned I'm eighteen. That doesn't change what's between us or how I feel about you."

His eyes had taken on the cold distant look she'd only seen directed at his men and possibly Buck, he'd never looked at her like he hated her.

Someone was gently patting her face and she forced her eyes open to see the dark orbs that were only too familiar staring down at her. "Thank God she's awake, Buck help me set her up. Jay get that cup of tea, and make more than half of it whiskey."

With the assistance of Buck and Sam she sat up and took the cup from Jay, taking a healthy swallow and wincing from the burn of the alcohol. The worried eyes watching her told her she'd fainted and she moaned in embarrassment. "I'm fine please everyone sit down and let me just recover for a moment."

She heard Sam snort and reach over to pour a glass of whiskey for herself, "Nana, so help me, you're going to be the death of me on this trip. What the hell were you thinking, first you go rushing across the road without even looking and were nearly hit by a car, then the minute we sit you down you faint on us. Now, how about telling the rest of us what's going on?"

"Easy Sam, let your grandmother catch her breath. I'm sure she'll tell us when she's ready, but you heaping demands on her will only make it worse. Now drink your whiskey and give her a moment."

Kris opened her eyes to see the young girl who they'd met at the door standing by in case something further was required. Kris gave her a smile and patted the seat next to her. "Come here a moment dear I'd like to ask you something." When the young girl was settled beside her Kris turned slightly to face her. "Well, I didn't mean to give you such a fright, but when I saw this building I realized I'd been here, many years ago of course. Are you related to the family that owns this?"

The young girl smiled, "yes ma'am I'm their great-granddaughter, they're out today and I told them I'd mind the place while they enjoyed the weather. You must have been here sometime ago I'm guessing. During the war right?"

"Yes, dear, my husband brought me here and we spent a lovely four days together. But that was some time ago." Leaning back she closed her eyes and spoke to the room at large, "now all of you calm down I just need another moment."

"You led me to believe you were older, do you think I'd have taken your virginity had a known you were a child? Dear God I'm five years older than you." His voice was cold and emotionless and with every word he spoke she felt like part of her was dying.

"Ron, I gave myself to you because I love you, don't you understand, that's the other thing I wanted to tell you, I love you."

His harsh laugh cut her heart to pieces, "how can you tell me that. You know I can't feel that for you, not now and probably not ever. My God you really are a child. Don't you understand lust? Hell Compton didn't teach you anything."

She jerked back to a sitting position and quickly wiped her eyes. She'd forgotten that, how bad he'd hurt her. Glancing over at the girl next to her she motioned to the pot of tea, "dear do you think you could bring some more? I'd like to sit and explain to my friends and family my rather odd behavior this morning."

"Of course, I'll be back in a moment." When she'd left them alone, Kris sat down her cup and smiled at all of them. "As I've said, Ron brought me here over his four day pass. He went with me instead of going to see his wife. I gave him my heart and everything else over those days. In the end he nearly crushed the life from me."

They'd ridden back to the boat in silence. You could have sat another person between them for the distance they were keeping. What a change four days could make. Boarding the ferry that would take them back to France, Ron left her standing on the deck as he disappeared below decks. Slowly she walked to the front of the boat where she knew the mist from the waves would cover the tears leaking down her face. She'd cry now, pour out her heartbreak into the waves. No one would ever know the embarrassment or heartbreak she'd just endured.

"I kept my silence too. I was nearly frozen by the time we docked in France, but I was cried out and was frozen inside. When I came down the gang plank he was already gone so I boarded the last truck alone for the ride back to Mourmelon."

"My God Kris, no one ever knew that's why you came back so different, we'd just assumed you'd had a bad time or something." Buck pulled her hand into his, "I'm so sorry, I'd have killed him had I known."

She gave a chuckle, "thank you for that and don't think I didn't want to kill him myself, yet I still loved him. I don't know why but I did."

Ron stood at the doorway watching her face into the waves. He knew she was crying and some part of him wanted to rush out there pull her close and apologize for ever hurting her. She'd given him everything of herself over the past four days and when she'd given him her heart he'd crushed it. He should have explained to her that he couldn't love her, not now, not when he wasn't free. But even deep in his soul he knew that was a lie, he already loved her and causing her pain was killing him.

When she'd confessed her age she'd given him the edge he needed, he wanted to push her away; he didn't want her hurt if something happened to him. Better she hate him now than grieve if he died. Rubbing a hand down his face he knew he'd fucked this up bad. She'd never forgive him and he wasn't sure he'd forgive himself. The minute the boat docked, he was going to run like a group of Germans were hot on his tail. Distance was the answer. He had to put distance between them before he did something stupid like fall at her feet and beg forgiveness.

"Nana, if he did that why did you ever marry him? Obviously there is more that he did, but how could you go back?"

Kris smiled sadly at her then looked at Buck, the answer to Sam's question being more an answer to the unspoken question she saw in Buck's eyes. "Sometimes love makes you do things that normally you'd never dream of and sometimes love can hurt more than words can ever say."

Buck looked away from her eyes and reached for his own shot of whiskey. Knowing this little detail explained so much, it explained the lack of life he saw reflected in her eyes when he'd returned.

