For a Change
by angellwings
Chapter Fourteen: Face It
"You look happier than usual," Ezekiel said to Cassandra as she stopped at her desk on Monday morning. He was waiting in her chair with his feet propped up on her desk.
"That's because I am happier than usual," Cassandra said with a beaming smile.
"So the third date with Captain Symmetrical went well then?" Ezekiel asked with a quirked brow.
"Extremely well," Cassandra said with a dreamy sigh as she knocked Ezekiel's feet off of her desk.
Ezekiel chuckled and his eyes widened in understanding. "Oh, that well, huh? Well, good on ya, Cassandra. I knew you had it in you."
She blushed and avoided looking at Ezekiel as she set her purse down and started organizing her desk for the day. "Why are you here?" She asked.
"To see how the date with the Cowboy went," Ezekiel told her honestly. "And now I know. Are you gonna tell him you used to have a crush on your boss?"
"I—Ezekiel, why would I do that?" She asked as she tried to push him out of her chair.
"Because he's gonna figure it out eventually. Everyone here knows you had a thing for him. Someone will let it slip and if it were me knowing my girl had a thing for her boss would be a bit awkward for me, even if it was over and done. Which, by the way, last time we talked you weren't sure your crush actually was. Over and done, I mean."
She sighed and shook her head. "I'd rather just move on and pretend it never happened. I mean, Flynn doesn't know. No moves were ever made. No harm done, right?"
"Do you plan on quitting?" Ezekiel asked.
"What? Why? Why would I quit?" Cassandra asked in panicked voice.
"Because you're no longer waiting around for Flynn," Ezekiel said with a shrug as if it were obvious. "That's the only reason you've been here so long. You were waiting for him to turn around and say 'no wait, you're the one I want.' And now you're not waiting on that. So, you should move on to bigger and better things. You have your teaching certificate and you did that semester teaching gig while you were studying, right? You have the degree and the experience and you're a huge math geek. You should finally go after a teaching job like you said you wanted to in college. At least this is what you've told me in the last year and a half I've been working here."
"I can't quit!" Cassandra told him with a huff. "Flynn needs me."
"So, you're not over him," Ezekiel told her.
"I—I don't know! But I can't just leave him. I mean he's done so much for me."
"Kid, if you had really put your crush on him behind you like you claim you'd be able to look for something else. Something bigger and greater and finally start your own life. If you're not ready to do that then you either need to quit Professor Carsen cold turkey or slow things down with the Cowboy. Because this is going to get someone hurt. Trust me," Ezekiel said in a warning tone as he stood up from her chair.
"You know, I was in a good mood before talking to you," Cassandra said with a glare.
"I'm just reminding you of the reality of your situation before you let it all come crashing down around you," Ezekiel told her with a small sympathetic smile. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't say anything. You like this Stone guy, Cassandra. Don't screw it up by holding onto what's comfortable. Or something that should be in the past."
"I'm not sure I know how to do that," she said honestly.
"It's not hard," Ezekiel assured her. "Just let go of your fear and do it. Face it head on. Once you start to do that you'll never stop. How do you think I manage to get away with so much?" He gave her a cheeky grin.
She rolled her eyes at him. "You're a scoundrel. I don't think you're the best example."
"If you're looking for an example of being fearless, then yes. I am the best example. Do what you really want to do, Cassandra. Be with who you really want to be with. Don't let expectations or circumstances hold you back," Ezekiel told her confidently.
The door to Flynn's office opened and Ezekiel waved to her before he headed downstairs to his own desk. Cassandra turned to face Flynn with a smile she didn't quite feel.
"Good morning," she said brightly.
"Morning," he said with a sigh. "Cassandra, is Eve avoiding me?"
Her eyes widened and she wasn't quite sure how to respond. "I, um, I'm not sure. I didn't really see her a lot yesterday. She was out with some old friends who came into town."
"She's not taking my calls," Flynn said with a furrowed brow. "I called her my girlfriend last time we talked. Do you think that freaked her out? That was probably too much wasn't it? Too much too soon? Right?"
"I—um, I really don't know. But I don't think so," Cassandra told him reluctantly. "She really likes you."
Oh god why was she in the middle of this? She didn't want to be in the middle of this.
"So then why won't she talk to me?" Flynn asked worriedly. "I haven't talked to her since Thursday."
Was everyone out to ruin her mood today? She was so happy when she walked through the door and now she was worried and stressed. She should've called out today and pretended to be sick.
"I'm sorry, Flynn," Cassandra told him. "I wish I could tell you why." It wasn't a lie. She really wished she could tell him why. But it wasn't her place to tell him why. It was Eve's.
"Right, thanks anyway," he said dejectedly. "Sorry to bother you."
He started to close the door but he just looked so sad that Cassandra couldn't stand it. "Hey, Flynn?"
He turned to look at her with a bored expression.
"Wanna get lunch with me later? I was wanting to go to that Chinese food place you like so much," Cassandra asked with a friendly smile.
"Oh, yes, that would be great. Thank you, Cassandra," he said as he returned her smile and then went back into his office. At least she got him to smile.
Her phone made a soft dinging sound to indicate she had a text message and she quickly checked it. She grinned warmly at Jacob's name on the text but then immediately frowned when she read the message. He wanted to take her to lunch. She bit her bottom lip and sighed before she responded.
