A few weeks later

Gabe and Julie were busy setting their table for dinner. Julie brought the food to the table and tried hard to show she was amused at yet another joke Gabe was telling. Relief came to her when someone knocked on the door.

"Who could that be?" Julie asked "Did you invite someone over?"

"No. I was wondering if you had."

Gabe walked over to the door and opened it. He took a step back, surprised smiling when he saw Epstein standing there. "Epstein!" He let out a little laugh. "What are you doing here? Come in!"

Epstein stepped inside. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"Oh not at all." Julie said, stepping away from the table. "We were just about to have dinner. Would you like to join us? I can set another seat."

"Thanks. Not sure if I'll eat. Just wanted to see you two." He took off his coat and hung it on a hook.

"You're starting to look better, Juan." Gabe said "Did you lose weight?"

"Ah," he looked at himself "a little. Not much. But it's a start." He walked over to the table and looked at the food before sitting down. "Haven't been eating nearly as much. Haven't even been home from the hospital very long. They, ah, they really restricted my eating in the hospital, y'know. Only three small meals a day, no snacks. But, hey, not like I wanted to eat that food any way. I thought I was going to starve to death. Goin' from eating all the time to hardly eating at all was a huge difference. But I suppose it is good allowing myself to feel hungry for a change."

Gabe and Julie came over to the table and sat down. They began serving themselves some food then looked at Epstein.

"So, Juan, besides not eating like you were," Julie said, "how have you been?"

"I'm getting better. Slowly. Tryin' to take each day as they come." He shrugged. "Medication helps." He looked at the food, considering it.

"Juan are you hungry?" Julie asked "We really don't mind sharing with you."

"Yeah, I am hungry. Just not sure if I should have any of this. See one of the members of my grief counseling group, he's a dietician and personal trainer. He's been working with me, helping me with my weight. Has me on a strict diet. I just started it so I don't want to do nothing to mess it up."

"Well good for you, Juan." Gabe said "We don't want to make you eat. But if you're hungry, you should have something. At least have some salad." He grinned, offering the salad bowl to Epstein. "That can't hurt your diet."

"I suppose it wouldn't." He said before serving himself. "Listen I, ah, I came here for a reason. I wanted to talk to you both." He ate a little bit. "You two tried to help me right from the beginning. I never really let either of you know how much I appreciated that. And Mr. Kotter I know when you pushed me into that last breakdown I had… you were trying to help. I didn't realize it at the time. In fact, I didn't realize much of anything at the time. All I really remember, I was talkin' to you in the hallway. The next thing I know, Mr. Woodman of all people is there trying to calm me down. The rest is all a blur." He ate some more. "Still blows my mind that he was actually tryin' to be nice to me. I don't remember what he said. But he did stop me from punching the wall by standing in front of it. Any man willing to let me punch him instead of a wall… wow. I mean that's a man to admire there."

"You know he's been asking about you since you went to the hospital. He may act mean and say how much he hates you Sweathogs. But he really does care when one of his students is having a hard time."

"He really asks about me?" Epstein asked in disbelief.

"Yes. He's been worried about you."

"You sure he doesn't' just want a rematch? I mean I must have hit him pretty hard before I snapped out of it."

Gabe laughed "Don't worry, Juan. There won't be any rematches. Unless the wall decides to challenge you."

Epstein grinned a little "Good."

"Juan," Julie said "We're really glad to see you making a recovery. You're already starting to seem like your old self."

"Yeah, well, I'm tryin'. Between my group therapy, personal therapy sessions, and medication, I'd say I've got enough to help me get better." He looked at them both. "Which is one reason why I came here. To show my appreciation for what you both did for me. And there's something else I need that I hope will really help me with my recovery. And I don't want to do it alone. So I was wondering if the two of you would help me."

"Oh sure, Juan." Gabe said "You need help with something? What can we do for you?"

"Well I just… I need a little support as I get some closure. I've already talked to the guys about it and they're on board. I just wanted to know if he two of you will do this too."

"Sure Juan. What is it?"

"I need to go somewhere for some closure, like I said. And I'd really like it if I had you guys around with me for support when I get it."

"Of course." Julie said "That makes sense."

"But, Juan, where will we be going with you?"

Epstein looked at them hopefully. "The cemetery."

…

Everyone walked through the cemetery with Epstein leading the search for his mother's grave. It was the beginning of March but still cold enough to have a thin layer of frost on the ground. The freezing rain only added to the cold, dreary, atmosphere that none of them anticipated. There were some muttered complaints about the low temperatures and the way the frigid water stung their skin as it fell.