France-1944

"So this is where you've been hiding. I never really thought of Mourmelon being all that big, until I tried to find one specific nurse."

Kris slowly raised her head and stared at Buck, forcing a smile. "Well, I'm happy to see you back up on two feet. How are you, really?"

He moved slowly towards her and leaned against the desk, "well I'm up and walking, not fast but moving and I find standing preferable to sitting. But I should be asking how you are; Doc told me you took a bullet to the thigh."

"Yeah, well all healed up. I've been back a work for a couple of weeks now, still hurts when it gets cold, but otherwise I was lucky. I'm glad to see you back Buck, I was really worried."

His grin grew and he reached for her hand, "glad enough to go to dinner with me tonight?"

She jerked her hand back harder than she'd meant to, "no, no dinner I have to work I'm sorry." She dropped her head back to the papers that lay in front of her. She hadn't been in public she's she'd returned from England. She went to work in the early morning and returned to her quarters late at night. She hadn't seen Ron and didn't expect too, but she was also afraid to be anywhere he might show up.

Buck crossed his arms in frustration, "so you won't go to dinner with me, does this have anything to do with that stupid argument over Speirs, because if it does, I'm sorry okay, I was stupid and over reacted."

"This has nothing to do with him, I just have a lot of work to catch up on and well Millie's here with her husband so I'm trying to give them time together. It has nothing to do with what happened in England." Liar! The word screamed through her brain, this had everything to do with Ronald Speirs.

"Well okay then, are you sure you're okay, you seem a little off?"

Once again she forced the smile and met his eyes, she saw the frown on his face, "I'm fine Buck, maybe just a little tired, but hey I hear there is a movie tonight, why don't you go and enjoy it. I'm sure the men would love to see you up and about."

He continued to stare at her for a moment. There was something not right here. Her eyes were flat and her smile forced, something had happened and he was sure it was something more than just being wounded. "Well okay, maybe you're right; I'll see you around okay?"

"Sure, have a good time Buck." She held the smile until he heard his boots fade down the hall and then dropped her head onto the desk. She wanted to cry but couldn't, there were no more tears left to shed. She'd kept her silence about what happened in England, even though Millie had nearly driven her nuts with questions. This was her own personal hell, created because she'd been a naïve little girl.

She lifted her head and looked down at the papers around her. She'd screwed up too many reports today; she was too tired to focus. Pushing away from the desk she decided to head home and take a nap. She'd come back later tonight and finish or correct them.

He was standing at the corner when she came out of the hospital. She looked terrible; the shadows under her eyes were so dark he could see them from here. He'd made a mistake; he should never have tried to push her away. Walking along behind her he saw see never looked up, always keeping her head down focusing on what was in front of her. He'd been following her more and more, he couldn't go to her but he couldn't stay away. Sighing he spotted Dick Winters crossing the street to intercept her. Dick would make her feel better. Nodding to himself he turned off on a side street so he wouldn't be seen.

"Kris, wait up. Kris stop."

She heard her name and saw Dick coming across the street to meet her. She was glad to see he looked refreshed. Lew had told her that they'd forced him to go to go to Paris for a few days and it looked like it had been the best thing they could have done. "Dick, nice to see you, how was Paris?"

"It was good, sorry I missed you when you came back from England, how was it? Well other than damp and gray?" He chuckled at his own joke but stopped laughing when he saw the flash of sadness in her eyes. "Oh Kris what happened and don't give me the 'nothing happened' routine."

"Oh Dick, everything went wrong, I was so wrong about him and well I just made one mistake after another and now I don't know what to do?" She slapped her hand across her mouth and gave him a shocked look. She couldn't believe she'd said that, she'd been so careful to keep her own council and the minute Dick spoke to her she confessed everything.

"Kris I'm sure it's going to be okay, you just have to be patient. He'll come around; I'm assuming we're talking about Ron?"

She nodded and felt the tears creep to the edge of her lashes. She angrily wiped at her eyes, "damn it Dick, I can't talk about this now, I just can't."

"I understand, I'll be in my office later, maybe you should stop by and we could discuss this. You have to talk to someone Kris and maybe that someone should be me."

She nodded and quickly side stepped him running the rest of the way back to her quarters. Throwing herself down on the bed she realized there was no way she could tell Dick what she'd done. How did you tell someone else how stupid you'd really been and had given your love to someone who didn't love you back?

England-2009

When Kris had finished her story all of them were silent. Looking over at her granddaughter she smiled. "So you see your Nana wasn't always the smartest woman in the world." She chuckled at her own joke.

"Wow Nana, I don't know how you ever choose just one of them. I mean I've seen pictures of Dick Winters, he was a handsome man, and then you had this fine gentleman next to you and of course Poppy. That's too many men to choose from."

Kris laughed, "oh no dear, Dick was only ever a friend. He felt like I was his sister and well he was my big brother. Don't you think I had enough to deal with between Buck and Ron? Dear Lord, if Dick had been interested that way I think I might have surrendered to the Germans."

All of them laughed and Buck stood reaching for Kris's hand. "Well kiddies, enough story hour for today. We should pay the nice lady and head back; otherwise Bill is going to start again with his romantic ideas."

Kris nodded, "yes and well we have an early day tomorrow I believe so yes, let's head back and enjoy a nice dinner.