"Sorry, can't. Flynn and I just made plans."
"Oh, alright. Dinner tonight then?"
"Absolutely." She added not one but two smiley faces to the end of it just to emphasize how completely into that idea she was. For some reason she felt guilty about her lunch plans with Flynn. She wasn't doing anything wrong. Even if they weren't dating, Flynn was her friend. She was allowed to take her friend out to lunch when he was feeling down, wasn't she?
Oh God, Ezekiel was right. This was all going to blow up in her face. In between phone calls and sitting in on meetings with Flynn and setting up the lecture halls for him she browsed for open teaching positions. She also called her old contacts from school. Ezekiel was right. She needed to get out. She needed to quit Flynn cold turkey and get him out of her system. Once she'd done that she could move on with Jacob and be completely at ease.
Luckily she found a handful of openings and had enough contacts to swing interviews. The first interview was on Wednesday, during her lunch break. She was so nervous. She hadn't taught any classes since her last semester of college. Not to mention all the positions open where for middle and high schools. She hadn't done well with teenagers her first time through middle and high school. Who's to say she'd do well now? It was terrifying. But Ezekiel's words and Jacob's smile were in the back of her mind pushing her onward. She had to do this.
She had to.
Finally, lunch rolled around and she and Flynn headed out to his favorite Chinese place. They sat down and Cassandra wondered if she should tell him. Maybe she should wait until she actually had a position? What if nothing came of any of these interviews? Yes, she decided, it was better to wait.
She did her best to distract Flynn during lunch. They talked about news and books and discussed the latest developments in physics. They debated the validity of the research behind several theories. Flynn had recently heard from a colleague that a previously undiscovered stone henge had been found in The Black Forest. He waxed poetic about the implications of that and the discoveries it could lead to. Cassandra chimed in when she could but she was happy to let Flynn talk. He was smiling and talking animatedly, which was a step up from how he'd looked in his office earlier.
When they got back from lunch Ezekiel was waiting at her desk again. He nodded to Flynn as the professor barricaded himself in his office again and then smirked at Cassandra.
"You've been job hunting," he said plainly.
"How the hell do you know that?" She asked with an accusing glare.
"I.T. can remote in to any computer they want, remember?" He asked her with a grin. "I've been watching your activity all day and you didn't even know it. How did Flynn take it?"
"I haven't told him yet. I was waiting until I had an actual position before I told him," she said with a shrug.
"So you're keeping one foot in the door," Ezekiel said with a shake of his head. "That's not going to work Cassandra. You need to go all in. You're still holding on to him. You should tell him that you're looking. Once you do that, you can't take it back. If you keep it a secret then you can always chicken out. You don't want to have an easy out."
"He's sad enough today as it is, Ezekiel," Cassandra said with a huff. "I don't want to make it worse. I'll tell him when I have an actual job offer."
Ezekiel sighed. "Whatever you say, kid. Just don't back out. It may seem scary now but you need this. You need your own life and your own career. Take it from a friend."
She'd gone through the rest of the day doubting her decision to not tell Flynn she was job hunting. Was Ezekiel right? Was she keeping one foot in the door? Or was she genuinely looking out for Flynn's feelings? She honestly didn't know anymore. She got home and found Eve curled up on the couch again, watching movies.
"Seriously?" Cassandra asked her in an irritable tone. "You still haven't talked to Flynn?"
"I—I can't do it. Every time I try I chicken out," she said with a sigh as she turned off the TV.
"Well, in the meantime he's running around blaming himself and trying to figure out what he did to offend you," Cassandra told her with a small glare. She loved her cousin but she was being unfair to Flynn. This was cruel. "Call him, please call him. He looked so sad in the office today. I couldn't stand it. I missed a lunch with Jacob to try and make Flynn feel better. Please talk to him. Please."
"How sad?" She asked worriedly as she bit her bottom lip.
"Crushed, stressed, worried, heartbroken," Cassandra said as she ticked them off on her fingers. "Pick an adjective for sad, any adjective, and that's how he looked."
Eve slumped over onto the couch and buried her face in a pillow. "I'm a bitch. I'm a stone cold bitch. Why can't I just woman up and tell him the truth?"
"Because you're afraid," she told her as she sat down next to her. "You're terrified of how it will change things." This was easy for Cassandra to talk about because she knew that feeling well. "But it's like someone told me today, you just have to face it head on. The fear and the build up make it worse. Just take action and face it, Eve. You'll never know what's going to happen until you do. Go talk to him. Tonight. Get it all out in the open. Maybe it won't be as bad as you think," Cassandra said encouragingly. "Or call him and invite him over here, if you want. I'll be out with Jacob tonight. You should have some privacy."
"Out with Stone again?" Eve asked her. "You've been seeing a lot of him lately."
Cassandra tried to suppress a gleeful grin but couldn't. "I really really like him, Evie."
"I can tell," Eve said with a soft smile. She took a deep fortifying breath and then nodded. "Okay, you're right. I'm Colonel Eve Baird. I've faced terrorists and warlords. Telling the truth to an adorable guy I care about should be nothing. I can do this."
"Yes, you can," Cassandra told her as she grabbed Eve's phone of the coffee table and placed it in her hands. "Call him. I'm going to go get ready. Jacob should be here soon."