Epstein stopped dead in his tracks upon arriving at his mother's grave. His friends gathered on either side of him, while Gabe and Julie hung back behind them. Epstein stood there for a moment, staring at the gravestone bearing his mother's name. He gulped, taken aback by the sight, it being the first time he really laid eyes upon it. The last time he was anywhere near the gravestone was at the funeral, and he couldn't bear to look at it then.

Shivers ran through him, but he wasn't sure if that was just caused by the rain. He watched some of his breath puff out in small clouds before him, and it made him ache for a cigarette. But long ago, when he started the habit, he vowed never to smoke in his mother's presence. So his cigarettes were going to stay put in his coat pocket for the time being.

He hesitated before taking a step closer to the grave. As he did, Vinnie placed an encouraging hand on his shoulder, and whispered words to match the tone. Epstein glanced back at him and then looked at the grave. After taking a deep breath to clear his mind, he turned around o face everybody.

"Hey, ah, can I get a private moment? Just for a minute."

"Oh sure." Vinnie said quietly. "We'll still be here when you need us."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

The others stepped away and allowed him space. He approached the grave and stood right in front of the gravestone. When he was sure that the others were far enough away to not hear him, he began speaking.

"Hey ma." He smiled slightly and then sat down beside the gravestone. "I know you're probably watching over me all the time and saw me through my depression." He looked up at the sky, scanning it a bit. "Wherever you are." He looked at the gravestone at the name upon it, lightly grazing the letters with his fingertips. "But it's still got to be a shock seeing me so big. I know you wouldn't stand for all this weight on me." He sighed, looking at himself. "I realize now that if you had been around, I wouldn't have gained all this weight, had I still been depressed. You wouldn't have let me. Took me a while to realize this but… you were my self-control when it came to eating. I was always able to control my eating when I was younger because you were there to talk me through it. You always came up with ways to keep me from eating. So this time when I started eating, I couldn't control myself because I didn't have you around."

He looked up at the sky for a moment. "I have blocked a lot out. Kept myself from feeling the pain and letting myself grieve. But I was still depressed. I made myself believe I didn't know why I had become depressed. I also made myself believe you were still around. But… Honestly… I knew. How could I not? I mean…. I guess part of me allowed myself to gain this weight to keep myself reminded of the truth. Because if you were there, you wouldn't have let me gain more than five pounds. You would have helped me through it like before."

He was quiet for a little bit, thinking about all of this for a moment. The rain falling on his face made him forget about the few tears that had managed to escape his eyes.

"I messed up, ma. I messed up real bad. Really did a number on myself because I couldn't handle the pain of losing you." He sighed. "But I'm getting the help I need. I'm going to be ok. But that don't mean I don't need you around. I will always need you. For a long time I was feeling real guilty. Like it was my fault. I know I couldn't have saved you if I tried. It all happened too fast for me to do anything." He paused, looking sky for a moment.

"I've gone through a lot. Suffered so much. Struggling to accept that you're gone. I'm sure you've seen it. I'm really trying to move forward now. I'm accepting that you're gone. Hurts like hell though." He shook his head "Sorry for my language. But you've heard worse from me. I still will need you and I'll never stop needing you. I'll always think about you. You'll always be with me in my heart." He stood up. 'I'll never forget you." He sniffed and then wiped away some tears. "I love you, ma. Goodbye."

He looked up at the sky and muttered a short prayer in Hebrew. He then stepped away from the grave and looked toward his friends. He motioned to let them know it was ok for them to join him. They came closer to him and then faced the grave. Epstein looked at them and asked if they had any words to share about his mother. They were quiet, keeping their heads down in thought for a moment. Vinnie was first to take a step towards the grave.

"Mrs. Epstein…" He cleared his throat and pulled his coat closer around his body. "You were always a lovely woman. And real kind to me when I was around your house. I never had the chance to properly thank you for your son, Juan. He's been a real good friend to me through the years. My best friend. I could have chosen any one in the world to be my best friend. But I chose your son. I just want you to know how much he means to me as a friend. You raised a great guy. So, thank you. I think he got a lot of his personality from you. God bless." He crossed his heart with his hand before stepping away.

Freddie stepped forward. "I just want to add to what Vinnie said about Juan being such a good friend to us. He always has been. I didn't know you well, but I know how close Juan was to you. He always spoke well of you, telling us what a great woman you were. And, the first time I was around you, I saw it. I saw the great love you and your family have for each other. And I see your greatness in Juan. You oughta be proud of him. He may not always do the right thing, but he always has the tight thing in his heart. And that's the love you gave him."

"Yeah and he's real kind now." Horshack said "He don't even beat me up no more." He stepped forward and held his hands together in front of him He bowed his head. "Mrs. Epstein, you never knew it but I was scared to meet you. I mean, any woman who could give birth to ten kids, and one of them being Juan, would have to be the toughest woman in the world. And you were tough. And real strong." He emphasized his words with his hands as he spoke. "You were also real kindhearted. You truly cared about every one of Juan's friends and treated us well whenever we came over to your house. And even though he don't like to admit it, Juan definitely got his kind heart and sensitivity from you. Please don't let him give it back."

Epstein reached over and patted Horshack on the back "Thank you, Arnold." He looked at the other two guys. All of you. Thank you. It means so much to me. And I know Ma would really appreciate all of that."

Gabe stepped forward and stood behind Epstein. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm afraid I don't really have anything to add. I only know her through your notes. And that wasn't eve actually her. But I do know that she has one incredible kid. And funny. Real clever. And with a big heart."

Julie pated Epstein's back. "Your mother would be real proud of you, Juan. Real proud."

"I know. She always was. No matter what I was doing or if I got into trouble, she always let me know who much she loved me." He looked at the gravestone. "I'm glad you all came. I wouldn't have got through this without your support."

"We're happy to be here for you, Juan." Gabe said. He took his eyes off the gravestone and looked at the one next to it. He frowned slightly in confusion as he read the name aloud. "Juanita Epstein. Was she related to you?" Epstein confirmed with a nod. "Was she an aunt or something? I don't mean to be nosy. Just curious."

"Aw man." Vinnie said with a laugh in his voice. "Don't' tell me you were named after some dead woman."

Epstein gave him a warning look. "I wasn't, Barbarino." He looked at the small gravestone. "So, ah, have either of you ever wondered what it would be like if I had a twin?"

Horshack blinked a little in confusion. "No." He paused. "But I imagine it would be twice as scary." He started laughing.

"Twice as many threats on people's lives." Freddie added

"Twice as many fist fights." Said Vinnie

"Twice as many forged excuse notes." Gabe said with a grin. This made even Epstein laugh.

"No, really. Ah, Juanita was my twin sister." Epstein said, gaining everyone's attention.

"Hold up, Epstein." Vinnie said, stunned "How come you never mentioned a twin sister before? I mean you've always said your mother had ten kids. This would make eleven."

Epstein shrugged. "Nobody ever asked." He grinned a little. "I know it's eleven kids. But I guess I say ten because that's how many of us are still around. But imagine that, Juniata and I, well that was the only multiple birth pregnancy ma ever had. She was expecting Juanita, but I came as a surprise." He laughed

"You being born would have surprised anybody." Gabe added in a Groucho voice.

They laughed even though some of it was pained and met with groans. They were silent for a moment as they all looked reflective at the gravestones. Epstein mentioned how his mother wanted to be buried next to his sister, and now she was.

"So Juan," Julie said, "if you don't mind me asking, how did your sister die?"

"Well I don't exactly know for sure. See she died when we were only one year old. So I don't even remember her. All I gather is there was some sort of medical emergency with her. My folks they didn't get her to the hospital on time." He sighed a little. "I don't remember her but I always felt like part of me was missing, y'know? I often wonder what it would be like if she had survived. Maybe one day I'll meet up with her in the afterlife."

"Wow Juan…. We had no idea." Gabe said "I can't imagine what that must have been like, feeling as though you were missing part of yourself."

"Probably why I turn to food when I'm upset. Got a void I can't fill. Guess this time I ate enough for two people." He paced a hand on his stomach, patting it a little.

"Two people?" Freddie asked "Seems more like you ate enough for yo' entire family."

Epstein glared at him "Watch it, Washington. I ain't that fat." He rolled his eyes. "Ok I think I've had enough of this cemetery for one day. I'm ready to go." He looked at all of them. "Hey thank you guys again for helpin' me do this. You don't know how much I needed this."

"Hey no problem, Epstein." Vinnie patted his back. "We was glad to do this for you."

"Yeah. Just wish you woulda picked a day with better weather. I ain't down for this freezin' rain. It's made icicles in my afro." Freddie said

"Hey I can't help how the weather is." Epstein said "But, yeah, let's get outta here and some place warm and dry."

"Yeah, before Mr. Kotter's mustache freezes off." Horshack said before laughing.

The others joined in on his laughter. They even made a few jokes themselves, partly at Gabe's expense as they all headed out of the cemetery. As they reached the entrance, Julie cupped Epstein's shoulder with her hand.

"This was real good for you, Juan. Do you feel you got the closure you needed?"

He nodded "Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be ok now." He finished with a sincere grin. He glanced back into the cemetery and felt totally at peace for the first time since losing his mother. He knew everything from there was going to be alright.